BIG TIME RUSH: Florida Flings story 8
by treehatsrock
Summary: The 8th story in the series. the drama continues, just when they all thought their lives couldn't get more messed up. Old faces return and turn the world upside down. Once again life and death plays a tragic part in the lives of James, Kendall, Carlos & Logan .
1. Chapter 1

AS ALWAYS, THESE STORIES ARE A SERIES! SO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE READ THE OTHER 7 FIRST, THEY CONTAIN SEXUAL REFERENCE, BAD LANGUAGE AND HIT ON SUBJECTS SOME FIND UPSETTING. THEY ARE BASED LOOSELY ON BIG TIME RUSH. ALL THE FEMALE CHARACTERS ARE VERY FICTIONAL AND NOT BASED ON ANY REAL PEOPLE! I TAKE SMALL BTR FACTS AND EXAGGERATE THE LIFE FROM THEM SO PLEASE BEAR THAT IN MIND WHEN READING.

THIS STORY IS A DIRECT FOLLOW ON FROM "LA TEMPTATIONS & MUSIC SENSATIONS" but the first chapter is 8 months ahead from where we left it, chapter two will return to where we left off... ENJOY... TREEHATSROCK XOXO.

Chapter one, Tammi's story...

... 8 months since Mackenzies wedding night...

my head was fuzzy, I was freezing cold. As I came to, I remembered and realised what had happened.

I looked around, my neck felt stiff, I had blood in my blonde hair, and over my hands.

I felt my feet were wet, water was coming in to the car. I lost consciousness again.

When I came round the second time I tried to look out the window of the car, it was sinking in to the water we had landed in even more.

We had been driving, I had been behind the wheel, I remember laughing, laughing because I was being kissed on the neck. I swerved to avoid something in the road... What the fuck was that in the road? But I hit the barrier and plunged in to the river that was waiting on the other side.

"baby? Babe...? Are you okay?" Came a weak whisper next to me.

"yeah... you?" I asked, frantically trying to get my seat belt undone before the water came in any further.

"my head hurts... Fuck what happened?"

"we crashed..." I replied "Shit can you get this undone, we need to get out" I said tugging at the seat belt. The rising water inside the car was now as high at my waist.

The car was at an angle from what I could gather, we were bonnet down first, water was pouring in through small gaps everywhere.

"get me out of the fucking seat belt!" I screamed as the car plunged further in to the river.

We both tried to pull at it, I tried to squeeze out from it but it was locked in and had no slack.

The water reached up to my chest now.

I looked at my gorgeous boyfriend "get out... Now!" I said tears streaming down my face.

"don't be ridiculous, I'm not leaving you baby" I heard, then the hazy feeling came again and I lost my battle with consciousness.

What woke me up next was water lapping at my face. I opened my eyes to seeing scared ones looking back at me.

"you need to squeeze out babe... Please, Jesus Christ, why won't it come out?" He cried, pulling frantically at the seat belt that we both knew wasn't going to come loose. "if you just try and-" but I interrupted him,

"listen to me! Their isn't time... Their isn't! you need to get out... Please." I begged.

He took my face in his hands, both of us with tears streaming down from our eyes.

"I can't just leave you in here baby! ...I love you..." He said kissing my lips.

The water now came just below my neck, I was stretching up as far as I could.

"I love you too, you've been the best thing to ever happen to me... You need to go" I wept.

We looked in to each others eyes, his beautiful brown eyes that had become my entire world, we had been through so much in such a short time but this was it now.

I held my hand up from out of the water and took his. "I love you James... please... You need to go now!" I whispered just as I got one last kiss in before the water took over.


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2, Mackenzies story.

I sat there, caught in a stare. My eyes glazing over. Fear didn't take over about what today held for me, I had absolutely no fear in marrying Logan. I honestly felt it was the most natural thing to do.

I was however scared stiff that he would say no, when I asked him.

I just watched silently as the dress maker pinned and stitched at Georgis dress.

"Macks do you think you will be having any soon?" James asked as he too Looked at his beautiful little girl.

"kids? No not for a while. We definitely will but I don't think it will be for a good few years yet. Sean and your three are enough to keep my broody feelings at bay" I replied honestly. I couldn't wait for the day that Logan and I would start a family, but I was far to sensible to bring one of my own in to the world at my age.

"how is he now?" James asked

"he is okay, it's all new but he is a little fighter. I think savannah is spoiling him rotten" I sighed. Savannah was now at a loose end with a lot of money at her disposal. Last time I visited Sean he showed me all the things that savannah had bought him.

my sister and I made amends at my fathers funeral, things were still frosty, but truth be known, I needed her as my Portland contact for Sean. Heathers mom who now looked after him, well... she was odd, to put it politely. Both her and her husband. my heart broke for Sean going from one insane family to the next.

James got up and answered the door, it was my mom. I gave her a hug and let a few nervous tears escape me.

"is everything okay honey?" She asked once James and Sheriden had left the room with Georgi.

I nodded. "mom I've got news" I said with a smile.

I think my mom knew what was about to come out my mouth, it was the timescale that shocked her, as I explained I was proposing and hopefully tieing the knot this evening.

"married?!" She replied with a smile.

I nodded, "don't be upset, I know you worry about me, but Logan is... He is my everything mom" I whispered.

"oh Mackenzie, I'm not upset, Logan is a lovely boy. I know how you feel about him... How your life has changed Mackenzie huh!" She said looking around the big bel air mansion that we sat in.

I laughed, it was fairly amusing how much it had changed from when I was in Idaho as a newly qualified hairdresser, living in a tiny apartment above a ladies clothing shop with my sister.

"mom, I've not invited savannah..." I then admitted.

She rolled her eyes. The frosty feud between my sister and I annoyed my mother, but she did give savannah a very harsh talking to when I explained the reasons why I wanted to cut her from my life.

"she is your sister Mackenzie!" My mom said, sounding exhausted.

"I know, and things are getting better, but I just don't want her here tonight, not with everything that's happened" I explained.

as time ticked on, I got ready for the nights events, I had a gorgeous black dress that I would be asking Logan the question in. I was just going to wear my wedding dress the entire evening but Sheriden said its best not to, just incase Logan said yes to marriage, but no to marriage tonight.

That thought had me worrying.

Logan was getting better, he was seeing lots of different people to talk through his sleep problems with. I had told him he could start taking the sleeping pills again or I wouldn't have sex with him. Naturally he started taking them.

After a couple of nights decent sleep, I could tell that Logan was back to his normal cheeky self as when we did make love for the first time while he was under the influence of his pills he found it highly amusing to call out his own name as he climaxed. He made me laugh so much he ruined the entire thing for me.

Sheriden let me borrow one of her beautiful necklaces. The thought of having that on my neck scared me just incase I lost it. It must be worth a fortune. The something old I had on me now was a ring that my mom had. and my something blue was one of the twins tiny little socks that they had worn when they were first born.

Sheriden placed it in my purse. James then had to comfort Sheriden, me, and my mother all in tears over one little sock.

He thought we had all gone mad.

Logans parents had arrived, and his younger sister. Again they didn't seemed shocked that marriage was being spoken about.

I could hear guests arriving downstairs.

I had Georgi with me dressed in her beautiful white dress. I'm so glad it fitted. I had said to Sheridan that it would mean the world to me if Georgi was my bridesmaid. The idea of a matching dress was mine, my own wedding dress had cost a small fortune, but getting the replica for Georgi made had cost an insane amount of money which Sheriden did pay for.

My mom soon left to go downstairs as James was filling all the guests in on what was happening. I wonder how Logan was feeling. My stomach filled with butterflies.

I took a deep breath and began my decent down the beautiful staircase.

"before Logan starts to think he has been pranked, I guess I should explain something" I could hear James say from the kitchen. I slowly made my way there, I took a deep breath, cussing myself for leaving my inhaler upstairs, but then walked in the huge kitchen filled with people I wanted to share this moment with.

everyone had eyes on me, I felt so nervous.

"kenz? Why are our parents here?" Logan asked me, with a bemused look on his face. i knew he knew what was about to happen. He looked so handsome. My heart melted.

As I reached him I gave him a kiss "Logan... Our parents are here to watch me ask you a question" I said, trying with all my might to not cry.

Logan smiled at me.

"Logan, you know how much I love you, and life has thrown a lot of drama our way since we have been together, even some before" i explained and flashed a smile at Carlos. It was my original obsession with Carlos that started this entire chain of events off when I was just a big time rush fan.

"I was wondering... Well I was hoping that you would agree to marry me... here, tonight" I whispered out.

The room seemed to freeze for a few seconds.

logan looked me in the eye, his beautiful brown kind eyes smiled at me. "for real?" He whispered

"for real logues" I replied

Logan ran his hand on my face and wiped a tear away that had escaped.

"it would be an honour kenz" Logan replied and kissed me.

"promise?" i then said shocked, so grateful that this guy loved me as much as i loved him. tears were now pouring down my face.

"cross my heart Macks" Logan said and pulled me in to his arms. He smelt so nice, so homely.

the room then momentarily turned to chaos as we were congratulated on our engagement.

I pulled Logan by the hand upstairs, explaining on the way that their was a suit waiting for him up here.

"well I've got to get changed in here" I whispered, still clinging on to his hand as we reached the door of the room my wedding dress and Georgi who had fallen to sleep were still in.

"I can't believe you've done this Macks... I can't tell you how happy I am right now" Logan said looking very emotional.

I laughed "your happy? Geez logues, I'm over the moon that you have agreed to do it... This is the right thing to do isn't it?" I said now searching his eyes for any sign of uncertainty.

"100% the right thing to do" he said then kissed me.

I let out a small sigh at the thought that I'm going to have to separate myself from him again. "your clothes are in there" I said nodding towards the door opposite my own. I then layed my forehead on his chest.

"I love you beautiful" he then whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

I squeezed his hand. "love you too baby... See you down there, please show up!" I said with a smile and one last kiss then went in my room to get changed.

Once I was in my dress, I double checked to make sure I had my little blue sock still in my purse that hung at my wrist.

I spent a minute trying to wake Georgi up, I was worried that she would wake up grouchy, but directly she saw the dress I had on, she was up and ready to go in her matching one. I carried her down the winding staircase then placed her down and walked in the crowded kitchen with her at my side, i could see the twinkling candles out in the garden. I layed eyes on Logan Henderson, The man that tapped me on my shoulder for a one night stand... Now look at us!

"what do you think then?" I asked still with my eyes locked on my gorgeous Logan.

Logan fought back his emotion as he took in the sight of me dressed in white.

I was just making my way towards him when Sheriden said a word that made my heart sink

"Savannah?!" she called out in surprise and shock.

"hey guys... I guess this is a bad time?" my sister said with a grin on her face. She had my brother Sean with her.

I turned and looked back to Logan who took my hand, he knew she wasn't just a late guest. Logan knew I wouldn't want her anywhere near me on this special evening.

"Um! Savannah... Gosh! you... You have incredibly bad timing." Sheriden then said in a very British accent and an awkward smile, not sure what to do.

"I can go, and come back tomorrow?" Savannah said only looking at Sheriden.

My mother looked at me, obviously having Sean here was hard for her. He was the reason my dad left her for heather. In all honesty I think it was the second time she had seen him.

"Sean must be tired out savannah, don't be ridiculous" I said, pissed off that she was trying to be the reasonable one.

"I tell you what! see if you can put the little one to sleep in your old room savannah, the bed is made up" Sheriden said. "we will talk later" she then added.

I notice savannah glance at Carlos and Tammi as she agreed and walked out the door towards the stairs.

I had lost all train of thought at this point.

"Macks... The music is ready" James then said bringing me back to the matter at hand... My marriage.

"can we have just one minute" Logan said to him, then took me out in to the candlelit garden.

"you okay Macks... Her being here isn't gonna change anything! Okay?" Logan said as he took one of my hands.

"why is she back though Logan, she said she had no desire to come back here!" I replied.

"to be fair to her, she didn't know we were all going to be here, she has come to see Sheriden. Sheri is still her boss Macks" he said trying to reason with me.

"I know... I know" I sighed.

"did you do all of this?" Logan said now looking at the beauty of sheridens garden

I smiled "with a little help from some friends" I replied.

Logan leaned in and kissed me. His soft lips brushing against mine.

"guys, sorry to interrupt, but its almost time" James said from the doorway.

I looked up to the tree fountain and saw the registrar waiting for us.

I took in a deep breath.

"you okay?" Logan said, always on asthma attack watch.

"yeah, lets do this..." I replied, giving him one more kiss then left him standing there, I walked back in the kitchen. I grabbed Sheriden and walked out of the kitchen in to the hall to talk to her.

"I didn't tell savannah to come" she instantly said defensively.

"what? No I don't care about that... I need someone to walk me down the isle!... How can I of forgot that?" I said cussing myself for the second time in ten minutes.

"I thought your mom would do it." Sheriden replied.

I went to look at my mother but everyone was now outside waiting for me apart from Sheriden and Georgi, who was clinging on to sheridens leg.

"well you could just go on your own... I mean... Cause your dad isn't... Fuck I'm sorry" Sheriden said holding her stomach.

"you okay?" I asked her

"yeah just dehydrated, felt a bit off since the sauna" she replied.

I nodded, checking she wasn't trying to play an illness down, I learnt from my time I spent living here with Sheriden that she would claim she was pain free in her back or legs but then hear her crying in the bathroom in agony. As I assessed her, I seemed satisfied that she was okay.

"do you think Kendall would want to do it?" I asked, again feeling emotional. But felt from all the guys here tonight Kendall fitted the bill the best.

"Mackenzie... I'm sure Kendall would love to. Stay here..." She said peeling Georgi from her leg and passing her on to me,

Sheriden left through the patio doors. A moment later Kendall walked in with his gorgeous smile on his face.

"hey Miss Davies... You require my assistance?" He said walking up to me and scooping me in to his arms.

"stop it... You will make me cry" I smiled.

"are you ready?" He said.

"yeah" I nodded, and wiped under my eye to catch a stray tear that escaped.

I took Georgis hand, she was getting tired, and slipped my other hand in kendalls arm. We walked out to the patio, directly I stepped out on to the candlelit aisle I heard Jason Mraz begin playing 'i won't give up'. It had always been mine and Logans song since the start.

I didn't even notice the small gathering of people. I did however notice that Logan was very emotional.

He couldn't get it together, I don't know if it was the song or the moment, all I knew is that he made my heart ache for him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and never let go.

As Kendall got me to Logan, I hardly noticed him pick Georgi up and sit down.

"your beautiful" Logan whispered to me, tears still spilling from his face.

I smiled up at him. My gorgeous Logan, so many memories went flooding through my brain, the meet and greet, paisley, the night club, the fire, my dad, Carlos, Logans beaten face, the salon, the robbery, the twins... Every single memory that filled my head also filled my heart.

"Logan and Mackenzie, you are here today to join yourselves together in a contract of marriage..." The registrar began. I then began crying.

Logan had a massive grin on his face, which made me smile. Everything about us was always relaxed, it felt nice that even our wedding was relaxed. despite his fame he had always struck me as normal.

"Logan if you could repeat after me..." The registrar said.

"I do solemnly declare, that I know of no lawful impediment why I Logan Phillip Henderson may not be joined in matrimony to Mackenzie Jane Davies..." Logan repeated.

And Mackenzie if you could please repeat after me" the registrar said

I looked in to the beautiful brown eyes of the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

"I do solemnly declare that I know of no lawful impediment why I Mackenzie Jane Davies may not be joined in matrimony to Logan Phillip Henderson." I whispered out.

"do you have the rings?" The registrar asked looking at Kendall. Kendall looked at Sheriden but it was James that came forward and produced the rings I had chosen.

as Logan spoke his contracting words to me, he never left my gaze. He slipped the ring on my finger, as I did his.

"you may now kiss the bride" the registrar announced.

The kiss I shared with my new husband then was the most exciting kiss I had ever had the pleasure of having. Logans tongue gently swept in mine, playfully teasing me, I could feel a smile on his lips, I took his face in my hands and enjoyed every single second.

We must of been at it for some time, lost in our moment, as it was Dustin making a wise ass comment that brought me back to earth.

I was then engulfed in a sea of congratulations but I could not take my eyes off of my beautiful husband as he couldn't take his eyes from me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. Sheridens story.

I rested my head on James shoulder as I watched Mackenzie and Logan exchange their vows.

"love you Sheri" James whispered in my ear.

I picked my head up and looked at him. "love you too jimbo" I smiled.

I looked over to Kendall, he still had Georgi on his lap, she was fast asleep. He winked at me, then threw his arm around fran who had Ophelia.

I felt so happy that Mackenzies day had gone just as she planned. It wasn't how I would of ever had my wedding but it was her through and through. The way her and Logan were now in each others arms brought a lump to my throat.

I glanced over my shoulder to the window above, just as I looked up, I saw savannah move away from the window. I guess I will have to go and talk to her soon.

I really didn't feel good, my head was feeling light, and my stomach not great. I looked to Mitchell who was asleep on James lap. Maybe I had caught one of his many bugs that he picked up.

Mackenzie threw her arms around me after the ceremony and being bombarded with hugs from her few guests that had shared her special day. Logan was next, he had his arms wrapped around us both in a group hug.

"congratulations guys" James said as he joined our small gathering, and dished out his own hugs and kisses to the newly weds.

"where's Mitch?" I asked seeing him empty handed.

"all three children in bed!" He said now pulling me to one side and wrapping his arms around my little waist.

"oooh the bonuses of having the parties at home!" I said stealing a small kiss from him.

"indeed" James replied and returned my stolen kiss.

"I poked my head in savs door" James said sounding withdrawn.

"what did she say?" I asked now looking up to him.

"I couldn't understand most of it through the crying but from what I gathered she isn't coming out until Tammi has left the building" he said with a sigh.

"oh... " I replied with my own sigh, and looked over to Tammi. she looked nervous. Carlos was constantly looking over his shoulder, I expect trying to see if savannah was going to make an entrance to the party.

fran and Kendall joined us, Ophelia was now in her pushchair fast asleep.

"that was beautiful, I can't believe you planned it all in secret" fran said.

"nor can I to be honest" I smiled.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom... This wine is going straight through me" fran said giggling and walked off leaving James and I with Kendall and the pushchair.

"you know what she is doing don't you!" I said to Kendall.

the smile he wore faded "just leave it Sheriden" he said then walked off.

"what was that about?" James asked me.

"fran is getting bad eating habits again, I've warned Kendall enough times about it." I whispered.

"really? I thought she was over that?" James said.

"I don't think you can get over it, you can beat it, but its always there in her brain... I might try and talk to her tomorrow, shall we go inside, its getting cold" I said.

"you still feeling a bit under the weather?" James said taking his jacket off and wrapping it over my shoulders. His amazing scent swarmed around me. It left me wanting more.

"a bit yeah, but nothing major to stop me in my tracks" I smiled.

As the night and the celebrations went on, Carlos and Tammi were the first to leave. I couldn't blame them really. Tammi had worked herself up in to a state, and like any good wedding, I noticed earlier on Mackenzie trying to cheer her up, as Tammi cried through drunken fears of her boyfriends ex.

I honestly didn't think Tammi had anything to be overly concerned about with savannah upstairs.

Sav had started divorce proceedings and both her and Carlos were still talking in a good manner. As far as I was aware, no bitter words had exchanged from either of them.

the night ran in to the early hours, Logan and Mackenzie left to go home, she hadn't mentioned anything about a honeymoon, so I was expecting to still see them around over the next few days.

After the last of the guests left I sat with James in the kitchen after we had tidied up a bit. Savannah walked in.

"hello stranger" I smiled, she must of spent the evening up there crying, as her face looked raw. "did Sean go off to sleep okay?" I added.

"hey!" She sniffed "yeah he was out like a light... I'm sorry I just walked in. I still have your key from before when I... Fuck... When I stayed here after the rape." She started crying again.

"well I'm going to leave you two too it" James said giving me a kiss on the head and savannah a one armed hug as he walked passed.

"its fine..." I said to savannah, and flashing James a smile as he went. "I'm sorry you walked in on all that to be honest." I replied, gesturing for her to take a seat.

"it was a bit of a mind fuck" she admitted.

"so what brings you back to LA savannah?" I asked, taking a sip of water from the glass that sat in front of me.

she blinked away tears and took in a breath to steady her voice. "well a few things really." She replied.

"Mackenzie?" I asked.

"Mackenzie is one of them yeah... Fuck I wasn't expecting to walk in on everyone together like that." She said wiping her face with her perfectly manicured hands.

"well fill me in then!" I said wiggling on my seat to get comfy.

"I've actually been designing some clothes, I wanted to see what you thought..." She said.

I raised my eyebrows in astonishment that she was actually using her brain for once instead of getting by on her good looks.

"why do I get the feeling there is another reason you are here" I asked.

"because you know me too fucking well Sheri" she replied.

"are you going to tell me?" I then asked.

"Carlos! ... I'm still so in love with him Sheriden" she said.

I just sat there for a minute thinking, I reached for her hand. "savannah... Listen, you need to let Carlos go. Him and Tammi are doing really good and being honest you need to move on."

"but Antonio said I should follow my heart... Fuck! I've changed Sheriden!" she said flatly.

"sorry what's Antonio got to do with this?" I asked on hearing Carlos' brothers name.

"fuck all, but he has taught me that I need to live for now and not let the past hold me back" she said.

"does Carlos know you have been talking to ant?" I asked, pretty sure that Carlos wouldn't appreciate his brother trying to mess things up for him with Tammi.

"I've not mentioned it to him Sheriden... Sheri, Antonio killed the man who raped me, I think that gives us a free pass to be friends for life, and Antonio the right to want me to be with his brother to make it a bit fucking worthwhile for him" she said sounding pissed off.

I glared at her for bringing up the subject of Marcus croft, the man Antonio had killed on my request, not for the sake of savannah, but for Logan, Kendall and myself. We had all got mixed up with a bad turn of events.

"have you got anything to do with Antonio being back here in LA?" I then asked, as James had told me he had seen him.

"maybe" was all she said.

"savannah, please... Leave Los alone. He is happy" I sighed, still holding her hand.

"the heart wants what the heart wants... wasn't it you that once told me that?" She said smiling.

I smiled at her "I'm not helping you! you can stay as long as you like, I will always think of you as family sav, but I promised Carlos my interfering days are over!" I said.

Savannah nodded "what is she like? does everyone hate her?" she asked.

"she is a nice girl sav. And no, she has fitted in quite nicely... I guess I should warn you that her and Mackenzie are close friends" I explained.

"really? Fuck! I was hoping that coming here with seany would help us get back together... Now she is fraternising with the enemy. Fuck she hates me... She didn't even invite me to her fucking wedding" savannah said then burst in to tears.

"she will come round okay! How come you have your brother anyway?" I asked.

savannah let out a sigh "those people... Heathers parents.. They are weird... Really fucking weird, lets just say I understand why heather had Daddy issues and ended up with my father!" She explained.

"really... So what? your his guardian now?" I asked. "savannah I don't mean to preach, you have a good few million at your disposal now, Mackenzie said you are spending lots on your brother?" I added worried she was going to blow all her money on various trips to toys r us.

"no! Course not, Jesus! I can just about look after my self, I'm just taking him on vacation for a while. And the money I've spent was my inheritance... Some of it at least" she said wiping her face.

"so you being here isn't a permanent thing?" I asked.

"I need to talk to Los about that" she said.

"look I'm tired, we will go through these designs of yours tomorrow okay... ?" I asked feeling weary.

"yeah... I'm excited about this" she said.

"you look great savannah!" I said honestly, looking at her new curvy figure.

"I know" she said with a smile.

I smiled back and stood up, my head went dizzy and I fell to the floor...

"Sheri... Baby? Sheriden?" I heard James saying as he gently shook my shoulder to bring me round. I opened my eyes and found myself still on my kitchen floor.

I saw savannah with worried eyes and James dressed only in a pair of boxers.

"Sheri are you okay? What happened?" James asked lifting me up in to his arms.

"I'm not sure... My head just went funny" I replied.

"I'm going to get her in to bed, I'll see you in the morning sav" James said as he carried me out of the kitchen and up the stairs to our room. He layed me on our bed.

"you sure your okay? Sav just came in here in a state saying you had Collapsed... Fuck! You scared the life out of me ... Are you okay?" He said laying next to me and stroking my hair back.

"I just felt dizzy... I don't think I hurt myself?" I said checking myself over.

"well if your still not right tomorrow we will take you to the doctors okay!" James told me.

I nodded and cuddled myself in to his chest. His scent made me feel safe. It was then that a terrible feeling came to the back of my mind. I ignored it and drifted off to sleep, knowing James would be watching over me tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Savannahs story.

I looked at the time on the clock, 3:18am. I looked out the window... Another rainy night in Portland.

As I reached for a tissue that was on my bedside I glanced at my phone. Earlier on this evening I had phoned Carlos. He had his wedding band removed, the hurt my heart suffered from hearing that almost killed me.

I wanted to shout at him, scream at him. He told me the last night I saw him that he saw it as a nice reminder of the time we shared, now it seemed he just wanted to forget me and run off with a girl that he swore to me meant nothing to him and he had told me countless times that she had cheated on him.

I was so angry at Carlos but knew better than to start an arguement over it. Instead I did the grown up thing and called him to say it was time we got divorce plans underway. Obviously he was moving forward.

He seemed shocked and upset about this news I was giving him, that filled me with some hope that maybe it wasn't his idea to get rid of his tattoo... I expect it was all that bitches fault.

Tonight was just like every other night that I had spent in Portland since I had arrived. I cried... Cried myself to sleep every fucking night.

To start off with my mom would come in and comfort me, but as the days and weeks passed she just left me to cry myself to sleep.

Tonight was worse, as today was the day of my fathers funeral. Mackenzie and Logan had been down. We had talked but she was only concerned about Sean. Logan had done most of the talking.

I missed her, at every opportunity I had i told her I was sorry about James, about what I did. It wasn't like I did it to hurt her. It did honestly just happen for my own reasons. But she would never listen to my excuses. Logan told me to just let it go, and things would sort them selves out.

I had never felt so alone. sleep hadn't been a friend of mine since the rape, but now... So many regrets ran through my mind, and not one single way to fix them came up, the only way I fell to sleep was to cry my eyes out.

I glanced at my phone again. Fuck it I will phone him, I thought to myself.

I dialled the number and let it ring in my ear.

"I didn't think you would call tonight? Your later than usual" came the answer to my call.

"yeah sorry, I hope I didn't wake anyone?" I replied.

"only me, Sheri is still fast asleep" James replied.

"that's good... Look are you sure about this James. I mean he got his fucking tattoo removed, and now divorce has popped out of my mouth... I don't know what I'm fucking doing" I explained.

"savannah he loves you. And I owe it to you to get things back to how they were... Tammi is not the girl for him, you are! ... Look, are you okay tonight, I know today must of been rough for you. Did you talk with Mackenzie?" James asked.

I sighed "not really, she only talks about Sean with me, my mom tried talking to her but Mackenzie just doesn't want to hear it" I explained.

"okay well the wedding is in three weeks sav, I'm sure she will invite you in the end but if not... Well you've got your key huh!" He said.

"yeah... I hope so James. Sheriden is gonna fucking kill you if she finds out about this" I said.

"look do you want Macks and Carlos back in your life our not?" He said.

"course I do... James... Thanks for doing this for me, you really are the last person I expected to help me" I said feeling emotional again.

"I'm just trying to fix things sav... have you told Antonio what I said to tell him?" James then asked.

"yeah I did, but I think he knows I'm talking to you?" I said.

"he is acting a bit odd with me. Sheri thinks its because of us spending the night together" James replied.

"well that doesn't help but he seemed to understand what I said" I explained.

"good, once you have him on your side, Carlos will listen to him savannah! he looks up to Antonio... Jesus this would be a lot easier if Sheriden was still her devious self... I'm not good at the lying and scheming" he chuckled down the phone.

"tell me about it!... James what if I just get chucked out at the wedding. If Mackenzie doesn't want me there then you know Sheriden will side with her" I said worrying.

"I don't know, just come up with an excuse to say you need to stay. I tell you now that I will deny any involvement in this, you know what Mackenzie and logan mean to Sheri and i... Look I've got to go one of the twins has woken up... Call me tomorrow night if you need me sav. Take care okay" he said.

"thanks James, speak soon" I replied, and hit the end call button.

James had told me to talk to Antonio, to tell him I was still in love with his brother, to explain that James was a mistake, to thank him for killing Marcus croft... Even though that was a lie, I wanted Marcus croft to suffer behind bars like his brother. James also told me to sway Antonios thoughts in to thinking that Carlos and I should be together to make all of those things that have happened worthwhile.

I sighed as I still looked at my phone in my hand, then scrolled through some of the pictures of Carlos and I.

We were so happy, if only I had of stuck it out. If only I hadn't of run away... Fuck! Why did I let that bitch take my Carlos. I was so lost without him.

The crying started up then as I looked at Carlos smiling back at me, and the emptiness I felt in my heart took over. It actually hurt. How can a heart hurt. I just wanted him back.

As the weeks went by, and the day of my sisters wedding came I still had no invite, my mom had told me she had been invited down to visit kenz, but I had had no contact from my sister, or Sheriden to say 'hey there's a wedding! fancy coming?'

So I did plan B, as James told me and decided to make my suprise return to LA, I took Sean with me, he needed a break from those freak grandparents of his, and I needed a reason to be allowed to stay in the house once I had arrived.

That much of james' plan worked but the part we were both counting on never happened. Mackenzie was meant to forgive me, with the emotion of a wedding and the guests, and not knowing that I was going to turn up.

I took Sean upstairs in to my old room I had stayed in and tucked him in to bed. I waited and waited for Mackenzie to come up, to hug it out... To be sisters again... But it never came. I had to watch her get married through the window of my room.

As Sheriden looked up I looked away, sat on the end of seans bed and cried, Carlos was all over Tammi, my heart shattered seeing it with my own eyes. And Mackenzie hadn't spared a thought to invite me down, knowing her own flesh and blood was up here...

The tears would not stop.

the time dragged by, I had almost drifted off to sleep. But a tap on the door sounded and james' head poked in the gap that opened up.

"can I come in?" He said

"there all over each other! I've come here for nothing!" I sobbed out.

"sav shhhhh... Look things didn't work out, but they will... Good call with bringing your brother by the way... Genius!" James said.

"he loves her doesn't he?! Like proper loves her... Why didn't you warn me?" I cried, ignoring what he just said.

"he loves you. Look at you, she is nothing compared to you" James said with his smile.

"look at me? James I'm fat and disgusting!" I sobbed.

"your not fat, your hot! you got the whole Marylin Monroe thing going on for you now. Work it sav" James said giving me a hug.

"do you think kenz will come up... To talk?" I sniffed.

"I don't think so savs... Why don't you come down with me, say congratulations?" He whispered.

"I can't, not with that bitch all over my husband. I will end up head butting her and ruining Mackenzies night. I will talk to Sheri later though... When everyone has gone" I explained.

"fair enough. Savannah do you know why Antonio is here in LA, is he here with you?" James then asked.

"I pinned more hopes on tonight than I should of. He has found a place for me to rent, he has been sorting it out for me." I revealed.

"oh savannah... I'm so sorry. Things will work out okay. I will make sure of it. I can't stand Tammi, I have no clue what Carlos sees in her!" James then said and gave me a reassuring hug.

"see you later okay" he said with his smile.

I nodded and curled up next to my brother and silently cried as I listened for the celebrations downstairs to die down


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5. Tammi's story.

"well tonight was weird, I thought she would of talked to me at least" Carlos said as we got home fairly early on in the evening after Mackenzie and logans wedding.

I sighed and slumped down in the sofa.

"tam' cmon, don't get upset again" he soothed, sitting down next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I tried to hold the tears in but I just couldn't. "why is she back though Carlos... I'm going to lose you... I know I am!" I howled out.

"baby girl you are not going to lose me, I'm not going anywhere... I'm staying right here" he said rubbing his hand over my heart.

"really?" I sobbed.

"Tammi I love you, just because savannah has come back doesn't change that" he said calmly, looking me in the eye.

I snuggled my body in to him "love you too Los... Are you going to try and talk to her, like meet up?" I asked, tears still just falling from me.

Carlos leaned back and kissed my head. "I guess I will at some point, need to get the divorce sorted out huh"

"can't you just do it over the phone, I'm so scared that once you are in the same room with her then you will realise what a mistake I am. She is so fucking pretty... Then there's me" I said and started bawling my eyes out on his shoulder.

"Tammi... How many times do I have to tell you, you are beautiful! Look... Baby... Tammi listen, stop crying." He chuckled. "Savannah and I are finished, I've shed my tears over it, all I want to do is move on... With you. Tam' I know it's early days but if you wanna make staying here a permanent thing then... Well I would like that." He said.

I moved my head and looked at him shocked. "you want me to move in with you?"

"I would like that, and if it makes you realise how much I love you, and how prepared I am to commit to us" he said holding my hand "then yes, I want you here with me" he said.

I flung my arms around him "baby I love you so much... Thank you, I would like that... Would love it actually"

Carlos kissed me, the stubble on his chin gently scratched against me. His tongue slowly playing with mine.

"you wanna go up to bed, I have a feeling tomorrow is gonna be odd" Carlos said gently.

"sounds good... to our bed" I said and smiled at the thought of moving in with him again. "Los... You know I'm not going to screw it up this time don't you, I know I cheated but-" he interrupted me

"tam, we all make mistakes, we were young, the past is just foundations for what we are building now... Okay." He said.

I kissed him again. We got carried away this time and my hand ended up in his pants.

"that feels so good tam'" Carlos whispered as I stroked his hardness.

I loved to please him, I really went out of my way. Knowing that savannah could not complete all her wifely duties. I felt it was the only thing that I could ever beat her in.

I moved my head down as Carlos seemed content with receiving his pleasure I was giving him, I placed my mouth over him, he was so hard, but his foreskin felt soft against my lips.

I could hear Carlos groan in pleasure.

I stepped my game up and gently tugged on the base of his hardness as the tip of him had the delights of my lips and my tongue caressing him.

I felt his hand gently stroke back my hair as he enjoyed himself.

"tam'... move over here" he whispered out.

I smiled as I realised what he wanted, I kneeled up on the sofa and carried on my oral pleasure on him, I then felt Carlos caress up my leg, and up my skirt, his hand made his way in to my underwear and I felt a finger run along my clitoris.

"oh baby" I heard him call out as he enjoyed all of his senses having a sexual encounter.

it felt so good, him gently placing his finger in me. having his hardness in my mouth just turned me on even more.

Carlos enjoyed touching me, he was , his fingers slid over my privates with ease. The feel of him was so immense.

I took as much of Carlos as I could manage in my mouth, I knew he was going to come when his finger movements on me got more intense.

He tasted good. I teased him still with my tongue as he made me climax in his hand, he did the same and gently rubbed my clitoris until I could take no more pleasure.

The night went by okay, I woke up a couple of times and the gutted feeling of savannah crept in my stomach as I remembered she was back. I woke up to Carlos nudging me.

"Tamara Taylor! Wake up!" He said full of the joys of spring.

"oh Los... No!" I grumbled as I pulled the covers over my head.

"yes!" He chuckled.

I peeked from behind my cover, the sun making my eyes wince.

"why do I have to get up?" I asked

"because we are going shopping!" He said enthusiastically.

My head came out of the cover completely at this word "you hate shopping?" I queried.

"I know but I'm in a good mood because I got some good news this morning." He said.

Carlos got on the bed and sat next to me.

"I got this faxed through" he said handing me a piece of paper.

I read it through and screamed out in excitement for him.

"oh my God! Are you going to do it?" I asked re reading the document that was asking Carlos of he would be interested in directing a movie.

"definitely tam! This is the beginning of the start for us" Carlos said excitedly.

Directing is something Carlos has been passionate about for a while, he has had the odd stint doing it, but being let loose on an actual movie is a big step for him at this stage of his career, obviously big time rush wasn't going to last forever.

"baby I'm so happy!" This is amazing, I said giving him a squeeze. "what are we shopping for?" I added.

"maybe... Some furniture? to make it a bit more an 'us' house than a 'my' house" he said grinning.

"really? Thanks Los... Your perfect!" I said now coming completely out of my covers and straddling him as he sat on the bed fully clothed.

"you are perfection Miss Taylor" he said kissing me slowly.

"I'm going to grab a shower then we can get going... Aaahhh! I'm excited Carlos!" I said jumping out of the bed and going to the bathroom, I could hear Carlos chuckling at me as I went.

When I came out of the shower, Carlos was still sat on the bed where I left him.

" you okay baby?" I asked as his good mood seemed to of ebbed away.

"yeah... She has text" he said holding his phone up.

I wrapped my towel around me a little tighter and sat on the bed with him.

I let out a sigh to help stop the tears that now wanted to be produced.

"may I see?" I asked.

"yeah course... I've not replied yet" he said handing me the phone.

I nodded at Carlos then read the text.

"sorry I didn't speak 2 u last night. Was thinkin maybe we cud meet 4 lunch? My treat :-)Savs x" it said. It made my stomach turn.

"are we not going shopping now then?" I said looking at the clock, it was almost ten.

"I'm not dropping our plans babe... I will tell her we can meet another time" he replied.

I just nodded, tears had starting rolling at the thought of him seeing her.

Carlos sat for a minute trying to word his text back to his estranged wife.

"Los, why don't you just ignore it and call her later to discuss what ever she wants to talk about... " I replied in almost a whisper.

"would that make you feel more comfortable? Just calling her?" He said

" I would feel more comfortable if that text had said 'im moving to Alaska and never coming back!' I replied sarcastically.

Carlos laughed at me. "I think I would too..."

"but seriously... I can't tell you what to do Los but your wife is a ferocious cat walk model who is scaring the life from me right now because I don't know why she is back!" I said honestly.

"I'll call her later..." He concluded.

I let out a sigh of relief. That girl really did make me nervous.

"come on then Blondie, get your ass dressed" Carlos said sounding a bit more cheerful.

I kissed him on the cheek and did a little strip show for him with my towel as I got dressed. The way Carlos looked at me, savouring over every part of my body made me feel adored. I loved that feeling.

Once we were out we stopped off at a cafe for breakfast just off of the freeway.

"are you going to eat that?" Carlos said eying up my left over food that I wanted to fit in my stomach, but there just simply wasn't any room for it.

"you help yourself greedy guts!" I replied with a smile.

Carlos kissed my nose before stealing my food.

His phone that was on the table next to his car keys then buzzed, the message icon read 'SAVANNAH'

"for fucks sake, why can't she just leave you alone, what does she want now? A dinner date!" I snapped picking up the phone.

Carlos just shrugged as he ate my breakfast as if to say he wasn't really fussed what it said, he wasn't going to meet her regardless.

I read the text... Then had to read it again.

I swallowed hard

"baby... " I said

"mmm w'sit say?" Carlos asked with a mouthful of food.

"it says sheridens been admitted to hospital. She collapsed in the shower this morning..."

Carlos just stared at me for a second.

"Los cmon, she will be fine. its Sheriden we are talking about! lets pay the check and I'll drive us down to the hospital yeah?" I said giving his arm a, stroke.

"yeh... " was all he replied with a nod.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5 Mackenzies story.

As my eyes opened, and I blinked away the hurt from the midmorning sun that was now beaming in through the blinds in my room I realised what pleasurable sensation had woken me up..

Logan was slowly kissing my arm and ever so gently moving across to my stomach.

"morning beautiful... Mrs Henderson!" He chirped.

I smiled as all the memories of last night came back to me, the beautiful wedding, the intimate gathering of friends.

The sex! Oh my god... The sex. Logan had definitely been holding a few tricks up his sleeve for a special night such as our wedding night. I found out the reason why your not Meant to shave above the knee for example.

I smiled at the memory.

"morning logie" I whispered as he made goose bumps appear on my skin from his gorgeous kisses.

He layed his head down on the pillow next to me.

"how's your head Macks? You were a bit drunk last night" Logan grinned now rubbing his thumb on my wrist.

"holy shit!" I laughed looking at my wrist. It had a huge bruise going all the way round it. Logan and I had got adventurous with fluffy handcuffs last night.

Logan chuckled "you were something else last night kenz" he smiled.

I blushed as more memories came back to me.

"oh my god logues... We are married... Can you believe it! I'm so happy" I said as I stretched out in the bed.

"its amazing" Logan replied, smiling away at me. "what are we doing today?" He asked.

"nothing! We are not getting out of bed... Well maybe I might let you out to rehydrate... Your bodily fluids will be running dangerously low" I smiled.

"I think I'm going to prefer Mrs Henderson to Miss Davies... She is a lot dirtier" Logan laughed.

"kiss me!" I said softly with my best puppy dog eyes.

Logan leaned in and softly kissed my lips. "is that what you mean?" Logan whispered, pulling his kiss away from me.

"I was thinking more this" I smiled and pulled him back towards me. I teased him with my tongue. Logan brushed his thumb against my cheek bone getting in to the kiss.

"your beautiful Macks" he whispered.

"and you're insanely handsome!" I giggled, now scruffing his hair up. "I need to cut this logues, its getting out of control" I smiled.

"hey leave the quiff alone" he laughed and kissed me again.

We spent several minutes kissing and touching then a thought struck me.

"Logan... Do you want to... " I began but then chickened out.

Logan laughed at me again "you can't say something like that when I have a handfull of your boobs and your hand on my cock, then stop!"

I went bright red.

"Macks! Tell me, you know I'm gonna say yes" he chuckled.

I composed my shame. "ok... I thought, maybe we could... You know... record ourselves" I finished saying then closed my eyes in an attempt to run away from the embarrassing situation I had started.

Logan kissed my cheek. "no I'm not in to that kenz" he replied and rolled off of me.

I opened my eyes. "oh... That's cool, was just an idea" I replied now going even redder and mentally kicking myself up the ass.

"oh my god Mackenzie... " Logan practically laughed in enthusiasm "course I wanna do that! ... I knew you were complete filth underneath your goody goody exterior" he chuckled.

I slapped Logan across the chest "your fucking evil" I laughed. "I'm not a goody goody Logan!"

"no your definitely not" he smiled and got out of bed.

"hey where are you going?" I moaned reaching out for his hand to drag him back but missed.

Logan smiled as my hand hit the mattress. "going to get the camcorder" he chuckled. And strutted his naked self out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned and set it up.

"Logan Henderson! Why do I get the feeling you have made a homemade porno before" I smiled looking at him sort the angle out, and open the blinds just slightly for more light.

he grinned at me. "I can promise you I've never done anything like this before... Apart from that time I recorded your body when I went on tour" he said laughing and shaking his head.

Logan had taken a short recording of my body and some pictures of my boobs to take on tour with him... He said it was to keep him company at night...

"how come you seem to know what your doing then?" I said pulling my knees up to my chest and looking at him in amusement... My naked camera man.

"kenz! I'm an actor! I know how this shit works now" he said.

"fair enough, I will let you off" I replied.

"okay pressing record now" Logan grinned then made his way over to the bed to me...

...45 minutes later...

I lay exhausted on the bed. My heart beating uncontrollably. Logan was handcuffed to our headboard in a similar state.

I trotted over to the camera and pressed stop.

"well that went well" I laughed

"I wanna watch it ... Kenz uncuff me" he laughed.

"I might leave you there ... Have you as my personal sex slave" I mocked, but did uncuff him.

"cmon!" Logan said grabbing my hand and the bed covers "lets go watch it ... Grab the camera kenz" he said.

I did grab the camcorder and we went down stairs and prepared to watch our steamy sex session on Logans massive flat screen TV.

"I swear to god logues, if this is terrible we are never having sex again!" I joked as we both got comfy on the sofa, completely naked under the cover Logan had brought down.

"is it wrong to have sex while we watch ourselves have sex? ... Technically I'm turning myself on" Logan said trying to work out if it was some kind of weird incest.

"Logan you always turn your self on" I laughed.

he smiled at me. "ready?" He asked

"no, but lets get it over and done with" I said pulling the covers up to my face as if preparing to watch a horror movie.

Logan pressed play.

I watched in amusement as Logan walked in to shot on the TV, butt naked then climbed in to bed and on top of me. We began kissing. that looked nice... Romantic. Then Logan spent some time fingering me while my hands tugged at his hair.

I was pretty impressed with what I looked like on camera completely naked.

Once we had watched, the fingering, wanking and oral, the handcuff part came in... I rode Logan like my life depended on it.

Logan sat next to me watching the video laughing.

"what are you laughing at?" I said, still impressed with my big screen porno debut.

"I'm excited to see my cum face" he said not taking his eyes from the TV.

"trust you" I chuckled.

neither of us spoke during the sex session apart from when I came, I scream out 'Logan'. I laughed out loud when I heard it on the TV.

"well that's embarrassing" I said giggling.

"its making me hard" Logan replied still waiting for his cum face. He laughed when he finally saw it.

"I'm gonna have to try and come up with something more dramatic as a cum face" he chuckled "how about this?" He said, showing me an open mouthed 'wow cum face'.

"your hilarious logues... I'm fairly impressed with that. Maybe we could do another one... You could dress up as a cop, and I could be some slutty ho" I giggled.

"Mackenzie we should of got married ages ago!" Logan laughed then kissed me, he was ready to fuck me again, I gave his hardness a good tug as we layed down on the sofa.

Just as we were getting down to the good stuff the door knocked.

"ignore it... We are on honeymoon!" Logan whispered.

I smiled at him then kissed him, ignoring the door, until it frantically knocked again.

"gahhh... Get your ass back in bed Henderson, I will be two minutes!" I said to Logan, wrapping the cover around my body to answer the door.

I turned before I answered it to just see Logans bare ass disappear upstairs.

as I opened the door I saw Kendall on the other side with Ophelia standing next to him.

Kendall eyed up the sheet I was wrapped in. "kenz I'm so sorry to disturb you, I know you guys are ... Busy, but James has just called and said that Sheriden is in hospital! I need to see her kenz... Could you look after phee for me, just for an hour or so... Please!" Kendall rambled out.

"shit! Really? Is she okay?" I asked, inviting him in.

"I don't know any details really, she collapsed last night and again this morning in the shower, James said she has hurt her self pretty bad in the fall" he said walking in.

"oh my god... Well yeah, of course we will look after phee for you... God I hope she is okay" I said.

"yeah me too... Oh!" Kendall said with a shocked face looking at the TV, which had me and my tits paused on it reaching out to stop the camcorder at the end of the video.

"oh... Oh my gosh!" I said darting over switching the TV off.

"I'm so sorry kenz, interrupting... " Kendall said now looking at anything but me.

I let out a nervous laugh. "its fine, look give me a second to get dressed and I will take her off your hands" I said heading towards the stairs.

I felt guilty remembering Sheriden holding her stomach saying she was fine last night when obviously she wasn't.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7, Frans story.

I closed the door to the bathroom. And rested my back against it, trying to block out the music and constant chatter from Mackenzie and Logans wedding.

My head was thumping. I looked at the toilet and gave it a flush... It was a weak flushing toilet. Fucksake Sheriden! I thought to myself.

I don't honestly know what had triggered it off, I didn't have any major stresses in my life at the moment, Kendall was amazing, Ophelia is an Angel and even Parker was behaving.

When I first realised things were getting bad in my head again I tried my hardest to make them evaporate. I put all modelling on hold, I stayed away from people that I knew would be bad for me but nothing helped and the purging began. So this toilet that stood in front of me right now was my worst nightmare... It wouldn't flush a dead fly down it, let alone what I wanted to do.

My head started panicking. I didn't want to be here at all.

I gave the door one more listen, I could hear people outside, I turned the tap on for good measure then threw the contents of my stomach up down the toilet.

Instant relief swam over me momentarily, then guilt kicked in. I gave the toilet a flush. I could still see traces of my vomit, so waited a moment then flushed again.

the door handle moved as someone tried to get in, then the door knocked.

"I won't be a minute" I called.

"oh sorry fran, I didn't think anyone was in here" Logan cheerfully called through the door."I'll go upstairs" he then called and walked away.

I checked my appearance in the mirror. I looked like shit! My skin looked awful.

I heard my phone buzz in my purse, I looked at it, it was a text from Kendall 'did you want to go home? X x x ' It said.

Poor Kendall. I put my phone away and washed my hands, I checked the toilet once more and placed a few sheets of tissue down there to cover up any thing that may remain.

I walked back out to the celebrations. I saw Tammi crying, sat on the stairs, she had Mackenzie sat next to her trying to cheer her up, Carlos stood leaning on the fancy looking Bannister listening in to Mackenzie slagging his wife off. It pissed me off.

Logan and Mackenzie got on with me okay, despite that I knew Logan despised me because I wasn't paisley, and Mackenzie now knew I had lied to everyone about savannah using my urine to pass a drugs test to help her cover up the fact that she had slept with James.

I liked savannah, I always had. She was obnoxious and loud, but so what! she was fun. As I looked at Tammi snivelling on the stairs moaning about savannah, I could tell that Carlos was mentally disagreeing with everything he heard.

I bet he was dying to talk to savannah. What he saw in Tammi Taylor I just did not get. But I will remain being polite to everyone.

I walked back out in to the garden, I saw Kendall sat in his usual place of the bench. Ophelia was snoring away in the pushchair.

"hey" I said as I sat next to him.

He smiled at me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"you okay?" He asked taking my hand.

I nodded "I'm sorry, I was doing so well... I just couldn't... I'm so sorry" I said.

"Francesca don't say sorry, we will just try again tomorrow okay... Taking each day at a time... I love you baby" he replied

I gave his hand a squeeze "I love you too... I'm doing better... Parties are just... Shit for someone like me" I said honestly.

"I know... Sheriden knows about... It" he said out of the blue.

"you told her?" I asked, upset.

"no baby, course I didn't... She just knows everything. I told her to drop it and walked away" he said.

"is that why your here?" I said looking up at the pretty tree fountain as it sat in the distance.

"yeah, everyone else is busy chatting so I thought I would chill out here with phee... Under the stars.

I gave kendalls face a stroke with my hand. He seemed tired.

Kendall had always known about my bulimic history. I was very honest with him about all my past when we first got together. he realised that something wasn't right with me about a month ago, my eating habits completely changed and I began obsessing with calories and fat content in any meal I ate.

When he confronted me, I admitted everything from the binging to the purging and even the shameful secrets that I kept on how I did it. He did what most people do and got angry at me, just basically told me to stop fucking about and stop making myself be sick.

I disappeared for three days after that, I wouldn't pick the phone up to him or answer the door, but Kendall wouldn't give up on me. When I did speak to him again he said he was sorry, obviously he had done a bit of homework on the matter and was in a better position to understand what I was going through.

So now Kendall knew what I was doing, he knew he couldn't physically stop me from doing it, but he was helping. I am seeing a professional, and am on the road to recovery, but its a long road. A road I've been down a few times before, but with kendall with me I felt stronger... More in control.

"did you get my text?" Kendall asked.

"yeah I did, but was just on my way out of the bathroom... I'm fine here now, I don't want to go home." I said.

"I hope savannah doesn't come down to make any drama" he said looking at Tammi who was now talking with very exaggerated hand movements to Sheriden in the garden.

"Hmmm I dunno, I kinda hope she does" I replied with a smile.

Kendall looked at me with a dimpled grin "I can't stand savannah, she is such a bitch all the time"

"I like her... She isn't a bitch, she is nice, she just deals with things differently to most people" I replied looking at Tammi again who was now in Carlos' arms as he swayed her from side to side.

"no... I've never got on with her! savannah is rude to me, rude to phee... Fran she is even rude to you" Kendall said laughing

I shrugged "she is just a kid!" I then said watching as Tammi and Carlos said goodbye to the newly weds.

"are you looking forward to your birthday?... I mean with... How things are?" Kendall said about the planned birthday party I was intending to have.

"yeah i am, it will be fine kends, its just drinking and dancing for mine... No buffet in sight like this ridiculousness" I smiled.

"did you wanna go home? I'm not really feeling it tonight" Kendall then said looking at James and Sheriden sharing a kiss.

"stop staring at her... Its a good job I'm not the jealous type isn't it Schmidt!" I chuckled.

"no she pissed me off actually... when she said about you earlier, Like she knows best all the time... Sometimes I wish she would just disappear for a bit. You've got nothing to be jealous about Francesca!" He said kissing my shoulder as he still lay his head against me.

"Kendy... You are going to have an obsession with that girl for as long as you live!" I joked.

Kendall lifted his head up. "you wanna go home and have sex!" He said with a glint his eye.

"yeah okay... I've got to get up early tomorrow though to see Parker do this dumb basketball thing" I replied.

"its not dumb fran, he will end up just as famous as his dad one day" Kendall said.

I sighed, "I guess". Parker had his first under tens basketball game tomorrow. it was a big deal kind of as Nate, Parkers dad was in the NBA. He desperately wanted Parker to follow in his footsteps.

"so do you prefer dating the musicians or the sports personalities?" Kendall said with a grin.

I took his hand in both of mine "musicians are better with their hands" I replied with a smile

"and models are dirty minded, so we make a good team huh?" He said giving my forehead a kiss.

"the best!" I replied.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, sheridens story.

"Sheriden! Can you hear me?" I heard someone shout at me.

I opened my eyes up and saw blood everywhere.

"what's happened?" I asked, my voice sounding shocked.

"don't try and move okay, I need you to stay there for a second." The woman said.

I blinked my eyes open. I once again saw James with scared eyes.

"okay Sheriden shall we see if you can get up?" The voice then asked me.

I was helped up in to a sitting position then was hauled up and walked out gently by the paramedic and James to be sat gently down on my bed.

James helped me in to my dressing gown.

"okay Sheriden... your husband said you fainted last night, do you know if that happened again or if you slipped in the shower?" The paramedic asked me.

"um... I'm not sure, it just kind of went all black... So I guess it happened again" I replied touching my head, it felt wet and sticky from blood.

"you okay?" James said taking my hand as he sat next to me.

I nodded "I think so" I replied.

"if you could just pull your sleeve up, I need to take your blood pressure" the paramedic said, as she fitted the strap around my arm and inflated it.

"okay... Its high, 160 over 90 Sheriden. Once the ambulance arrives they will take you in to fix your head up... It doesn't look too bad" the paramedic said. Can I take some details from you" she then asked.

"shall I just take her to the hospital instead of waiting for an ambulance?" James asked, I'm guessing the paramedic that was here right now had arrived on a motorcycle.

"Mr Maslow don't panic, but its much safer if Sheriden goes in the ambulance when it gets here, she had a nasty knock to the head and just lost consciousness, so she is much better with medical attention at hand okay" the woman said.

"James I'm fine honestly" I said squeezing his hand.

"Sheriden are you on any medication right now?" the paramedic asked me.

I looked at James and gave a small laugh, he gave me a little smile in return. "she is on lots!... Hang on I will grab it all" James replied walking back out to the bathroom where I kept my meds

He then walked back in brandishing a few bottles of pills in his arms. "She has injections too... Erm prolia... I think its called." James said looking at me, I nodded in response.

The paramedic looked at the bottles, "so the prolia is for brittle bones? ... Oh you know you suffer from high blood pressure too then?" She then said looking at one of the bottles.

"yeah she has osteoporosis, she takes a lot of that stuff daily, but side effects do give her high blood pressure, so we are used to hearing that" James said. "she was in a sauna yesterday, its just going to be dehydration causing this isn't it?" James asked

"we will look in to it... okay... Any medical family history I should know about" she asked.

"my father died of cancer... I don't know what kind. but my mother had brugada syndrome ... She had a stroke which caused her death" I said feeling emotional.

"brugada" she repeated, writing it down. "Have you been tested?" She asked.

I shook my head but could feel james' eyes on me.

My head throbbed. Soon enough I was taken away in the back of an ambulance, James was with me. Savannah was left with four children to look after. That thought filled me with dread.

It was the brugada syndrome that had been playing on my mind, my mother had it, her father had it. Both died from varying causes from it. It is a hereditary heart disorder. Which can cause lots of problems and sudden death from cardiac arrest. It can strike at any time of life. My mother began her downfall with bouts of fainting, that's how we realised something wasn't right. I lived in Florida by the time she died. But now this was happening to me.

James was quiet as I had my head stitched, I must of taken quite a fall in the shower. He just sat and watched as I had an ecg reading done on my heart. He held my hand quietly as they took blood from my arm and he helped me to the bathroom without a word so I could pee in a pot.

Once I was finished with being poked, prodded and examined I was told I would most probably have to stay in hospital at least til dinner time, if not til next morning.

"is sav going to be okay with our three and her brother. I asked as I looked at the drips I had been connected to.

"yeah, I called Kendall and Antonio, ant is going to go and help her, sav text and said she will be in to visit soon... Sheriden what's all this syndrome stuff you mentioned? Do you know something and not told me?" James asked with a worried look like his world was ending.

"its probably nothing baby... James, come here" I said patting the bed side next to me, James sat down and placed his arm over my shoulders.

I explained to him what was running through my mind, about what happened to my mother and I admitted that I was scared on hearing my results when they came back at some point so tell me if I did have this hereditary heart problem.

"but they can treat it right? I mean your not just going to drop dead on me are you!" He said in a jokey way to disguise some very real fear.

"I guess they can... I don't know" I said resting my head on his shoulder"

"and its hereditary? Sheriden if you knew about this why didn't you say anything? What about the boys? Mitchell always has breathing problems... Do you think he has it?" James then said going in to hyperdrive of worrying.

"james those boys have had so many tests and procedures done on them, I Would of thought a heart condition would be picked up by now, but we can get them both tested okay..." I said feeling exhausted.

"I love you Sheriden... Don't fucking die on me!" He said.

"I'm not going anywhere james... Nothing can take me from these arms" I said getting cosy in his hug.

Savannah came in after a while with some flowers and her little brother.

"where's the kids? With Antonio?" James asked straight away as savannah gave me a hug. James put the flowers in a vase for me. They were beautiful, I loved fresh flowers. The smell was something I always enjoyed.

"yeah he said he was waiting for Ana to get there then he will be down to visit you Sheriden... What's going on then? You've had us worried" savannah said to me.

"not entirely sure, we are waiting for test results to come back" I said.

"how's the head it looks bad... Trust you Sheri" she smiled.

I smiled back, it was funny how she could turn her swearing off for her own brother, but would drive Kendall insane by letting them slip out in front of Ophelia "its okay, hopefully it won't scar too bad." i replied.

"I text Carlos and said you were in here he isn't replying to me" she said checking her phone.

"you haven't fallen out have you?" I asked.

"no, he replied straight away when I was in Portland. I think someone has some trust issues that she is showing now I'm in the zip code." She said rolling her eyes.

"Tammi loves him savannah" I said just as the door opened and Carlos and Tammi walked in.

"oh boy!" I heard James mutter under his breath. "Sean do you want to get a hot chocolate?" James then said to the small boy who clung on to savannah.

"go on seany, go with James" savannah said warily, not knowing where to look as Tammi held Carlos' hand, he did go and James left me in the middle of what might be world war 3.

"hey" savannah finally said only looking at Carlos.

Carlos seemed momentarily stunned as if he were a fly that had just been swatted then realised he was still alive. He ignored savannah and gave me a hug.

"are you okay, what have you been doing to your self, I've just phoned home... Shit Sheriden!" He said sounding concerned.

"I'm fine... I'm fine, just a knock to the head... You guys okay?" I asked looking between him and Tammi. She had an almighty arse face on her seeing savannah in the room.

"yeah we are great huh tam!" Carlos said and took her by the hand again.

The room then held an awkward silence. Only being broken by savannahs phone bleeping with a text message.

"Carlos did you get my text... About meeting over lunch sometime?" Savannah then asked in a whisper putting her phone back in her pocket.

"yeah... Yeah I did... Um, I'm pretty busy savannah, I'm not sure I'm going to be about much to be honest" Carlos replied finding something interesting to look at on his sleeve to avoid eye contact.

"oh ... Well I really need to talk somethings over with you Los" she replied, I think she was dangerously close to crying.

"I'm sorry but why do you? You started divorce proceedings against him, so anything that needs to be said can be done through Carlos' lawyer!" Tammi snapped.

"tam' its fine don't upset yourself" Carlos said to his girlfriend.

"Carlos! upset herself? I'm just asking to talk to you... Why are you being like this now?" Savannah asked beginning to cry.

Antonio walked in then. "Sheriden, god! are okay?" He said looking at the drips, and the stitches in my head.

I gave him a smile "I'm fine ant, honestly I am" I said. "is Ana okay, you didn't even tell me you were in town" I said.

"yeah she's fine, she has the kids... Savannah are you okay?" He then said ignoring my question, seeing savannah wipe her eyes.

"fuck... yeah I'm okay... " she sniffed.

Ant then gave her a hug. "what's going on huh" he said giving her a friendly squeeze and scowling at his younger brother. I didn't blame Antonio really, savannah had been through so much, we were all in on what problems she had gone through, I did feel Carlos was being a bit unreasonable

"ant maybe take sav out for a drink?" I said trying to diffuse the situation.

"no I don't want a fucking drink Sheriden, I want to talk to my husband with out his mistress hanging around"

"sav don't" Carlos said not wanting a cat fight on his hands

"mistress, I'm not his mistress, you were the one that cheated on him! You were the one that wanted to leave him. He has nothing to say to you savannah!" Tammi snapped.

James walked back in with Sean. "I can hear you screaming all the way out there. Sheriden is unwell if you haven't noticed. Get the hell out of here!" James said to Tammi through gritted teeth. she then burst in to tears and left.

"I'm sorry... I just... I'm sorry okay" Carlos said looking at savannah then walked out after Tammi.

"I just want to talk to him" savannah then sobbed holding her hand out for her little brother.

"sav you need to let him go" I said feeling sorry for her.

we chatted for a while, savannah and Antonio finally left, my head was now pounding, it had just gone lunch time.

James was stroking back my hair as he sat on the side of the bed. "why don't you go and see the kids... Georgi gets frightened with people she doesn't know too well" I whispered to James.

"is that your subtle way of saying you want to go to sleep" he chuckled.

I smiled at him "maybe a sleep does sound good"

"okay i will be back soon then okay... I hate cabs! I will grab some stuff for you" he said kissing my forehead.

"thanks jimbo..." I smiled. "James! Bring the kids back with you... I miss them" I said.

"course I will, I will be back soon... Get some rest baby... I love you" he said giving me a kiss on the lips.

"love you too" I replied as he walked away leaving me with the imprint of his beautiful smile in my memory.

I drifted in and out of sleep untill a knock came and Kendall poked his head round the door.

I was pleased to see a normal face, not one that was mixed up in Carlos' marriage woes, Kendall still wore the same worried look James did though.

"you alright?" He said squeezing the life from me.

"yeah, just a dizzy spell that's all, banged my head in the shower" I replied.

"don't bullshit me Sheriden, is it your back?" He asked.

As I looked him in the eye preparing to lie, and play down what was going on, I burst in to tears and told him everything that James knew.

"so... What does it mean Sheriden? What's going to happen if you do have this heart problem?" He asked.

I shook my head, as I wiped tears away. "I don't know ... I honestly don't know Kendall... Where's phee?" I asked, knowing that fran was out of town today with Parker.

"Logan and Macks have her... That was awkward." He chuckled "she looked to be in the middle of some steamy sex session and the TV ..." He laughed out loud.

"the TV what?" I smiled, wanting to be in on the joke.

"it was paused on a home movie they were watching" Kendall said now getting the giggles.

I laughed "oh my god... I wouldn't of had kenz down for that" I replied.

"I know right... She has some nice boobs though! ... Better than big tits Darcy even" Kendall chuckled.

"oh don't even remind me of that idiot Darcy... You know she told James that she wouldn't work with amberleigh. Said she didn't feel comfortable with her" I revealed.

"really? Amberleigh is really nice... That Darcy girl is weird though" he said just as the doctor walked in.

He looked at Kendall to say leave.

"its fine, he can stay... We are family more or less" I said.

The doctor sat on the end of the bed.

Kendall looked at me, then took my hand as he sat in the chair at the bed side, it seemed ironic that Kendall was with me again to receive some possible life changing news. At least this time we were expecting it, and I had no desire to run away.

"sorry its taken so long to get to you Sheriden" the doctor started with. "well the tests have come back, and im pleased to say that their its nothing at all wrong with your heart or your kidneys" he said with a smile.

I looked at Kendall with such relief, then turned back to the doctor "so it was just dehydration then?" I asked, certain that no bad news was coming as the doctor wore a small smile on his face.

"not entirely, Sheriden, your pregnant" the doctor said. All traces of the small smile had gone on his face now.

My face fell at these words. I looked at Kendall, his eyes looked as sad as i felt.

"but... I can't be. I've got a contraceptive implant fitted!" I said showing him the arm with the tiny implant that was inserted in it.

"its a positive result I'm afraid Sheriden, I'm fully aware what this means for you with your medical history. But along with your blood pressure which is very high this is what's causing the black outs" he said.

"what do I do? This isn't fair!" I said now crying. Kendall took me in his arms.

"we can sort everything out for you from here Sheriden, a nurse will be coming round soon to have a chat with you about your options" he said.

"my options?... Basically you mean have an abortion or end up a fucking cripple!" I shouted.

"Sheriden, calm down" Kendall said softly.

"I'm sorry Sheriden... The nurse will go through everything shortly okay... Any questions?" He said with the stupid smile on his face.

"no" I whispered, and the doctor left the hospital room.

Kendall didn't speak for a while. our history together with our own lost baby was probably running through his mind, as it was mine right now. The pain it had caused us was catastrophic.

Several moments passed before he did say something.

"what are you going to do Sheriden?" He whispered.

I looked at him, I think Kendall was the only person in the world that would ask that question... As if he knew I would take the option of a choice instead of begin the misery of planning an abortion that I didn't want.

"I'm going to keep it" I said looking him in the eye to see his response to these words.

He took my hand and kissed it. "okay" was all he replied.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 Tammi's story.

I had just walked in to sheridens hospital room. I did not expect to see savannah in here.

Again she was dressed to perfection, her makeup looked over the top for a Sunday morning, and she must realise that everyone knows that's a blonde wig she is wearing, no way her hair could be that long by now.

I hated her, and hated myself right now. I was dressed to go shopping, I had minimal makeup on and was in jeans, vans and a plain top... Why didn't I dress up a bit!?

I looked at Carlos as he hugged Sheriden, and asked if she was okay. She looked far from okay, blood all in her hair, some awful stitches in her head, she was attached to all sorts.

"I'm fine... I'm fine, just a knock to the head... You guys okay?" Sheriden said looking from Carlos to me

"yeah we are great huh tam!" Carlos said and reached out for my hand. I gave it a squeeze. Just to say I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life as I felt right now. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away with Carlos. Why is she back? I could feel the adrenalin pumping through my veins. I hated that feeling... Like my body was shaking because I was so filled with hate over one girl.

I took a breath trying to calm my heart rate down.

"Carlos did you get my text... About meeting over lunch sometime?" Savannah then said, ignoring the fact that I was even here... How fucking dare she try and make a date with him while I'm stood right next to him.

Carlos squeezed my hand then, which gave me a sense of relief to know he was finding this situation as difficult as I was.

"yeah... Yeah I did... Um, I'm pretty busy savannah, I'm not sure I'm going to be about much to be honest" he replied.

Savannahs face fell at these words, it was then I knew she wanted him back! Why else would she come back? Her sister hates her, Carlos has me, she had been doing her modelling still from Portland. she currently hung on a massive billboard going in to Hollywood spread out on a bed with her new curvy figure advertising Fred And Ginger lingerie.

Carlos almost crashed the car when we first saw it. I had another break down of tears comparing myself to her that day... Even fat she was more attractive than me.

"oh ... Well I really need to talk somethings over with you Los" savannah then said starting the water works for good measure. This pissed me off.

"I'm sorry but why do you? You started divorce proceedings against him, so anything that needs to be said can be done through Carlos' lawyer!" I snapped at her. She wasn't expecting me to speak. The shocked look on her face said it all.

"tam' its fine don't upset yourself" Carlos said gently wrapping his arm around me. I appreciated the effort Carlos must be going to right now. I know he still cared for her, but he knew how much she intimidated me.

"Carlos! upset herself? I'm just asking to talk to you... Why are you being like this now?" Savannah then replied in floods of tears. I shook my head at her. She was a dangerous girl, a girl that had been groomed and preened by Sheriden Lloyd and I expect that Sheriden had taught her every trick in the book to manipulate people, just like she used to do with me and Carlos.

the door opened and Carlos' brother Antonio walked in "Sheriden, god! are okay?"

"I'm fine ant, honestly I am" Sheriden replied. "is Ana okay, you didn't even tell me you were in town" she added.

"yeah she's fine, she has the kids... Savannah are you okay?" He then bizarrely asked... Why the hell was Antonio worried about his brothers soon to be ex wife, who slept with his sisters husband? Something was going on here. Ant had been really nice to me before, welcoming me back in to the family. Obviously Sheriden must have something to do with this. She hasn't changed at all. She was still running around controlling peoples lives.

"fuck... yeah I'm okay... " savannah cried.

Antonio then hugged her. "what's going on huh" he said giving carlos and i an evil look... What the fuck was going on?

"ant maybe take sav out for a drink?" Sheriden then proposed. I'm surprised she didn't ask Carlos to take her. I felt like the world hated me. I felt that Carlos was going to get dragged away from me by this pack of idiots that just couldn't leave him alone.

I love Carlos, that's all, I love him! All I want is to spend the rest of my life with him making me feel the way he does.

"no I don't want a fucking drink Sheriden! I want to talk to my husband with out his mistress hanging around" she then spat out. I knew the damsel in distress was just an act, and the bitch behind all that make up was now very much in the room with us.

"sav don't" I heard Carlos say from my side but it was too late. my hands were shaking, and my blood was boiling "mistress, I'm not his mistress, you were the one that cheated on him! You were the one that wanted to leave him. He has nothing to say to you savannah!" I shouted losing my cool.

She was about to retaliate but James walked in with the demon girls brother. "I can hear you screaming all the way out there. Sheriden is unwell if you haven't noticed. Get the hell out of here!" James said to me, his eyes evil. I felt my own eyes fill up, and I left the room, fleeing for the elevator to escape this madness.

"Tammi... Tam' baby wait up!" I heard Carlos call from behind me.

He scooped me in his strong arms and I sobbed uncontrollably in them.

"they are all against me Los... All of them! Why the fuck is Antonio in there giving her hugs... What's going on Carlos?" I cried.

"baby... I don't know what's going on!" He sighed.

"I love you Carlos... Please don't leave me, I love you so much" I begged.

Carlos held me tighter. "Tammi... I.. Look come here..." He said pulling me over to a seat and out from public view at the elevator.

we sat down and Carlos took my hands. "Tammi listen to me, because you are driving me crazy okay... I love you, I've always loved you. Never stopped... Not once. I've got you back by some miracle of God and there is no way I am letting you go again. I'm not going to leave you. You have no idea how much I love you. So please, to save my sanity... Stop doing this to yourself" he said wiping my tears away with his hand.

"promise?" I said through a teary smile.

"I promise baby girl" he said and kissed my nose. "so Sheriden can conspire and plot and do what ever she wants.. It doesn't matter because I love you and nothing its going to change that." He replied.

I looked in to his handsome brown eyes. I can't imagine any other brown eyes ever making me feel so safe and loved.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 savannahs story.

As I sat waiting for Antonio to arrive to look after his Niece and nephews I sat in the poshest playroom I had ever seen in my fucking life.

Sean was having the time of his life in here. It was nice to see him carefree. His poor little life was in tatters. Dad and heather were weird but heather got the job of being a great mom down to a tee, now poor seany had nothing but two fucked up grandparents and two big sisters that weren't even talking.

I was determined to change all of that for him.

I had just sent Carlos my second text of the day, he hadn't replied to my first. All I wanted to do was discuss the matter of me moving back to LA.

My new venture as clothes designer would be a lot easier in LA. Sheriden would be a great help to launch it. And lets face facts Portland is no where near as glamourous as Los Angeles.

And if I'm to try and fix the biggest regret of my life and get Carlos back, it will be a million times easier here... If not a million times more heartbreaking for me if he flatly refuses to give us another go.

He sounds so grounded on the phone all the time. Like he wants me to know how much he still loves me. Or maybe its his way of still trying to be friends after everything.

I sat with Georgi on my lap, she didn't want to know Sean. She seemed shy today.

I text James "hows sheri doin? I will b dwn thr sn, ants on his way. Txt Los, no reply. What if he shows up with her? I'm scared James :-\" I wrote and pressed send.

My phone buzzed moments later. "she is waiting for test results. If he shows then talk to him. Ive got ur back sav. I'm so sorry I messed it up 4 u" it read.

I guess having James and Antonio on my side was better than nothing. I really did need someone better though. the boys were no where near as devious as Sheriden had ever been... I missed the old Sheriden. She would of had Carlos back in my arms by now with some wacky plan or maybe even of just had Tammi bumped off and thrown in to a river with a breeze block tied to her feet.

The door chime went, I carried Georgi out with me to answer it. I checked through the peep hole first to check it was Antonio.

I opened up "hey ant, thanks for coming over. I'm sure Sheri will be fine" I said.

"she best be, Ana is stuck in traffic she will be down to take over baby sitting so I can go and see her myself, Carlos just phoned me. He is on his way to see Sheri... I think Tammi is with him sav" he said.

"really... Fuck! Can you take Georgi, I'm going to go put my face on" I said darting up stairs to make myself look presentable.

Good thing about growing your hair out underneath a $3000 blonde wig is that your hair is always ready to just go.

My natural hair having been mostly hacked off by a deranged man with a knife in a robbery at my sisters salon, was then cut in to a hideous asymmetric bob which I couldn't stand.

I had always had long hair, and had always had extensions ever since my sister started practising on me when she was a training hairdresser at college.

But now after two terrible incidents that involved my hair being used against me I had sworn never again would I wear hair extensions and go for the good old fashioned wig... At least until my hair was at a reasonable length that I found attractive.

I made my face up, got dressed in to a cute outfit, made sure ant was okay with Georgi and the twins, then got a cab to the hospital with Sean.

Luckily I had arrived before Carlos and his ... thing.

I gave Sheriden a hug and handed her the flowers I had just bought in the hospital shop downstairs .

"where's the kids? With Antonio?" James asked me. Double checking that I could be responsible sometimes.

"yeah he said he was waiting for Ana to get there then he will be down to visit you Sheriden... What's going on then? You've had us worried" I asked Sheriden, giving Sean a smile. He hated hospitals.

"not entirely sure, we are waiting for test results to come back" she replied.

"how's the head it looks bad... Trust you Sheri" I asked Shaking my head. She was always doing something dramatic. Life was never simple in the maslow household.

"its okay, hopefully it won't scar too bad." she replied with a smile.

"I text Carlos and said you were in here but he isn't replying to me" I said in some hope that Sheriden would feel sorry for me and change her mind and help me.

"you haven't fallen out have you?" she asked.

"no, he replied straight away when I was in Portland. I think someone has some trust issues that she is showing now I'm in the zip code." I replied with a sigh.

"Tammi loves him savannah" Sheriden said, her words cut through my heart like a knife, and like adding salt to the wound, Carlos walked in the room holding hands with a girl I despised

"oh boy!" James then said looking at me "Sean do you want to get a hot chocolate?" he then said to my brother holding his hand out for him.

"go on seany, go with James" i said with my voice shaking. I gave him a little wave as he left the room with James.

I took a deep breath "hey" I said to Carlos, greeting him in person for the first time in months.

I bit back tears as he ignored me completely. I wasn't expecting him to act so coldly towards me. It felt like I was in a bad dream.

"are you okay, what have you been doing to your self, I've just phoned home... Shit Sheriden!" He said to her.

I eyed up Tammi as Carlos spoke to Sheriden. she was just a scraggy blonde, hard faced bitch. She had no style about her, she didn't fit with Carlos at all. He fitted with me. He looked just as he always did, cap and tee shirt, oozing swag and style without even trying. He looked beautiful.

"yeah we are great huh tam!" Carlos said breaking me from my gaze I had on him.

my phone beeped I checked my message. It was James "do not lose your cool in there! I will be back in a bit. Don't make him angry savannah" it said.

I took a deep breath. That was easy for him to say when all I wanted to do was scratch the bitches eyes out.

"Carlos did you get my text... About meeting over lunch sometime?" I asked in a friendly tone.

"yeah... Yeah I did... Um, I'm pretty busy savannah, I'm not sure I'm going to be about much to be honest" Carlos replied not even looking at me. Why was he being like this just because she was here. This wasn't Carlos.

"oh ... Well I really need to talk somethings over with you Los" I said calmly, my voice going up an octave as I tried to hold in the tears caused by his rejection.

"I'm sorry but why do you? You started divorce proceedings against him, so anything that needs to be said can be done through Carlos' lawyer!" Tammi then screamed at me. It took me by surprise. From her mousy exterior I hadn't expected her to have any back bone.

"tam' its fine don't upset yourself" Carlos then said giving her a small smile. My heart completely died inside me. I thought I might actually be sick. The tears started rolling out.

"Carlos! upset herself? I'm just asking to talk to you... Why are you being like this now?" I sobbed.

Antonio came in the room. "Sheriden, god! are okay?" He said looking very concerned over his sister.

I took this opportunity to try and calm down. I didn't like crying in front of that bitch who had her hands all over my husband.

"savannah are you okay?" Antonio asked me, his kindness made me cry a bit more but I wiped my eyes dry.

"fuck... yeah I'm okay... " I replied with a smile.

"what's going on huh" he said as he hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him. he wasn't the Pena I wanted my arms around though.

"ant maybe take sav out for a drink?" Sheriden then said. this pissed me off. I didn't want to leave. Why should I be the one to be escorted out.

"no I don't want a fucking drink Sheriden, I want to talk to my husband with out his mistress hanging around" I snapped feeling that Sheriden was completely on the wrong side.

"sav don't" Carlos said to me. I tried to make some non verbal communication with him through just one look. I think he got it. He looked back in to my eyes. It looked to me like he wanted to talk to me. He just wasn't allowed.

"mistress, I'm not his mistress, you were the one that cheated on him! You were the one that wanted to leave him. He has nothing to say to you savannah!" Tammi screamed at me

James walked back in with my brother at exactly the right time I don't know if he had been waiting outside for Tammi to lose her cool, or it was just good timing. But he was pissed at Tammi and made her look like the idiot she was.

"I can hear you screaming all the way out there. Sheriden is unwell if you haven't noticed. Get the hell out of here!" James said to her with venom in his voice, she then started crying and stormed out.

"I'm sorry... I just... I'm sorry okay" Carlos said looking in to my green eyes again. This time I couldn't understand what the look meant. He then walked out after her.

my heart could not take this pain "I just want to talk to him" I sobbed

"sav you need to let him go" Sheriden said to me.

"I can't let him go... You don't think Carlos will tell that girl about what happened to croft do you?" I asked now worried.

Both Sheriden and Antonio said that he wouldn't. Apparently they had all ready had that chat with him just incase.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Mackenzies story.

Well it had been exactly one week since mine and Logans wedding.

Our life... At home together at least, was amazing. I doubted anyone could feel so in love as I did right now with another person.

as always when one part of life runs smoothly, the other parts fall to complete pieces.

A day after my wedding Sheriden was taken in to hospital and given the news she was pregnant. In her situation with a previous broken back, and some obscure bone disease, she was told that trying to have children naturally was a big no no as her body couldn't adapt safely for a baby.

but typical Sheriden always fought the system. She had declared to James that she was not going to have an abortion, she told him that "at the end of the day James, any child of ours means more to me than my own life"

So now she was on a mission to ruin her own life, for the sake of her unborn baby. She wasn't on her own though. Kendall was whole heartedly behind her decision.

James was absolutely fuming at him for egging her ridiculous ideas on. Of course James didn't want to just abort his baby, but he didn't want sheridens life to change as she had once been told it would if she carried a baby... to end up wheelchair bound.

Logan and I only found this out yesterday. James had completely buckled under the stress and worry that Sheriden was inflicting on him, he had asked Logan and I to talk to her, try and make her see sense.

Logan was annoyed she was doing this seeing as I was her surrogate to get her twins. Just makes it a bitter pill to swallow knowing all this now.

"just keep your cool baby okay... She thinks she is doing the right thing" I said to Logan as we waited for someone to open the door at bel air.

"hey guys, how are you?" Savannah said as she opened up.

"how come your still here? I thought you went home?" Logan asked her.

"no I took Sean home. Then came back, I'm starting a new business venture with Sheriden" she replied smiling and looking at me. I ignored her.

"how is Sheriden?" Logan asked.

"yeah fine" she replied, so obviously savannah didn't know about the pregnancy. I then walked away in the direction of the kitchen where I could hear sheridens voice.

"hi!" I said a with a wave.

"hi... I wasn't expecting you" she smiled as she sat with Max on her lap.

I turned and looked at Logan, then saw James enter the room behind him.

He came in, picked Max up from sheridens lap and handed him to savannah. Can you just... Give us ten minutes" James said to my sister.

"... Sure..." She replied with a completely baffled look on her face and turned on her heels and headed away.

James shut the door.

"so what is this... Intervention?" Sheriden said with a sigh realising what was going on.

James gestured for Logan and I to sit down at the table, so we did.

"no its not intervention Sheri, its just... Fuck, I don't even know what this is" James said sounding completely exhausted.

"princess, James has told us about the baby, and he is really scared okay... You need to see sense Sheriden, don't play the martyr. You know this is wrong!" Logan said.

Sheriden sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I appreciate it, I really do. But I've made my decision" she said adamantly.

"what about my decision Sheri? Why don't I get a say in it?" James said.

"swings and roundabouts james. We have been through this." She replied to him.

James shook his head in annoyance.

"Sheriden I know what you must be feeling. But this is wrong Sheri, surely you must see that you could end up in a wheel chair for good doing this" I said taking her hand.

"the entire situation is wrong Kenzie, but its here now. I'm thinking clearly. Honestly I am" she replied.

"no its bullshit Sheriden" Logan then said.

"what trying to bring my baby in to the world?.. why!? Tell me that Logan! When you have gone through the pain of losing one, then come back and tell me its bullshit" Sheriden snapped.

"what?! Fuck!... Sheriden!" Logan snapped back "I've gone through the loss of a baby, your fucking baby that kenz was carrying, its meant to be triplets in there Sheriden!" Logan shouted pointing towards the wall that the twins were behind in the next room. "what was the fucking point in all four of us going through that when your just going to fuck it up now"

sheridens eyes filled up "I'm fully aware how many children I should have in an ideal world Logan, which is why I need to do this!" she said.

"And what happens when its born and your left unable to look after one child on your own let alone 4, because you will be too fucking disabled to do it" Logan shouted then got a slap around the face from me.

"I'm sorry... " I said then rubbed the face I had just slapped. "she knows what she is facing Logan, there is no need to bring the twins in to it or to be rude" I said.

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze to say I was forgiven.

"she doesn't know what she is facing though... Tell them what we found out today Sheriden. The situation just gets better and better" James said sarcastically.

I looked at Sheriden "there's nothing wrong with the baby is there?" I asked her.

"no... I'm only 8 weeks it would be too early to tell. Not that it would make any difference, I already have one disabled child" Sheriden said matter of factly.

"don't change the subject! Tell them what we found out this morning" James said sounding really pissed off.

"its not necessarily a bad thing, I see it works out in my favour" she said

"princess just spit it out... What's going on?" Logan asked now sounding calmer.

"I suffer from high blood pressure... Its more up than down which can be more risky if your pregnant. Its likely that I will have the baby early to avoid complications... Which is good... for my back" she said.

"complications?" Logan asked.

"tell them Sheriden... I'm sure they can't wait to hear the punchline in this sick fucking joke" James said.

"worse case scenario I'm putting my life in danger. But I've got the best possible health care anyone could want... Nothing will go wrong" she replied.

"no everything could go wrong, you could die, the baby could die and I'm left with 3 children having to explain that mummys gone to heaven cause she didn't think of anyone else but her fucking self!" James shouted then put his head in his hands at the table.

The room fell silent.

I took a deep breath "Sheriden what are the statistics on this?" I asked

"there aren't really statistics, it will either go well or it won't" Sheriden replied.

"Sheri..." I whispered "James is right, you can't take the chance on this... Your seriously condemning yourself to death... Don't do this Sheriden" I added, knowing full well how dangerous having high blood pressure can be when you're pregnant.

"James I love you, I'm not doing this to hurt you... I hope you don't think that" Sheriden said to him prising his hands from his face.

"please ... Just change your mind" he said with tears pouring down his face.

I took Logans hand underneath the table.

"I have to try James... You know me" she said.

James nodded "I do" he said moving his chair over and burying himself in her arms.

Logan and I sat for several minutes watching the uncomfortable sight of James crying on Sheriden.

"James do you still need us here?" I asked.

He took his head from Sheriden and looked at her. "we will be fine... Won't we?" he said

"we will yeh!" She said now crying.

I led Logan by the hand and walked out of the kitchen with him, leaving Sheriden and James to talk through what now faced them. James had obviously given in, realising that fighting it was pointless.

We saw ourselves out to Logans car.

"you okay?" I said once I was buckled in.

"not really... Why is she doing this? I can't let her do this" he said

"Logan she took a heroin overdose when things got so bad for her after losing kendalls baby... Imagine just for a second what her head is telling her now with a choice of abort her baby or live with the knowledge of never knowing." I tried to explain.

"but how can she be willing to go through another early birth. Does she not realise that its not just her life she is affecting" Logan said.

"baby, come on... maybe talk to Kendall later, I doubt he knows the latest if they only found out this morning. She will listen to him... She always does" I said optimistic.

"Yeah your right... God what a mess!" He said.

"Logan lets just go home and chill out" I replied.

once we did get home the atmosphere wasn't the happiest with what had happened at sheridens.

"Logan don't stress out, everything will be fine" I said as he busied himself in the kitchen.

"what if it's not, and Sheriden dies... Just leaves me like paisley?... I can't lose my princess too Kenzie... What is this life about huh!" He said with a sigh.

"at this precise moment in time it's about you and I logues... If we look after ourselves then the rest will take care of itself" I said.

"I don't know what I would do with out you beautiful" he said wrapping his arms around me.

"have a lot less dirty home movies" I grinned.

"true" he smiled.

I kissed him. The home movies were becoming a bit of a habit now. getting dirtier and dirtier as they went.

"you wanna do another one... I might let you do a close up!" I giggled.

Logan kissed me gently. "now there's an offer I can't refuse" he replied as he pulled away from me and led me upstairs to our bedroom.

We undressed and had some fun turning each other on for a while, kissing and touching. But it wasn't long before Logan reached for the camera.

By now I had gone passed caring what I looked like on these things, I was happy with how I looked, so was Logan and that was all that mattered. We also had funny outbursts pop out of our mouths every now and again, and as promised Logans cum face was enough to turn me on and want to be fucked all over again.

after logan made love to me he pressed stop on the camera and we did the usual of plugging the camera in to the TV downstairs and watched it, it felt like we were watching some seedy porno.

I was laying flat on my back with my legs over Logans shoulders as he kneeled in between my legs and fucked me with the camera in his hand. He got full on close ups of him in mid flow, of how he played with my clit with his thumb as he fucked me and a fairly sexy shot of my face as i came, I laughed as the camera turned on to his face and Logan gave a "Woohoo" to the camera.

"that was just pure porn logues, I should of had stilettos on and gone the whole hog" I laughed as I gently stroked his hardness he had got from watching us do it.

Logan raised his eyebrows "we can do that next time... I'm gonna be a plumber to come check out your pipes" he laughed.

I giggled at him "I love you Logan... We are borderline on having a weird fetish"

"don't care... I love you Mrs Henderson! You are one sexy hender fucking wife" he joked.

"I do look pretty good on film" I said.

"you look even better in real life... Now where are these stilettos?" He said feeling extremely hard in my hand.

"I'll go get them... You need a spanner Mr Plumber" I chuckled and ran upstairs ready for take two, as Logan grabbed the camera and followed me up.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 savannahs story.

"sheriden please come, I don't want to go with out you" I said as I buckled my shoes up.

"no I don't feel up to parties tonight, besides I'm letting you have my sexy husband as your date... You will be fine sav. James will look after you... Don't fuck him!" she smiled.

I rolled my eyes at her bad taste in joke "nice!" I replied

I sighed. I was just off out to Frans birthday party. She was having it in some fancy hotel.

Sheriden had said she was going, then said she wasn't, then said she was and now had just informed me that she wasn't again.

James had said that he would help me talk to Carlos, as he still wasn't replying to texts, and now wouldn't take my calls. I really was only communicating with him through my lawyer. I was beginning to lose any kind of hope. We were signing our divorce papers in 4 days. I felt for sure that he would fall in love with me again if only I had two minutes alone with him to explain how I felt... I was so sure of it.

"are you ready?" James asked me.

"yeah I guess. I don't even fancy going now" I moped.

"it will be fun, besides I'm intending to get absolutely smashed tonight" James said to which Sheriden raised an eyebrow to.

"fine" she replied "Mackenzie and I will be having a relaxing evening in... You can nurse your own hangover tomorrow" Sheriden said.

"yeah whatever" James replied to her, he then walked up to her and kissed her on the forehead "take care of your self!" He said then tipping her chin and kissing her on the lips as she sat in a seat in the reception room.

james then took my hand and headed for the door where our car was waiting to take us to the party.

"James are you and Sheriden ok? I've noticed things are... frosty" I said as the car started.

"she's pregnant" James replied. To which my mouth fell open.

"fuck! I didn't think you guys could... are meant to... do that... Fuck!" I replied.

"we're not, she's not! But she won't get rid of it. I've tried fighting her on it. But she isn't going to change her mind." He replied.

"fuck! Did you want me to talk to her... Maybe get lanky Larry to talk to her, she always listens to him" I said.

"stop saying fuck! Logan and your sister tried talking to her... Who the fuck is lanky Larry" James said smiling.

"Kendall" I replied with a grin.

James chuckled "oh, well lanky Larry is the person who is agreeing with her. I thought he would change his mind, but she hides behind him... I don't want her to feel that Kendall is the only person she can go to. So I'm going along with it... She could die sav. She has just lost the complete plot."

"can't you get her sectioned or something? I mean if its risking her life?" I asked.

"you really think I would have a marriage left after I attempted that?" James said raising an eyebrow to me.

"I guess not... Its fucked" I replied.

"it is fucked savannah but tonight I'm forgetting it all and going to have fun, and get pissed" he said.

"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk James... Don't leave me will you. I don't really like crowded places like this" I said.

"I won't leave you sav" he smiled.

We left the car and got a tirade of boos, from general public waiting on a glimpse of their favourite star as we entered the hotel where Frans party was. I held James' hand tightly and apologised in his ear. the boos were intended for me. I was still very unpopular in the public eye. The media loved to make my life a misery, but I also liked to stir it up.

I had twitter slanging matches on a weekly basis with irate random people, rushers or even other celebrities who felt the need to comment about me.

I enjoyed the attention, and being known as a hard face bitch was nice... to me at least.

On entering the lavish room I saw lanky Larry with Ophelia amongst the very already crowded room.

I scanned the faces, some I knew, some I didn't. Music thudded through the room. I saw Carlos stood at the bar with Tammi. She had gone over the top with trying to look presentable, it didn't suit her. Fran was with them. She looked drunk, had her arm around Tammi chatting away like they were old friends.

Is there no one that doesn't think Tammi is amazing?!

"savannah... Looking hot tonight!" Logan said coming up from behind me. "hey man... You doing okay?" He said to James giving him a brotherly hug.

"thanks logues... Allowed out on your own then?" I replied straightening his tie out that he wore with a cute blue suit.

"yeah kenz is with Sheri" he said.

"how is kenz? I was hoping that she would of calmed down a bit by now" I asked.

"she is fine. She is calming down... I think its just going to take some time though. She was talking about you the other day. She said that you seem more grown up lately, not so much the wild child" he said.

I smiled and looked at James. it was him that had told me to act more normal. So obviously it was working.

Kendall then came and joined the conversation.

"s'up guys" he said with a big smile.

We all greeted him. James winked at me as he towered over Kendall, I smiled back at the private joke that maybe Kendall wasn't as much the lanky Larry that I thought he was.

"Ophelia looks cute Kendall. Her hair is getting so long now" I said honestly.

"yeah fran begged me to let her straighten it." He replied. "ooh this should be fun" he then said looking over my shoulder.

I turned to see fran walking over with Carlos and Tammi.

"happy birthday fran" I said giving her a kiss on the cheek, James followed my lead and did the same.

I looked at Tammi, she looked some what worse for wear. I could feel an arguement brewing for later.

We chatted amongst ourselves for a while, Carlos and Tammi were not talking to me of course, Kendall kept saying things to get a rise out of me, and James kept saying things to calm me down.

I think James was pissed off with Kendall over the whole Sheriden thing. So I knew he was going to protect me quite well tonight. Plus Logan was fairly loyal to me too. Which is more than I can say for fran, who was now obviously bffs with Tammi. She was laughing and joking away with her.

A guy then bumped in to me and spilt some of his drink down my black dress.

"hey watch where your going!" James said living up to his role of being my guardian for the night.

I saw Tammi have a little giggle at my expense.

"I'm so sorry," the guy said holding his phone in his hand, obviously too busy looking at that than where he was going with a drink in his hand.

"Seth!" Fran said excitedly to the clumsy man. "guys I would like you to meet Seth Piper, Seth is one of the few men that-"

"you haven't slept with?" Logan said laughing at his own joke.

Fran glared at Logan but with a smile, which is more than what Kendall was now doing, giving the evil eyes to Logan.

"no! Thanks for that Logan!" She replied. "Seth is one of the few men that campaigned with me in my runway days" she said "we were both on the cover of vogue... Well Seth, this is Kendall my boyfriend, Carlos, Tammi, Logan, James and this is a fellow model Savannah Davies" she said introducing everyone, but used my maiden name which pissed me off, but it made Carlos and I look at each other at least.

"ah yeah, savannah!... I'm a big fan!" Seth said.

I smiled "thanks"

"erm... Can I get you a drink... to say sorry for spilling mine on you?" Seth asked me.

I looked at James, not sure what to do but then saw the look on Carlos' face at the thought of me sharing a drink with another man.

"I would love to" I replied, then slipped my hand in his and walked over to the bar.

I noticed Logan keeping a very close eye on me as well as James, Carlos kept glancing over. The thought that I was making him jealous filled me with joy. But Seth was really nice, he asked lots of questions about myself. We had lots in common and he was incredibly funny. I was enjoying myself in another mans company for the first time in a very long time. It was great.

"savannah I don't mean to pry but isn't that your husband over there giving me funny looks" he said with a cute smile.

I didn't turn to look at Carlos "erm... Technically yes but we are separated. He is with the ugly blonde now" I replied now turning around to look at Tammi who was completely fucked out of her face sat in a chair. I had only seen her with one drink. She must of started very early.

"so your single?" Seth then asked.

I nodded "yeah... You?" I asked with a smile, taking in seths brown hair and clear blue eyes"

"yeah..." He replied with a smile and leaned in to kiss me.

I hesitated for a fraction of a second but met his lips with my own. I enjoyed the kiss. He was gentle. It was doing wonders for my confidence although I did feel fairly safe knowing Logan, James and Carlos were keeping their eyes on me.

"your so beautiful.. I mean doing what we do, I see a lot of beautiful women, but you are something else" he said taking my hand.

I giggled at his sweetness. "are you from California?" I asked feeling a bit nervous that we were now linked by the hand.

"yeah" he simply replied and kissed me again. This time was more seductive, it was nice but it came across pushy. The only thing that was stopping me from telling him to back off was the thought that Carlos must be seeing this, and I knew that Logan and James would be over at any time.

I gently pulled away from his kiss. "Seth... Um maybe we should... Get another drink" I said realising that Logan was no where to be seen and James had his back to me having an arguement with fran... I couldn't even see Kendall, and Carlos was placing a very drunk Tammi in a seat.

"we have a drink... Your lips are delicious savannah" he then said making himself at home and kissing my neck.

I felt very scared at this point, especially now Seth had his hand on my ass as we stood at the bar, it was only very gentle, but I didn't want his hand on me at all.

I gave a nervous laugh "well I should get back to fran and my friends really... Maybe if you give me your number I could call you" I said trying to fob him off gently.

"oh don't go... This is nice isn't it?" He said kissing me again. I pulled away.

"Seth... Its just a bit soon for me to get so... Close to a guy" I said trying to think of the polite word to say.

I looked over at James but he still wasn't watching.

"did you want to go somewhere more private?" Seth asked me.

"no!... Look sorry, I'm going" I snapped and tried to walk away but he grabbed my hand.

"fucking let go of me!" I said to him

"savannah are you okay?" Carlos then said making me jump.

"no I'm not fucking okay. This prick is trying to manhandle me!" I replied shaking my hand free.

"maybe you best leave pal?" Carlos said to Seth.

"dude... Get your own fuck for the night, this ones mine" he said to which I raised my eyebrow. I wasn't anybodies fuck for the night, let alone his!

Carlos just laughed at him, "savannah come on, I will take you back to James"

"cock tease" Seth called out to me. Carlos stopped in his tracks then turned back to Seth who was a lot taller than him, Carlos was only an inch or two taller than me.

"shut your fucking mouth, before I shut it for you!" Carlos said.

Seth laughed then gave Carlos a shove.

Carlos laughed back then punched Seth in the face.

Out of no where a security guard came over and started having a go at Carlos telling him to leave the premises. We both got ushered out of the building while Seth got away Scott free, he was grinning away at me.

"look I need to get back in there to get my girlfriend!" Carlos yelled at the security guy as we were shoved out a door.

"I don't think so, I will call the police if you set foot on the premises again!" The guy threatened then closed the door we had been thrown out of.

I looked at Carlos "I'm sorry Los... I didn't mean for you to-"

"its fine! Not your fault... Are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?" Carlos asked.

"no... he just scared me a bit. Thanks for coming over" I replied.

"anytime sav" he smiled as he picked his phone up from his pocket and tried to phone Tammi, but she wasn't picking up.

"she looked pretty drunk in there" I said quietly as I took my high heels off to walk on the soft grass. We had been chucked out of the back of the hotel. In the garden area, which sported lots of lawn and a huge lake. It was just starting to get dark.

"I don't know what happened, she was fine one minute..." He said.

"Los... Can we talk?" I asked.

he looked at me for a good few seconds. "yeah course" he smiled.

We walked over to the lake and sat down on the grass.

"its chilly sav... Put this on" he said handing me his jacket.

"thanks" I replied, taking it from him.

"I miss you" I said looking out at the very calm water as two baby ducks swam about.

Carlos looked at me. "I miss you too... I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk like we used to... Its hard... I'm sorry" he said.

I took a breath "its cool. I know it must be difficult for Tammi... I wouldn't like to be her..." I Said as Carlos looked at me funny. "I mean with me as the ex wife of my boyfriend..." I said quickly.

Carlos laughed "savannah its fine... I know what you mean... What did you want to talk about then? because I'm pretty sure its not Tammi" he said smiling

"no, its not Tammi... Carlos I've just wanted to ask you if its okay if I move back here, I've found a cool place to rent, but... Well... With things how they are between us... Well I was just in the process of changing my mind, least in Portland you talk to me over the phone" I said and flashed a smile at him.

"that's all you wanted to ask? If I'm okay with it if you live in LA?" Carlos asked.

"pretty much yeah... I guess I could of text that... But... Well I was hoping we could still be friends but... Does Tammi really hate me that much?" I asked.

"no your right, you should of been able to just ask. Tammi doesn't hate you... as such. She... She is scared of you. You intimidate her beyond belief savannah. She is always trying to out do you, or be better... It drives me crazy a lot of the time" he admitted.

"and is pointless... I mean who is better than me!" I joked.

Carlos smiled.

"I'm fine with it if you want to move back here sav" Carlos then said.

"I don't want to cause any trouble... You know that don't you" I said

Carlos nodded "savannah your looking great... I mean really good" he said looking at the two ducks.

"well it wasn't intentional to get like this" I said cupping my now much larger breasts. "but its working out in my favour" I smiled.

"well I guess we best try and sneak back in or get a cab back to bel air for you." Carlos said.

"Carlos... Before we go... Are we doing the right thing... Getting divorced? Is that what you want?" I gabbled out.

"I still love you savannah" he said which made my heart leap.

"but?" I asked.

"You know the but, so don't make me say it" he smiled.

"I like your butt" I said with a laugh.

Carlos smiled at me "your butt is looking pretty fine too" he joked.

Silence took us for a moment as we both looked at the calm lake in front of us.

"did it hurt?" I asked after a while.

"did what hurt?" He replied puzzled.

"having the tattoo removed... Your ring" I explained.

"oh... Not as much as I hoped it would... I felt bad removing it... I got this done though" he said showing me his wrist which had '12 years' tattooed on it.

I ran my thumb over the writing feeling emotional.

"Carlos... I don't want to get divorced. I want us to try again... I'm sorry, I messed up... I always mess up but I love you Los. I hate the fact that we used to be best friends and now we are practically strangers. I need to tell you this.. Carlos please. Can we try again." I said now with tears silently falling from my face. I took his hand in mine as we sat on the grass. It felt like home.

Carlos wiped my tears away with his hand.

"we were a team sav. It was you and me against the world... I loved it... I loved you. I still do savannah" he said rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

"but you love Tammi more than me?" I blubbed out.

"I love her sav... I can't say its more or less than how I've ever felt about you... Its just different... She lives with me now... Did you know?" He asked.

"yeah James told me... He said you are directing a movie, that's amazing Los. Its a dream come true for you doing that! I'm happy that things are coming together for you... You deserve it" I said.

"Hmmm well the directing bit is amazing. dating an unemployed actress is the hard part. I managed to get her a small part in the film. Hopefully it will help her out. I think her confidence is so low" he said sounding sad.

"what's the movie about, are you allowed to tell me?" I asked, ignoring his plea for advice for his new girlfriends lack of confidence. She could rot in a ditch for all I care.

Carlos chuckled "its a zombie movie, not one of those comedy ones though... Good old fashioned horror!" he smiled.

"sounds good" I laughed.

"sav... In all honesty. I don't think you and I were ever built to last. The way I feel about you is insane but look at us! We are better off like this... Your better of like this" he said looking at his feet.

I couldn't think of a reply that didn't involve me begging him to love me. Obviously his feelings had gone.

"in that case I think Portland should be my home for now... Maybe end up in new York, who knows!" I said also looking at his feet.

"why are you changing your mind about staying now?... I'm honestly fine with you being here. Tammi will get used to it sav" he said now looking at me.

"Los... Hands raised in the air, confession time! The only reason I came back was to get you back! And Kenzie of course but... Tammi might get used to me but I don't think I can get used to her, I love you too much to sit back and watch you build a new life with someone without it completely breaking me" I said.

"so Tammi was right... She said that was the only reason you were back" he said.

"I love you Carlos... Once I've signed the divorce papers then I'm out of LA and tammi's confidence can go up a little bit huh" I said sounding a bit arsey.

"you were the one that said you wanted to get divorced savannah... That was you" he said jumping on the defence.

"only because you had my name,removed off of your finger Carlos. Everynight I cry myself to sleep knowing I've lost you. I'm not going to stick around so you and that bitch can rub my nose in it and for you to ignore me because she tells you to... Any idea how much that hurts!?" I shouted.

"savannah!" James came out calling before Carlos could argue back.

"come on we are going!" He said in a bad mood. "you need to sort that girlfriend of yours out, she is a complete mess Carlos!" James snapped at him as he held the fire exit door open for us to get back in the hotel where the party was.

"where is she?" Carlos asked looking for Tammi who was no where to be seen.

"I don't know and I don't care" James said taking me by the hand.

"I'll see you at the solicitors then Los?" I said as my parting gesture.

"he looked at me like that's not what he wanted at all but he was too concerned with where Tammi was to even answer properly.

"um... Yeah.. I guess, I've got to find Tammi... I'm sorry sav" he said.

"yeah that makes two of us" I replied. Then James pulled me by the hand to the exit.

as I got in to the taxi I wiped some more tears away and pulled Carlos' jacket that I still wore around me tighter.

"it didn't work... I thought he would of agreed but all he thinks about is Tammi." I sniffed at James.

"well Tammi is going to be out of the equation soon savannah. It seems you have a fairy godmother!" James replied with a smile as the car began moving and we made our way back to bel air.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13, Tammi's story

"morning sexy! Last night was fun!" Said the familiar looking brown haired guy putting his jacket on as I opened my eyes.

I rubbed my hand over my face trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"I've gotta shoot off but I will call you okay" the man said as he opened the door and blew me a kiss then was gone.

What the fuck was going on?

I layed in the bed trying to collect my thoughts about what had happened. Where the hell was I?

I looked around the room, I saw a fire safety notice on the back of the door that the guy had just left from... What was his name?

I sat up and my head spun, how much did I have to drink last night, I sat on the edge of the bed for some time trying to gather the energy to get up. I was naked.

When I finally did get up I looked out of the window, the daylight hurt my eyes, but on seeing the big lake I realised I was still at the hotel that Frans party was held in.

What the fuck!?

my clothes were strewn all over the place and my purse was hung on the back of the chair that sat in front of a Mirror.

I picked my clothes up and got dressed, my head was thumping. I got my phone out of my purse. 18 missed calls from Carlos, 4 from Sheriden and 8 text messages.

I blinked my eyes trying to focus. But needed to be sick so scrambled to the bathroom to hurl my guts up.

I sat on the cold tile floor with my phone in my hand and pressed dial on Carlos' name.

It rang... And rang. Finally Carlos answered.

"Tammi?" He answered sounding like he had just woken up.

"yeah... Baby... Why am I... Shit Carlos I feel awful" I husked down the phone.

"where are you?" He asked.

"I'm at the hotel still, Carlos I don't know what's going on" I said with my arm leaning on the toilet.

"I'll tell you what's going on. Last night you got fucked off because I was outside talking with savannah, so you decided to try and fuck James. By the time I managed to get back in the club I was told you had left with another man! What the fuck happened?" Carlos shouted

"what? Baby I didn't try and fuck James! ... I don't even like James like that... I've literally just woken up and some guy just left. I can't remember what's happened, I'm scared Carlos" I said starting to cry.

"well check out the shit you posted on Facebook and twitter tam' ... Did you really fuck that guy? Jesus I don't even care. Just get your shit out of my house!" He said.

"what... What do you mean? Carlos I didn't do anything... I love you" I pleaded in tears.

"we are over Tammi... You've embarrassed me, Sheriden, James and I'm ashamed to even try and explain it to my family" he said then hung up.

I sat on the floor stunned for a moment, trying to take in everything that had just happened. Another wave of sickness came over me, I shoved my head back in the toilet and puked.

I made my way back to the bed, I lay down sideways, with my phone still in my hand I pressed the little bird icon on my homescreen. As I scrolled through my tweets I cried... I had no recollection of any of this.

I had sent several tweets to Savannah Pena, just one worders, "whore", "$lut" and "bitch" were just a few. Savannah hadn't directly replied to any of them but she had tagged me in her own tweet. "Even when I feel so low about myself It's always nice to be reminded that TammiTaylor is always lower :-) #PublicMeltdown.

I had even sent a tweet to Sheriden "bet ur husbands better in bed than ur brother SheridenMaslow"

I clicked on the links to the pictures I had posted. My heart sank. I was all over James, in one I was even licking his face. He looked repulsed by me.

the pictures got worse. The guy I had spent the night with was in a few. I was draped all over him. I logged out of twitter and read my texts.

"From: Sheriden Maslow: u best hope u don't come near me, my husband or my brother again or u will wish u had never been born!" One of them read. i cried. I couldn't remember any of it.

As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling I didn't know where to begin in trying to fix all this. I couldn't stop crying. I had lost Carlos. I don't even remember him talking to savannah last night. I got up and checked in my purse for my house keys. They were still in here. I called a cab and made my way to Carlos' house.

I knocked first then used my key. It was Sheriden that met me in the hall way. "your lucky I'm not in a position to tear your fucking head off" she said with Georgi at her side holding her hand.

"Sheriden I'm so sorry... I honestly have no clue what's happened... I don't remember anything"

"well that makes everything okay then does it? You have humiliated us and yourself! Carlos wants nothing more to do with you!" She spat.

"but Sheriden... I need to talk to him!" I begged trying to get passed her.

"believe me! he has nothing to say to you. I forgot our differences Tammi, I let the past go, I welcomed you as best I could. Carlos was sure you had changed! I actually fucking liked you this time round, but you have fucked up big time!" She said as all I could do was watch in horror and listen to things I had no understanding of.

I barged passed her and found Carlos in his living room sat on the edge of his sofa with tears pouring down his face.

"Los? I don't know what's going on... I'm so sorry, I love you!... " I said now with more tears.

"I love you tam' but this is too much even for me to forgive. I tried phoning and phoning you last night. I'm sorry... Get your stuff and go" he said calmly.

"but Los I don't know what's happened, I don't remember anything... Carlos I love you so much... Please baby. We can sort this thing out... Please don't leave me" I sobbed.

"there is nothing to sort out. You've got what you wanted... A part in that movie!... Once your scenes are done that's it. I don't want anything more to do with you. As far as work is concerned I'm a professional and will work alongside you, but in my private life I consider you dead to me... I'm done. Get your things out of my house and go" he said then got up, picked Georgi up who had walked in the room and left with Sheriden through the front door.

The pain from my heart hurt so bad. I honestly thought it might actually break in two.

How had I created such a mess. He was the only thing I've wanted. the only man I've loved.

I crossed my arms over my chest trying to dull the pain. Sharp sobbs falling from me.

I must of stayed like that for sometime. I cried myself out. Nothing more remained apart from the hurt in my chest and the ache in my head.

I went upstairs and went in to automatic mode, just picking my clothes out from drawers and closets. Packing my perfumes away. This wasn't right. something wasn't right. I didn't even know he was talking to savannah... Did I sleep with that guy?... was I safe?

What was his name? Keith? No... Did it begin with a K? I'm sure it did.

I went through the alphabet in my head, half way through I got it! SETH!

I couldn't remember his last name but remembered he was Frans friend, so I went on her twitter and checked out all the people she was following, and after a few minutes of scrolling down there he was... Seth Piper, brown hair and blue eyes. I needed to find him and get answers.

Something just wasn't adding up in my head. But as I looked at the handsome man with his blue eyes that I had spent the night with I knew he would have all the answers. He said he would call me.

I was not giving up on Carlos. There was no other man meant for me. I knew he loved me, and I knew no matter what I had done last night, I wouldn't stop until I got Carlos back!

I flung my bags in to the back of my car and took one last look up at the beautiful white painted house before putting my keys through the letter box.

The only thing keeping me company on the trip back to my moms would be a hangover from hell, a broken heart and the knowing that something other than me had cost me my life with Carlos Pena. But I wasn't giving up!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14, Frans story.

"Francesca are you ready?" Kendall called from downstairs.

"yup two mins boo... I'm just on the phone" I called down to him.

I placed the receiver back to my ear.

"sorry about that... So you understand what you have to do completely!?" I said in to the phone.

"yes fran... Chat up savannah, piss off the boyfriend and then baby sit this girl!" Seth replied to me.

"yes but make sure you piss him off enough to warrant him being chucked out. security will be waiting to escort them out of the building before Carlos gets a chance to get stuck in okay!" I clarified.

"yeah I've got it franny... The things I do for you huh!" Seth said chuckling down the phone.

"just don't let me down Seth... I've got to go, I will see you there" I declared, we said our goodbyes and I hung up.

I made my way down stairs to see Ophelia in a gorgeous red dress.

"oh Kendall look at her! She is so beautiful" I said taking in the cuteness of her little face with the pretty dress.

"she looks good huh" Kendall replied as he fixed her hair in to a pony tail.

"Kendy leave it down... Oh can I straighten it... please!... She will look so beautiful" I begged.

"no it will ruin her hair fran, I've told you that" he retorted.

"please... It is my birthday" I replied with my best sad eyes.

Kendall shook his head at me "God! You and those eyes of yours fran... Fine. But this is a one off!" He said then took the pony tail down.

I took Ophelia to kendalls bedroom where my hair straighteners were. By the time I had finished on her beautiful black hair, it looked so long, sleek and shiny... Like a proper little lady. Phee loved it as she swished it about in front of the mirror.

"shall we go and show Daddy your hair" I said to her, taking her by the hand and making our way down stairs.

"well... What do you think then?" I said to Kendall as I twirled Ophelia round by her hand like a ballerina.

Kendall gave a smile, he looked lost for a minute.

"she looks so much like paisley doesn't she Kendy" I said softly.

"she really does... Does it bother you?" He asked me.

"no course it doesn't Kendall, paisley was beautiful. I hope Ophelia grows up looking like her. I told you, I'm not a jealous person. Especially when this little lady is involved!" I said giving ophelias hand a squeeze.

"your too good to be true fran" Kendall said giving me a gorgeous grin.

"debatable" I smiled.

"have you eaten today?" He asked.

"I did eat this morning... But. I guess I've just been nervous about tonight" I muttered.

Kendall nodded "I love you fran" was all he said.

Guilt piled on me thick then. Why was I doing this to myself. I cleared my mind not wanting to get bogged down, just forget everything and enjoy my evening.

"sure you don't want a sitter?" Kendall asked me.

"no I've said to Sheriden that if she gets grouchy early on then she will take her off your hands for us" I replied.

"we can't just expect Sheri to look after her, she has enough on her plate... She needs to take it easy fran!" Kendall said defensively.

"boo I know that, Mackenzie is with her... Has James spoken to you yet about the baby?" I asked. The two boys have had a number of spats over sheridens health, the last one James lost his cool and said that Kendall was only agreeing with sheridens ridiculous ideas in the hope that she would in fact die, and he could move on, instead of living in James' shadow. It didn't end well and both ended up up having a scuffle on the floor.

"not properly no... He just doesn't get it. I get it. She will be fine, as long as she doesn't get too stressed out then she will be fine... She walked down that catwalk after being told that she should of lost a leg, so what do these doctors really know?" He said.

"yes Kendall but walking down a catwalk isn't exactly the same as giving birth to a baby when your not medically fit... I agree with James on this one... I'm sorry" I said.

"look lets just... Not talk about Sheriden. Come here" he said, pulling me in to his arms as Ophelia sat down with her masses of Dora and Diego toys that were scattered over the floor in the living room.

I wrapped my arms around kendalls neck. "you are so God damn delicious Schmidt!" I whispered as I went to kiss him.

Kendall kissed me passionately, he was horny. His tongue swept in my mouth. He pressed his body in to me and I held him even closer.

"I am going to give you some fantastic birthday love tonight." He said as he treated me to his perfect smile.

"oh really... And how exactly are you going to give me fantastic birthday love" I replied scattering his neck with my kisses. I felt his skin react to my touch.

"I might start like this" he said gently rubbing my privates on the outside of my dress.

"mmmm" I replied still kissing his neck

"you will just have to wait birthday girl!" He whispered in my ear.

"oh Kendall... I was getting in to that!" I playfully moaned.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "and I will get in to this later" he said giving me one more seductive rub.

"right! Are you ready?" He said clapping his hands together.

"yeah, have you actually phoned a cab?" I asked.

"no I will drive, it's easier with phee if I do have to take her to sheridens, I can always leave the car at the hotel if I need to" he said.

"okay... Kendall I love you" i said giving him a kiss.

"I love you too... Did you want your gift now, or in front of everyone?" Kendall said thinking things through in his head.

"you've already given me my gifts boo", I said playing with the gorgeous necklace i wore that he had given me amongst other things.

"wait there a sec" he said then went in to the next room and came out with a flat square giftwrapped present.

"what is it?" I asked.

"it's just a little something I did when I was feeling a bit... Loved up" he smiled.

I smiled back at him then opened the gift.

"oh Kendall! It's beautiful... This means the world to me!" I said looking at the gorgeous picture of Ophelia, Kendall and I. It was taken a few months back. Ophelia was sat on the grass in the garden and Kendall and I looking all loved up sat either side of her.

"I hope you know how much you mean to me and phee " he said as he kissed my forehead.

I smiled at him, feeling a bit too emotional to talk.

"come on soppy... Lets get you to your party" Kendall grinned with his beautiful dimples. "Ophelia come on. You can take one toy with you to mommys party" Kendall said now taking her hand. She chose Dora today.

Once again I thanked my lucky stars that I had fallen on to my feet with meeting Kendall. He was my everything, and Ophelia was my princess.

Once we had arrived at the hotel I made a bee line for the bar. I left Kendall chatting with Logan who was already here.

"Jordan! Come here babe" I called over to the red headed young bar man who was one of the bar staff I had hired in to run my party.

"hey fran. Happy birthday!" Jordan said with a smile.

"thanks babe! Listen you see the blonde girl over there" I said looking over at Tammi. "I need you to put this in her drink... And I will triple your pay for tonight!" I said with a sweet smile.

"upfront?" Jordan asked?

"of course" I replied handing over the money and the ketamine that would knock Tammi out completely. Jordan pocketed both.

"done deal then fran! Thanks for getting those tickets for the lakers game last month... Frikkin awesome seats!" He beamed.

"ah you see, its not what you know, its who you know!" I replied with a smile just as Carlos and Tammi came over to greet me.

"happy birthday fran" Carlos said giving me a hug.

"thanks babe!" I replied.

"have you had a great day so far?" Tammi asked as she too gave me a birthday hug.

"its been the best! shall we get a drink? I've been at my party far too long and I'm still sober" I laughed.

"yeah sure! I'll get these fran" Carlos said as he grabbed Jordans attention to place his order of drinks. As promised the ketamine went in to Tammi's drink, and I happily chatted away with her while it started to take effect.

"what did Kendall get you?" She asked me.

I showed her the necklace that I wore.

"wow! That is beautiful fran. I'm surprised he didn't just propose, you two are all about each other huh" she said.

I laughed "we don't even live together yet. I'm happy with how Kendy and I are at the moment."

"Kendy?!" Carlos laughed at one of my many pet names I had for Kendall.

"aww Carlos don't tease her, its cute, I might start calling you Carly" she laughed, to which I placed my arm around her and laughed along at her lame joke. Jesus Carlos! This girl was so plain, why? ... Just why? I thought to myself.

I then noticed savannah and James had arrived, savannah was naturally giving me the evils as I was with the enemy.

as I chatted away with Tammi watching her slowly get dragged under by the ketamine I hoped to God that this little plan of mine would work.

"shall we join the others? I've hardly spoken to Kendall" I said now seeing the glazed yet worried expression on Tammi's face. I would Give her another twenty minutes tops before she was a puppet on my string.

We walked over and savannah greeted me. Even the perfume savannah was wearing was more interesting than what was coming from Tammi, which was far too overpowering. She had seriously tried to hard to out do savannah this evening and it showed. It was tragic.

Part two of my plan then kicked in as Seth did an amazing job of bumping in to savannah and they now chatted happily over by the bar.

I danced for a while with Kendall, he was so sexy it was unreal. I ended up having a slight dizzy spell though.

"you okay?" Kendall asked me over the music.

"yeah just... should of eaten... I'm sorry, I lied, I've not eaten since yesterday and even then it came back out" I said wrapping his arms around my waist.

"fran... " Kendall said but Logan came over with Ophelia crying before he could tell me off.

"dude sorry, I've got to go to the bathroom... And she really doesn't like the noise" Logan said handing Ophelia back to him.

Kendall looked at me, I knew what was coming then.

"I will drop her off and be back within the hour" Kendall sighed.

"okay, well hurry up boo... I love you both" I called as he whisked off his screaming daughter, he blew me a kiss as he went.

I then noticed my problem... James!

James was obviously doing as promised and keeping an eye on savannah, and by the looks of his eyes, he was not happy with what they saw.

"James!" I called and grabbed his wrist just as he was about to intervene with savannah and Seth who was getting down and dirty in her neck.

"sorry fran, sav doesn't look happy up there with your friend" he said.

"what Seth? Seth is fine! Come and have a dance with me James, Kendall has just gone to take Ophelia to yours" I said trying to distract him.

"no, I don't like how he is with her, she looks scared fran" he said as he tried to move again to rescue savannah from big bad Seth.

"James for fucks sake! Come here" I said leading him away further from savannah.

"what do you mean for fucks sake... That guy is touching her ass. Look at her face she doesn't want to be touched" James snapped, as I noticed Carlos put a very drunk looking Tammi in a chair.

I pulled James in closer. Look I'm going to level with you James, I'm trying to help her. Let Carlos rescue her okay!" I said in his ear.

"its going to make it worse, I'm trying to help her, why do you think she is back here" James replied.

"how will it make it worse if she gets the chance to talk with Carlos. Sheriden keeps telling me how she can hear savannah crying half the night over how much she misses him." I explained.

"yes fran that's all very well and good but Tammi is going to kick off if Carlos goes within five feet of savannah, so you will end up pulling them further apart!" James hissed at me.

"no Tammi is going to be busy tonight" I said glancing at her, so did James.

"Jesus fuck! What have you done to her?" James snapped looking at the state tammi was in and realising then that Carlos had just gone up to the bar to help savannah out.

"well this is not helping he is taking her back to me!" James then said still looking at the drama unfold.

"just wait" I replied as Carlos then walked back over to Seth to exchange words. I saw my security guard get in place, then Carlos threw a punch and both him and savannah got their marching orders to leave the venue.

"as if like magic!" I replied. "Come on you can help me out now your in on this" I said going to sit with Tammi who was totally fucked out of her head.

"what the fuck have you done?" James said still not happy with my efforts.

"technically I'm date raping her but with out the rape part obviously... Tammi!" I shouted in her ear and she opened her eyes.

"James take a seat!" I said to him as he looked very on edge.

"Tammi you look like your having fun! look Carlos is here, come and sit on his lap. He is waiting for you" I said. Tammi just looked at me then looked at James and accepted that he was now Carlos.

James looked totally baffled. "what did you give her?" James said as Tammi sat her self on his lap.

"ketamine... She is fine, she feels like she is in a beautiful dream right now. Reality is what we tell her it is... Where's her phone?" I said rifling through her bag.

"Tammi! Give Carlos a kiss to show Sheriden how much fun you had at my party, Sheri will love to welcome you in the family after seeing this!" I said to her ready and waiting to take a picture on tammi's phone

Tammi then tried to kiss James or Carlos as he was now known to her in her drugged up brain, much to his disgust but I got a cracking shot of her licking his face.

"fran what is the purpose of this?" James asked.

"if Sheriden thinks Tammi has tried to fuck you then Tammi gets immediate expulsion from the Pena family James... All we need to do now is get her expelled from Carlos' heart... Can you help me get her upstairs to bed to sleep this shit off... Before Logan sees us!" I said as I saw the back of Logans head talking to Dustin.

We got Tammi upstairs in to a hotel room that appeared to be booked in her name and paid in cash just incase her or Carlos had the brain wave to check tomorrow morning.

"turn around while I undress her then!" I snapped at James who was just gawping at me.

I undressed Tammi and tucked her in to the sheets, threw her clothes about in a seductive manner and placed her bag on a chair where she would be able to see it in the morning when she woke up not being able to remember a thing.

"fran we can't just leave her here like this... You've drugged her!" James said.

"no Seth will be her company to make sure she doesn't choke on her vomit" I said calmly.

"what? have you gone mad! You can't leave her here with a guy that was just trying it on with savannah" he protested.

"oh James grow up, when will you learn that not everything is as it seems. Seth is a very dear friend of mine, I asked him to do all of that so Carlos would get chucked out. Look!" I said as i pointed out of the window to where savannah and Carlos now sat talking and holding hands by the lake. "and Seth is in a very happy relationship with a lovely man called Blake so I wouldn't worry about him trying to sneak a peak at Tammi's tits either... He will be up in a minute to look after her" I said.

James looked out the window at savannah and Carlos.

"I had no clue that you were like this fran!" He said.

"you learn that sometimes fate needs a helping hand. I'm going to tweet a few things... Just to help us along" I said as I got carried away with Tammi's phone.

"does Kendall know about this?" James asked me.

"no! And he isn't going to either James! And all him, Carlos and Sheriden will know is that Tammi tried it on with you and then left with a dude."

"does Kendall know that you pull stunts like this?" He then asked.

"no... Kendall knows what he needs to know, I look after him and he looks after me. Don't ruin this for me James. I love Kendall and Ophelia" I said in all seriousness.

"any chance you could ask Kendall to tell Sheriden to change her mind about keeping the baby?" He said

I looked at James and realised how tired he looked. "I can't James, Sheriden is doing it to try and beat the past and Kendall agrees. They share a really fucked up history that is now making both of them think that going through with this is a good idea... I wasn't there so I don't really know, but I know how much Kendall still Carries a torch for Sheriden" I said softly.

"how do you cope knowing he still likes her, cause it pisses me off." He asked.

"I don't cope, I just let him get on with it. I know he loves me, and I know Sheriden has learnt her lesson as far as Kendall Schmidt is concerned" I said honestly.

"yeah I guess. I just wish she would change her mind about the pregnancy... If anything happened to her... I don't know what I would do" he replied.

Seth soon came up, he took some pictures of him with Tammi, it was a job trying to get her to open her eyes again.

I placed her phone back in her bag on the chair.

"okay so when she wakes up you leave okay! Give the impression you had some fun. If she fits or pukes in her sleep phone an ambulance!" I said to Seth.

"yep that's fine franny. Its good to see you again, you should visit us more" he said.

I smiled at him. "I will... Take care babe, call me tomorrow" I said then left with James back down stairs to the party.

I think Kendall had just arrived back and James had just gone to let savannah and Carlos back in to the party. Starting the chain of events that would hopefully get savannah and Carlos back together.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 Mackenzie.

I had been round sheridens house for about an hour. She had decided not to go to Frans birthday party so I decided to spend some time with her and the kids and let Logan have a night out with Dustin and Kendall.

"does she like watching films Sheriden?" I asked as Georgi just plodded around instead of watching beauty and the beast that I had chosen to put on.

"yeah she won't really just sit and watch it but she likes the colours and things... Oh she loves the squirrel thing in ice age. You should listen to her laugh Kenzie" Sheriden said as she sat down.

"oh okay, I will put that on then, least its more interesting than beauty and the beast!" I moaned.

"hey leave the Disney DVDs alone, they are my saving grace. I'm watching 3 a night to take my mind off of everything" she said as she got comfy on the sofa with Mitchell who was just nodding off, Max was already asleep in bed.

"Sheriden are you seriously going to go through with this pregnancy?" I asked.

"I'm going to try my hardest, my back is agony Kenzie, don't tell James though. I can't lose another baby, especially by choice!" She added.

"why don't you tell James about your back?" I asked her.

"he doesn't need another reason to be against this" she said stretching her legs out.

"I thought he was okay with it all, he realised what it meant to you?" I replied.

"no he... Disagrees, but feels he has to be nice just incase I pop my clogs, then he knows he can sleep well at night" Sheriden said with a sigh.

"Sheri don't talk like that!" I moaned just as the door went.

"I will get it, you stay there and rest your back!" I said before she could sit up.

"thanks kenz" she replied.

I walked out and opened the door to Kendall and Ophelia.

"hello!" I greeted them "I didn't think you would be this early... Is Logan behaving?" I asked with a raise of an eyebrow.

"hey! I know phee didn't like the music and yes he was still sober so hopefully he won't pass out on you tonight" Kendall replied as I walked him and Ophelia through to the living room.

"it's Kendall and Ophelia come to join the slumber party" I announced as I walked back in to the room and picked Mitchell up for a cuddle.

Ophelia walked in and sat down ready to watch the funny squirrel with Georgi.

"are you okay?" I heard Sheriden ask Kendall. Looking up he didn't seem very happy.

he looked at me before answering. "erm... No. Can I chat to you in private. It's about fran... I think I'm out of my depth here Sheriden" he replied.

Sheriden then left the room to talk about the not so mysterious weight loss that fran was experiencing.

Once Sheriden had come back in the room we got half way back in to the film. Georgi and Ophelia were fast asleep on the sofa but Mitchell was still awake. He had yet another illness and had gone through four diapers in an hour.

James and my sister then walked in the room making both me and Sheriden jump.

"why are you two back so early?" Sheriden asked as James sat down next to her.

"well... I'm pissed off!" James huffed.

"why? What happened?" I asked. I looked at my sister who had obviously been crying.

"Tammi got really drunk. She got pissed off because Carlos and savannah were talking to each other and then was all over me like a rash... She ended up leaving with some guy" James said.

"what?!" Sheriden said "she was trying it on with you?"

"yeah she was a disgrace. Was saying some disgusting things about everyone" James then said.

"really? Tammi wouldn't hurt a fly James, she loves Carlos" I said not entirely being able to imagine Tammi doing any of that. She was fairly shy, even when she had been drinking. She was more a cryer than a get angry drunk.

"she was a mess Mackenzie. She has been tweeting shit to sav too" James then said looking at my sister.

"what did you do?!" I snapped at her.

"Macks she didn't do anything!" James answered for her.

"that's bullshit, she must of done something to Carlos to make Tammi act liked that!" I argued.

Savannah started crying again.

"I... Didn't.. Do... Anything" she sobbed.

"she didn't, she was actually been chatted up by another guy minding her own business. Until the guy started grabbing her ass, then Carlos went over to see if she was okay... Tammi just went mental. Savannah didn't do anything. Fran and I tried to calm her down... But.. Its just mental" James said.

"I can't believe that little slut!" I heard Sheriden say as I got my phone out to see what Tammi had actually posted on twitter.

I sighed when I did see it. She had gone the whole hog and not just insulted savannah but had mentioned Sheriden too. The pictures she had put on were disgraceful, James was right.

"well where is Carlos?" Sheriden asked.

"not sure, he was was looking for Tammi" James replied to which savannah started crying again.

"so why are you upset?" Sheriden then asked my sister.

"because I finally got to talk with him to explain how I feel but its obvious he just wants that bitch... He doesn't love me anymore" savannah blubbed.

I did feel a bit sorry for her, I can't believe Tammi has done this.

"is that why you came back? To break him and Tammi up?" I asked.

She looked at me "I didn't want to break them up, I wanted Carlos to be with me. I wanted him to make that choice... " she cried. "but he just wants her. I'm signing my divorce papers this week... He just said 'see you there'" she then broke off in to more cries. Real hurt, now pouring from her. I hadn't seen this savannah for a long time. Usually I saw the brazen bitch that she pretended to be.

"sav come here" I said opening my one free arm out to her as Mitchell was asleep in the other.

She looked at me with her red teary eyes "really?" She sobbed.

"yes, you silly bitch, now come here" I smiled. she came over to me and buried herself in my shoulder and cried her heart out.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mackenzie" she wailed.

James came and took Mitchell from me so I could console my sister better as she was now boarderline on hysterical.

"shhh... Its done now okay..." I soothed her.

It actually felt nice to not hate her anymore.

Sheriden tried phoning Tammi after she had read what was now on twitter.

Carlos' rushers had gone in to hyper fan mode and jumping on the attack on his behalf.

"Sheri what are you going to do?" Savannah sniffed, now holding on to my hand for dear life.

"I'm going to kill that little slut" she replied. she was fuming.

"Sheriden calm down... You need to keep that blood pressure down okay" James said to her.

She took a breath. And nodded.

"savannah are you staying in LA for good now? Where are you going to live?" I asked her.

"I was going to, I got the keys to a rented place near by... But what's the point... I'm just going to go back to Portland" she replied.

I looked at Sheriden, she made a sad face. "you should stay savannah" I said.

"no I'm out of here after I sign those papers... He will forgive her. She is probably laying in a ditch somewhere drunk!" Savannah said getting teary again.

"was Logan okay James? He wasn't subjected to any whorish activity by Tammi was he?" I asked.

"not that I saw, I don't think he was drinking. I saw him with Dustin" he said.

"well I might get off home then, Dude will be moping about without me there" I said.

"but Logans not back yet. Please stay kenz." My sister said.

I looked at her "tell you what, if its okay with Sheriden and James, we can watch the end of this movie then you can come back to mine for the night... Have a few drinks and a proper catch up... I got the wedding photos to show you" I said in a brief attempt to cheer her up.

"that's fine with us, isn't it James?" Sheriden said to which James nodded.

"are you sure? Thanks kenz, that sounds great... I've missed you... I didn't think you had a photographer at the wedding?" she said.

"I missed you too. And I didn't but I got some really lovely ones on mine and Logans phone that I've printed off" I replied.

I spent a nice time with savannah, Sheriden and James. But once the film had ended we did make a move in Logans car that I was driving.

"when do you get your license back?" I asked savannah as we set off to my home.

"a couple of months... Its gone quite quick really... God the things I would do to go back to that night" she sighed thinking of the time she lost her driving license covering for Carlos.

"would you do it again... I mean get together with Los... Not the... You know" I asked.

She thought for a minute "yeah I would... Even five minutes of him loving me would be better than nothing... I would take five more minutes right now" she said sadly.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out savannah... I really am" I said as I pulled in to my road. "oh well Logan is home... And drunk!" I said as I just pulled in to my drive way.

"how do you know he is drunk?" My sister asked.

"all the lights are on...he is a tight ass. He says its romantic to eat by candle light but I think its just he doesn't want to pay for the electricity" I joked.

My sister smiled at me.

"maybe we could take Sean on holiday... You know just the two of us. Davies sisters on tour" I joked as we walked up the path way.

"that sounds great" savannah replied as I put the key in the door and, opened up.

"holy fuck!" My sister said.

As I looked up in to my home I saw chaos. Mine and Logans belongings everywhere.

"oh my God!" I said as I just stood there.

"fuck... " savannah said.

"what is this? A burglary?... A fucking burglary! Jesus Christ. If its not a fire, or an earthquake then its a fucking burglary!" I screamed in anger.

My sister went inside.

"savannah careful, someone might still be here" I said getting my phone out to call the police.

"fuck them! I've got a gun in my purse!" She said loudly. I doubted very much she did have a gun in there.

I phoned the police and phoned Logan. He was still at the party, and was still stone cold sober. I was in shock as I moved through all the things that had been chucked everywhere. Books, papers, pictures, even the stuff that was hidden away in cupboards was spilling out where someone had rifled through them. It was impossible to tell what had been taken but the TV was gone.

"Oh my..." Savannah said as she opened the kitchen door.

"is it a mess in there too?" I said making my way over.

"no stay there!" She demanded closing the door again, tears now filling her eyes.

"is there someone in there?" I whispered.

Savannah just shook her head as the tears now poured down her face.

"what is it then?" I said feeling scared.

"d..dude" she stammered out.

"oh no! No no no... Not dude... Not my baby boy... Is he okay? ... Savannah?" I said now crying.

She held her hand to her mouth and shook her head to say no. "he's dead Macks" she sobbed.

My hands shook as the news sunk in. "I need to see him" I said.

"no!... Please just trust me on this one" she sobbed. "lets go outside and wait for the police" she added.

I nodded. Not entirely sure what to do, or what to feel.

Logan arrived home before the police got there.

"are you okay?" He said hugging me as he got out the Taxi.

I couldn't bring myself to even talk to explain. Logan just held me in his arms.

"logues... Can I talk to you a minute" savannah said to him pulling at his jacket like she was a small child wanting attention.

Logan sat me down on the step as he walked with savannah further out in to the garden.

I watched as savannah told him the news about our dog. The gift that Logan had given me. The little guy we had looked after as a puppy and he ended up bigger than me... now he was gone.

Logan placed his hands on his head and moved around in a circle before charging in to the house.

He came out a few moment later and was sick. It was then that I knew I never wanted to know what had happened to Dude.

The police arrived shortly after. I sat in Logans car and watched from the window as to what was happening.

They were there for ages, taking finger prints, footprints, and checking the cctv from the front, but I gathered they had got in from the back... In the kitchen where Dude was. He probably barked his head off... That's why they did whatever they did... My poor Dude.

We ended up staying the night back at bel air.

Logan wouldn't let me back to our house until Dude had been taken away. Sheriden had gone out to see Carlos by the time we did make our way to see the carnage that was left.

Logan took my hand as we walked through the house. Taking note of what was missing. Any CD either of us had ever owned was gone, Logans laptop that had numerous unreleased btr songs on it. all 3 TVs that we owned. The wedding pictures I had printed off had even gone.

I sat on the bed and cried.

Logan sat next to me and put his arm around me. "it will be okay kenz" he soothed.

"no it won't" I sobbed. "those bastards killed our dog Logan... So much for a secret wedding, those pictures I printed will be online soon enough" I howled.

"oh fuck!" Logan said getting up and frantically rummaging through the mess that was surrounding our bed.

"what's wrong?" I sniffed, looking at Logan who looked so on edge right now.

"fuck!... Shit! Its gone... The fucking camcorders gone kenz!" He said.

Suddenly the thought of my wedding pictures going public didn't seem so bad... Compared to this!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Sheridens story

"it's Kendall and Ophelia come to join the slumber party" Mackenzie joked as she walked back in to my living room.

Ophelia came right in and made her self comfy on the sofa to watch the rest of ice age with us, she wasn't shy.

I smiled at her as she chucked some unwanted cushions on to the floor and looked up at Kendall who had a serious look on his face for someone who had just come from a party.

"are you okay?" I asked him.

He glanced at Mackenzie "erm... No. Can I chat to you in private. It's about fran... I think I'm out of my depth here Sheriden" he said.

I also glanced at Mackenzie, not sure if she was aware of Frans eating problems. Judging by the look on her face which wasn't overly shocked that something was wrong with fran, I think she knew.

I walked out of the room and clicked the door shut behind me, then walked in to my kitchen and shut that door behind me.

"I am noticing the weight loss on her now Kendall" I said concerned. "have you approached her?" I asked.

"yeah I did ages ago, I know what she does, I've excepted it. We are getting through it... But... Well she doesn't seem to be improving" Kendall said.

"what do you mean excepted it? Kendall it's not like watching her have a cigarette you disagree with. Are you seeing a professional with her?" I asked.

"we were but she said she is over the worst" he said looking at the floor realising he had messed up.

"you need to get her back to the doctors... She is a sneaky girl Kendall. Its an addiction to her, I expect you only know the tip of the ice burg of what is going on in her head" I moaned.

Kendall nodded, he looked upset with himself.

"how are you and baby doing?" He asked chsnging the subject placing a gentle hand on my stomach.

I smiled at him. "we are fine... Just want to get the first trimester over with so I can relax... a bit" I said

"you and me both!" He replied.

"are you okay Kendall?" I asked him. He took his hand off of my little stomach and gave me the eye contact to say 'no not really'.

"come here" I said pulling him in to a hug. He welcomed it. Stayed there for a good few minutes until he pulled away.

"I'm scared about you doing this" he admitted, then placed his lips on mine.

I welcomed his kiss, his beautiful soft lips, his tongue that teased me. The taste of him in my mouth.

"don't be scared... Everything will be fine" I promised.

"I can't lose you Sheriden! Not now I have you back" he said kissing my nose

I gently pulled away "Kendall... What are we going to do if it is your baby?" I asked holding on to his hand.

"I've got no idea Sheri... But we are doing the right thing aren't we? By you carrying on with the pregnancy?" He asked.

"yes!... Please don't let James brain wash you... I'm not losing this baby Kendall... I need you on my side" I said feeling emotional.

"hey come on..." He replied as he gently wiped a tear away. "I love you Sheriden. No one is taking this baby from us... Even if its not mine... Jesus, James will go fucking nuts if he ever finds out." he said.

I gave him the look to say 'obviously'.

"I love you too " I whispered back then went to kiss him again.

Kendalls tongue felt so soft as it gently rubbed itself against my own. He felt so good.

"I best be getting back" Kendall eventually said as he reluctantly pulled away.

I nodded, not wanting him to go, I hardly saw him as it was. "I can't wait until Tuesday to see you properly" I said holding his shirt with my hands and resting my forehead on his chest.

"I will text you tomorrow... I expect I can think of something to get away" he said with a smile as I looked up.

I smiled at him.

"take care of this for me" he said gently rubbing my tummy again.

"I will... Kendall!" I said grabbing him again before he opened the kitchen door and stealing one more kiss from him.

"love you Sheri. I will be back with fran later to pick phee up" he said then opened the door to the kitchen.

"okay, I will put her in some of georgis pyjamas, so she can nod off... Please keep saying to fran she needs to see the doctor again" I reminded him.

"I will... I just thought I was doing the right thing by her" he said looking at me.

"getting her fixed is the right thing honey" I said as I opened the front door to let him out.

"I know" he replied

"I'll see you later okay... We need to have a good chat about stuff" I answered. We hadn't spent any time alone since we both found out I was pregnant.

Kendall smiled at me then kissed me on the cheek. "love you Sheri" he whispered in my ear as he left me.

I waved as he got back in his car and gave my tummy a little rub. I must have the most complicated life in the world right now.

It only got more complicated as the night wore on, first Tammi pissing everyone off then we had a phone call in the middle of the night asking if Logan and Mackenzie could stay. As if they needed more bad luck they had been burgled and Logan told me what had happened to dude. It was awful. He was such a lovely dog.

After the worst sleep ever I got up the next day to see Carlos. He was in a right state. But Tammi had spent the night with another man... He was heart broken.

"Los what are you going to do?" I asked as he just sat in his living room staring in to space.

"I don't know... If it was just a drunken one night stand I would probably forgive her, but all this stuff she has posted, making it all public knowledge... Shit! I love her Sheriden" he said.

"I know you do... Los savannah was in tears over it all last night. She came back to win you over... Did you know?" I said as I watched Georgi pick up a pen and start scribbling on paper she had found on the table.

"yeah I know, she revealed all last night... I can't even start thinking about savannah yet Sheriden." He replied.

I rubbed his back with my hand "she would take you back in a heartbeat Carlos" I whispered.

"I know Sheriden. Honestly... My head is all over the place... I will get to sav when I can think straight okay" he replied.

"okay honey... I'm so sorry Los... About Tammi. I really thought she had changed" I said to him.

After a while Tammi came to darken the doorstep. I exchanged my own angry words with her.

as she was talking to Carlos I received a text message from Kendall.

'i can get away for 2pm? Xx' It read.

That sounded magical to me, a few stolen minutes with him was like heaven.

I text him back 'fantastic! Meet u in usual place! I may have found somewhere to be alone properly Xox' I replied.

Kendall and mines relationship started to change just before the robbery at the salon. Nothing had happened between us, but things were being talked about in a provocative manner and we had shared a kiss or two. But it was when I saw him at his window as I drove passed his house on the night of the robbery I knew then that the next time I was alone with him we would end up doing more than sharing a sneaky kiss.

Any chance we had to be together we would find a way. Obviously being more careful than before.

He loved fran, and I loved James and we knew that as a couple we would never last... But we just couldn't shake off the attraction that we both had for each other.

I was living with the guilt fairly well, knowing that Kendall wasn't expecting or wanting me to leave James was a huge burden lifted from the last time we had an affair, but since the pregnancy news my life was now in turmoil.

Obviously I had slept with James a lot more than I had with Kendall. But the odds were still high that it might not be james' baby. Of course the more alarming matter was that I had to somehow get the baby in to the world without it or me dying or end up ruining my back even further.

My blood pressure was ridiculously high. I had been warned that the chances of me getting pre eclampsia were more certain than not. I just had to hope and pray that the baby was old enough to be born when I did get it.

Carlos came out holding Georgi in his arms, leaving Tammi on her own to get her shit together and get out of his house

I took him back to bel air with me. Made my excuses to head in to work to sort some "paperwork" out then left to meet Kendall in our usual place that we went to when fran was at his home with phee. it was a deserted car park... We never had sex here, it was just nice to be together and chat but today I had come up with a brilliant plan.

"did you get away okay with out him asking questions?" Kendall asked as I left my car and got in to his passenger side seat.

"yeah fine, just said I was at work... You?" I asked.

"yeah she trusts me completely... So where are we going?" He asked with a curious look.

I smiled and gave him a kiss. Once again his soft lips taking me to heaven.

I got some keys out of my purse and jingled them at him.

"what are they for?" He smiled.

"these are the only keys to savannahs house that she is renting!" I said proudly.

Kendalls face looked pleasantly surprised.

"what are we waiting for then!... Show me the way!" He said starting his engine.

It only took us around twenty minutes to get to savannahs house. I hadn't seen it before, she had told me about it... But it was nice. It looked almost out of place here in Los Angeles, it would have looked perfect in the countryside in England. It was modern but had a cottagy look to it. The garden was beautiful. And it was in the middle of no where, hidden away by tall trees.

"wow... That's a nice house" Kendall said as he drove his car around the side of the property so it couldn't be seen easily.

We were greeted with another little surprise as we went in, the entire house was fully furnished.

Kendall looked at me with a glint in his eye knowing that there was a bed waiting for us upstairs.

"clearly this is one of my better ideas" I smiled.

"clearly!" Kendall agreed with his gorgeous dimples smiling at me.

He took me by the hands and gently pulled me in towards him.

"I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too... Cmon lets make the most of this!" I said pulling him towards the stairs.

We chose to not use the master bedroom out of politeness to savannah who had no clue I had stolen the keys to her house from her bedroom she had at bel air. And instead chose the room that looked like it would be the spare room that junk would just get chucked in to.

"how's your back?" Kendall asked me as I lay down on the bed still fully clothed.

"honestly!? Its agony Kendall, but I want to do this... I've missed you so much its ridiculous!" I said.

Kendall lay down on the bed next to me.

"your beautiful!" He said eyeing me leaned over to kiss me.

I swept my hands over his shoulders, as I moved my hands to the front I unbuttoned his shirt he had on. Then ran my hand along his perfectly smooth chest.

Kendalls kisses moved from my lips to my jaw, once he had worked his way to my neck he had also worked his way in to my top.

His breath was staggered already as he began caressing my breasts.

"you sure its okay... I don't want to hurt you, he said running his hand along my side as if to rub my back better.

"I'm sure... Just go gentle" I said pulling him on me as our lips met again.

Once fully undressed Kendall was very gentle with me. He entered me slowly. The seductiveness he possessed almost made me climax in the first few seconds of his movements inside me.

As I lay there looking up at a man that was so handsome and so sweet as he made love to me, I thought my heart had melted away.

Kendall had his face inches from mine, he didn't have his eyes shut as I didn't. His beautiful green eyes looked deep in to my blue ones. That moment there I will treasure for the rest of my days. The love I saw in those eyes was incredible.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me for a kiss. His chin felt rough against mine with his stubble. I liked the way it felt.

His subtle sexy movements sent me to ecstasy. A deep groan fell out of kendalls mouth as he came. I loved that sound.

We lay in bed catching our breath from our heightened pleasure. I rested my head on kendalls shoulder.

we lay there just looking at the dodgy plastering on the ceiling for a while.

"Kendall if it is your baby... What the fuck are we going to do?" I said not taking my eyes from the ceiling.

Kendall turned his body and looked at me from where he lay. "I don't know... If we come clean then we lose fran and James. If we don't say anything then we have a lifetime of worrying... The thing that pops in to my head the most is ophelias eyes. If this baby has eyes like she does then there is no denying anything. It would be obvious Sheri" he said with a sigh.

"It just doesn't feel right to lie... Not really because of James but for you to miss out... Are you likely to have children with fran?" I asked.

"we have spoken about it... But... Jesus this sounds awful... But, well I get this situation. I know how fucked up it is Sheriden and truth is I don't want to lose fran... I do love her, just like I know you love James... Lying is easier... If its mine then a say we lie all the way until James ever says paternity test!" He said.

I turned my head and looked at him "do we get a paternity test done or just ... Make it a maslow from now on?" I asked taking his hand.

"I would like to know... But I think its best for all involved if we just get it in to our heads that its james' ... You will have four children shoo... That's insane" he said rolling on to his back again.

"this is going to be the hardest thing to do you know... Lie.. If it is yours! I love you Kendall... I really do" I said honestly, snuggling in to him.

"I love you too shoo but we need to think about everyone else first. 6 lives we could ruin because of this, and that's not including you or me... That's if you even come out of this alive?!" He said.

"oh Kendall don't! I will be fine, please don't start on like James does... I need you as my getaway... My escape to feeling like this isn't a huge mistake... All the signs are pointing to don't have this baby, my back, my blood pressure, and the fact it might not even be James'.. I just need you to keep me strong okay... I'm going to be fine. Nothing is going to take me away ok!" I said.

"okay... How long is savannah staying with you... Cause this is pretty perfect!" Kendall said changing the subject and looking around the room.

I smiled at him. "she says she is going back to Portland after she has signed her divorce papers... What the fuck happened at Frans party last night?" I asked.

"Christ knows, by the time I got back savannah and James were leaving... Its awful about Logans dog huh?" Kendall said changing the subject again.

"yeah... really awful. How can you do that to a dog?.. to anything?" I said.

"Sheri... I'm sorry" Kendall said looking, at me.

I kissed him on the cheek "what are you sorry for?"

"for this entire situation... For starting this up again and being the cause for all this worry" he said softly.

"Kendall I don't regret any of it so don't ever say sorry to me." I replied wrapping my arms around him.

"why do we still feel this way? After everything... Do you think we will carry on forever?" Kendall asked kissing my forehead.

"I would happily take forever with you if that's an offer?" I smiled.

"deal!" Kendall said smiling, he then kissed me which led to almost getting carried away again.

"we gotta get back to my car honey" I said with my sad eyes.

"I hope you still have those keys on Tuesday!" He beamed.

"so do I! I love my Schmidt fix" I said sitting up and putting my bra back on.

"and I just love my Sheriden" Kendall said still beaming.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 Mackenzies story.

The world seemed to stop spinning and I felt physically sick.

This has not just happened. This can't be happening.

Tears began falling from my eyes knowing that sooner or later, and if they haven't already then someone will see those videos.

"I'm going to be sick!" I said as I ran from my bedroom to the bathroom and tried to heave the thick later of bile that now lay in my stomach.

Logan came in and rubbed my back.

"its going to be okay" he said without thinking.

I pulled my head out from the toilet bowl.

"okay... Fucking okay? Jesus Christ Logan. Nothing is going to be okay ever again!" I screamed shoving him.

"kenz..." He said softly.

"no! ... Don't fucking 'kenz' me Logan! This is all your fault! Its all your fucking fault!" I shouted hitting my hands on his chest.

"I hate you" I sobbed " its all your fault" I said as I broke down in tears and he wrapped me in his arms.

"shhhh... Baby I'm so sorry" he said in my ear.

my crying just didn't want to stop. "what... Are ... We going...to... Do" I blubbed.

"I don't know... Come on lets get out of the bathroom. Are you good? Do you need to be sick again?" He asked

I shook my head and Logan helped me out to the bedroom, my knees felt like jelly.

We sat back down on the bed in silence. All I could think about were the videos we had made. The close ups, the cum faces... I just wanted to die.

"I'm sorry Logan... Its not your fault at all" I said after the initial shock had worn off.

he threw his arm around me and kissed the side of my head.

"are we allowed to tidy up? I said unsure if the police had finished doing things to the house.

Logan nodded "yeah... They got everything finished last night so they said.

"do we tell them about the camcorder?" I asked.

"would it do any good? If they find it they find it... Mackenzie if those videos go viral on the internet I'm going to get in such big trouble with nickelodeon... What do I do?" He said putting his head in his hands.

"well its not your fault that they got stolen... I'm sorry I said that it was... I didn't mean it" I sniffed.

"its okay kenz. Its not a case of who's fault it is, its a case of if I've got the correct image to do a kids TV show" he said.

"well the 5th season starts filming soon Logan, they can't pull the plug on anything... Can they?" I asked.

"I don't know... I'm going to have to make some calls" he replied.

"who to? Logan please don't go telling people what we have done. It might not even come out" I begged.

"do you honestly believe that when someone realises what and who it is that it won't get posted online?" Logan asked.

"wishful thinking I guess... I'm going to start tidying all this away... Is the kitchen okay to go in to?" I asked still unaware of what had happened to dude that ended his life.

"it should be but please don't go in there until I check" Logan said getting his phone out.

"okay... Who are you calling baby?" I asked.

"Scott fellows" he replied then held the phone to his ear.

Scott is the writer and producer of the big time rush show. I had met him lots of times, I walked out the room not wanting to know how Logan was going to ask for advice. I began tidying up the living room. I realised that Logans music book had gone missing. After surviving a fire and an earthquake we should of expected that it would of got stolen at some point.

This was going to take ages. I dread to think how much Logans insurance had gone up on everything since he met me. I felt like a complete curse on his life.

Logan came downstairs and sat on the sofa.

"kenz sit down a sec" he said.

"I can't find your music book logues... I think its gone. I'm sorry" I said to him as I sat down and took his hand.

"its okay... That doesn't matter... Look, I've just spoken to Scott and explained everything. He said he isn't fussed if things became... public!" Logan explained.

"you told him about the videos!?" I asked.

"I didn't go in to detail kenz... I just explained what might come out." He added.

"well its good that he said it wouldn't matter" I replied.

"kenz its not Scott we have to worry about its nickelodeon. Scott said it wouldn't matter to him but he said in his experience, if our vids did come out then nickelodeon would pull the show off air and cancel it... He said I would most likely get sacked"

"what?! They can't just sack you because your personal property was stolen Logan!" I snapped.

"yes they can if my image no longer fits them... And I think home made pornos would be out of their good image criteria" he said rolling his eyes.

"okay ... So we just sit on it and hope that it doesn't come out... Just hope for a miracle" I replied giving his hand a squeeze.

Logan shook his head. "kenz I can't take the risk of getting sacked. it would ruin my career... Scott advised that I quit first" he said.

I was silent for several minutes "you can't quit... Logan you can't just let the other guys down."

"Macks... This isn't easy... Its the hardest fucking thing ever... I don't want to do it, but its either I get sacked and I drag them down with me like that, with my career in tatters! or I quit, let everyone down gently, and when those videos do come out... I'm just Logan the fucking henderwhore... And get offered the lead role in fifty shades of gray" he said trying to make me smile.

I shook my head to say I disagreed with it all.

"they wouldn't get away with it... All the fans!... They would want to know how it ends. They would kick up such a fuss" I said knowing how the rushers back the guys up even when they were clearly in the wrong.

"and since when do nickelodeon care about what rushers say?... Maybe they could write me out of it and let the others end it" he said.

"don't be ridiculous Logan! What about the band?... That would be okay wouldn't it?" I asked. I had always longed for the day that big time rush ended... But not like this... Not Logan being the one to cause it.

"well, Scott said that nickelodeon might release us from their record label and Columbia would carry us on their own... So that's good. But its not definite." He said.

"so what so we do now?" I asked.

"I tell nickelodeon that I've got some personal problems and won't be able to do the last season... To be fair they don't have a leg to stand on in arguing a case, a fire, an earthquake, paisley, and all the shrinks I've seen about my sleeping problems... Now this" he said looking at the empty space on the wall where the TV used to be.

"Logan I don't think they would care, they didn't bat an eyelid when the Marcus croft murder came out" I said trying to make him change his mind.

"that was Sheriden, it had nothing to do with James or Kendall. Kendall was a witness... This is very clearly me and you" he said.

I let go of Logans hand and rubbed my temples with my thumbs.

"so what do we do after you have told nick your not doing another season?" I asked with a sigh. All this information hurt my head.

"then I gather the guys together and tell them that I've quit with immediate effect" he replied.

"when?" I asked

"tonight I guess" Logan said sadly. I buried my head in his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18. savannahs story

I spent the day by the pool. Sheriden had brought Carlos back with her while Tammi was moving her things out of the place that I used to call home.

he hadn't come outside to say hello, so I gathered I wasn't on his high priority list today. I was hoping James might have the brains to try and get him out here... I was fucked if I was making the first move again. Carlos made me feel so worthless last night.

I had no fucking clue what had happened to Tammi, James wouldn't tell me anything apart from I had a fairy Godmother, so I assumed Sheriden had finally sorted something out, but Tammi took matters in to her own hands by fucking another guy!

It should of been a win win situation for me but Carlos appeared to just not be fucked about me now.

By late afternoon my skin was raw from the LA sun so I had no choice but to make my way inside.

I showered and dried my hair, not being arsed to put the wig on, Carlos could just see me in my natural glory, Tammi always looked very plain and boring so maybe that would work to catch his eye again.

once dressed I walked in to the kitchen.

"wow you look like a lobster" James said smiling.

"shut the fuck up! Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Sheriden is at work going through paperwork, Carlos is in the next room with the kids still, and Logan has just called asking if he can come round later for a drink... He has news apparently... Do you think your sister is pregnant?" He asked.

"pregnant? I don't know, she didn't say anything last night but it was really fucked up James ... Walking in to that kitchen... I mean can you imagine coming home and finding fox missing his head! Its sick... Why did they do that?"

James just shook his head in disgust "if any one hurt fox then I would hurt them. Dude was an awesome dog! I really hope they catch those Fuckers"

"have you seen a set of keys anywhere?" I asked looking around the kitchen.

"nope, sorry. Why don't you go and talk to Carlos?" He asked.

"why doesn't he come and talk to me?" I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"fair enough, so what are you doing? Are you really going to go back to Portland?" He asked me.

"yeah... Yeah I am, I can't live here all bitter and twisted watching him get on with his life... Plus Sean needs me. Heathers parents are not right in the head." I said thinking of my poor little brother.

"why don't you or Mackenzie have him?" James asked.

"well I thought kenz would, but since my dad died we haven't really had a chance to chat about it, but I can just about look after myself James, I wouldn't be any good for him" I said.

"between you and me savannah I don't think its all just an act with how much more grown up you seem to be now. Life changes people... It really does" he said.

"not always for the better though, I obviously don't float Carlos' boat anymore... Is it because I'm more... curvy now?" I asked.

"I think you look hotter now than before, so I doubt that" James replied.

Sheriden then walked in the kitchen "hey!... Fuck, you caught the sun today huh!" She said looking at me.

"she has been avoiding Carlos all day in the pool... How was work? Get everything done?" James asked her.

"God I don't even want to talk about work... I've got a meeting on Tuesday remember... So I need you to look after the kids" she said "is Los still here?"

"yeah I know you told me a million times about Tuesday. yes he is with the kids, Georgi is keeping him entertained" James smiled.

"good, keep his mind off of everything, Kendall will be around later Logan phoned him and said he has news" she said.

"what were you doing at kendalls?" James asked.

"I wasn't at kendalls, I've been at work, Kendall just text me saying... See" she said and showed James the message on her phone.

"James thinks kenz is having a baby" I said with a smile.

"oh my God... Really, but she said she wasn't ready... Oh my God, imagine that... We could be pregnant together" Sheriden said sounding excited.

"talking about babies... How is this little one doing in here" James said pulling her down on to his lap where he sat and placed a gentle hand on her tummy.

"our little raspberry is fine in here" she said giving him a kiss. "your in a good mood" she added.

James shrugged "I think that I need to enjoy what I have at the moment and not get so dragged down with what may or may not happen" he said and kissed her on the cheek.

"is this about a burglary and a dead dog" Sheriden asked him.

James shrugged "just need to enjoy what we have huh" he replied.

"well I'm secretly hoping that kenz is pregnant... Imagine the shopping trips" Sheriden said.

"well I hope whatever it is its good news" I replied getting a bit grossed out by the mushyness going on between Sheriden and James.

"they deserve it" Sheriden said.

As the hours ticked by and Logan, Kendall and my sister arrived I ventured in to the reception room, James walked in and winked at me I then realised It was up to him as to where Carlos would sit, as there was only two spaces left, one next to Kendall, or one next to me.

I shook my head but James smiled and sat down next to Kendall.

Carlos then walked in, he had just got the last of the children to bed, Mitchell had fallen to sleep on him so Sheriden told me. He didn't even glance at me really, he just sat down... I could smell the beer on him before he even put the bottle down on the table in front of him. The one smell I couldn't stand, the one smell that reminded me of the worst night of my life.

Carlos hadn't touched beer the entire time I was with him, was he doing this now to hurt me, to put me off or just to drown his sorrows.

I then realised that Logan also had a beer in his hand, so did James. Obviously my absence had made peoples memories a bit slack... I wish my memory would forget it all as easily.

"so what's this all about then logues" Sheriden said full of excitement, she was practically sat on the edge of her seat.

"okay... Well not really sure how to tell you guys" Logan said sounding a bit choked up.

My sister took his hand in hers, I knew just by how she had done it that this wasn't going to be good, if she was pregnant then it must be the elephant mans baby judging by her face.

"well some things have happened lately" Logan continued. "and I'm... "he stopped for a minute to gather his thoughts. "I'm really sorry guys but I quit today... The show... I quit the show" he said.

You could here a pin drop in the room.

Kendall looked at James with an odd grin on his face, determined he wasn't going to fall for Logans prank... I didn't think Logan was joking at all though.

"what do you mean you quit? The fifth season was the last anyway?" Carlos said from next to me.

"yeah there isn't going to be a fifth season... Not for me any way... I'm sorry" he said his voice shaking. Mackenzie had tears trickling down her face.

"Logan you can't do this... If this is about yesterday or Dude then we get that but you can't make that decision, we do it together remember that's why we voted before on wether we should of done the last tour... It was you that said if the majority said yes then you would stay... Think of the rushers Logan... Think of us" James said to him.

"believe me! I am thinking of you, but I'm sorry, gods honest truth I am. If there was any way I could stay then I would" Logan said. His tears now making their way silently down his face. I had only seen Logan cry twice in my time of knowing him, one was when he had split up with Mackenzie and second when he had to make the decision of who had to go up stairs with the balding fat guy at the salon when we were held hostage.

"logues why have you decided this now" Sheriden said.

"I... I just can't carry on, too much has happened... I'm so sorry princess" Logan said then broke down.

"fuck! Too much has happened? Bollocks Logan! You sit there like its the end of the world, so why do it? Riddle me that Logan! You think your the fucking business but you're not. You do fuck all... Oh apart from fuck girls... Including one of my girlfriends. oh you've fucked fran too, and lets not forget the stunt you pulled with savannah... Who am I missing... Oh Sheriden, well you've probably fucked her too" Carlos rampaged.

"Los..." I said trying to calm him down.

"no sav, fuck it, he obviously doesn't give a shit about any of us or the people that made him who he is... Fuck this shit... if there is no big time rush then why the fuck am I still here.. I'm going to Florida!" He said then stormed off with his beer

"I'm sorry I'll go after him" I said. I gave Logans shoulder a squeeze as I walked past. "he was never going to take the end well... He doesn't want it to finish, he will come round" I said with a half smile.

"tell him... its just the... show... The band is a different... story" Mackenzie blubbed at me.

I nodded then hurried out to catch up with Carlos.

"Los! Please wait up!" I yelled as i opened the door and watched him storm down the private road that ran up to sheridens house in bel air.

I didn't have any shoes on even so I slipped in to some of sheridens sneakers that were sat by the door.

"Los.. Carlos! Come back inside and hear him out" I pleaded.

Carlos just waved his hand at me as to say forget it.

When I finally caught up with him I saw he had a face like thunder.

"Los its just the show they said... The band he isn't giving up on" I explained just as the last glimpse of the sun hid behind the beautiful view that rolled off of bel air.

Carlos didn't say anything.

"Los you can't walk home its miles away" I reminded him but he just kept going.

"Carlos don't fucking ignore me! I haven't done anything wrong!" I shouted at him.

Carlos stopped and turned to me "why the fuck is it always him huh. What's so special about him" he shouted.

"Los there must be more to it than he is saying... we both know Logan wouldn't do this without a good reason" I said softly trying to calm him down.

"no fuck him savannah! He can't call the shots, I'm done" he screamed at me. The beer smell coming from his lips making my head swarm with terrible memories.

"as far as I'm concerned they can all fuck off, everyone of them has let me down at some point... Even you" he shouted and barged past me sending me flying as I lost my footing on the grassy verge.

It was more the smell of the beer but the shock of falling over and the harsh treatment from Carlos was just too much, I just started crying from where I now sat on the lawn.

Carlos stopped in his tracks again from where he had now stormed off to and walked back towards me.

"what the fuck are you crying for" he shouted.

By body was trying to suck in too much air as the sobbing came out. Leaving just cries and sniffs coming from me.

"what the... For fucks sake savannah, stop being a fucking drama queen! Why are you crying like a little bitch?".he snapped.

"be...cause your scare...ing me" I sobbed.

it was then that his own memories returned to him. He put his hand on his face, giving it a wipe with his palm. He then sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry... I never meant to scare you" he said now ever so softly.

"the beer..." I cried.

Carlos' face then said it all as he realised he had forgotten about my little quirks, my fears, my problems. my memories.

He was quiet for a while. "I don't know about you but I need a proper drink... You want to come back to mine and get shitfaced" he said as all traces of daylight went and night time came with its darkness in full.

"sure" I replied.

Carlos phoned for a taxi, he hardly spoke while we waited for it. Returning to his house was the strangest feeling. It didn't feel like home anymore. It smelt different, it looked different.

Carlos handed me what I presumed to be neat vodka. There was no way I could drink that right now so I opened the fridge trying to find some juice... Even the contents of the fridge were completely different to what Carlos and I used to buy.

"what exactly did he say about the band?" Carlos asked as he sat down.

"it was Mackenzie that said... Just that Logan is only leaving the show, the band is a different story" I replied.

"why is he doing this?" Carlos said as he downed his drink and poured another from the bottle that sat in front of him at his large table.

"I don't know Los... You've decorated?" I said looking at the walls that were now a boring cream colour.

Carlos looked up at the wall. "yeah... This must be strange for you.. Coming back here after all this time... Tammi would go mental of she knew" he said.

I just stayed silent, not really sure how to reply and not offend the amazing Tammi.

"do you want another drink?" Carlos asked me.

I looked down at my own drink I had hardly touched. "no I'm good for now Los" I replied.

"trampoline is still out back if you wanna play on it?" He said with a smile as he drank yet more vodka.

"is this really a time for trampolines?" I asked.

"its always time for trampolines" Carlos replied.

He stood up and took my hand then led me through to the living room where the back door was for the garden. As my eyes grazed over every new detail they could find I noticed something I recognised... Divorce papers on the coffee table. My heart jumped as I saw that instead of signing them ready to hand back to the divorce lawyer they now had pen scribbled all over them... Maybe divorce wasn't what he wanted? Maybe Carlos did want me back after all.

The thought of the trampoline now seemed a lot more fun.

"ladies first" Carlos said as he opened the enclosure. The night air was cold tonight.

"thanks" I said then got in. I just assumed the usual position that we had always done and lay down looking at the stars.

Carlos finished the drink in his hand then put the glass down and followed me in. He lay down too.

"Los remember when you punched my dad" I laughed at the memory.

He chuckled "yeah... I'm sorry about your dad and heather... How is Sean getting along?" He asked.

"not great but nothing much I can do" I said.

"you don't swear as much as you used to, you know... I miss the fucks"

"you miss the fucks?" I giggled "I could take that to mean something completely different Carlos" I grinned.

He laughed breaking the tension of the evening "you know what I mean" he said.

"yeah I do... Carlos the TV show... It doesn't mean its the end... I know how scared you must feel right now" I said taking his hand which he accepted.

"I'm just not ready to end that part of my life... I wanted to do it properly you know. What are all the fans going to think?" He said.

"they will be really fucking upset Los but honestly they will get over it the minute you put a keek on bare chested saying the movie you directed is out soon... Carlos its sad, but we all knew it was coming. Logan doing it like this feels rough but the end result is the same, you will be okay!" I said.

He sighed and stared up at the stars. "this is officially the worst day of my life!" He huffed.

I raised my eyebrow at him "I've had worse" I said sarcastically, God help Carlos if he was ever raped, held hostage then got a phonecall saying his dad had died. being this upset at end of a TV show and splitting up with a slut just seemed over dramatic to me now.

"yeah, your right... I've had worse too" he then said. "thanks sav, I'm sorry about last night. I didn't want to leave it like that but... Well you know" he said.

"why are you thanking me? You said that I've let you down just as much as everyone else has" I said confused.

"because its you that is here right now... actually caring how I feel, putting things in some kind of perspective for me... Thank you" he said again.

"Carlos... Kiss me" I said with a smile, repeating the words I said such a long time ago on this exact same trampoline, which led to our whirlwind romance that I still longed for.

Carlos laughed, at least he hadn't forgotten that memory.

"fuck it why not!" He said.

I was technically joking but I was willing to go along with this, even though I was taking advantage of a fairly drunk Carlos Pena.

The tension I could feel between us as his lips came toward mine was unreal. It was so exciting, when we did kiss I never wanted it to end.

The kissing led to more and we ended up in Carlos' bedroom. The bed was now on the opposite side of the room and the large sofa he had in it was now gone. The change filled me with jealousy but I ignored it knowing I was now taking back what was rightfully mine.

As we undressed Carlos savoured over every part of my body. Telling me how beautiful I was, kissing every inch of me. He even caressed me intimately with his fingers. This was something I found difficult and had only ever done it with James since the rape but I didn't want him to think about it now. I just trusted him completely and enjoyed his touch.

As Carlos entered me with his full weight on me I was shocked at how different he seemed.

He really wasn't thinking about the problems we had before he was just getting stuck in. I liked it, it felt like all our problems we did have had gone.

I ran my hands down his beautiful dark skin. His muscles now even bigger than before. Carlos felt hard inside me. He was fairly rough, again something new he was adding... His sexual frustration really ebbing away at him as he made love to me.

Carlos was always a stallion before, his sex sessions could last for ages... Hours even but he couldn't hold it in tonight and came pretty soon, even before I had, which again was new to me as he was always a giver not a taker when it came to having sex. But he kept going until I had. It was amazing.

"los... I still love you completly... Is this... Well what is this?" I asked as i cuddled in to him, his warm arms wrapped around me.

"i don't have a word for this, but i still love you, i always have... Sav i can't just go from being with Tammi to back with you... I need a break" he said.

"will you get back with her?" I asked.

"no... Its done" he replied.

"will you get back with me?" I said softly.

"eventually i think we will... Just friends for now though" he said

"with benefits!" I giggled.

"exclusive friends with benefits... And not in the public eye... Just yet" he smiled.

"does that mean we are secretly dating?" I asked as i looked up at him.

"kind of, but i need slow sav, i don't want you moving in or anything, i want us to get to know each other again" he replied honestly. "and I need to move on from Tammi" he added

"i saw the Divorce papers down stairs... I knew you didn't want to get divorced" I said smugly "I only started it because you had the tattoo removed"

"how do you know I didn't want to get divorced?" He asked looking puzzled.

"you scribbled all over them Carlos! I saw them down stairs" I said laughing at his immature attitude to our divorce

He laughed out loud, "it wasn't me, it was Georgi that scribbled on them. They have been sat on the table for days... I just hadn't got round to signing them."

"you were going to?" I said softly.

"I don't know, I've read them through a billion times" he revealed.

"I signed mine, but I was dreading seeing you at the solicitors to finalize it on Tuesday." I said.

"are we getting divorced?" I asked.

"no but lets not talk about it... Today has been a class A wank stain!" He said.

"you won't go to Florida will you Los?" I finally asked.

"as long as you don't go back to Portland" he replied giving me a gentle kiss goodnight.

Carlos was soon asleep from the mixture of tiredness, sex and him being drunk. I couldn't sleep, all I could do was smell tammi's perfume on the bedsheets.

I must of drifted off sooner or later as I woke up to find Carlos gone. The clock on his bedside read 3:12am.

I wrapped the sheet around me and got up to find Carlos. Half way down the stairs I could hear him talking on the phone. he was in his living room. I sat quietly on the bottom step listening in on his conversation.

"yes but it doesn't matter what you've done" Carlos said in a hushed tone to someone on the other end of the

"I miss you so much too... Tammi don't do this... I'm begging" my heart broke right then. Hearing those words pretty much killed me.

"Tam..."

"Tammi... I'm not getting back with sav, it was a mistake, I want you... Now please... Just stop this." He said, to which I got up and went back up the stairs.

As i went i heard him say "Are you okay tam?" I didn't want to hear any more. I got dressed, went back down stairs and quietly left through the front door, I doubt Carlos would even notice or mind that I had gone.

so the plan still stayed the same... Sign divorce papers and Portland here I come. I'm not sticking around for Carlos to treat me as his re bound.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19, sheridens story.

"so what's this all about then logues" I said waiting for possible baby news. Logan would make a great dad.

"okay... Well not really sure how to tell you guys" Logan said looking emotional

Mackenzie took his hand to help him along.

"well some things have happened lately" Logan paused mid sentance. Something seemed very wrong "and I'm... I'm really sorry guys but I quit today... The show... I quit the show" he said.

I looked at James, I don't think he was taking this news in. Kendall looked confused

"what do you mean you quit? The fifth season was the last anyway?" Carlos said from opposite me where he sat next to savannah.

"yeah there isn't going to be a fifth season... Not for me any way... I'm sorry" Logan replied, I looked at James again and saw him swallow the lump that was now in his throat.

"Logan you can't do this... If this is about yesterday or Dude then we get that but you can't make that decision, we do it together remember! that's why we voted before on wether we should of done the last tour... It was you that said if the majority said yes then you would stay... Think of the rushers Logan... Think of us" James said, obviously taken aback from this news. We were expecting the joy of baby news... Not this.

"believe me! I am thinking of you, but I'm sorry, gods honest truth I am. If there was any way I could stay then I would" Logan said. His eyes now red and tears streaming down his face.

"logues why have you decided this now" I asked feeling like everyone needed a good reason to explain this sudden announcement.

"I... I just can't carry on, too much has happened... I'm so sorry princess" Logan replied then began full on crying.

"fuck! Too much has happened? Bollocks Logan! You sit there like its the end of the world, so why do it? Riddle me that Logan! You think your the fucking business but you're not. You do fuck all... Oh apart from fuck girls... Including one of my girlfriends. oh you've fucked fran too, and lets not forget the stunt you pulled with savannah... Who am I missing... Oh Sheriden, well you've probably fucked her too" Carlos shouted which I frowned at, this had nothing to do with Logan having sex.

"Los..." savannah said trying to stop him blowing up.

"no sav, fuck it, he obviously doesn't give a shit about any of us or the people that made him who he is... Fuck this shit... if there is no big time rush then why the fuck am I still here.. I'm going to Florida!" Carlos shouted then he left.

"I'm sorry I'll go after him, he was never going to take the end well... He doesn't want it to finish, he will come round" savannah said to Logan.

"tell him... its just the... show... The band is a different... story" Mackenzie sobbed at her, then savannah left.

I got up and walked to the drinks cabinet and poured everyone out something a bit stronger than the beers James had dished out.

I gave Logan a large one. He looked like he could do with it.

"thanks princess" he said.

"why can't you just wait until after the fifth season?" James asked.

"I... We just can't" Logan said

Kendall still hadn't spoken, I couldn't even fathom out what he was thinking, or if he was going to explode like Carlos.

"okay... James... Okay well Logan is clearly finding this hard so lets not concentrate on why, lets concentrate on whats happening now this has actually happened... Logan you've quit but the band you still want to do?" I asked trying to get a plan of action going.

"yeah... I've been on the phone all day to so many people. my contract has been terminated with nick, yours are all currently frozen." Logan said.

"how can they just terminate it Logan, is it on medical grounds that you've quit?" I asked, seeing as James and Kendall just sat there like dumb and dumber.

"yeah... Kind of... I broke the term of the contract still so they have terminated it, the rest of you guys didn't break it so yours are frozen until things are explained... I have no idea if they will do it with out me, replace me or just cancel the series" Logan said.

"but what did they say about the band... Nick own btr!" James said.

"I'm still waiting to hear but its hopeful that nick will let Columbia buy their share so they own us and the band can continue" he answered.

" so its not definite then that the band can carry on?" Kendall said finally speaking.

"nickelodeon seemed to sound pretty fair on the phone, but no its not definite, only thing definite is that I don't work for nick anymore... I'm really sorry guys" Logan said now gaining his composure.

"its a shock Logan... I was expecting Mackenzie to say she was pregnant" I revealed and Mackenzie gave a teary laugh.

"I wish it was that simple" Mackenzie replied.

"I know I'm not likely to get a proper answer but you guys must appreciate how weird and sudden this is sounding... Are you in any trouble that I can help you with?" I asked knowing full well that Logan didn't actually want to stop doing anything just yet.

"we appreciate the thought but no, we aren't in any trouble" Logan replied.

"right... Well I honestly don't believe you, but you know I'm here if there is anything I can do to help" I said

Logan nodded.

"are nick doing an announcement?" Kendall asked.

"no, they said I can speak freely about it... What are you guys going to do if they do offer you to carry on with out me?" Logan replied.

"we're not doing the show without you, it started with us four, it finishes with us four" James said "I'm out... I quit too" he said.

"James! wait until you speak with them!" I said, shocked he was actually giving in so easy.

"I'm not doing it without him in it... It wouldn't work, nick wouldn't even consider doing it, so I'm out, if there is still a band then I will do that but no... The show is finished then... Its over" he said.

I looked at Kendall who had hardly spoken. "Kendall what do you think?" I asked softly.

"James is right, it won't carry on with just three... Logan you need to do a video or something and explain because we have been hyping the fans up for months over the final season..." Kendall said.

"I don't do videos!" Logan said.

"sorry honey, kendalls right... Nows the time to start" I agreed.

"what do I say? I've quit, Carlos has pissed off home and you two are miserable!" Logan said looking more at Kendall who now looked in shock.

"no Logan, you explain that due to some personal problems you will have to pull out from doing the show, tell them the band is still very much alive and kicking, be up beat, be funny. Do your little trick of showing off some skin, give them something else to go away thinking about... Logues have you been offered something else?" I asked, knowing that Logan really did want to make it big but at what price is he honestly willing to pay for it.

"no... I've honestly got nothing lined up... I wouldn't do that to you guys" Logan replied.

"okay I was just asking to maybe let them know they could look forward to something... What have we got that they can concentrate on... I hate most of those little bitches but they are just as much btr as you guys are" I finished.

"Sheriden he can't promise anything... If nick don't release the band from their record label then there is no big time rush, they own everything... Everything about us nickelodeon own" James said, now drawing a blank. Mackenzie quietly cried in to a tissue.

"they don't own everything we are connected to" Kendall said "say you can't do the tv show and its finished but tell them you are going to feature on a heffron drive cover... Tell them we've been working on it for a while... and it will be posted Friday. Ask them a question to answer, like what would you like to see us do next... Get their brains ticking. Don't concentrate on the bad news... Sheri is right..." He added.

"you wanna do it with me?" Logan asked him.

Kendall nodded. "sure... Lets just chill out for a bit first... Today just got shit... Write down what you want to tell them." Kendall said.

Kendalls love affair with his rushers was honestly something to be proud of. He really did respect and love each and every one.

As I sat and watched three of my favorites men in the world organise how to end such a large part of their lives I felt numb.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20, Tammi's story.

It was evening now and my head still wasn't right, I was convinced I had alcohol poisoning. I had spent most of the day in bed.

Not even my mom was home to help cheer me up, or to talk to. Carlos wasn't picking up on any number I tried for him. Mackenzie wasn't picking her phone up to me either... I felt I hadn't a friend in the world.

I ran myself a bath but left it to go cold, i just wanted to occupy my mind. I didn't want to be left with my thoughts. Left with the memory of Seth... A man who I don't remember having sex with, did I need to get checked out?... How can I not remember having sex with him or posting all those things on the internet! Its madness. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and poured myself a huge glass.

I went on twitter and deleted all the posts I had made. The hate I was receiving was pretty much my career down the toilet. I did see that I was being blamed for something new... Something I didn't understand... What the hell had I done now. I poured another glass of wine.

There were lots of "where was Carlos?" And "I'm freaking out" tweets from some rushers. With my head feeling as bad as it did it took me a while to get to the bottom of it. I drank even more as I searched.

Big time rush had posted a youtube video. It was on kendalls channel and it was entitled, "new developments"

I clicked on 'play video'

It was Kendall, Logan and James, sat in the house in bel air. none of them had a shirt on and they all had wet hair.

"hey guys! We thought we would do a little blog for you today to let you in on some big things that have happened and are going to happen" James said.

Kendall then took over "we have just had a night swim to cool down... James your dripping on the rug" he smiled.

Logan laughed in to the camera then started his turn "okay so big... Big announcement right now. As of today there will no longer be a fifth season of the show coming as promised... A few personal problems have crept up and its just a bit too much for us at the moment" he explained.

What the fuck was going on? Has Carlos quit because of me? How much worse can today get?

"although that does sound sad" James said now rubbing a towel over his chest in the most provocative way. "it basically means we will have a lot more time to do other things" he finished.

"I actually have a little secret to tell you" Kendall said taking his turn to speak again "heffron drive will be gaining another member for a one off special treat for you guys on Friday... When none other than 'the henderwhore' himself features on a new song" he finished with a laugh.

"dude, don't call me the henderwhore... Its embarrassing" Logan said smiling.

"oh! Carlos is not here at the moment, but I know he would like to say thanks to all of you guys that have sent him some nice messages since last night... He is out with Mrs Pena at mo... Probably having a good cry on her shoulder" James said with as wink. "also Logan had a bad time of it too last night, so thanks for all you rushers out there sending him and Mackenzie some love"

What the fuck did the wink mean? What's going on, why is Carlos with her?

"we will post the heffron drive vid with Logan on Friday... But we want you to tell us... What would you prefer? A btr clothing range, or a btr perfume?" Kendall said.

"you can only choose one" Logan said.

"actually... I have some more big news" James said "this is huge... Massive and pretty scary, but Sheriden is expecting baby number 4 for me, its very early days, and she is in a lot of pain with her back, and ... Well you guys know the score, so if you do see her out and about, treat her gentle... Look after my baby for me guys!" He said looking a bit emotional.

I didn't know that she was pregnant! I obviously wasn't even intended to be part of the family long enough... Jesus why on earth did I come on to James last night... I don't Remember anything.

I carried on looking at the video they had uploaded.

"thanks for listening guys, don't forget to check heffron drive out on Friday!..." Logan said.

"see you soon" James said then the video stopped.

So Carlos was with savannah? Just when I thought my heart couldn't hurt anymore...

I finished off that bottle of wine. I knew I had got to the point of no return when I banged in to the wall as I went to the toilet.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was disgusting. Sleeping with strange men! I wondered if Carlos would still be with savannah right now.

My head spun, my mouth felt disgustingly dry from the wine.

As I looked at my reflection still I realised I didn't want to feel how I felt any more. I didn't want to live if I had no Carlos to live for. I was just a slut! A slut that cheats on her boyfriend with strange men.

I opened up the cabinet that I was staring in to the mirror of and found a bottle of pills... Chickens way out. I swallowed one, then another, then another until the bottle had gone. I sat on the toilet, nothing seemed to be happening until I began to feel sick. Nausea waving over me, I tried my hardest to keep the pills in long enough to do the deed I wanted them to. But eventually I had to be sick. As I heaved my stomach in the toilet, I prayed this would be the last day on earth for me. I soon drifted away as I clung to the toilet bowl.

When my eyes gradually opened and my eyes adjusted to the light that shone in them I remembered what I had done, my nose Stung from vomit trying to escape out of the wrong hole. I stood up from my new position of the cold bathroom floor. My reflection that now looked back at me just screamed epic fail!

I started crying, still drunk, still nauseous and still with out Carlos so I did the only thing I could think of and called him, it was very early in the morning now, least he wouldn't be with savannah still at this time.

I phoned his number on my cell, praying he would pick up, just to say good bye to. I didn't want to live with out him.

"Carlos... Its me" I said as he did pick up after just a couple of rings.

"I've got nothing to say to you!" He replied coldly

"Carlos I love you" I said going back in to the bathroom, another wave of sickness hitting me. That was when I saw the razor.

"I don't care, just leave me alone, I'm trying to sort my head around things that matter now!" He said, I could hear him moving about

"What like savannah?... I know you were with her!" I said now sobbing at the thought

"yeah maybe... Maybe it is savannah yeah" he replied to which I started howling at, and unclipped the razor from the pack.

"carlos I love you." I begged

"I honestly don't care Tammi" he replied

"would you care if I said I'm sat in my bathroom with a blade in my hand thinking about just ending it all." I said spitefully

"What? Don't be such a fucking drama queen, you shouldn't of fucked that guy. Don't try and make me feel sorry for you!" He replied with absolutely no love in his voice.

"I dont remember fucking him... I didn't, its Sheriden it must be, she is fucking with us" I said trying to get my head around the huge void that was in my brain.

"trust me Sheriden has enough on her plate right now!" He snapped

"carlos please I swear I'm going to cut my wrists open if you don't take me back." I said hysterically.

"tammi don't be ridiculous!" He said just sounding angry, he didn't believe me.

" i promise I will do it Los"

"fuck it, do it then!" Carlos said

I looked at the blade in my hand and realised he was never going to take me back. I was better off dead for the both of us. I cut... fairly deep... The blood that came out panicked me.

"carlos I'm bleeding... Fuck..." I said now in shock and crying more.

"tammi are you being serious... Tell me?" Carlos said, he now noticed the panic in my voice

"its dripping on the floor Los" I whimpered out.

"fucks sake, where are you?" He demanded.

"I'm scared all I want is you" I blubbed.

"Where are you?! At your moms?" He said ignoring me.

"yeah... I'm on my own though Los... " I said, but I heard a click on the other end.

Maybe he was coming round... Coming to Rescue me.

"los... Los are you there?" I said again

"carlos!" I snapped, not knowing what was going on.

"I'm here, I'm here, I've just phoned an ambulance, they can get to you quicker than I can... Tammi I'm sorry but its over. Its done." He said to me, which I was then sick over myself with the power of the pills I had taken too many of.

"Los I don't remember doing anything, what I did do I'm so sorry for, I love you" I pleaded

"yes but it doesn't matter what you've done" Carlos said in whisper.

"I miss you so much... Please say it back... Please... I swear to God I'm gonna slit my fucking throat next Carlos. Please... I just want to die with out you. please just tell me you miss me too." I threatened, screaming down the phone.

"I miss you so much too... Tammi don't do this... I'm begging you" he said, and I cried harder now knowing it was lies.

"please take me back Carlos, my life is shit without you... Please tell me your not going to get back with savannah..." I babbled out in my drugged up drunk state.

"Tam... " Carlos said trying to calm me down.

"I'm gonna do it Carlos... I'm digging the fucking blade right in. Just tell me your not going to get back with her, tell me its me you want... Please... " I said as I held the razor to my neck, I had never felt this low in my life... This was officially rock bottom, and the worst part not even remembering the things I had done to get here.

"tammi... I'm not getting back with sav, it was a mistake, I want you... Now please... Just stop this." He whispered. But I knew he didn't mean a word. Blood was pouring from my wrist on to my legs.

"carlos I love you. I think the ambulance is here?" I said hearing a bang downstairs

"are you okay tam?" Carlos said, finally he sounded liked my Carlos again, but I knew it was too late

"I'm bleeding every where, I'm so sorry." I cried

"its okay... Its okay, everything will be fine." He said sounding panicky

"they are here now I have to go." I sobbed

"Okay... Take care okay" he said and was gone.

I was soon taken away. It was when my head was spinning in the ambulance that a memory of James came back to me. It was very vague but James was in my hotel room that i woke up in this morning, with his back to me, someone was undressing me... What the fuck? If I do make it through the night, then James maslow will be the first person I come to for answers to what happened last night, as he knew where I was


	21. Chapter 21

chapter 21, savannahs story.

I had done yet another runner after my brief reunion with Carlos, I had travelled back home to Portland the morning after and was back at my moms.

I had turned my phone off, Carlos had tried to ring me a few times but I didn't want to be told I was second place to Tammi fucking Taylor again. I had to fly back in to LA on Tuesday to finalize my divorce, we only had to have a meeting about it to sort out the shared assets we had, the more money you have the more complicated a divorce is, not that I wanted anything from Carlos but he was being thorough and going through the proper channels... I expect Tammi was making him do it.

I didn't need anything, I was rich beyond my wildest dreams and not even twenty years of age.

I could not find the keys to the rented house in LA anywhere. I'm sure I had them, but I needed to find them to hand them back to the estate agents. if I wasn't going to live in LA their was no need for me to waste my money on a house I wasn't going to live in.

I was just on my way to visit my brother Sean. It was hard as my mom didn't want him in her house. It was causing a slight friction between us, but she did appreciate the fact it wasn't seans fault how he came to be. so I usually took him out for day trips.

"hi!" I said as I was invited in the house "... How has he been?" I asked Bianca, seans grandmother but also the oddest person that had ever graced the earth.

"same old Sean" she replied. She sounded half hearted like she was either very tired or just couldn't be fucked. Bianca was in her late fiftys, she seemed fit and healthy enough to look after Sean, it wasn't her age that bothered me... It was her and her husbands strangeness that got me.

"he is in his room. He was rude to Ron earlier so he is being disciplined" Bianca said.

"what did he do this time? Knowing that Sean could be little handful at times.

"he told Ron to shut up... He shouted it at him" she explained.

I rolled my eyes. "I will have a word with him... Not sure where I'm taking him today. I've got to fly back to LA tomorrow to sort some things out but I will be back after, so can help out a bit more" I replied.

Bianca just nodded. I made my way up the stairs and found Sean laying in his bed.

"hey seany!" I said cheerily.

He jumped up and almost wrestled me to the ground with a hug.

"woah that's a big hug!" I laughed. "you wanna go out and get an ice cream?" I asked.

"yeah!" He replied.

Sean had just turned four, and was very much a little scamp, but he wasn't naughty, he was just a typical boy. Since dad and heather had died all I had from his grandparents were reports of seans done this, seans done that so the absence of his parents must be affecting him as he was a pretty good kid before.

I helped him put his jacket on and we left the stuffy confinements of the odd families house.

"what do you want to do today then?" I asked as we got in to the cab.

"go to the park?" He replied.

"okay deal!" I smiled. Truth be known I loved hanging out with this little dude, I think I was more immature than him.

We went to the park and got an ice cream after, he was a great distraction from Carlos. After Sean demolished his ice cream I decided to take him out for lunch as he seemed hungry. He demolished that too.

"blimey seany... Your not an animal" I laughed as he shoved a burger and chips in his mouth.

"I'm hungry" he smiled giving me a cheeky grin.

"its only just gone twelve, what did you have for breakfast?" I asked.

"I wasn't allowed breakfast today" he replied.

"what do you mean you weren't allowed breakfast?" I asked shocked.

"I was rude to grandad and was sent to bed" he replied.

"oh I see... Well I'm sure if you had of said sorry to him he would of let you out to eat breakfast" I explained.

"I did but he said I was rubbish" Sean replied.

"what? Why did he say you were rubbish?" I asked.

"I drawed a picture of pickles. He said it was rubbish" Sean said looking sad.

"you drew a picture of some pickles?" I asked.

"the cat, pickles is grandmas cat" Sean explained.

"oh, well why did he say it was rubbish? That's not very nice is it... I bet it was a great picture of a cat!" I smiled.

"grandad was in an angry mood again. He said it was rubbish and when I said it wasn't I got sent to bed" he said clearly still upset about it.

"grandma said you shouted at grandad to shut up? Did you?" I asked

"I did but only because he kept saying my picture was rubbish." He said.

"well what did grandma say?" I asked wondering how she let her husband obviously bully a 4 year old boy.

"she didn't say anything" he replied.

I nodded.

"is grandad always in a mood?" I asked.

"most of the time... I got sent to bed yesterday because I said I missed mommy" he said sadly.

"what?! Sean he can't just send you to bed for saying that, you must of done something? Tell me, I won't tell you off" I promised.

"I didn't savannah... I didn't do anything!" He said getting upset.

"did you eat yesterday... Before you were sent to bed?" I asked.

"not dinner but lunch I did, I helped grandma make a pizza" he said smiling.

I chose not to ask him any more questions. the fact he hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours was ridiculous.

when my day with Sean had come to an end I made sure I filled his pockets with some snacks and told him to put them in his room just incase he had to miss out on more meals because his grandfather seemed to be the reincarnation of Hitler.

When I left him Ron wasn't home, he must still be at work, so I decided to have a word with Bianca.

"Sean told me what happened about the picture... I think it sounded a bit unfair how he was treated to be honest Bianca... He drew a cat and was punished because Ron didn't think it was a worthy piece of artwork!?" I snapped.

She seemed shocked that Sean had told me.

"it was a misunderstanding, but Sean can't talk like that... Screaming at people to shut up! we can't let it just slide by or he will do it all the time" she explained.

"that makes no sense! he was drawn in to an arguement Bianca. If Ron had of just said 'yeah its great' then none of that would of happened... Who on earth tells a 4 year old boy that his picture is rubbish? Also he told me he wasn't allowed dinner last night and missed out on breakfast this morning! You can't do that to him, he misses his old life and he misses his mom. He is just a boy" I snapped.

"yes but Ron is having problems now heather is gone, he finds it difficult to accept" Bianca said defending her husband.

"how on earth do you think Sean feels? Both his parents gone then forced to live in a house with people that are mean to him and in my opinion are neglecting him!" I said bitterly.

Bianca raised her eyebrows to me "I will have a word with Ron, you have to remember that we were brought up differently to how the children of today are... We are doing our best in this situation" she explained

I shook my head at her. "I will be back on Wednesday to see him. I said then saw myself out of the door.

I tried to explain the situation to my mom but she really did not want to know anything about Sean. I would speak with Mackenzie about him tomorrow when I see her... Maybe she could look after him. I hoped he was happy right now, I hated to think of him stuck in his room feeling sad.

The next morning I got up early and got a cab to the airport to fly back to LA. I wondered if Tammi would be with Carlos today. I was prepared and looked my usual gorgeous self. Dressed to the nines and my beautiful blonde hair placed securely on my head. My natural hair was getting there now, the section I had shaved in from the asymmetric bob I had was now just below my ear. I used a hair clip to pin it back as it slowly grew out on the one side.

The flight went by fairly quickly, I hailed a cab to get me to the building that I was going to finalize probably the best and worst times of my life in. I saw the word divorced as a massive fail on my life.

I checked out twitter on my phone. Carlos obviously was feeling emotional. His tweet from this morning read "busy head. Can't sleep"

I for one was glad he was losing sleep. I can't believe he used me like that knowing he was going to get back with her.

As I got the elevator up to the 8th floor in a huge building I was shown in to a room that on any other day I would of found nice. It had a lovely view over LA but all I could concentrate on was the huge dark wood table that dominated the room the solicitor who looked like a middle aged Harry potter and Carlos who had just stood up on me entering the room.

"sorry I'm late" I said to the solicitor.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to show up?" Carlos said to me but I ignored him.

The meeting dragged on for ages, just going through a load of items that I really couldn't care less about, if I wanted to hurt Carlos then I would of demanded his boat, as I know how much he loved it... But as it went on I said I didn't want anything. I wanted him to keep everything that was originally his, even though Carlos was up for sharing it.

I didn't want half of the house, or his car or his motorbike... I didn't want the boat or even the expensive sofa that I had bought for what used to be our living room.

I just wanted to go away as I originally came to LA... Miss Savannah Davies!

When the time came for me to hand over my copy of the divorce papers and sign the agreed division of our assets. I watched as Carlos hovered over his newly printed out papers that Georgi hadn't scribbled on which once signed would more or less declare the end of our marriage.

I did at this point hope for a miracle, I wanted to climb over the table and declare my never ending love for him, beg him not to sign it but he looked up at me with what I can only describe as hate, he shook his head then signed our old life away.

Once the solicitor had gone through what happens next, I left the room.

I clicked the button on the elevator so many times in a bid to make it hurry up but Carlos had reluctantly caught up with me. He was walking at a snails pace to avoid possible lift sharing, but we both ended up stood by the lift waiting in silence.

I did momentarily consider just using the stairs but as this thought came to me the elevator doors opened.

Carlos pressed the button to go down.

The silence was Stoney. I got my phone out and went on twitter to occupy myself, I changed my name back to Davies and announced "divorced :-[" as my tweet.

"why did you just fuck me and run off in the night?" Carlos said coldly from the side of me.

"oh. fuck. off! I said almost sarcastically.

"what? I don't get it savannah? You said you wanted to try again, you said you loved me!" He replied.

"yes and I do love you and I did want to work it out but then I heard you telling that fucking little slut of yours on the phone that all you want is her, and I'm a mistake... You used me Carlos! ... You fucking used me!" I snapped.

"you've got it wrong! That's not what happened at all sav" he said.

"fuck it Carlos, I really don't want to hear it. Honestly I have gone past the point of trying to care" I lied.

Carlos then hit the emergency stop button on the elevator making it come to an abrupt stop inbetween the first and second floor.

"what the fuck? why have you done that for" I snapped trying to reach for the button, but he moved in the way of it.

"savannah just hear me out! what I said to Tammi on the phone I did not mean" he tried to explain.

"oh fuck it Carlos! what's the matter? had she dumped you too and now you've come running back to me, well sorry you can fuck off, I'm done, we are done. Divorced, finished ... The end! "I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"savannah she didn't dump me, it was already over! she was trying to kill herself! She threatened me with her life that if I didn't agree to take her back and say those things then she would slit her wrists" he said.

I looked at him for a long time, searching his brown familiar eyes for traces of the truth "I don't believe you" I finally said, trying to stop my heart from being broken for a third time.

Carlos then just stood there then got his phone out, tapped away then showed me what was loaded up. It was a news article about Tammi. Attempted suicide, she had slit her left wrist and taken almost an entire bottle of aspirin.

"I didn't believe she was actually serious and I told her to do it... She actually did it" Carlos said sadly.

"my God... She really tried to top herself?" I said looking at him then reading the rest of the article.

I didn't want to say those things to her, I'm sorry that you heard me, i went back upstairs and I just thought you had left... Changed your mind and left!" He said.

"I would never of just left... " I said now thinking back to the conversation I did over hear. It made sense now, Carlos saying to her to please stop this, I just assumed he meant crying or something, not cutting herself.

"I never would of said I wanted to take it slow and try again if I didn't mean it" he replied.

"fuck... Los! We just got divorced!" I said now realising what a big mistake we had just made.

"I know... I do love you savannah" he then said.

"I love you too Los" I said then took a step toward him and slipped my hand in his.

he kissed me gently "slow! Day at a time, okay... Lets not mess this up" he said.

"will Tammi try and kill herself again? If she finds out?" I asked not wanting a death on my hands.

"I don't know... But we don't have to tell anyone do we, it can be just us for a bit?" He said softly and gave me another gentle kiss.

"a secret romance with my ex husband sounds amazing... Plus I have the perfect secret get away for us to get to know each other in" I smiled.

"oh really! Where?" he asked.

"its a secret... Kind of" I laughed. "but I will have to go by the estate agents and say I left the other set of keys in Portland as I've lost them." I explained.

"oh is this the place your renting?" Carlos asked.

"yeah... Wanna check it out and... Get to know each other?" I giggled. "I'm back in Portland tomorrow, I promised Sean... Come with me!?"

"I will check it out... Make sure the bed is good enough for you" he smirked "sure I'll go to Portland with you miss Davies!" He smiled.

I smiled back and kissed him hitting the release on the emergency stop button as I went.


	22. Chapter 22

chapter 22 frans story.

Kendall had been awake for a good few hours before I got out of bed. Logan had told him last night that he had quit the big time rush show. Kendall was worrying that the band wouldn't be released from the nick record label to carry on any big time rush activities.

Him and James had spent months and months writing and preparing for a new album and hopefully a tour... But now his hard work may have been a waste of time.

"why don't you come back to bed" I said rubbing my hand up his spine he had on display in the kitchen as his back was facing me. He only had shorts on.

He turned around and greeted me with a kiss.

"my head is too occupied to sleep fran" he replied.

"who said I wanted you to go to sleep!" I smiled and pulled him by the hand back up the first flight of stairs of his town house to his bedroom.

"fran, phee is going to be awake at any moment!" He protested.

I sat down on the bed and slipped out of my dressing robe, exposing my naked body underneath "you best be quick then!" I smiled.

Kendall flashed his beautiful dimpled grin at me then pulled his shorts down and climbed on top of me, forcing me down on the bed.

He ran his hand over my shoulder as he kissed it. His thumb gently caressing my collar bone. I was unsure if he was doing this to say he was noticing my protruding bones or just being loving towards me.

I wasn't bulimic because I thought I was fat, this much had been established, I did it to be in control. I liked to be in control of every aspect of my life. Kendall knew better than to mention any weight loss just before any sex so nothing was said.

He instead rolled me over on to my side and fucked me from behind as he held my leg up by my inner thigh.

He was hard and fast inside me. Kissing the only part he could reach which was my neck.

As he pressed his body further in to me I could hear his heavy breathing from behind me as he went out of his way to satisfy my sexual need.

His hand eventually sneakily leaving my thigh and edging closer for him to enjoy the touch of my clitoris. He gently stroked it as he made love to me. His touch turning me on too much, I held my own thigh up now, resting my leg on the outside of his, as he screwed me, encouraging him to touch me more.

I reached my arm back to run my fingers through his hair as he inflicted an amazing orgasm through my body.

Once I had came Kendall gently took himself out of me and licked me intimately.

"you taste so good fran" he whispered when I tried to push his head away, my body couldn't handle any more of his love.

He then positioned me on all fours. His favourite! And fucked me senseless from behind. He let out a groan of pleasure as he came.

I lay in his arms after. Still enjoying the sound of his breathing and the beat of his heart that I could feel through his chest as my head lay on it.

"fran..." He began. I knew from his tone that it was going to be about my health.

"Kendy, I've made an appointment... I know things aren't getting better" I said to ease his worry.

"really that's brilliant... Really good!" he said and moved down to kiss me, I welcomed his kiss at first but then pushed him away.

"what's wrong?" He said looking concerned.

"Kendall you taste like pussy" I laughed "go and brush your teeth"

Kendall chuckled then rested his head on my shoulder.

"I love you" he said in almost a whisper.

"I love you too boo" I said kissing the top of his head as he rested on my shoulder. His hair smelt so good.

"you wanna shower with me?" He asked.

"no I'm going to stay here for a bit. Wait for the walking alarm clock to tell me its time to get up" I smiled.

"well its nice to know you think of Ophelia as useful" he chuckled then walked in to his en suite.

Ophelia it seemed had no intention of being my walking alarm clock today. I actually got worried as she was having such a long lay in that I got up to check on her, but she was snoring away. She didn't wake up until another hour had passed. Then she came downstairs and just snuggled in to me on the sofa.

I had a very lazy morning. We all did really, Ophelia seemed super tired and didn't want to get dressed. Kendall just poured his heavy heart out singing songs on the guitar and the only thing that happened of interest in my day was that James text saying

"sav gone again. Total waste of time!"

I text him back asking what had happened as Kendall said she had gone back to Carlos' house but James replied saying he didn't know, she wouldn't talk about it. So I was none the wiser and a bit miffed that my amazing plan hadn't worked. But at least Tammi wasn't going to be coming back, so hopefully savannah and Carlos would patch things up down the line.

Kendall made me dinner, and watched me with hawk eyes as I ate it. I was heading back to my own house tonight. Kendall was meant to be coming with me, but he wasn't convinced that Ophelia was very well today so he thought her own bed would be best for her, but wanted to know I had eaten something and kept it down.

Kendall knew all the stunts I would pull to avoid eating or making excuses to leave soon after eating.

It took him a while to figure out that sometimes I wouldn't even place one item of food in my mouth but he had thought I had eaten lots.

My trick was to talk a lot. Ask a lot of questions, how was your day? What did you do? That kind of thing, then cut up your food and hold the fork up to your mouth but then come up with another question and cut the food up even more.

My best trick was to ask to try something from his plate, then do exactly the same thing, it looked like you had eaten, but infact it was Just a lot of distracting and cutting... With a strategically placed napkin at the end of the meal. And if I was ever questioned about the food that was left on my plate I always insisted I had eaten too much at lunch.

However these tricks no longer worked with Kendall, so the only option was to eat, which I did... Reluctantly, not eating was a lot easier than throwing it back up.

after Kendall was satisfied that my dinner was safely absorbed in to my body he allowed me to go home, where I would now be doing some excessive exercise to balance out what I had eaten. Being forced to eat was a terrible thing to do to someone who wanted to control things, so although Kendall thought he was helping to keep me healthy, he wasn't!.

Directly I got home I tried my best to puke up what was left in my stomach but not to much use. So I hit the treadmill hard, cursing Kendall with every step I ran.

the door knocked just after 8 in the evening, I thought it might be Kendall but as I looked through the peephole I saw a very handsome tall guy on the other side.

I opened up "James! Hi... What can I do for you?" I asked.

"can I come in I need to talk to you... Kendalls not here is he?" He asked.

"no he is at home with phee, she isn't a hundred percent today... What's wrong?" I asked. James and I weren't really what you would call close friends, so him turning up at my door was odd.

"Tammi... Tammi is what's wrong! Jesus I knew this was a stupid fucking idea..." He said as he sat down on my sofa.

"what's happened?" I asked.

"well she tried to kill herself for a start fran, she took a bunch of pills and slit her fucking wrists open!" He said

"what!? When? Why?" I said shocked.

"last night, and because she can't live without Carlos apparently... How would you feel if she actually died knowing we had caused it, she did fuck all wrong fran! All she did was fall in love, who the fuck are we to interfere with that" he shouted.

"how do you know this?" I asked

"its on the news, and Carlos told me earlier, she phoned him last night, he didn't believe her and told her to do it, and she did... She fucking did" James snapped.

"fuck!" I said to myself. "I didn't know she would do that... I'm sorry James, but she is okay? Right?!" I asked.

"yeah she is okay but that isn't the half of our problems right now... She knows I was in her hotel room, she remembers seeing me there!" James said.

"how do you know, did she tell Carlos?" I asked now a bit worried.

"no she text me and said an hour ago" he revealed.

"shit, did you tell her about me?... Fuck James I can get in to serious shit doing what I did!" I explained, my heart now trying to escape out of my chest with worry.

"I've not said anything to her... Fran its worse than that.. Look just read this!" He said handing me his phone.

I read the text message from Tammi. "James, I know U were there that night, I know something is going on. If u don't fix this & explain the fuck what happened then I'm goin 2 tell the police all about Sheriden & who really murdered Marcus croft... I hear prison is no place to bring a baby up in!"

I read the message through a few times. "fuck! Okay... So I'm guessing Sheriden did kill him then?" I asked not knowing anything about what had really happened. Kendall never mentioned it, and I never felt the need to ask.

James shook his head "Carlos' brother did!, Sheriden kind or organised it... I can't believe Carlos is fucking stupid enough to tell anyone about that! He was told not to. Jesus! ... Fuck! ... Fran what Do I do?"

"shit... Holy fucking shit... Erm.. Tell Sheriden, she will be able to sort it out, she is a lot better at this kind of thing James. I can cause shit, I can't solve it" I explained.

"no way! Sheriden is finding it hard enough to stay alive at the moment with her blood pressure under normal circumstances let alone telling her she may be going back to prison... I'm not risking it... You started this, you finish it" he demanded.

"James I will end up going to prison if I come clean! I drugged her. The police don't take too kindly to that you know!" I said sarcastically.

"then think of something fran!" James demanded.

"okay... Okay..." I said taking a deep breath. "well I'm not very good at sorting things out but I can cause more shit... Lets cause more shit for Tammi" I said now wishing she actually had managed to kill herself.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23. Sheridens story.

Finally it was Tuesday! One day a week I tried and Kendall tried, to sneak away and spend some good quality time together.

I had told James that I was at a meeting at work with some new clients trying to secure a great campaign. But really I just wanted my Schmidt fix.

Seeing as I still had the keys to savannahs house we had decided to make the most of it and go back there. It was ideal, we could relax, chat and do what we did best... Have sex.

I think today was going to be mostly of the chatting variety due to recent events that Logan had dropped on us a few days ago. Savannah had also pissed back off home. Carlos said he doubted she would of gone and come back to see the solicitor today so I wasnt sure if she still wanted to do her own designing campaign or not.

No one seemed to be telling me anything that was really going on lately. to spare my anxiety I guessed, because of the baby. But it was very irritating, I liked being in the thick of it.

Something had happened in Logan and Mackenzies life that had completely changed their outlook to the future, usually Logan came to me with all manner of problems. I had helped him out of so many sticky situations I had lost count. But he wouldn't open up on whatever had made him quit the show.

The rushers had taken it okay. They were now on a mission asking the guys how did the show end, but btr didn't even really know. The fact Mackenzie said for them all to be half naked and wet was brilliant. As most tweets said "dead" or even Tammi was being blamed for it... Maybe that had contributed to her trying to kill herself? Who knows?!

I was currently driving to the usual spot of our deserted car park, then Kendall would be driving us to savannahs house, I had packed some food for us to eat. And was expecting a really nice chilled out few hours with my beautiful green eyed boy.

Kendall was already waiting for me in the car park when I pulled up. He looked delicious, his shades on, cap on and just a vest... His tiny little waist already turning me on.

"hello gorgeous!" I said as I opened the door.

"hello!" he grinned looking at me from over the top of his shades.

"how's phee feeling today?" I asked, Kendall had text me last night and said he wasn't sure if he would make today as Ophelia was unwell.

"she is a million times better today. She was early in bed last night" he said starting his engine. "and she slept like a log! Fran has taken her out shopping." He added as he drove off to savannahs.

"that's good. I always worry that Mitch spreads all his illnesses around to everyone." I said.

"does it worry you that he is ill a lot Sheri?" He asked.

"I don't like him being unwell but as long as its never anything serious then I think James and I can cope" I replied giving his hand a squeeze.

"kids are heartbreakers aren't they" he said.

I ran my hand over my stomach, giving my baby a rub. "yeah they are" I said in a whisper.

Kendall looked at me. "you okay... You seem a bit down hearted today?"

"I'm fine... Just tired, emotional... Scared" I replied.

Kendall then took my hand gently as he drove. "you will both be absolutely fine Sheri... I promise, I wouldn't say to do it if I thought for one second that I wouldn't get you back at the end of it." He explained.

I took a deep breath as the emotion of talking about it almost became too much.

Once again Kendall parked his car to the side of the property, last thing we needed was someone recognising it and us getting caught out. but it was safely tucked away there, hidden from view of the main road by the tall trees, that today were gently moving with the welcome breeze on this very hot day.

"thanks for doing what your doing for Logan... The heffron drive song I mean. I think it made the difference to how it all went for him telling us." I said as I opened the door to the house.

"that's cool... You have no idea how many times I've sat at home drunk, with the phone in my hand about to say 'i quit'... I know how he must of felt... I wonder why though?" Kendall said

"I've no clue... When are you doing the cover with him?" I asked.

Kendall rolled his eyes as we sat on the leather sofa in savannahs lounge. "either late tonight, or early tomorrow... Its just going to be a quicky job... He called me this morning and said he is taking kenz to Texas for a bit to get away".

"oh... Seems half hearted of him to not do it properly... I wonder what's happened?" I said exhausted of all the goings on.

"well he isn't going to tell us, so no point worrying about it... Come on lets go get you naked and in that bed... How's the back today?" He asked as he gently pulled me to my feet and we headed towards the stairs.

"the back is painful, but nothing out of the ordinary... Its the leg that is being a pain in the ass today. I was going to bring my crutches but I thought I would soldier on" I said, glad that I had told him as I wasn't going to.

"well there goes the acrobatic lovemaking session I had planned for us" Kendall joked, treating me to his beautiful smile.

"don't be mean to me" I giggled.

"mean?! I will show you mean" he laughed as he opened up the door to savannahs master bedroom that was to be our love nest for the afternoon.

I stripped off straight away and got in to bed. Kendall did the same. as he rested himself next to me he concentrated on satisfying his own sexual pleasure by massaging my breasts.

He gently circled his tongue around my nipple. The sensation made every hair on my body stand on end.

He then came up to head height with me and kissed me gently as he still caressed me with his hand, I teased him with my kisses as my tongue met his. His breath felt warm against my face.

I stroked his hair back "this seems the opposite of mean... I'm quite enjoying myself" I grinned.

Kendall smiled at me, his eyelashes catching the bright sun that shone in through the window, making his beautiful green eyes almost transparent.

"its insane how much I love you Sheriden!" Kendall said in an honest whisper.

I stroked along his cheek bone as he looked down at me as we lay on the bed. "can't live with you, can't live without you... I love you too baby... So much!" I said then kissed him again.

Despite the hotness of the day outside and the rays of sun that beamed in through the window, Kendalls body felt cool to the touch, I pressed my palm against his chest as it felt so nice.

"your not yourself today Sheri... What's wrong?" Kendall said now stopping all his physical contact. "did you want to stop doing this... Being together, I mean!" He said softly.

"what? No... No of course I don't! It hurts knowing what we are doing to James and fran, but I love you Kendall.. Its just..." I trailed off.

"its just what? Sheri tell me..." Kendall said sounding worried.

"ever since you said about ophelias eyes I've hardly slept... What if this baby comes out looking exactly like you! ... I've booked an appointment to find out if its you or James..." I said in one big breath.

"oh... I thought you could only do it after it was born?" Kendall replied.

I shook my head. "no, it can be done after 14 weeks, they pop a needle in my tummy and to do it like that" I explained.

"isn't that more risk though?" Kendall asked now placing his hand on my stomach.

I shrugged "... This entire thing is a risk Kendall... I just need to know... Either way" I said softly.

"how are you going to explain it to James?... The appointment I mean" Kendall replied.

"Its the same procedure they do for testing if the baby is downs syndrome... I will just go on my own... Unless you wanna go with me?" I said hopeful.

"yeah... Yeah I would like that" Kendall said kissing my tummy, he then worked his way back up to my breasts and our sexual encounter began again.

Kendall soon slipped himself inside me, making my insides contract with pleasure.

His movements were soft and gentle. I think he liked playing the romantic lover with me, sensual and caring. I knew for a fact that he would fuck fran senseless, she would always tell me of her tales which I thought odd as she knew my history with Kendall... Maybe that is why she would tell me.

Kendall had me gasping with pleasure from the first time I ever made love to him, he only ever got better with age.

As he made love to me and slowly kissed my lips we heard a car outside.

We both froze with fear looking at each other as Kendall still lay on me.

"who the fuck is that?" I whispered.

Kendall shook his head to say how should he know.

We then heard car doors open and shut, and fear invoked me as I heard the voices.

"Los you are going to fucking love it in here!" I heard savannah say through the open sash window of her house.

"fuck!" Kendall said, then shot off the bed and shut the door to the bedroom we were in.

"you have the only key right!? Fuck! what if they see my car?" Kendall whispered as he stood buck naked against the door.

"I thought I did!" I said in a panic. My heart felt like it was going to explode. "baby what are we going to do?" I whispered now crying, scared stiff that I was going to lose James completely this time if savannah and Carlos caught us.

"shhhh" Kendall said as we both heard the front door slam shut.

I looked around making sure that my purse was up here and not sat by the sofa downstairs.

Kendall must of seen me looking as he pointed under the bed where it had been thrown in my haste of undressing.

"fuck they are coming up the stairs!" Kendall said, I think he was pretty close to crying too.

"this one is the bathroom" we heard savannah say to Carlos as she showed him around.

"get under the bed!" Kendall said grabbing clothes as he sped from the door over to me.

"what!?... Oh fucks sake!" I whispered as I got up, straightened the covers out then snuck under the bed with Kendall.

"this is ridiculous!" I whispered.

"they are going to see my car!" Kendall hushed back at me.

"Shhhh" I snapped as I heard footsteps coming toward us.

The door opened, I could hear kendalls heart beating so loud.

"and this one... Is my room" savannah said as I saw her beautiful pedicured feet walk in.

"its really nice sav... When do you think you will move back?" Carlos said to her. I looked at Kendall as we lay on the floor and he rolled his eyes. He hated savannah.

"I'm not sure, hopefully soon... I don't want to be apart from you for long" she said as I watched her feet walk towards Carlos' vans that he still had on.

I then heard kissing.

I looked at Kendall again, he mouthed "what the fuck!?" to me.

So savannah and Carlos are back together then, I thought to myself.

"I still wanna take it slow sav... I do love you... But I need slow right now" I heard Carlos say.

Kendall was just shaking his head as he listened to Carlos and his romantic talk, I however thought it was cute.

"come on then... I will show you the other rooms" savannah said in an upbeat way as her feet headed towards the door, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"sav... I said slow, not non existent" Carlos chuckled then savannah walked back to him and I heard more kissing.

I looked at Kendall and almost laughed as I thought things were about to get disturbing for us.

Kendall tilted his head right back as if to say 'this can't be happening'.

But it was and soon clothes began being scattered around us as we hid under the bed, this had to be the most stupid situation I had ever found myself in.

Kendall got the giggles as he saw savannahs wig hit the floor. His shoulders were chuckling away. I couldn't even look him in the eye as I knew I would start laughing, and possibly a snort might pop out of my mouth exposing us hiding under the bed.

Imagine trying to explain that conversation to them if they found us naked under here!

"savannah your beautiful" I heard Carlos say to her, my heart melted hearing my handsome Carlos sound so romantic.

"just fuck me Los" was savannahs heartfelt response that made Kendall laugh to himself even more.

Listening to the bed creak and the occasional chit chat between Carlos and savannah doing it was amusing for about twenty minutes.

I looked at Kendall, giving him the 'how much longer can this last look'. Kendall then held his arm out and looked his wristwatch, I pulled it over to me so I could see, it had just gone 2pm.

I had never really thought about Carlos having sex before. even though we weren't related, I still considered him to be my brother so this was pretty weird, but he sounded very romantic. He asked savannah if she was okay on regular intervals which made my heart melt knowing what she had been through.

I also heard another side to savannah that I didn't know existed. She was completely different with Carlos, her stuck up persona was gone, the attitude that she always had where she was better than everyone on the planet had disappeared, she was now just an ordinary girl... That was so in love with my brother.

I wiped my hand over my face as I heard savannah scream out in pleasure for the second time, hoping that surely Kendall and mines punishment of having to listen to this was almost over. But Carlos was still going... And going.

I grabbed kendalls wrist and checked the time, it was now five past three. Kendal was sweating buckets. It was so hot.

'are you okay?' He mouthed to me.

I nodded and gave his hand a squeeze, even that was soaking with sweat.

Finally the time came that the love God that is Carlos Pena finished what he was doing to his now ex wife... I had gathered they were now divorced from the amount of times they had called each other Mr Pena and Miss Davies throughout there sex session. And they lay on the bed.

"oh my God Los... That was so fucking good" savannah said as she caught her breath.

Kendall shook his head with a grin on his face. I gave him a pretend silent slap.

"was a better attempt than the other night" Carlos said as I heard more kisses.

Oh so that's what happened the other night, Kendall and I looked at eachother, as we put the jigsaw pieces together as why savannah had run off.

"your the best sex I've ever had Carlos!" Savannah said giggling.

"ah... I preferred your your sister!" Carlos said sarcastically.

Savannah laughed at the idiotic game they now played.

"fine... James has a bigger cock than you anyway" she joked. To which my eyes almost popped out of my head on hearing her talk so freely about it.

Carlos then laughed at her. "a bit below the belt, but I guess if we don't laugh about our mistakes then they will eat us up..." Was his fairly logical explanation.

"I'm glad I came back to get you Los" she said sounding very emotional.

"I'm glad you did too... Especially after the news I got... Your my silver lining on a very dark cloud today.

I looked at Kendall and squinted my eyes, wondering what bad news Carlos had received today... was he sick? Had Tammi actually killed herself... What was it?

"Los I'm really sorry... But things will come together, its a completely new start for both of us now" she said to him.

My mind was working overtime trying to figure out what might be wrong.

"yeah... Yeah your right! I wonder what the other guys think... I should call them really" Carlos said.

I looked at Kendall again as his eyes now searched the bed that we stared up at, as he too tried to figure out what Carlos was talking about.

As moments passed savannah and Carlos got dressed and left the room. Kendall and I didn't move, the worry that they would see kendalls car was still there but soon enough I heard Carlos' car doors open and shut and they drove away.

Kendall got out from under the bed then helped me up. We looked at each other before bursting out laughing "oh my God that was fucked up" he said.

"completely! Who would of thought little Carlos was such a legend in bed!" I laughed.

"fuck! I'm so hot... Are you okay?" He asked.

"yeah I'm fine... Come on lets get out of here... You got everything?" I asked as he put his clothes back on and I got dressed quickly.

"yeah... We are clear... Come on lets go!" He smiled and took me by the hand and we hurried down stairs.

The drive back to my car in the deserted car park was fairly funny. What a situation we had found.

As I said my last goodbyes to Kendall and gave him a kiss I got back in to my own car. I chose a CD and popped it in the player then started my engine.

A knock from my window made me jump.

It was Kendall, I wound down the window. "what's up?" I smiled.

"I had a few voice mails on my phone" he replied, his face wore a burden.

"its not fran was it?" Worried that we had been caught out. Being on the wrong side of fran was a dark place to be.

"no" Kendall said shaking his head. "one was nickelodeon saying that they have released big time rush from their record label... But Sheri... The other was from Columbia... They've dropped us Sheriden. There is no big time rush anymore!" He said.

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just got out of the car and cuddled him, he was distraught.

How was everything now just falling apart at the seams.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24, savannahs story.

I spent the night with Carlos at his house, made more sense than having to get in a few supplies for me to live off of for one night then go back to Portland the next day.

I had showed Carlos my new house, he seemed impressed, so I was pleased. But he didn't know that it was Antonio that had found the house for me... I wasn't going to tell him about the plans James and Antonio had helped me with. Ever!

I lay naked in Carlos' bed with the morning sun from the window shining in on me. It was the comfiest way I had ever topped my tan up.

"will you tell your sister that we are back together...ish?" Carlos said as he walked in from the shower.

"not if you don't want me to?" I replied stretching my sleepyness away.

"in the circumstances its probably best that we don't" Carlos said as he dried off his chest.

"yeah, I know... its a selfish person that tries to take their own life Carlos... Don't you ever blame yourself!" I said honestly.

Carlos sat down on the bed and enjoyed the sights of my golden nakedness from close proximity. "I can't believe I ever let you go... Look at you!" He said, leaning down and kissing my shoulder.

"I let you go..." I said softly "but we are on the road to recovery Los. What's the time, I gotta see kenz before I go back to Portland. Are you still coming with me?" I asked

"its almost 9. And yes I'm still coming with you... Did you fancy a road trip? We will get seen on our road to recovery if we fly" he said smiling.

"yeah okay! Sounds good Los." I said getting out of bed and chucking on some clothes. "can I borrow one of your hats?" I asked eyeing them all up in his wardrobe on a shelf.

"sure... You not showering?" He asked

"nope, I'm being trashy sav from Portland today, comfy clothes... And no make up! No one will recognise me" I giggled.

Carlos laughed. "your beautifully trashy savannah" he said.

I laughed at his silliness. "I'll go make us a coffee" I said giving him a kiss and a cheeky grab of his manhood then tottled off down the stairs.

I wasn't going to tell my sister that I was back with Carlos but I was going to tell James... He had helped bring me back so he deserved to know.

I text him the news but he didn't reply. I guess his own shock news about big time rush being dropped was hard to take that my little problems just weren't worth bothering about now.

I got a cab to my sisters house, leaving Carlos at his house waiting for my return.

"hey sav you okay?" Logan asked as he opened the door.

"yeah... You? I'm sorry about the band Logan... I really am" I said.

"its okay... Its a shock but things might be okay, we are looking in to it" Logan replied.

"really how?" I asked

"Its a long story... But I'm talking to Kendall in a minute to do this heffron drive thing... We aren't telling the rushers anything just yet" he said "I best get going... Kenz is in the garden" he said then left the house.

"hey Macks! Logan let me in" I explained.

"oh hey! He has just gone to kendalls to do a youtube song... What happened with you and Carlos? why did you go back to Portland?" She asked.

"nothing happened, its about Portland that I wanted to talk to you about actually" I said fobbing her off.

"are you not moving back here after all?" She asked.

"I'm not sure... Macks, I know you have a lot going on right now but have you considered at all since dad died that maybe you could look after Sean?" I asked making full eye contact with her.

"erm... well when he first died I did but he is fine with his grandparents" Mackenzie said brushing me off.

"see I don't think he is fine. Last time I saw him he was being sent to bed and missing out on meals Macks... Ron is nasty to him all the time." I explained, waiting for her to jump to seans defence... But it never came.

"savannah I'm not taking him away from his grandparents because they send him to bed with no dinner. Mom and dad used to do that to us when we were little! Your being ridiculous." She said.

"no, Mackenzie! Its not like that, when I saw him the other day he hadn't been fed for 24 hours and Ron had been bullying him!" I said getting angry that she wasn't taking this seriously.

"savannah I very much doubt that they are starving him! He is a small boy, they have active imaginations. And ron just messes with him. Ask him if he wants to come and stay in a couple of weeks for the weekend with Logan and I, but honestly sav I think your worrying over nothing... I know its hard now dads gone. Are you coping okay?" She asked.

"Mackenzie! Fucks sake, I'm fine with out dad... I honestly don't think Sean is happy there... He would be much better off in LA with us!" I said bluntly.

"don't fucks sake me savannah! I am not ready to have a child to look after 24/seven! Logan has so much on his plate right now! Its not happening, I'm sorry! Why don't you look after him if your so worried?" She said getting angry at me.

I stood there feeling upset that no one was taking this seriously for Sean. "I'm not 21!" I said flatly.

"look I'm sorry but I've got to get going" she said standing up from her lounger in the garden. "I need to pack some clothes... I don't know how long I will be in Texas for. Will you be back in LA soon?" She asked.

I shrugged. I had hoped to, I needed to be close to Carlos to fix our relationship but there was no way I could leave Sean in Portland to only see him every few weeks... I just couldn't do it to him. "I guess not" I replied.

"its a shame sav" she said giving me a hug. "I will see you soon okay... Give Sean a hug for me... And don't worry, he is fine!" She said giving me a reassuring smile.

I left her house feeling fairly miserable. I had pinned all my hopes that she would just say yes to having Sean, then we all live happily ever after in LA... Typical Mackenzie has to actually think sensibly about these things though!

Carlos was sat on his sofa when I returned to his house. I just lay down next to him and buried my head in his lap. He gently smoothed my natural hair down.

"didn't go as planned then?" He said.

I just shook my head. I felt the sting of tears threaten my eyes.

"I believe you sav... about Sean" he said.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, letting myself have this one cry over it. I think Carlos knew I wouldn't be making use of the rented LA house now. I heard him sigh as I cried in to his shoulder.

"shhh, baby... Cmon lets get in the car and get you home okay" he soothed.

I nodded and wiped my face with my hand.

Driving from Los Angeles to Portland was not fun, it was long, and it was boring... It was also filled with uncertainty.

My mother was at home when we got there, she almost had an aneurism when she saw Carlos walk in the kitchen with me.

"Carlos! ... This is a surprise!" She said to him, not even bothering to greet me in her shock.

"hi, how are you?" He said to my mom giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"all the better for seeing you!" She said giving him a huge hug.

"mom! Stop it your embarrassing him." I said.

"oh shush!" She said to me. "savannah has been to hell and back pining after you... Are back together?" She Said to Carlos with hopeful eyes. I guess my mom had been really worried over all the crying I did at night.

Carlos took my hand "very slowly, but very surely" Carlos replied to her.

My mom then turned in to a sea lion at the zoo, making funny noises and clapping her hands in delight like a moron, I rolled my eyes at the embarrassment that was my mother!

"its kind of a secret so dont tell kenz!... I'm guessing its okay that Los stays here?" I asked sarcastically.

"absolutely!... Oooh we could get a take out tonight..." Mom said excitedly.

"well I was going to see Sean... Maybe he could stay over here tonight... He likes take away!" I said hopeful.

"no savannah! I've told you, I'm not having that boy in my house!" She snapped.

I sighed. "fine... We will be back around seven then okay?" I said to my mother then led Carlos back out to his car.

I would only get an hour or so of time with Sean today, as it was late in the day now... But I had promised him I would see him Wednesday!

I felt on edge when Carlos pulled up outside Ron and Bianca's house.

"you coming in with me yeah? They are so weird Carlos!" I said as I took in a deep breath.

"sure, with you every step of the way!" He said giving my hand a squeeze in reassurance.

I knocked on the door and Ron answered it. "oh its you!" He said

I just gave Carlos a sideways glance.

"sorry I'm a little late, we drove back from LA instead of flying" I said.

"hmm, come in" he said.

"this is Carlos... He is a good friend of mine... Sean will be pleased to see him!" I said with a smile that wasn't returned by Ron.

"SEAN!" Ron bellowed out.

Sean came in from the garden. There was no hug today, last time he had almost knocked me off my feet with a hug.

"hey seany! How's you?" I asked.

Sean just shrugged.

"where's Bianca?" I asked Ron.

"upstairs in bed, she had a head ache" Ron explained.

I wondered briefly if Bianca had in fact been sent to bed with no dinner because she answered back to Ron? ... Lets face it, they were weird enough to do things like that.

"are you ready then seany?"Carlos said. "savannah promised me that you would show me round toys r us!" He said with a smile to my brother.

Sean smiled back then ran to put his shoes on.

"has he eaten?" I asked Ron

"yes!" Ron replied dead pan.

"I will have him back by half six" I said then turned my back, not wanting to make any more conversation with a man that repulsed me.

sean was quiet all the way up to the toy shop.

When Carlos stopped the car I questioned him.

"what's up Sean? you okay?" I said to him.

Again Sean just shrugged.

"how come grandma was in bed?" I asked.

"I don't know" he replied, crossing his little arms.

I looked at Carlos, he also just shrugged at me.

"tell savs what's wrong... That's what big sisters are for huh!" I said cheerily.

"grandad said you didn't care about me, he said you didn't want to come round and see me.. "Sean then said quietly.

"what? Sean course I do, that's why I'm here!" I said.

"you should of been here ages ago, I was looking out the window for you and grandad said you weren't coming because you didn't want to see me any more" Sean said now filling up with tears.

I climbed from the front of the car to the back and gave my brother a hug.

"don't you listen to what grandad tells you okay! I love you seany. I was just running late... It was Carlos' fault so I think he needs to buy you the biggest toy you can find" I said with a smile.

Carlos grinned at me.

"are you moving far away again with Carlos" Sean asked wiping his face dry.

Carlos' smile faded, he knew I couldn't leave my brother here.

"no... I'm staying right here... I promise... But you promise that you won't listen to grandad when he says mean things. He is nasty Sean. Just ignore him" I said. "have you eaten?" I added.

He nodded.

"okay so lets go and choose the coolest toy we can find..." I said opening the car door.

After buying half the toy shop, as promised Carlos and I took Sean back at half six.

Sean opened the front door and we walked in.

Ron came fuming up to him.

"YOU! Bed now!" He snapped at Sean.

"what? Hang on! what the... We've only just got here, what has he done?" I snapped holding on to seans arm so he couldn't go anywhere.

"the little bastard is stealing!" Ron said. "I found things hidden in his room!" He added.

"what things?" I asked. "you can't talk about him like that Ron!" I snapped, feeling my own anger bubbling up inside of me.

"pictures! Chocolates! Snacks..." Ron bellowed, looking down at Sean like he was the spawn of the devil.

"I bought Sean food to put in his room because he wasn't being fed! What are you going to do Ron?.. Send me to bed?!" I shouted.

"what about this then!" He demanded, thrusting a picture at me. It was of heather.

"what about it?" I said

"ITS MINE!" He shouted.

I took a deep breath and looked at Carlos.

"fine... I have lots of pictures of dad and heather that Sean can have!" I said.

"they are not welcome in this house!" He said putting the framed picture of his daughter face down on the counter top next to him.

"Sean... Come here honey." I said to my brother, kneeling down to his height.

"you get yourself in your pjs, and tucked up in bed okay... I will see you tomorrow. Love you seany... Sweet dreams!" I said giving him a hug, and watching him carry his bags of toys upstairs.

His little eyes looked so happy that someone was saying goodnight to him, I wondered when the last time he was properly tucked in to bed, with a story and a cuddle.

Once Sean was up stairs I decided now was the time to ask. "what is wrong with him having that picture if all your going to do with it, is that!" I said pointing at the picture that lay face down.

"I don't wish my daughter to be discussed in this house! I will not have my property taken!" Ron snapped.

"why did you tell Sean I wasn't coming round today?" I asked.

"I didn't think you were... Savannah that boy is a trouble maker! He needs a firm hand now, before its too late" he said.

"what... Fuck! Listen to yourself... Honestly, he is 4.. Yeah! You are belittling him at every fucking chance you get, its disgusting. Heather would not want her son treated like that!" I snapped.

"don't you mention her name!" Was all he replied.

"okay, so Sean isn't allowed to look at pictures of his parents or talk about them... This is fucked up!" I said raising my arms in the air.

"sav I think we should go now..." Carlos said taking my hand. "We will take Sean out again tomorrow!" he added to Ron. Then pulled me out of the house by my hand.

I didn't fancy any food when I got back to my moms. I didn't fancy talking. I just wanted to turn my brain off, by 8:30 I was in bed. Carlos came up with me. I guess the fear of having to be alone with my insane mother was not much of a better option.

"sav are you okay?" Carlos asked as I got tucked in to bed.

"I just can't win Los... I'm going to have to stay here aren't I... I can't leave him. But I don't want to be apart from you. Why is life so shit?" I asked him.

"it does seem a bit shit. Look sav. I know you can't leave him. those people are really odd, and that guy had some major issues" he said "we will be okay though... I love you... It will be okay" he added.

"Los if I stay here I will hardly see you" I said getting teary.

"but Sean needs you here..." Carlos whispered.

I nodded.

It felt like we were breaking up again. Got so close then bam! Some other problems show up to pull us apart.

I fell to sleep cuddled up to Carlos in my bed. I woke up in the night and saw Carlos sat by the window with my laptop on him.

"Los what time is it?" I asked, my voice husky from my sleep.

"only half twelve baby" he said smiling at me.

"Really? Feels like it should be morning already." I said with a yawn.

"you were asleep before nine" he chuckled.

"what are you up to?" I asked looking at the laptop.

"research... I was looking at houses in Portland. I guessed that even if my directing went well it would be easier for me to travel to LA or wherever from here" he said.

my heart felt like it would explode. "your going to move to Portland with me?" I smiled, getting out of bed and sitting on my window seat next to him.

"no!" He said bluntly and my heart then felt like the fart noise a balloon makes when you let go of it.

"oh... I don't blame you" I said sadly, knowing that I would much prefer to go back to LA than stay here, but I didn't have a choice.

"like I said... I've been doing research... Your coming back to LA with me!" He then said.

"Los I can't... We've been through this." I said

"the legal age to be someones guardian is 18 savannah... Not 21" was, all he said.

"no its not" I protested, my mom had told me it was 21 when I first dabbled with the idea that it would be easier for me to look after Sean.

"look!" He said showing me what was on the laptop.

I read through the text. It was indeed 18.

"but Carlos..." I said now worrying about the realisation of looking after a small child permanently.

"there is no 'but Carlos', sav. If you honestly feel that this is the right road to take then I'm gonna support you, and... I just can't be without you sav... And Portland is really not us baby" he chuckled.

I laughed "no Portland is crappy" I said

"what if they say no to signing him over?" I asked.

"then go Sheriden style on their ass" he laughed.

"I'm not in to killing people funnily enough, I like to watch them pay for their sins" I said.

Carlos gave me a hug. I found it hard to sleep after that but I soon woke up again in the daylight and raring to go.

It seemed as long as I had no criminal convictions, and was in a sound mind to look after him then there wasnt a problem. I've was amazed at how easy this could be.

Carlos and I pulled up outside Ron and Bianca's just before 11. This time Bianca answered the door.

"is Ron in? I would like to speak to you both" I said.

"yeah, he is in there. Sean is in the garden" she clarified as we walked in to the living room. The smell of cigarettes in the room was disgusting. The ceiling was yellowed. I imagined Ron sitting there night after night chain smoking in his Stoney silence as my brother was crying in bed not being able to even look at a picture of his mom.

I sat down, Ron didn't greet me at all, he just sat there. He repulsed me.

"I wanted to discuss the guardianship of Sean... I personally feel that he would be better off coming to live with me" I said.

"don't be ridiculous you are a child yourself!" Bianca said.

"yet I can offer my brother a better lifestyle and more love than he will ever get here" I said bluntly.

Ron didn't say anything, he just stared at me.

"this is about stability savannah not lifestyle and love" Bianca said.

I shook my head at her ridiculous attitude to parenting.

"okay... I personally feel that he is being bullied in this house, neglected and the fact he isn't allowed to even mention his parents is just down right mean. I have the money to make a very big court case over this... I want guardianship of my brother... Now!" I said doing as Carlos had said and going Sheriden on their ass... Starting off nice.

"don't threaten me savannah" Bianca said.

"I'm threatening you because I feel so strongly about this! You know Bianca that this is not right for him... Its not what heather would want for Sean" I said now getting ready for Sheriden tactic number two...

I rummaged in my purse and slammed my cheque book on the table that was in front of me.

"how much do you want? 25... 40 thousand dollars?... You name it and I write it!" I said with the pen in my hand.

Both Bianca and Ron looked at each other. Just like Sheriden had always said... 'Everyone has their price!'

They didn't speak, so i decided to up the anti.

"here you go, 100 thousand dollars for guardianship of my brother" I said writing out the cheque and offering it to Bianca.

She was speechless. I couldn't tell if they were offended or tempted.

a little trick that Sheriden had taught me was peoples responses.

I ripped the cheque up as no one took it from me, it was then that I saw the greediness in Bianca and Rons eyes as they thought they had blown their big chance.

"okay this is my last offer!" I Said writing out one more cheque. "if you want this, you sign the guardianship papers handing him over to me and I take him today!" I said seriously "or I will get him by going through the courts!" I added, handing them over a cheque for 500 thousand dollars.

Ron took the cheque from me.

I had never felt so powerful in all my life. I can see how Sheriden had reached mafia like status by doing things like this for so long.

I didn't believe in people getting off lightly for their sins... But I was in on the knowledge that money did not bring happiness...

Carlos, Sean and I began the long drive back to Los Angeles.


	25. Chapter 25

chapter 25, Mackenzies story.

Yesterday Logan got the phone call that no one expected.

Nickelodeon had agreed to sell their half of big time rush over to Columbia, but Columbia had shocked everyone and said that they would drop btr as sales had gone down since the likes of one direction had hit it big in the states. They felt that big time rush had, had their day and it was time to pull the plug.

The contract with Columbia was up for renewal in 4 weeks anyway. I think that made Logan feel worse as it would have been renewed if there was another season of the show... But now btr would be left to just go down like a sinking ship stuck on the nickelodeon record label not able to release anything because there was no show anymore.

Logan was gutted, he really wanted to carry on big time rush. He said to me last night he felt empty.

I just wish we could have a break sometime soon.

It was very early in the morning, I had got up to use the bathroom, but on returning to bed I noticed Logan was awake and on his phone.

"what are you up to?" I asked snuggling in to his warm shoulder as I wrapped the covers around me. The air outside was cold.

"checking for henderwhore porn" he said.

I sighed. The amount of times that he had been on his phone or the laptop trying to find if our home videos had been uploaded yet.

"logues trust me, if they do end up online then it will take about ten minutes until its brought to your attention" I said. Logan only had to talk to another girl and it was all over twitter that he had left me and now in a relationship with her. News travelled fast... Good, bad, made up or pornographic.

"yeah your right" he said with a deep breath and put his phone back on his bedside table.

"what are we going to do when we get to Texas logues?" I asked.

"crawl under a rock?" he said with a sigh.

"Logan, cmon... I know things are bad but I need you to perk up... Nothing can be done okay" I said swirling my finger over his nipple.

"yeah I know... That's the worst part, its completely out of our hands!" He said.

"you need to relax... Lay on your tummy... I will give you a rub down!" I said patting his bare chest as he lay in bed.

Logan raised his eyebrows to me. "I think I will find it more relaxing if I massage you Macks!" He said with his cheeky dimpled grin.

"well you won't hear me complaining I giggled as I undressed and lay flat on the bed chucking the pillows on the floor.

Logan went to the bathroom and came back with Lotions and potions in his hand he then straddled himself just below my butt as I lay face down on our bed.

Logan worked his way down my back finally resting at the top of my ass slowly circling his fingers over my skin.

Suddenly the room felt incredibly hot as I felt all the blood flow to my privates as Logans touch turned me on.

he continued to touch and manipulate my skin and I found that goose bumps were appearing on me and uncontrollable moans of pleasure were escaping my lips.

It was like my body was suddenly possessed by the need for the delicious pleasure that my husband Logan always delivered for me.

I could feel Logans hands tense trying to keep his own sexual urges at bay, however the more I moaned the more he seemed to lose control as well.

I could almost hear the smile on Logans lips as he said sexy things to me as his hands moved lower, he shuffled down on my body and rubbed my butt, only stopping briefly to apply some oily lotion to my skin that made my insides throb for him to be inside me.

I was now completely smitten to his touch, I just wanted more, I was writhing in the pleasure of just his mere fingertips trailing along my flesh.

Slowly Logans hands moved between my legs and worked there way down as I raised my ass in the air inviting his hands to explore further.

I shifted about, signaling a need that was almost uncontrollable as his fingers finally found my clit. he stroked it hard and I stifled a moan in.

I grabbed at the bed sheets around me enjoying Logans intimate touch and trying to hold in my orgasm.

logans hands began to rub and manipulate me as my wetness turned him on and I felt his erection dig in to my leg, I begged Logan for more, I heard him chuckle, he moved down my legs further so I can raise my ass more so he can touch me fully.

his finger found my insides and gently entered into me. A second finger went in and he moved them in and out of me in a slow sexy fucking motion, causing me intense pleasure.

I could feel the blood again flowing to my privates and the intensity became strong as his hands brought me to the most intense climax I had ever felt in my life.

I bit down hard on the bed sheets as I came, feeling my insides pulse on Logans fingers.

As I melt into the bed I feel his strong hands wrap around my hips and turn me over. I gasped as I looked into the most gorgeous brown eyes as i recovered from my orgasm.

Logan stripped himself of his boxers, his perfectly sculpted abs that belong on nothing short of his heavenly body.

he roughly pulled me on to his lap as he now lay on the bed and sat me down on his massive erection.

"you want more kenz?" He teased me as he was motionless inside me.

I bit my lip "fuck me Henderson" I begged.

He shook his head with a smile saying no, teasing my body.

my insides still throbbed away from my own climax tightening myself around Logans huge cock.

Logan then slowly began to caress my nipples in his hands, the lotion that remained on his palms from the massage only adding pleasure to the touch.

I leant down while he caressed me and kissed him seductively on the lips.

I took this as my time to begin fucking him, I rocked my body on top of him as his still very hard manhood remained in me. I sat up and left his lips as we screwed, leaning back enjoying him inside me and the touch of him on my breasts.

Logan moved his hands down to my ass and slowly massaged me as he continued his slow erotic ride.

his motion that he now inflicted on me made me want more pleasure, more closeness from him. once again I lowered my body to kiss him, his hardness felt even more intense the lower I moved.

I sucked on his tongue feeling him get harder and harder inside me, hitting every sexual nerve I had.

Logan grabbed the bottom of my ass as he climaxed, sending me to my second instalment of heaven.

I lay flat out on the bed exhausted.

"are you relaxed?" I asked smiling.

"yeah... Fuck that was good" he said.

I cuddled in to him, his sex hair looking so hot.

I think we both fell back to sleep, only to get woken up by Logans phone ringing on the bedside table.

He answered it and walked out of the room to try and allow me some more sleep. I did doze in and out but Logan came in fairly excited.

"Macks... Macks! Wake up!" He said,patting my leg.

"is savannah here?" I asked. Savannah had called me last night saying she wanted to talk to me about Sean, she was coming over before she went back to Portland today.

"no not yet. Sit up!" He said pulling me up.

"what's going on then?" I asked.

"that was Kendall on the phone, he said that if nickelodeon sold us out of their contract we have with them, then they would sign over all the rights to the band to whoever bought us, so its not over yet Macks... Someone will buy us!" He said excitedly "Kendall has got people phoning loads of record labels to get the word out. We could get another 3 year contract if we are lucky Macks!" He said beaming.

"that's really good Logan... I told you things would look up!" I said giving him a kiss.

"yeah its amazing... $75million btr are worth you know?!" he said proudly

"really?... Goes to show how much you see of that 75mil huh" I said sarcastically.

All the guys were well off with fame and fortune from big time rush, but they sure didn't see anything like the sum of 75 million dollars come their way... Logan had lost most of his fortune through housing catastrophes. It was through the surrogacy that Sheriden got our heads above water again.

"yeah I know, but we are fine now huh" he said looking around at our beautiful bedroom.

"are you sure that another label will buy you for 75 million?... Its a lot on a band that are more to the end than the start of their career Logan" I said realistically.

"I said that to Kendall, but he says the record labels look at that kind of money like peanuts... So ... This is it kenz. Everything is fixed." He smiled.

I smiled back, I really hoped it was.

After Logan had done the youtube cover with Kendall and Dustin, and my sister had been around asking if I wanted Sean as he was being sent to bed at his grandparents, I still rolled my eyes at my sisters silliness. Logan and I caught a plane to Texas.

We didn't know how long we would be. I just hoped those home movies didn't make their way online.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

AUTHOR NOTE: before I get any more ridiculous complaints about this being an un factual story... Just to clarify I have no clue how much btr would be worth if this did happen, but like everything I write about I do my research, and this figure I got from the nearest thing to big time rush that I could find, which was S Club 7, they had the uk TV show Miami 7 and a band, and had three record companies, resulting in a 75 mil franchise. So... There you go. :-) xoxox


	26. Chapter 26

chapter 26, Frans story.

Well things were going from bad to fucked up.

James randomly came by my house a few nights ago and said that Tammi was threatening to go to the police with the information that she knew about the Marcus croft murder.

Carlos the dumb ass had told her everything so it seemed. Tammi was saying that if James didn't come clean with what really happened and fixed things between her and Carlos then she was going to the police.

It seemed pretty straight forward to fix to begin with. we were going to blame everything on Seth, tell Carlos that Tammi was drugged by someone and that's how things got out of hand. And say that James didn't know anything but he had actually tried it on with Tammi... Carlos would take her back, and Sheriden would be out of risk from going back to prison

That was the plan. The plan turned to shit pretty fast when it became apparent that savannah and Carlos were back together.

Savannah had text James to tell her the good news. James filled me in on this news this morning... But he also had more.

Savannah had returned to LA with her brother. She visited James and said she now had parental responsibility over Sean.

So not only had savannah nabbed her man back, she had also got her self a make shift family to add in to the mix.

I would of still tried to just get Carlos back in Tammi's arms some how. But how was I meant to leave a 4 year old boy with an emotional wreck of a sister if Carlos did go back to Tammi...

James and I needed a new plan.

"fran I'm meant to be meeting her in half hour... What are we going to do? Because I'm thinking that the truth is the best answer now!" James said as he sat in my lounge.

"you tell the truth James and you get me in the shit, you in the shit, seth in the shit, Tammi still without Carlos and because of that, Tammi will still tell the police about Antonio and Sheriden being involved with crofts murder!" I said matter of factly.

"then what do we do then fran? I'm fucking freaking out here" James said putting his hands on his head.

I thought for a minute with lots of different things running around my head, ideas that may help get everyone off the hook.

"okay... Well she is just pissed because she feels she has lost Carlos through no fault of her own... Yeah?" I asked.

"yeah!" James replied.

"right, so the best thing to cure a broken heart is to fall in love with someone else... Yeah?" I asked.

"oh fran, how the fuck should I know. Sheriden has been my be all, and end all of love" he replied.

"okay... You tell Tammi that you and her shared a moment... You felt strongly for her... You still do! Make her adore you James. Take her mind off of Carlos" I said. Quite impressed with my new plan.

"that's sounds shit! I can't really stand the girl, and what happens when I have enough and tell her to jog on... She will go straight to police about Sheriden to hurt me". He explained.

"not if you carry it on long enough! Once Sheriden has this baby you can tell her everything we have been up to without the risk of her blood pressure going beserk... Then she can get rid of Tammi as only Sheriden does best! She is a scary girl James... She really is, especially if Tammi knows Sheriden is capable of murder!... Tammi should just fade off some where, run to safety" I said.

"so you want me to have a pretend affair with Tammi Taylor for 8 months, to stop her from blabbing about Sheriden to the police?... Can I ask what happens when she wants to fuck me? Sheriden would not find that part of your plan very amusing." He said.

"just say no, tell her that once the baby is born she can have all your delights exclusively as you will leave Sheriden... But for now... And for the baby, you will have to hold back" I said smugly.

"this is absolutely fucking ridiculous... What happens if she doesn't want to fall in love with me?" He said.

"oh James, shut up! Look at you! Your perfection... Do you want Sheriden to go to prison or not?"

"obviously not!" James said with no emotion.

"well then, we have our plan!" I replied.

"where exactly am I meant to conduct an 8 month affair with a girl I can't stand?" He asked.

I shrugged "can Tammi sing?" I asked with a grin.

James rolled his eyes. "my studio? Oh for fucks sake... How on earth do I get myself mixed up in this shit!" He said then walked out the door slamming it shut.

I slumped back in to the sofa.

I checked the time on my phone and sighed. Kendall would be here soon, I had an appointment to discuss my eating habits. I knew I needed help but I didn't have a problem doing what I did, but Kendall did, and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew he must be hurting.

He was dropping Ophelia off to sheridens so he could put his full attention in to fixing me. It wasn't very often we went out together without phee... It was a shame it was to be wasted on a doctors appointment.

When Kendall did arrive I tried my best to distract him from wanting to go out.

"hey Missy!" He said giving me a beautiful soft kiss as he walked in my home.

"hi, your early. was phee okay with Sheriden?" I asked.

"yeah I felt bad leaving her with an extra kid, James wasn't home... She did say savannah would be round soon though... She has her brother with her now" Kendall said. Of course I already knew because James told me, but I couldn't let Kendall know that.

"Hmmm... Sounds riveting" I said running my hand over his junk in his pants.

"I know your game!" He laughed.

I giggled "rumbled!" I said giving him my pouty sad face as I gently stroked him, feeling him rise in my hand through the fabric.

"your beautiful fran" Kendall said and leaned in to kiss me as I still gently stroked him.

His kiss was gorgeous, stubble from him not shaving scratched against my face, yet it was still soft.

"cmon baby lets get going... Then I will fuck you hard when I get back" he smiled, giving my butt a squeeze.

I took a deep breath "okay I just need to pee quick." I said grabbing my purse and dashing to the downstairs bathroom.

Once alone in the toilet I opened my bag up which had some handy little weights inside. once the weights were in my pockets I gained an instant 10lb which should please my doctor in to thinking I am on the mend, and put kendalls mind at rest... Win/win!

Kendall drove me to the clinic which was miles away. I was wearing a baseball cap with my blonde curly hair out so hopefully I wouldn't get papped going inside, Kendall also had a hat on, he wore a white tee and jeans that had more rips in them than stitches. He made my mouth water.

Once inside the clinic not all went according to plan for me, for starters the doctor insisted I strip down to underwear to be weighed. That pissed me off.

my weight was well under, my BMI was really low and kendalls face just about finished me off. I was told I had to attend weekly meetings at the clinic.

I actually felt ashamed of myself. Kendall didn't talk until we got back in the car.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, just looking at my feet.

"have you been hiding things from me fran?" He asked.

I nodded "not eating when I say I have, binging when I said I haven't. And spending too long on the treadmill after you force me to eat... I'm sorry" I repeated.

"do you want to get better?" He then asked me.

"course I do baby... I love you Kendall, I love phee and I don't want to be like this in front of her... Giving her the wrong impression" I said honestly

"okay then today things start changing! you stop lying, come to me when things are bad baby... honestly, I'm here for you, please fran. I love you!" He finished.

"I promise" I whispered and gave him a big hug.

Kendall then started his car but the engine didn't turn over. He tried again and again but the car wouldn't start.

"oh fucks sake!" He said banging his hands on the wheel.

"oh come on... the train station is just there" I said pointing across the road.

Kendall grumbled then opened his door and got out. We walked hand in hand over to the train station, the platform was heaving with people.

I spent most of my time attached to kendalls face while we waited for the train to arrive. His kisses were delicious!

He moved his cap to the side so he could enjoy our kiss better. But the train arrived just as I felt his erection trying to escape his pants. I gave him a little chuckle as he tried to hide his trouser bulge from public view as we boarded the train.

the train was busy! Kendall took my hand as we weaved down the corridors trying to find a place to sit, but instead we ended up standing, Kendall was up against a wall and I stood just in front of him leaning my back against his warm chest.

As I looked around at the miserable faces that surrounded me I felt so lucky that I had the life that I did, and the boyfriend that I did.

The train stopped at a station and even more people packed in to the corridor that Kendall and I were in.

I backed further in to Kendall to give us a bit more personal space, that's when I felt kendalls erection digging in to me.

I moved my hand behind my back and gave his crotch a little stroke. Kendall leant his head down and kissed my cheek to show his appreciation to my sneaky cock grabbing activity on a train jam packed with unhappy commuters.

as the train moved back and forth I only felt Kendall get harder in my hand. Kendall thrust his hips further in to me enjoying the touch.

I looked over my shoulder at Kendall and smiled, he gave my lips a quick kiss.

I slid my hand inside kendalls pants and enjoyed the benefits of the feel of his hardened skin in my grip. I heard kendall chuckle in my ear at my bravery. He felt so hard.

I moved my hand up and down on his erection in soft even strokes, I heard a gasp fall out of his mouth as he enjoyed himself.

I built up my speed gradually, the thrill that we were actually on a packed train and I was jerking off my famous boyfriend in front of everyone, but no one noticing was out of this world, I think Kendall was enjoying it too.

I felt his hand that was holding on to my other hand, grip on me tighter. He almost stopped the blood flow in that hand. I kept on tugging on him with my other, i could feel him getting close.

More sooner than later Kendall came in my hand. A tiny groan left his lips and I felt his body shudder as his climax took control. I slyly slipped my hand out as if nothing happened and gently sucked on my fingers.

"you are something else fran" I heard Kendall chuckling again from behind me.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27, Tammi's story

As I looked out the window waiting for James to arrive and tell me what the fuck had been going, on my stomach felt knotted.

I had been out of hospital just over a day, my wrist that I cut just had a bandage wrapped around which hid the ugly stitches that lay under neath. I had very nearly nicked an artery... I'm lucky to be alive. I had to have my stomach pumped because of the aspirin I took.

I felt like shit!

All I could still remember of that night is that James had been in that hotel room with me. Carlos wouldn't answer his phone to me, I didn't blame him really. He must think I'm nuts. Even my own mother doesn't know what to do or say to me. Everyone thinks I'm mad.

I watched as another car zoomed past the window, this one however stopped just up the street then reversed back to my house.

James got out the car then made his way to my door... "well tam here we go... Truth at last" I said to myself.

James knocked.

I took a breath then opened up.

"hey!" James said softly.

"come in" I replied.

James did walk in then he hugged me. It took me bu surprise.

"how are you?" He said taking my wrist in his hand and inspecting the bandage.

"I'm okay... Thanks" I whispered. Taking back my arm from his grip.

"I'm so glad! I've been going out of my mind" James replied.

Okay this was weird. Why was he being so nice?

"James what happened at Frans party?... I just want to know, I don't want to get Sheriden in trouble... Was it her that caused all this?" I asked nicely compared to how I felt inside.

"no Sheriden has nothing to do with it... I thought we said we wouldn't talk about it again... You said it was best! then you asked me to leave after you invited that other guy up to the hotel room" James said trying to take my hands, I found it odd, and brushed him off.

"Talk about what again? I honestly have no clue what happened James... Honestly!" I said fed up of his riddles.

"you don't remember anything?" He asked looking sad.

"no.. So please fill me the fuck in" I said.

James then held me by the waist and kissed me. I then kneed him in the balls.

"tam!... what the... Fuck?" James said as he cupped his testicles.

"what do you mean? Why are you trying to kiss me? Just tell me what fucking happened James... Please!" I begged, feeling emotional and desperate. Tears now escaping from me.

James looked genuinely upset as he gained his composure.

"come and sit down... I will tell you everything" he said gently pulling me by my good hand to my sofa.

I sat in silence waiting for him to start.

"you got upset at Frans party because Los and savannah were talking. Carlos had a fight with this guy and both him and savannah got thrown out of the hotel." James explained.

"I don't remember..." Was all I said.

"okay... Well you got drunk talking to a few random men, I'm guessing one of them slipped something in your drink, I got fed up watching you sprawl your self over guys so I took you away... That's when we started to get a bit friendly. You sat on my lap and... Well I paid for a hotel room for us" James revealed.

"carry on" I said feeling and sounding mortified.

James nodded.

"Tammi... I made love to you" James said softly, like he was waiting for me to attack him.

"does Sheriden know?" I asked.

"no... She would honestly do some crazy shit Tammi... Don't tell her... Please!" He begged.

"okay, so that Seth guy?" I said

"Seth was one of the guys from downstairs... You left the room to get champagne after we had... You know, but came back with him." James explained.

"did I sleep with him?" I asked.

James shrugged "I guess... You wanted us both... But my threesome days are long gone" he then said.

"so you left and I spent the night with that Seth guy?" I asked.

"yeh" James said and looked at his feet.

"James if you thought something had been put in my drink why would you have sex with me, let alone leave me with a strange man?" I said feeling teary.

"at the time I just thought you were drunk, you looked normal, the fact you are saying you can't remember anything is a big indicator that you were drugged... So everything you said to me you can't remember?" James asked looking emotional, he held his hands together and just looked at them down by his lap.

"I can't remember anything apart from you with your back turned... Someone else was undressing me... Seth?" I whispered the name.

"I left after Seth came up with you... I didn't want to share you, I was pissed off, you told me to go if I wasn't going to join in, i felt like the time we spent together didn't mean anything to you, so I went downstairs, got savannah and went home... You shot yourself in the foot by doing all that twitter shit" he said.

I sat silent for a few minutes.

"Carlos won't talk to me... I felt for sure Sheriden had done something... It doesn't make sense James... I need Carlos back... talk to him for me please, he won't even answer his phone to me" I said sobbing.

"he won't talk about you Tammi, honestly I've tried talking to him" James said.

"please James... I promise if you don't then I will go to the police!" I threatened.

"Sheriden is pregnant and she has done nothing to hurt you" he said.

"I don't give a shit James! You just told me you paid for a hotel to fuck me at Frans party, so I'm blaming you for this! Its your fucking fault that Carlos doesn't love me anymore" I shouted.

James swept his hand through his hair and let out a huge sigh as he slumped back in to my sofa, I thought for a minute he was going to explode with rage but he just sat quietly for a while.

"I've honestly tried to talk to Carlos Tammi" he said looking straight at me, his eyes trying to reason with me

"try harder... James I can't lose him! If I lose him you lose Sheriden.. Are we clear?" I threatened.

"crystal" he replied and again sat silent for a while.

"you can go now" I said.

James rolled his eyes at my comment "great! Well its nice to know you actually fucking cared about me Tammi" he said.

I put my hand on my hip as I stood up to open the door for him but James wasn't budging.

"okay well I still don't have a clue what your talking about so just sort this mess out and leave my house please!" I demanded.

"you actually said that you cared about me, you said you had always liked me, even from years ago... Jesus! I wouldn't of fucked you if I didn't think it was true" he said.

"James I have never felt anything for you" I said honestly.

"I poured my heart out to you Tammi... I told you how much I've longed for you... Fuck sake... Why are all you girls alike... Savannah was the same!" He said.

"I am nothing like Savannah fucking Davies!" I shouted at him. How dare he compare me to her.

"really? she just lied to me too" he said matter of factly.

"James what happened between us?" I asked.

He then swept off of the sofa and kissed me again. Shock kind of glued me to the spot. I pulled away once my senses came back.

"I really like you Tammi... I have for ages" he whispered, inches from my face.

"I think you should leave now" I stammered out, feeling like I was on an alien planet where nothing made sense.

James took my bandaged wrist in his hand again. He rubbed his thumb over it. "if you need me then text okay" he said then kissed my wrist and walked out the door.

What the fuck? I looked out the window and watched as James drove away.

as hours ticked by I was half expecting a phone call from Carlos. I hoped to God that James was going to talk to him for me. It wouldn't be long before he figured out I knew jack shit about who killed Marcus croft... All I knew was that it was a bit suspect that they never caught the killer... Carlos wouldn't tell me anything about it.

I text James late in the evening "did u speak with Los?" I wrote.

he replied straight away "phoned him earlier but he didn't want 2 talk about it. How r u? u looked so ill this morning! Xox" He wrote.

"keep trying! I love him. I need him" I replied back.

"I need you! Seriously tam, r u ok? Xox" he text back

What the fuck had happened with me and him? Why was he now acting like a love sick crack head towards me.

"why do u even care? It was a 1 night stand that I will regret for the rest of my life!" I replied.

I didn't get a reply back, I actually felt bad. James was the only one asking if I was okay. I went to bed feeling as I still knew nothing and was no closer to getting Carlos back.

When I woke up in the morning I checked my phone. I had one text only but it was from James "morning tam! Come by the studio next tues at 11. I will keep trying with Los I promise! See u tues. xox"

Why does he want me at his studio? Since when did James maslow get so weird!

"why?" I replied.

"its a surprise! How r u 2day?" He text back.

I wondered if he had arranged for Carlos to be there too, that would be a good surprise!

"ok. I'm feeling lots better thanx" I replied feeling happy. I bet he had got Carlos to his studio.

"great! C u tues. Here if u need me xox" he sent back.

James had put me in a good mood. I felt I was actually on a real mission to get my Carlos back!


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28, Frans story.

"what are you doing here?" I said to James as he walked up to me in the park, I had Ophelia and Parker with me, Parker was currently on the climbing frame, i was pushing phee in a swing.

"savannah was at my house, she said she was on her way to a play date with you so I thought I would treat Georgi to the park" James said placing Georgi in the swing next to me "and talk about Tammi!" He added.

"how did it go with her the other day? Is she still saying she will go to the police?" I asked

"yeah, she is saying she will if I don't fix it... I kissed her fran and she kneed me in the nuts! I don't think the plan will work!" He explained, to which I had a little chuckle.

"she must think the sun shines out of Carlos' back side if she turns you down James, next to my Kendy you are the most attractive man alive" I said matter of factly.

"then maybe get Kendall to seduce her because I'm not finding this very fun fran" James said with a sigh.

"I can't tell Kendall what I did! He would go bananas! He thinks I'm a good girl" I winked. "did you arrange a date for her to sing at your studio?" I added.

"yeah next week... I have no idea if she will show and even less idea if she can sing!" He replied sarcastically.

"well it's just a place to go, it's not like your going to be releasing a record together... Just tell her it's a bit of fun and work your magic on your sound board thingy" I answered.

James rolled his eyes "she has text me four times already today fran, all asking if I've spoken to Carlos" he said.

"and have you?" I asked.

"No course I haven't, I just keep telling her he won't talk about things, or that he isn't picking up" James replied.

"sav is here!" I said forcing a smile on my face as she approached. "just keep wooing her James... Keep her mind busy. This will work... It has to!" I said quietly as savannah walked up and gave me a hug.

"how's life with a small boy sav?" I chuckled knowing how much of a handful Parker is.

"it's difficult... Not going to lie but Sean is great! just had a chat with Sheri... I'm completely off her books now. I've given up modelling all together!" She said as Sean ran off to play in the park.

"really!?" James said astonished. "what did Sheriden say? I bet it wasn't anything nice" he added.

"she was really good about it actually. I was speechless. I thought she would say she was taking me to court or something, I know how much she loves me, and how much money I can make her" she replied to him.

"why have you given it up?" I pushing Ophelia in the swing as she giggled away as she passed Georgi in hers.

"I'm going in to designing, I've shown Sheriden a bunch of ideas I've done, she thinks they are fucking awesome" savannah replied, then clapped her hand over her mouth as she realised she swore.

"oh yeah! Sheri said she was looking forward to jumping on board with you" James said.

"yeah that's what I thought, but she just turned me down. Said the timing wasn't great for her" savannah replied.

"really? That's odd, she was really up for it the other day" James replied.

"yeah well anyway... Not that your second choice fran... But I'm gonna need some experience in on this, so you fancy it? You wanna be my partner in crime?" Savannah asked with a giggle.

"oh... I wasn't expecting that sav... It sounds great" I replied. "bring your designs round and we can have a good chat about it... But yeah I'm very interested!" I said. I liked to look after my money, and I liked my money to look after me, so ventures like this always caught my eye.

"okay brilliant, I can come over tonight?" She said.

"it's a date! Will Carlos be joining you?" I said with a grin.

"me and Los are just friends" she replied with the stupidest smile smacked on her face.

"Hmmm" I replied.

"how are you anyway? Sheriden said your on the road to recovery?" savannah said.

"oh well it's nice to know everyone is talking about me behind my back savannah! Thanks for that" I replied.

"oh sorry, I didn't mean like that, we're not stupid fran we know what's up... We worry that's all!" Savannah said in defence.

I nodded reluctantly. "yeah I know... I'm good, the check up brought some things up that needed addressing, but yeah I'm on the road to recovery" I lied.

I tried... I had really tried to get myself in a healthy state of mind over my eating. I was now eating, but I wasn't eating much and was now on my last trick that Kendall hadn't yet figured out... Laxatives... The most unglamorous of the eating disorders, but so far the best well hidden from Kendall, I told him it was a side effect from some of the protein shakes I had been advised to take to gain weight, so he didn't realise anything was wrong.

"well I'm glad fran!" Savannah said with a big smile.

I flashed her one back then carried on pushing phee in the swing.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29 tammi's story.

I parked my crappy Ford up outside the nice looking building, I couldn't see Carlos' car here anywhere. My heart sank a little as I realised that Carlos wasn't going to be my surprise James had promised me.

Why had I even bothered coming, I was best off just leaving LA for a bit. I had a phone call yesterday saying that my part in Carlos' film he was directing had been dropped so there was no job for me anymore on the set. To be honest I wasn't shocked. But I felt so low.

I couldn't remember the last time I laughed. My life had gone from normal to perfect to shit... And I didn't think the shit part would be going away for a while yet.

I grabbed my purse and walked across the parking lot and through the double doors, I had never been in here before so didn't have a clue what to expect. No one was here.

"James?" I called as I wondered aimlessly through a corridor.

I couldn't see that anyone was here. Then some hands covered my eyes up from behind me, making a little scream fall out from my mouth from the shock.

"guess who" came James voice as he spun me round.

"you scared the shit out of me" I moaned.

"sorry! ... Come on through here, I will give you the grand tour" James said opening a door up in the corridor.

This was all very well and good and it got me out of the house but what exactly was James after... It just felt like a complete set up to me... He couldn't honestly like me! Not in that way anyway, I wasn't overly convinced he had liked me in any kind of way to be honest.

"James what is all this about" I asked.

"having fun!" He replied taking my hand and sitting me in a seat in a glass box.

He pulled a huge microphone down from the ceiling and positioned it in front of me.

"what song do you know all the words to?" He asked me with a smile.

"James I can't sing! I'm not doing this!" I said as I tried to stand up, but his firm hands placed on my hips pushed me back down.

"it's just for fun Tammi... Remember fun?! cmon I'm trying my best here, it's either that or I take you to Disneyland which I think a lot of people would raise an eyebrow at." he said raising his own eyebrows.

"kesha" I replied "I know tik tok off by heart" I added.

"oooh, dancy... Nice. Okay well put these on" he said putting massive head phones on my head and I will sort the track out for you... Don't move!" He chuckled as he left the glass box room and went in to his own little room filled with buttons.

I jumped out of my skin when james' voice echoed in my ears, he chuckled away at me.

"can you hear me okay?" He giggled.

"clear as a bell" I said sarcastically.

"kay, you will be able to hear your own voice through your headset in a minute, I will start the music... Just have fun... Dance if you want!" James said through my head phones.

I looked at him and nodded... I honestly could not sing.. I didn't want to do it. The music started but I just let it play, I missed my intro.

"ah cmon Tammi, don't be shy. I will sing with you if you like... In your ear though" he said.

I nodded. "yeah okay... Go on then, start it up again" I said making a rolling motion with my finger.

I actually felt a bit rock n roll.

The music started and I did sing but I fluffed the lines up. James had another chuckle in my ear

"do over?" He asked.

"please" I smiled.

I then gave it another go, I dread to think what James must of thought of my voice, I know his was pretty good, and music was his life, from what I could hear in my ear from my singing it sounded awful. But never the less I finished the song.

"well that was... Different!" James said with a laugh in my ear. He then left his little room and came back towards mine, opening the door up he reached out his hand for me to take. I didn't take it, but I stood up and followed him out.

"right I've left your track doing some final touches on the computer in there, so while we are waiting I thought I would take you out somewhere extremely special for lunch!" He said with his perfect smile.

"I don't think Sheriden would like you taking me out to lunch James" I protested.

"don't worry about that... You can have anything on the menu!" He said taking me by my good wrist and pulling me out of the room and in to the corridor then in to another room.

I laughed when I saw the vending machine "anything on the menu huh?" I smiled.

"yup... Even the top shelf... Those are the expensive items" he laughed.

I shook my head in amusement at James, I had never seen his humorous side, he had always been fairly serious from what I had seen.

I chose a bag of skittles, an apple, a bottle of water and we decided to share a bag of Doritos as James had run out of change for the machine.

"where would you like to eat your delicacies m'lady" James asked holding his arm out for me to take, which I did.

"well... It's such a choice" I mocked looking at the corridor full of boring looking rooms that came off of it.

"there is a rehearsal stage in that room" James offered.

I shook my head.

"oh I know!... This way..." He said excitedly.

He took me up two flights of stairs and through a fire escape up on to the roof. The warmth from the sun got me straight away. And the view of downtown LA was kind of nice from up here.

"how's this tam?" James asked, his voice now serious.

"it's perfect" I replied and sat myself down on a little wall.

I looked at James as he sipped at the water he had bought. I couldn't figure him out now.

"when will my song be ready?" I asked.

"hopefully soon, but I do need to get back home... But I could let you hear it on our next date?" He said casually looking over the roof tops as he drank his, water.

"date?" I repeated.

"I like you... Do you not like me?" He asked now pulling his shirt off to soak up the sun.

"erm... Yeah but-" I replied but he cut me off.

"there doesn't really need to be a 'but' Tammi" he said.

My eyes scanned his beautiful body as it glowed in the sun. He was nice. "okay... I do like you... BUT this is fucked up" I replied.

"well yeah, I'll allow that 'but'" he chuckled.

It was nice to laugh. My song wasn't finished doing whatever it was having done to it by the time James had to go, so he promised to bring it round to me next week.

He tried to kiss me goodbye before I left the building but I still felt something wasn't right about all this so I denied his kiss.

Maybe next week I might let him.

The week went by slowly, the only reason I contacted James was to ask about Carlos, he never had any news on that subject but always chatted about how I was over the texts he sent,he made me feel very special.

I wondered what would happen if Carlos would take be back. if James would get angry with me? he seemed so smitten... I just didn't understand.

I found myself waiting at the window again for James to arrive, my stomach now filled with hope than the knots it had before.

Even though he wasn't what I wanted, he made me smile and laugh and was still the only person that seemed to care for my well being. His texts were always filled with concern to how I was or what I had filled my days doing. It was then I realised that I was looking forward to seeing him rather than get Carlos back.

As the third black car in a row sped past my house my heart sank. He was twenty minutes late. As the minutes ticked past I felt that it had all been a game to him, a cruel joke he had played.

Carlos never played with my heart. He only ever loved me... I missed him so much.

I got my phone out after another ten minutes and sent James a pissed off text. "knew u were just messing me about! Your a bastard James! Get me Carlos. He is all I want!" It read, and I pressed send with tears filled with hurt running down my face.

A few moments later... as sods law would have it, James' black Mercedes pulled up out side my house. I watched from the window as he turned the engine off and opened the door, he had one foot out but stopped as I saw him look at his phone.

He looked up at the house, I don't think he could see me. He slipped his phone in his pocket as he got the rest of his body out of the car, then walked up to my front door and knocked.

"hi" he said sceptically as I answered it a bit red faced.

"hi" I said in a voice so quiet I wasn't sure he heard me.

"what was the text all about?" James asked.

I just felt so emotional, all I could respond with were tears. Upset with myself that I was being horrible to the only person that was nice to me but relieved that he had actually turned up.

"I didn't think you were coming" I sobbed.

I couldn't work out james' expression, but he looked like he blamed himself. He gave my shoulder a rub as he tried to console me but I just buried myself in his arms, that's when he gave me a hug and I felt like a complete idiot.

"are you okay?" James asked as he pulled away from our hug and he held on to both my shoulders.

I nodded

"I should of text to say I was running late, but the reason I was late was because I forgot something, and had to go all the way across town and get it" he said handing me something.

"what is on that?" I said looking at the memory stick that he held in his hand.

"it's your song!" James said with his first smile of the day for me.

I dried my eyes and took the memory stick from him.

"I forgot about this" I whispered.

"I wish I could" James said sarcastically, my voice really must be terrible. I smiled at his sarcasm.

"I did warn you" I chuckled.

"where's your laptop?" James asked looking around.

"it's in here" I replied walking out to the kitchen and sliding the laptop over towards me as it lay on the large glass dining table. I popped the memory stick in and waited for the contents to load up.

James pulled a chair over and sat next to me.

"is that it?" I asked him, moving the cursor over a bunch of numbers that made up the file name.

"yep that's it!" James replied with his second smile for me.

I clicked on the media file and the song started playing, it sounded exactly like the kesha music, I awaited with bated breath for my voice to start. I laughed when it did, in more shock than anything, it was really good, I squeezed james' arm with excitement as he sat next to me. All he did was chuckle.

When the song came to an end I gave myself a little clap "oh my God! That was really good wasn't it?" I said with no modesty.

"it was really good, yeah!" James replied still smiling.

"I didn't even think I could sing but... Wow... I'm so impressed with that" I said squealing with delight.

James just smiled away at me.

"why are you grinning like that?" I asked.

"it's actually nice to see a genuine smile on your face Tammi" he replied.

I don't know why but I instinctively rubbed the scar on my wrist, the bandage had gone now, leaving behind a raw, ugly red scar that reminded me everyday how shit life had got. The reasons why I stopped smiling.

James looked at me for a while then sighed. He took my wrist from me and rubbed his thumb along the scar that he was seeing for the first time.

"I'm so sorry" he said as he looked at it.

"it's not your fault James... You didn't force a blade in me" I replied.

"I just feel the whole thing is my fault... I made someone feel so bad they wanted to kill themselves" he said in a whisper.

"it wasn't you James... You didn't make me feel bad, I was the one that slept with you and that Seth guy, I was the one that cheated on Los. I was the one that made him not love me" I said softly.

James didn't reply. He just looked at the scar lost in his own thoughts. He eventually gave my wrist a little pat and let me have my hand back.

"okay!" He said forcing a smile on his face, "before you get carried away with solo record ideas as the next big thing, you might want to check out the other file" he said with a chuckle.

I smiled at him, looked back to my laptop and pressed play on the other media file.

I laughed so hard when I heard it. "oh my fucking God, James! What is that?" I said feeling myself go red.

"that's you, totally clean. No editing, no buffing, no computer tricks... That is raw talent" he said laughing at my horrendous voice that was now playing on the speakers.

"it's raw alright!" I laughed as I listened to the original version of me singing, which sounded like a terrible night at the karaoke bar. It was awful!

"well it goes to show how good you are in a studio" I laughed.

"it definitely does" he laughed more at me than with me but I appreciated what he had done.

"thanks James" I said and leant in and kissed him.

I must of taken him by surprise as he flinched back, I very almost expected him to shout at me.

"what's wrong? I thought you wanted this?" I asked confused.

"I.. I do... Want this!" He stammered out. "sorry you just took me by surprise" he added now he had his thoughts back with him. He placed his hand across my jaw line and leaned in to kiss me.

i closed my eyes as he came towards me, james' kiss began slowly, just his soft lips brushing against mine.

He felt shy, but like he wanted to kiss my pain away. My tongue teased it's way in his mouth and his gingerly joined mine. It was then I felt a surge of emotion run through my body, my heart rate quickened and I raised my hand, placing it on the side of his face and gently stroked his hair.

The feel of his tongue as it danced with mine was fulfilling. I just wanted more. I felt james' other hand on my waist as he gently pulled me in closer, as he too enjoyed the kiss we shared.

I felt my insides throb as I wanted even more from him. My hand moved from his head and travelled down his chest, and passed his stomach, feeling the firmness of his abs as my hand traipsed over his perfect body.

I began pulling at his shirt, I wanted him... I was ready for him.

James moved his own hand and gently took my shirt pulling one in his, stopping me from trying to undress him.

His kisses gently slowed on my lips and he gave me a parting gesture of a small tender kiss of my cheek. He looked in to my eyes as he still held my hand. His warm honey like brown eyes were gorgeous. I had never seen anything like it, even each little eyelash that surrounded his lid complimented those incredible eyes , like the most beautiful frame to the most gorgeous piece of artwork you had ever seen.

the smile then that came to just finish me off was just as beautiful. I was totally lost in James maslow then.

"i want to take it slow before we get carried away" he whispered, "I want to make sure we feel it here" he said tapping his chest. "and not just down there" he added looking at his lap.

His eyes came back up to meet mine, and I knew that with the mixture of his kiss, his touch and his heartfelt words that I truly was lost in James maslow... And I didn't want to be found.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30, Savannahs story

3 weeks had passed since I asked fran to join me on my mission to be a top clothes designer. She also loved my designs and had some great ideas of her own... This was going to be huge! I was so excited.

I had just got out the taxi at Frans house, Sean had been dropped of at play school, and I was about to go over some other ideas she had. She was full of them, not just ladies fashion, but kids too. This was set to be a good idea of mine once it took off.

I knocked on the door but no one answered, she was expecting me so she must be in, I tried the handle to let myself in, the door opened and I heard raised voices in the kitchen.

Not Kendall and fran though, it was James shouting at her.

"I've had enough fran! This isn't fair on anyone, especially her!" James yelled.

"well go ahead tell her the truth James! See how long before the police come knocking" she snapped back.

"I don't get how this was your fucked up plan but it's me that is taking the brunt of it, your fine aren't you! Just swanning around leading your own life while I'm stuck doing this shit... You don't want to even know what she is texting me now fran... It's got to stop! It's getting dangerous and lives are beginning to get fucked up!" He shouted then came storming out of the kitchen and laid eyes on me.

"hey!" I said instinctively, caught in the act of eaves dropping.

"I'm out of here" James said and walked past and out the door I had just entered in.

"all okay?" I asked, looking at fran trying to wrack my brains as to what the fuck that might of been about.

"yeah... Yeah all fine... Nothing to worry about. Did you want a coffee?".she asked fairly casually. I just nodded.

We came up with some excellent designs, fran was really going for it with the crazy ideas, she was born for this job! I was learning so much from her.

My day went quickly, and once Sean was asleep in bed Carlos came over. We relaxed together just watching some lame movie, it was nice to be so private now after such a public romance and marriage before. It made me appreciate what I actually had and not what I could brag about online.

Carlos and I began kissing on the sofa, it was late, and the room was dimly lit and had a romantic feel about it.

"come to bed and I will treat you to some Los loving" Carlos whispered to me.

I looked him in the eye and smiled "I love you" I whispered. "how about I treat you to some savannah sexiness" I grinned and cupped his junk in my hand as we sat on the sofa.

Carlos just smiled, he didn't like to say yes or no when I offered to do things he knew I was sometimes uncomfy with.

I knelt down on the floor in front of him, and unzipped his pants, his large erection being freed in to the room. And tugged his pants down.

"I love you" Carlos said.

I smirked at his terrible timing to declare his love but decided that the time for conversation had ended.

I took off my t-shirt and black lacy bra, I knew how Carlos liked to have some skin to look at, and I knew he would love to see my bare boobs as I sucked on him.

"Touch me Los" I demanded. Taking his hand and placing it on one of my breasts. Carlos' eyes bulged when he got a look at my naked chest he slowly fondled me in his hand.

i let him play with my breasts for a while, savoring the attention and the sensation of his hands squeezing my boobs. He got my nipples hard, this made him even harder.

once he let go and let me know he wanted more from me, i rubbed my boobs all over Carlos' thighs, i had never been like this with him, he was enjoying the sexy show i was treating him to.

i returned to my kneeling position on the floor and I gently spread his legs apart. I spent some time kissing his thighs, getting closer and closer to his balls as I did this.

carlos let out a loud moan when I put one of his balls into my mouth. I licked it, I was also stroking his thighs with my hands. He started breathing hard completely unaware of what I was actually capable of, unaware of the girl I used to be before I was attacked... He was about to find out.

I gently licked his balls while warming them up with my mouth. I used my tongue to move them all around. my lips were completely enveloping his entire sack, up to the root of his cock.

My hands began to stroke his hardness.

"Oh, savannah!" Carlos said in a whisper, i looked up to see his eyes shut. He didn't seem capable of saying much else. I liked that. turning him on so much he couldn't really say much besides "Oh savannah" I loved hearing my own name shouted out in pleasure.

I removed his balls from my mouth and licked his erection with the tip of my tongue. I drenched his lap with my saliva.

I worked my way up to the sensitive part of his cock. I gave that area some licks, and then teased him a bit with some long slow tongue action up and down his length.

When I knew he really needed some direct stimulation, I finally put my lips around the whole head of his cock and started to gently suck him off. Fondling his balls with my hand, I slowly lowered my mouth over his entirety, getting his hardness deep inside me.

I slowly bobbed my head up and down on his lap, getting my hands under him and squeezing his butt. I could hear his breathing getting heavier, i chuckled to myself that Carlos had no clue how filthy i could be. He must be in heaven right now.

"I want to swallow it Los" I whispered as I took a slight break from sucking on him. Carlos just gave me a sexy groan as his response, I smiled and got back to work.

Carlos began to get carried away and move his hips up and down, I stroked the length of his cock with my hands and placed him in my mouth again. Swirling my tongue wildly around his erection, I drove him mad with desire. He was sweating buckets.

He kept groaning and moaning with pleasure as I became more firm with my sucking. I was trying to make the blowjob as wet and messy as possible just to add to his enjoyment.

"Oh, sav, Oh, feels good..." he moaned.

I was sucking like a slut in heat. I made my own sexual sounds to excite him.

I took him as deep into my throat as possible while breathing through my nose. I was buried into his lap, his cock completely inside my mouth, his thighs pressed up against my cheeks, my nose in his lap. My eyelashes brushed up against his pubic hair.

Carlos' groans were getting louder and his breathing more desperate. I firmly grabbed his dick with strong suction from my mouth as I fondled his balls, I could feel from his tension that he was getting close. I intended to milk him dry!

I looked up, his eyes were open and he was looking at me work my magic, his hands were by his side on the sofa. I reached for one of his hands and placed them on my breasts again letting him have something soft and pleasant to hold onto while he came.

Oh...savannah..I'm gonna come baby" Carlos hushed out with a groan as I sucked on him faster.

his erection hardened even more. Then the explosion came. I have given many blowjobs and swallowed many loads of cum, but this was a very intense rush. Maybe it was because this was my first 'dirty' blowjob since I was raped or maybe it was because i knew how much carlos was loving it.

He grabbed my boobs tightly as he came, normally I don't like having them held so tightly, but I didn't mind, I knew his orgasm was really intense and he needed something to grip on to, Carlos tasted so good. I could taste him all day, til the end of eternity. As he came down from his heightened pleasure I gently licked the end of him, he was still looking at me. I'm not sure if he was in shock or just amazed by my efforts. I gave his manhood a little kiss before I tucked him back in his pants.

"well? How did i do?" I asked.

Carlos raised his eyebrows at me and smiled. "I take it this is the old savannah Davies that I never got to meet?" he asked.

"hey nice to meet you" I grinned, "sav is back!" I added and Carlos smiled.

I pulled my top back on, sat back up on the sofa with him, and let him fall to sleep in my lap.

For the first time in almost two years I felt like me.


	31. Chapter 31

chapter 31, sheridens story.

"are you nervous Sheriden?" Kendall asked as we sat in the waiting room for me to have a paternity test on my unborn baby.

"terrified!" I replied.

"I'm so sorry I'm putting you through all this worry" he said moving his hands about on his lap. All he wanted to do was hold my hand, and all I wanted to do was bury myself in his arms.

We couldn't however exchange any physical contact, prying eyes were everywhere.

"Kendall I love you, please don't apologise for anything" I whispered to him as I leant forward in my uncomfortable seat.

"I love you too" he whispered back with a gorgeous grin.

I was 15 weeks in to my pregnancy now. Some things had become apparent...

Firstly big time rush had no one interested in buying them. The price nickelodeon was offering to sell it all over for was too high. We had the best part of a week before the nick contract ended and btr were officially no more. So far we had fobbed the fans off with blogs and competitions to win stuff on twitter but if no label came forward then that was it.

James and Kendall were still working on a new album and a tour, they didn't want to give up. Logan and Mackenzie were still in Texas with his family.

And Carlos seemed to mysteriously visit James and I the same times savannah did... So I gathered they were maybe on the mend. But they wouldn't act like a couple or admit anything.

James on the other hand was currently in Florida doing the voice over for a new cartoon series, it worked out well for Kendall coming with me to this appointment, but I did miss James terribly. He had been gone for 5 days already doing his parts, he called me this morning saying they were running behind and he would be an extra day away.

He had been offered it ages ago but originally turned it down. He changed his mind a few weeks back when he first got the sinking feeling that btr were on a one way road to boy band heaven.

"what time was your appointment at? 1?" Kendall asked quietly as he sat next to me.

"yeah... Are you nervous?" I said in a whisper trying not to move my lips.

Kendall nodded. "I don't know what I will do if its ... You know... Mine" he said covering his mouth up with his hand to disguise our conversation.

"if it is, then what would you feel?" I asked looking in to his beautiful eyes.

"like I would want to run away with you... What about you, how would you feel?" He whispered.

"like I would want to run away with you!" I replied. "I think that's the scariest part Kendall" I said looking down at the floor as I whispered. My back in agony. My crutches were necessity now for me to get anywhere, I knew for a fact the pink wheelchair would be coming out of the garage before the pregnancy got to the end.

"would you actually run away with me?" He asked.

My heart pounded. I thought of James, and the twins, Georgi and Ophelia and poor fran, I felt so bad for her, Kendall was her last chance, she worshipped and adored everything about him. Ophelia considered fran to be her mommy... I also worshipped and adored everything about Kendall though. But running off with Kendall would only be a short lived fantasy, I felt bad. I ached, I hurt, I throbbed and I felt dizzy beyond belief... I was not so sure that me and my baby, be it James or kendalls were even meant for this world. The thought of dying didn't even scare me anymore, I felt so awful that it would be a blessing in disguise.

But saying that my honest response to kendalls question was "in a heart beat" I loved him, I wanted him. It scared me that we had gone from a sexy fling to being besotted with each other again.

"do you think you would actually leave fran?" I hushed in his ear.

Kendall was silent for a minute.

"I do love her... So much Sheriden. But me and you... Its always been me and you" he replied.

"Sheriden, if you would like to come through" the nurse said softly from a door that had just opened.

I stood up, but Kendall stayed sat down.

"are you not coming in?" I asked.

"if you want me there... Yeah" he replied.

"come on then" I said with a smile. The clinic we were in took care of almost any need an expectant mom could want, so no one knew why I would be here.

I had already had my blood taken and so had Kendall, this was the last piece of the puzzle. It carried a slight risk of miscarriage but the odds were in my favour now at 15 weeks.

I should hopefully know by the end of the day.

I lay down on the bed and pulled my top up. I had been warned the procedure was uncomfortable, it was a fairly long needle that had to be inserted in to my little bump that I had... my little raspberry as I called it. The thought made me smile as I remembered paisley and her Bruno bump.

I looked to kendall at the side of me, not wanting to see the needle go in, he held my hand.

"I think I left the car unlocked" Kendall said to me.

"really? Kendall my phone is in there, it best not get stolen!" I said to him.

"no not really" he smiled, just as the doctor told me she had finished.

I smiled at Kendall for his distraction "thank you" I whispered.

"anytime" he replied.

"okay Sheriden, we will send that off to the lab and I will phone with your results, everything is confidential so no letters will be sent to your address. You need to take it easy for the next couple of days, I don't want you lifting a finger" she said.

"okay no problem" I said and thanked her then left with Kendall slowly back to his car on my crutches.

"you going to be okay with Carlos?" Kendall said.

"yeah we will be fine with Carlos" I said rubbing my bump. Carlos was under the impression that my baby had been tested for downs syndrome which would of had the same procedure, so he was baby sitting and staying with me while James was away.

You want to park up and hug it out somewhere Sheri? I think I need to" he said.

"I think I would like that" I replied, giving his leg a pat.

Kendall started the engine and drove off, I saw a motorbike pass by as we waited at the junction to get on the freeway.

"Kendall can we go the other way?" I asked feeling emotional.

"how come? The traffic is pretty good at the moment" he replied.

"this is the same freeway that James and I crashed in his SUV when I lost our baby" I said softly.

Kendall didn't speak, he just nodded then switched the car indicators over and turned right, instead of left out of the clinic.

A few miles down the road Kendall pulled up in to our deserted car park, he stroked my face with his hand and kissed me.

"Sheri if this is mine" he said gently placing his hand on my stomach. "then I'm going to call it a day with fran and-" I stopped him mid speech by placing my finger over his soft lips.

"if this is yours Kendall then I'm going to call it a day with James... I love you. I want you... I need you" I said, then kissed him.

"really? I never thought you would consider ever leaving James" he said.

"I love James completely... But why do I keep coming back to you?" I whispered.

"because you love me completely too!" He whispered back.

I nodded and a tear left my eye.

"everything will be okay... No matter what okay" he said giving me a reassuring smile.

"okay" I said with more tears leaving me.

We stayed for a few minutes cuddling in his car, talking things over. He honestly made my heart thump so hard from my chest.

Kendall dropped me off at bel air, and Carlos helped me straight to bed.

Georgi had missed me, she crawled in to my bed and fell asleep next to me. I stroked back her sandy hair as she slept. She was beautiful. I hoped to God that her little life would never be as complicated as mine had become.

I drifted off to sleep but woke up shortly after by Carlos gently nudging my arm.

"sorry to wake you shoo" he said "savannah has just phoned and told me that she is looking after Ophelia... Frans in hospital" he added.

I blinked my eyes hard, waking myself up. "why? Is she okay?" I asked.

"I think so, sav just said that Kendall went home and found her out cold on the floor, she knocked her head but sav thinks it's her... eating problem that caused it" Carlos said.

"oh my God... Was phee okay?" Knowing that fran was looking after her.

"she was fine, Parker was there, he phoned an ambulance and told phee that mommy was asleep, Kendall got back just before the ambulance arrived" Carlos explained.

"oh my God... Poor fran..." I said out loud.

"I'm sorry I woke you, but I know how pissed you would be when you found out I hadn't told you straight away" Carlos said with a weak smile.

"it's fine... Thanks for waking me" I said.

"I still don't want you out of bed, I will come up again when I have more news" he said.

"okay Los... Thanks honey, for helping out while James is away" I said.

"it's what families are for shoo" he said kissing my forehead and left me and sleeping Georgi in my room.

Poor fran. Kendall had told me she was a lot better. I had warned him so many times how crafty she was. Maybe this was the wake up call she needed.

My mobile rang on my bedside table. My heart felt like it wanted to escape my chest as the nerves set in.

"h..hello?" I answered.

"hello Sheriden, it's Angie from the clinic, I have your results"

"okay... Go for it" I replied nervously.

"the DNA we took from the baby and the blood sample we had are a positive match." She clarified "do you need any further explanation?" She asked.

"no... No I understand... Thankyou" I replied numbly.

"okay, the written results can be collected from the surgery anytime after 10am tomorrow" she added.

"okay... Thanks Angie" I said then hung up the phone.

Kendall was the father... Kendall! I tried to read my own responses to this. My stomach felt sick but butterflies soon filled it. I rubbed my hand over my bump and tears ran down my face.

Happy tears. I was actually happy and relieved that this baby was kendalls, that was my selfish response. Brief thoughts flashed in my mind of Kendall and I being together, running off together... Finally being how we should be.

But thoughts of fran then entered my mind. Nothing was guaranteed... Absolutely nothing. Kendall loved fran, he said he did. he could quite happily spend the rest of his life with her...

That was guaranteed.

I text Kendall. He didn't know I knew about fran, he obviously didnt want me worrying about her or he would of phoned me.

"results are back. Your DNA didn't match... I love you baby. I'm sorry, I wanted it to be yours xxx" I wrote then pressed send.

I felt the burden of the lie I had just told weigh down on me, but the hearts I had just potentially saved made it worthwhile.

My thoughts strayed to paisley, I knew she would feel I had done the right thing. Kendall would know the truth when the time was right.

I layed my aching body back down and smiled at Georgi as she gently snored away next to me.

Sleep soon took me away from the pain in my back and the dull ache in my head.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32 Tammi's story.

i felt like a million bucks as I strutted through the corridors finding the right room,

I had my sun hat on and my big shades, all that was needed now was to make my surprise entrance.

I fluffed my hair around my shoulders as I reached the door, then gave it a tiny tap. James answered looking shocked to see me, but he was on the phone, he pressed his fingers up to his lips to indicate I couldn't talk, he ushered me inside with another hand movement.

I sat down as I listened in to his conversation, I'm guessing it was Sheriden he was talking to as he had slipped back in to serious James, where as with me he was fun James. Fun James was exactly what it said on the tin, he was hilarious, he made me laugh all the time, he was silly and would take the piss out of everything about me. Of course I could never do it back because he was perfection.

8 weeks it had been since Frans birthday party. So that was 2 full months almost that James had been gracing me with the most gorgeous smile that I had ever seen.

I looked around the hotel room that James was in... It was gorgeous, the furniture was mostly all in cream. The TV was almost as big as the bed. the bed... Looked gorgeous, the satin sheets unmade from where James had not been long awake, I walked over and sat on it, james' eyes following me as he talked on the phone to his wife.

He still was on the take it slow rule, I wanted to chuck that rule out of my life forever but he always knew his limit, his point of no return. and he would often just leave, knowing I would try and persuade him to stay.

I took my hat off and placed it on the bed next to me, followed by my sun shades, I had the brain wave that as he was in fact talking to his wife, he couldn't tell me off for being... Naughty.

I began unbuttoning my blouse, my eyes locked on him. He had panic in his eyes as he knew he was in a situation where he couldn't stop this. Once my top was off I lay on the bed and undid the buttons on my trousers and shimmied them down leaving me dressed only in very racy red underwear. The look on james' face was of many things, shock, fear, lust and that I was going to be in a lot of trouble once he was off that phone.

James walked over to me and picked the top off of the bed and handed it to me as if to say 'get it back on!' But I just smiled at him and shook my head.

Once he had finished talking to Sheriden he put his phone on the table and turned to look back at me. His hand swept through his hair. I think he was angry.

"why are you in Florida?" He asked with a cool calm tone.

"I missed you, you said on the phone last night you felt lonely..." I said softly.

"you can't be here Tammi... We will be seen" he said.

I shook my head. "no I was really careful... Honest. James I just wanted to be with you. Your the only thing that has been right for so long... I missed you" I repeated.

James now wore a sympathetic look on his face, I knew this was hard for him. He was married to probably the most dangerous woman in America... Who was pregnant, and here I was, trying to seduce him.

James came and sat next to me on the bed. "tam I don't want us to rush in... I want to make your blood run hot, and make you insatiable... I don't want it to be rushed!" He explained.

This was the third time he had refused me, but it was the first time he had seen me in my underwear... Well apart from at Frans party, but I couldn't remember that so it didn't count.

"do you not think I'm attractive?" I asked now grabbing my top and putting it back on.

"of course I think your attractive! Tammi your beautiful... Honestly so fucking beautiful. Every inch of you is beautiful... my cock is fucking rock solid just looking at you sat on my bed" he said.

I looked at the shorts he wore and did notice the unmistakable bulge of an erection in them, this did cheer me up somewhat.

James shook his head with the sympathetic look still on his face. "I can't believe you came all the way out to Florida to see me Tammi... What are you like huh?"

"honestly! I think I'm falling for you James... You win! I surrender to your powers, I'm yours... But..." I stopped as james' face was now unreadable.

"but what?" He whispered, he sounded almost emotional. Like he had done something wrong.

"but... It was you that started all this" I said softly. "but whenever I make it clear I'm happy with it, or want to take it further you back off... James are you just playing me?" I asked in all seriousness.

James looked over to the table where his phone was that he had just spoken to Sheriden on... I guessed he felt bad for cheating. It must be confusing for him. He looked back to me.

"I wish I was playing you... Would make it so much easier" he replied in his cool calm tone.

I smiled at him " do I not even get a kiss before I get a plane back to LA then?" I said not wanting to annoy him by risking us getting caught or seen here.

James leaned in and kissed me as only he can. He blew my mind, sometimes I had to open my eyes just to get a glimpse of him kissing me, to make sure it wasn't a dream. Seeing him up so close as his lips pressed against mine, and his beautiful eyes shut enjoying the moment... It was just too much... His beauty was too much. I ached for him.

As his kiss gently left me, his hand held my head close to his. "I'm not that mean that I would make you fly straight back to LA tam" he smiled. "I've got to go and do my lines at 11... But how about you chill out here, have a bath! And I will bring us back something special for lunch. Yeah?" He said and kissed my forehead.

I smiled "thanks J" I whispered, feeling a bit emotional at how sweet he was.

we had seen each other pretty much every day since we listened to my hideous singing, sometimes it was for a few hours, others only ten minutes, but as promised he was always there if I needed him, if I ever felt sad or just needed reminding that everyone makes mistakes. One time he even had the twins with him. But most of the time we would hang around his studio after everyone had gone home. It was nice getting to know him better.

"okay well be good, call me if you want me, don't answer the door.. Oh and my razor is the safety variety so don't even think about it!" He mocked and kissed my wrist.

"I think I will lay here for a bit... It smells like you" I said smiling.

james laughed "you sound more like my stalker than my girlfriend" he chuckled.

I however kind of froze. it was the first time he had spoken of me as his girlfriend let alone that we were having any kind of relationship... Apart from a kissing one.

"sorry I didn't mean..." He tried to explain.

"don't ruin it James... I like it" I replied with a smile.

James looked at me for a while then returned the smile. "my underwear is in the second drawer down if you want to sniff those too... Saves you making a mess trying to find them" he chuckled.

"oooh Thankyou for the tip" I laughed as I got comfy in his bed.

"see you later tam... The 'do not disturb' is on the door okay" he said as he opened his door up.

"okay J... See you later" I called then spread out on the loveliest smelling bed I had ever been on.

I slept for only half hour or so, before the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't let my eyes stay shut. I got fully dressed again and walked over to the window. James' room was 9 floors high, but I didn't go near the balcony just incase paparazzi were lurking with their triple zoom cameras down below.

I walked over to the dressing table and had a little look at james' things he had brought with him. I sniffed at his Colognes, and chuckled at the amount of hair products he owned. There was a picture of Sheriden and the three children in a pretty frame. The twins looked very small in that picture... Sheriden looked like a goddess. What on earth was James doing messing about with the likes of me when he had that at home waiting for him?

his wallet was on the dresser, I decided to have a little snoop through it, it contained a multitude of bank cards, business cards, he had squeezed in a million pictures of his children, he had no money apart from 4 dollars in change. He did however have a couple of condoms in his wallet... Obviously they weren't used on Sheriden as she was pregnant... I wondered if James cheated a lot.

I folded the wallet back up and put it in the place I had found it. I wondered around the room, James had lots of shoes and clothes.

I went in to the bathroom. It was huge, the bath was more a hot tub, I ran the taps and added splashes of the expensive bubble baths that lay by the side.

I went in to the main room and undressed, folding my clothes up and placing them on the bed, I placed on top then had a look in my carry on bag that I had brought with me.

I chose some sensible clothes seeing as I was to be subjected to another plane journey home to LA later, but I picked out a pretty lacey black bra and a thong... Just incase James wanted to use one of those condoms on me! I layed my clothes out on the bed ready for when I got out of the bath.

I piled my blonde hair on my head and secured it in place with a hair pin, when the water was high enough and the bubbles threatened to escape over the edge I turned the taps off and got in. As I lay in the warm water, the only sound around me was the water lapping at my neck as I got comfy in the tub. The bright Florida sun that shined in through the frosted window made me close my eyes, with that and the thought of james' beautiful kisses I lapsed in to a deep and relaxing sleep.

When I awoke, I was startled to see James casually sat on the edge of the bath, he was smiling away at me.

"hello sleeping beauty" he said with a wink.

"hey... Sorry I didn't plan to still be in here when you got back" I said trying to cover my body with the serious lack of bubbles that remained in the bath.

James chuckled "I could tell by the way that you were snoring that you weren't faking"

I felt my cheeks redden.

"I forgot my wallet so I couldn't get us any food... How does room service sound?" He said with just a smile realising how embarrassed I was.

"sounds great... I'm starving" I replied. "how long were you sat there for J?" I asked.

"too long" he replied, then kissed my forehead and left the bathroom.

"what does that mean?" I called out to him as I sat up, got out and wrapped a huge white towel around me. I walked in to the main room.

"it means... I honestly have no clue what it means... But I don't want you to go back to LA today, your tired, you can stay here Tammi" he said in his serious voice.

"are you sure?" I asked him, he seemed to be having a battle of will power. "I can go James... It's fine" I added.

James looked at me, he eyed my messy damp hair on my head, the beads of water that still fell from my skin, my make up that I expect had run from the heat of the bath and now sat like panda circles under my eyes.

"My head says no but..." He sighed. "I've never wanted to be the tin man so much in my life" he added, his voice filled with so much emotion.

"James are you okay?" I asked, he looked close to tears.

He nodded. "yeah... Sorry" he said and walked towards me. He took my hands in his and kissed them both. "you have no idea how much better you deserve than me!" He said letting go of one of my hands and tilting my chin up then kissing me on the lips.

"it doesn't matter what I deserve... I want you... I love you James" I said.

James' breath almost shuddered as he looked at me. He kissed me again on the lips. "I love you too" he replied and wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled at the towel, which landed around my feet on the floor, my naked body reacting to the coolness of the room.

James picked me up and layed me on the bed, my clothes I had layed out ended up crumpled and on the floor.

James took his shorts off and pulled his t shirt over his head. The beauty of the body that stood before me was insanity. I let out a deep breath as I tried to control my breathing which I had almost forgotten to do.

James then lay on top of me, kissing my lips slowly and sensually.

Seeing him like this drove me crazy with lust. James held me close to him, kissing me, Then kissing my neck.

I could feel his firm chest pressing into my breasts as he slid his hands down my side, he then caressed my backside.

his body felt absolutely amazing to me. I have never wanted a man as bad as I wanted him right now.

james started kissing my breasts. my nipples got so hard in his mouth as he sucked on them. I let out a soft gasp as he slid his other hand down my body and I felt his warm fingers touch my clit.

James then left my breasts and kissed along my stomach and went lower i let out another gasp as I felt his tongue inbetween my legs as he tasted me.

after a minute or so i felt my body contract with the pleasure of an orgasm that i had been waiting so long for as James fulfilled me.

he then scattered his kisses over my thighs as my body relaxed from my climax. James left me briefly to grab his wallet, I watched as he came back over to the bed and kneeled in front of me, his huge erection almost winking at me. James unwrapped his condom and I looked on as he rolled it on to himself, he then layed himself back down on to my body.

James gently placed himself inside me, my hands running along his back, a small groan of pleasure left my lips as his fullness went deep in me. I moved my arms up and wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me in towards him by my thighs, thrusting himself in me as far as he could. I let out more moans of ecstasy.

James sped his rhythm up, he made eye contact and rested his forehead against mine as he made love to me. His body felt moist as his sweat built up from his passion, I pulled his head towards mine, as we kissed he gently bit on my lip. Another orgasm built up deep inside me as the excitement of the moment became to much, I groaned out as I came for a second time.

I saw James' eyes smiling at me as he carried on penetrating me. He swept some hair away that was in my face, then kissed me again slowly. His tongue felt so soft in my mouth, I could feel him harden in between my legs even more as he got close, this sensation only turning me on more and we both let out noises of satisfaction as we came together.

James then without a word went off to the bathroom, he came back moments later, his condom now gone, and his manhood now satisfied and not aroused but still very big and pleasing to my eyes.

James got back in to bed and lay on his back, I rested my head in his chest. I could hear his heartbeat slowly returning to normal.

He kissed my head and wrapped an arm around me. "you 'kay?" He asked.

"tired" I replied with a smile.

"get comfy and go to sleep then... I'm not going anywhere" he replied with another kiss to my head.

"this is beautiful J', I wish we never had to go anywhere ever again... I love you" I said looking up at him.

James shook his head at me. "how have you entered my life and totally changed the world Tammi Taylor" he said looking back down on me.

"I'm sorry... I know it's complicated with Sheriden and your children... This is never going to go anywhere is it J'?" I said feeling disheartened as the reality of his life took me.

"I love you... That's all I know, and all I wanna think about today and tonight" he replied.

"when do you have to go back to LA?" I asked.

"in two days" he replied.

"I guess getting on the same flight is out of the question?"

James just nodded.

"staying an extra day isn't though" he replied then worked his body down the bed and snuggled in to me.

I smiled at James, his eyes held two emotions that I could decipher. One was love, but the other was some very real fear.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33, Frans story

I sat in the hospital bed in silence, Kendall was talking in whispers to a doctor, his whispers were angry ones. I turned my head on the pillow only to feel pain were I had banged it on the floor. I turned the other way and stared out the window.

Once Kendall had finished talking to the doctor he came and sat down next to my bed.

"I'm sorry" I said, truly meaning it this time.

Kendall shook his head.

"Kendy I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, its an illness baby... I can't help it!" I said with tears spilling down my face.

Kendall looked at me with his own emotion now coming from his eyes.

"Kendall please! Say something" I demanded.

"I trusted you to look after my daughter... What the fuck would of happened if Parker wasn't there huh?!" he shouted.

"I'm so sorry... I just can't help it... I need proper help...I will get proper help, I love you Kendall, I can't lose you, I cant lose Ophelia... I'm so... Sorry" I sobbed.

"this is the last time fran... I honestly can't take it anymore, I've literally sat by and watched this go on, allowed it to go on.." He rampaged just as his phone beeped. He read the text and just stared at his phone for a minute.

"all okay?" I asked.

after a moments more silence he replied "yeah... Listen... This is it fran, last chance! if you want to get better then you have to stop this. if you want us to carry on because honestly... I can't take any more baby... Fran I want you to move in with me... I want to make sure your wanting to save us as much as I am" he said.

More tears spilled over my eyelids. I sat up and reached over for him to hold me. Kendall moved from his seat and sat on the edge of the my bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I cradled my head on his shoulder. "are you sure? ... About moving in together? Kendall I would love to, really love to, but I know how worried you have felt about it... After paisley" I wept.

Kendall broke free from my body. "fran your not paisley, we don't argue hardly at all... It was the arguing that was the problem with her. I would like you to... I need you fran, but I need you better!" He said.

I nodded. "this is it now... No more fucking about Kendall. I promise! Absolutely promise! I love you and phee so much... So fucking much! I'm not losing you... I'll move in" I said.

Kendall wiped my tears from my face. I was attached to a drip because I had severe dehydration. It wasn't the first time that I had passed out, but it was the worst one. Kendall was right, he had left me in charge of his daughter when I knew I wasn't well. What if Parker wasn't there, it would of scarred her for life seeing me look dead on the floor.

"fran this is it now. I want a future with you.. I honestly do. I love you, you have to really fix this thing now okay?!"

"ok.. I love you too, and you are my future Kendy... Your my world" I replied.

I was in hospital for a few more days, when Kendall came to pick me up he had Ophelia with him. It was the first time she had been in to the hospital. I didn't want her to see me with things attached to my arms.

she hugged the guilt that I had away. The love that I got from that little girl was amazing, I didn't just see her as kendalls now, phee considered me to be her mommy, so it was about time I considered her to be my daughter, and I know for a fact I would never want a daughter of mine to go through the things I had. So if I couldn't get better for myself, then I would do it for phee.

She held my hand as we walked out of the hospital and towards kendalls car. I felt... bizarrely enough, very in control at this moment in time. It would take a lot to knock me down from this feeling of euphoria that I had.

"I've got to go to bel air tonight, I will bring phee with me" Kendall said as he finished strapping Ophelia in her car seat and then made his way to the front.

"how come?" I asked.

"I don't know Sheriden wouldn't say, James got back from Florida this morning, she said she would like us all there to have a chat" he explained.

"well I don't mind going, I honestly feel fine boo" I reassured him.

"I would like it if you came, I got a funny feeling that this is goodbye for the band. Time has pretty much run out" he said starting the car as a distraction for his mind, I knew how much this was going to kill him.

I gave his leg a reassuring squeeze "baby you will be fine, you and Dustin can get going and when you're ready you can start your solo stuff" I said.

"what if this is it though fran? what if this is as good as it gets for me. I'm not sure how I will cope with that, I want all my dreams so badly." He said in almost a whisper.

"this isn't it baby... You haven't even scratched the surface of how good you are yet. I listen to you night after night on that guitar... You are at the beginning of your dreams Kendall, not the end" I soothed.

"I love you fran, no love song that me or anyone could ever write can describe how I feel about you" he said glancing at me with a gorgeous grin showing off the most beautiful dimples.

My feeling of euphoria hit the roof.

As hours ticked by and we made our way to bel air, I packed in my handbag a handful of tissues, if Kendall didn't need them then I sure would. This evening was going to suck ass.

I was surprised to see Logan and Mackenzie back. She was busy making a fuss of her brother in the huge garden, I'm surprised she hadn't moaned at savannah about taking him on. She was so young and out of control but she had calmed down so much lately.

"fran how are you?" Sheriden asked as she greeted us.

"I'm fine, honestly there is no need to fuss" I said not wanting an entire conversation over how selfish I am with what I've put people through.

"okay... Well I'm glad you are here" she said.

She gave Kendall a hug. I felt sorry for him again. I knew he still had feelings for Sheriden, so to have me as an eating disorders paradise as his girlfriend, then a very fucked up, murdering ex junkie pregnant cripple as the woman he longed for, it must suck to be him right now. She looked like shit.

I mean I loved Sheriden to pieces, I really did, I've known her for so long and she really is the sister that I never had but even she must regret going through with this pregnancy now.

I think Kendall said she was about 15 weeks in to it. I watched her as she let go of her hug to my boyfriend, she could only use one arm as the other was holding her up as she leant on one of the crutches. She slipped her other hand back in the other one, she looked in so much pain. It takes a very unselfish person to try and bring a life in to the world knowing the pain and danger it could bring your own.

And as I looked at that person, and saw her still put a brave smile on her very pretty face I felt in awe of her.

I saw James sat with the twins on a blanket on the grass. I made my excuses to Kendall and Sheriden and went and sat with him.

"hey!" I said as I sat down next to him.

"hi" was all he replied lost in thought.

"how's the Tammi plan going?" I asked with a grin.

"I don't wanna talk about it fran" he replied deadpan

"oh okay... How was Florida?" I asked.

"I'm going to try and get these two down for a nap" James said and scooped his two boys up and walked in to the house.

I guess he wasn't looking forward to the end of the band either.

Savannah came and sat down with me.

"hey you! you look like you could do with a mcdonalds or twelve" she said sarcastically.

"ha fucking ha" I joked back. "why are you here anyway?" I asked.

"to see Macks and Logan, they only flew back in this morning" she said going a bit red.

I smiled at her. "are you sure its not to see that hunk of man over there that's just arrived" I said looking at Carlos, who really did look fit today. The basketball vest he wore showing off some delicious muscles on his dark skin.

Savannah went even redder if possible. She looked at Carlos and he winked at her. "we are just friends" she said dreamily as she remained looking at him.

"okay well maybe you should cover up that 'just friends' hickey mark on your shoulder sav" I teased her. She did manage to go even redder, but hastily covered her shoulder by pulling her top around her more.

"well I will leave you to it" I added as I saw Carlos making his way over to us.

"thanks fran... Take better care of yourself huh!" She said as I stood up.

"maybe we could go for that macdonalds soon... You should have the salad though" I said with a wink, to which she poked her tongue out at me and I walked away saying hi to Carlos as he passed me.

James soon returned to the garden with no boys in his arms so I presumed he had got them in to bed.

Ophelia and Georgi were sat in a sand pit with Sean.

I guessed that this was it. This was the end of btr. I felt a lump in my throat as Kendall came towards me, he took my hand and we headed towards the decking area that Logan and Mackenzie were sat on, Logan got out of his comfy cushioned seat and helped Sheriden sit down in it. It pained me to watch her wince as the pain of bending her back to sit down clearly showed on her face.

James was currently with Georgi, it looked as if she had attempted to bury her hearing aid in the sand, so James had just rescued it and he too walked over to the decking and sat with us.

I think savannah and Carlos were blissfully unaware that everyone was waiting for them and I think we all saw Carlos give her a very romantic little kiss as they sat on their blanket in the sun.

Logan wolf whistled really loudly with his fingers in his mouth to get their attention. Again savannahs skin flushed a crimson colour as she realised what everyone must of just seen.

Carlos got up then offered his ex wife his hand to get her up from the floor, she took it, and didn't let go until they had to separate as the chairs that were left were not together.

James sat there for a moment looking at Sheriden, she had organised the get together but I'm guessing it was James that was going to be saying what no one wanted to hear.

"well we have officially 16 hours of big time rush left guys before our nick contract ends... I don't think any miracles are coming our way" James finally said.

"I'm sorry... I feel like this whole thing is my fault" Logan said as Mackenzie took his hand.

"its not your fault dude... I'm gutted though... Its been the most fun I've ever had and I'm so glad I got to do it with you three" Carlos said. Obviously he had come to terms with whatever reasons Logan had to quit the show and start off the end of big time rush.

I had to reach for my handbag and grab a tissue as Mackenzie had already started crying which made me start up, I handed her one and she whispered Thankyou as she wiped her face.

"I didn't think it would end like this you know... I imagined a great big tour and on the last night we would thank all the fans and have confetti blasters, and photos and a party after with all the crew and our girls... Just a big celebration... Not like this" Kendall said, his eyes getting redder as his hopes were yet again crushed.

"its all my fault" Mackenzie wailed "Logan and I did a stupid fucking home porno and it got stolen... He had to quit before he got fired... Its all my fucking fault!" she sobbed hysterically.

Everyone looked at her then savannah started laughing.

"its... Not fucking.. Funny" Mackenzie cried out at her sister. "look what I've caused!" She blubbed.

James smirked. "it is quite funny" he added, then got out of his seat and gave Mackenzie a big hug.

"why didn't you just say before?" Sheriden said.

"she was mortified, everyday we wake up and have to check the internet to see if its been put online." Logan said for her.

Kendall then started laughing. " is that what was on your TV when your tits were paused on the screen" he chuckled, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped.

Mackenzie nodded then, everyone had a good laugh at her expense. She buried her self in Logans shoulder as she half cried and half laughed in a mixture of emotion.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled out with her face embedded in Logans shirt.

"its not your fault Macks" Logan whispered to her and kissed her on the head.

"well we can still have the massive farewell party with the crew and everyone" Carlos said.

"what about the fans?"

"what about the fans?" Kendall and James said at the same time and looked at each other.

"you could do a live chat?" Savannah said.

"yeah and how depressing would that be, I would end up crying and they would go away feeling upset and unhappy. Do you have any idea how many girls tell me 'I've saved their life', or how much btr means to them?!" Kendall almost snapped at her. "they made us who we are, they deserve better than a live fucking chat" he finished.

Carlos jumped to savannahs defence, "she was only saying man... Its really the only option we have left. It would of been nice to let them know the next tour was our last and go out with an emotional bang on the last night, but that isn't gonna happen now... A live chat or a press conference?... I know what I would prefer, and I know what they would to." Carlos said as he too got emotional and he wiped his face clean from tears.

I looked at Sheriden, she was just taking all this in quietly. She held James' hand as I noticed he had also found the water works.

Savannah then having seen enough and not been able to control her terribly hidden love for Carlos then just went and sat on his lap, he just let it all go and cried on her shoulder. I handed her a tissue for him, then just decided to put them on the small table in front of me for people to grab as they needed.

My heart felt absolutely gutted. Christ knows how these four boys felt. After everything they had been through, I'm pretty sure I only knew half of what went on between them all but it is so sad that this is how it ends, no fanfare, no warning and not a rusher in sight for any of them to give a hug to and say thanks.

I looked at Sheriden as I gently blew my nose as the tears wouldn't stop, she gave me a small smile as she just held james' hand.

She wasn't crying, she just sat there and stroked her thumb on James' hand. I guess she had attempted to keep this band in one piece too many times that she had excepted that this time there was no saving it.

Once everyone had regained most of their composure Sheriden did speak.

"I have got some pretty big news of my own" she said, now taking a tissue from the table.

Kendall sat forward listening to her, he looked almost scared that she was going to drop dead right there and then.

"I've had a lot of time to sit and think about what is important to me lately, and evaluate my life and what I should be spending my time on and what is in fact... a complete ... waste of time" she said with her tears now breaking through.

I looked at James, he was almost a mirror image of Kendall full of concern, I gathered he knew nothing of what was about to come from her mouth.

"what is it princess?" Logan said rubbing her shoulder gently as he sat on the other side of her.

Sheriden took in a few short gasps to control her tears.

"I'm sorry... I promised myself I wouldn't cry" she said dabbing her eyes to rescue her mascara. "as you can all see I'm not in a very good situation here" she said as she waved her hands towards the crutches that rested next to her seat. "and its only going to get a lot worse, so the things I've been thinking about that are important to me apart from all the beautiful children that each of you have brought in to my life... is you guys" she said and began crying again.

James handed her a bottle of water that was sat on the table, she took a few sips then began again.

"I love all of you... Even you savannah!" She said and Mackenzie had a little chuckle. I smiled.

"A few months ago I got to do something that I never thought I would do again... Walk down a runway in the middle of the New York fashion weeks! Its because of that that I think I was actually able to let go of some dreams I had been clinging on to for dear life, its because of that that I can move on... I've sold my modelling agency" she finished.

"what? What do you mean you sold it!?" James said obviously having no clue she had even been thinking about it let alone gone and done it.

"im not fit enough to carry it on james, and i dont think i will be fit enough to do it after the baby has arrived, but I realised that if I gave up on my dream that each of you could still continue yours. So I sold my modelling agency and with the money from that and a little chunk of my own, I signed a contract today stating that big time rush is now legally owned by 'JM records' ... Its all yours James" she said.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34 Mackenzies story

"im not fit enough to carry it on james, and i dont think i will be fit enough to do it after the baby has arrived, but I realised that if I gave up on my dream that each of you could still continue yours. So I sold my modelling agency and with the money from that and a little chunk of my own, I signed a contract today stating that big time rush is now legally owned by 'JM records' ... Its all yours James" Sheriden said to which my mouth opened in shock.

I looked at my sister but she just stared at Sheriden.

"what?" Was all James could manage out in a whisper.

"its yours, its not the end James... Not yet" she said with a smile.

James just looked in total disbelief at what he was being told.

"well I think someone should say fucking thank you to her" Savannah said breaking the silence.

"fuck... Yes! Thankyou Sheriden" Logan said giving her a very delicate hug. "Jesus Christ... How many more problems can you solve for me huh princess?!" He added getting emotional but sounding very over excited.

"Sheriden I'm speechless" Carlos said.

Kendall just stared at her for a bit, the eye contact they shared was intense, Sheriden eventually burst in to more tears and it was Kendall that left Frans side and gave Sheriden a hug. He knelt down in front of her and she cried her eyes out on him.

"I can't believe she has done this" Logan said as he watched on.

James I think was frozen. His face was almost sad.

"are you okay James?" I asked.

He looked to me and nodded. He then stole Sheriden from kendalls arms and leaned her over to him.

"I don't deserve you Sheri... Baby I love you" he said kissing as much of her face as he could reach in between talking.

"course you deserve me!" She sniffed, rubbing his face with her hand. "its Logan that doesn't deserve me" she laughed and looked at Logan. "75 million dollar cock up logues... Stop doing stupid shit!" She joked.

Logan laughed "fuck... I'm so sorry princess. I owe you my life" he replied.

"no you don't... I have changed a small detail about the band" Sheriden said. "its now called big time JAMES!" She joked.

"fuck that, I quit" Carlos laughed.

"shall I get some shampers to celebrate then.. I think tonight is going to be messy" fran said standing up.

"hell yeah... I need a drink!" Kendall added.

"are you happy James?" I heard Sheriden say.

"I'm so happy... I can't believe you sold your company, that was your entire lifes work you put in to that... And you sold it for me!" His face now completely wet from sheridens tears.

"not just for you... For all of us" she replied. "like I said my dreams for modelling have gone, but my dreams for all of us are still capable of happening"

"it makes sense why you let me off your books now Sheriden, you didn't want someone else making millions from these good looks" my sister said pointing to her own face.

Sheriden smiled at her. "true but I didn't want anyone other than me in charge of you, so I'm happy you decided to quit while you were ahead" she added.

"you quit modelling?" I asked.

My sister nodded at me with a smile, she was still sat on Carlos' lap. Fran walked back with a tray full of champagne and a glass of orange, she handed an orange to Sheriden then set the rest of the drinks on the table for everyone to grab.

Things lightened up for a bit, Logan and Carlos were now going in to overdrive with what they could do on tour now they were pretty much their own bosses, the possibilities were endless.

I left Logan with Carlos and went and sat with James who was with Georgi by the sand pit, Ophelia was now asleep in one of the spare rooms and Sean was playing with fox.

"why aren't you happy?" I asked as I sat down.

"I am happy... I just feel so... Stupid!" He said.

"why stupid?" I replied.

"she is amazing... The most amazing person on this planet, she fixes every thing but causes so much damage as she does it... I just wish I could have a time machine to change so many things." He said as he let sand fall from the palm of his hand.

I didn't really understand what James was on about, but I guessed it was about the baby.

"James don't worry about Sheriden. She is made of strong stuff. It would take something big to knock her down and keep her down" I replied.

James nodded. "I know... I just don't deserve her Macks" he said.

"you do James... Go and have fun, I will look after Georgi" I offered.

"thanks... But its nice to be with her, I only got back from Florida today" he replied.

"how is sheridens back holding out?" I asked.

"not great, she is in so much pain, I had to dust the wheel chair off today. Carlos told me that she couldn't sit up to get out of bed this morning because it hurts so bad." He said.

"James... Don't take this the wrong way... We are family now huh, but... Well would you like me to stay... To help out, maybe for a few nights a week... Just to take the pressure off of you, 3 kids and a pregnant wife who... Lets face it, needs round the clock care is rough work." I offered.

James put his arm around me. "thanks Macks, I will talk it over with Sheri... I think she knows that she has bitten of more than she can chew now" he replied.

I left him and Georgi in the sand, and returned to the group on the decking. Fran got up and went to sit with James. But all I saw was a lot of head shaking from James then he returned to us with Georgi by his side. He left fran just sat there.

"Sheriden why did you make us go through all that heart ache before saying something?" Carlos laughed "that was mean even for you" he added.

Sheriden smiled "I'm sorry it was mean but it was selfish reasons... I don't honestly know if we will make it through to the end of btr" she said rubbing her bump. "so I wanted it to run its course tonight, I wanted to hear the truths, and the reasons... I wanted to know why Logan quit, I wanted to hear about how it should of been with confetti blasters and a party... I just wanted to experience it... Just in case" she said still with her smile on her face.

"don't talk like that Sheriden... Your going to be fine" Kendall said.

"I know... But ... You know" she said rubbing her bump again.

"I love you Sheri" James said kissing her on her head. She took his hand and relayed her love to him. "I'm going to get Georgi in to bed" he added.

Sheriden gave Georgi a hug and a kiss then James took her in to the house.

"I guess I should be getting seany home to bed" savannah said looking at the time on her phone, she was now sat next to Carlos as apposed to his lap she was on.

"you can stay here the night if you want?" Sheriden said to her. "Sean could go up in your old room with you, Ophelia is next door to him, Kendall and fran can squeeze in with her, and Mackenzie and Logan you two can have your old room... Carlos you will have to have the sofa unless you want to bunk in with Georgi, I wouldn't recommend the twins room... Max farts" she said laughing.

Carlos looked at savannah "erm... Sofa is cool" he finally said.

Everyone else laughed. "we kind of realise you too are together" Sheriden said to Carlos.

Savannah and Carlos looked at each other. "we are just friends" savannah said with a giggle.

"sav, me and kenz were just friends since day one" Logan mocked her.

"day one?" Sheriden asked "I wasn't here when you first joined the gang" Sheriden added looking at me. She had done a runner back then. It was when she was first told about her back condition.

"savannah won a competition on the radio to meet the guys, Logan picked me to be his... Company for the night. paisley didn't want Logan to use me so he didn't get to take full advantage... But we... Had fun" I giggled.

"well I didn't know that! So you two always had a bit of a thing going on then... That's cute. Its like me and James, we always had this crazy connection, didn't we baby!" She said to James as he walked back in to the garden.

"yeah..." He said and sat back down.

"you told me nothing happened that night, you went to a club with Logan and James and came back to the hotel" savannah said smiling at me.

"I lied" I smiled back.

"ooh Kendy and I have some news actually" fran said from behind me making me jump, I thought she was still sat by the sand pit, where James had left her.

"oh em gee! ... Your pregnant?" Savannah asked.

"no!" Fran laughed. "I'm moving in with Kendall.

I smiled at Kendall, it was nice that he was finally getting things on track, I had a lot of time for him.

As the night wore on it became obvious that James was in no mood to party, he was withdrawn and just seemed overly concerned about Sheriden, he was currently trying to persuade her about the idea of me coming to stay to help them out... I don't think she was buying it though.

Other things that were obvious was the fact that with her severe weight loss, fran could not by any means hold her drink, I'm pretty sure she shouldn't of been drinking anyway seeing as she was just out of hospital but she was making Logan laugh by balancing her glass of champagne on her head.

Savannah and Carlos were doing what good friends do and sat extremely close together, I'm pretty sure they were typing private things to each other on her phone. They were both giggling away and I would occasionally see Carlos sneak a little kiss in to the side of my sisters neck.

Kendall watched fran as she did her her balancing act with a smile on his face, he didn't seem overly in the mood to party but I guess he was having some personal issues to.

The glass fran was balancing soon lost its life when gravity took it, and it smashed to the floor, Logan gave out a sad cheer but James blew his lid at her.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE FRAN!" he yelled.

I thought he was joking at first, but his face was filled with rage.

"sorry James... Chill out, I'll pay for the God damn glass" she said back to him.

"I don't give a shit about the fucking glass fran! My kids walk bare foot out here! use your fucking brain for once!" He snapped.

"James... Its fine really, it can be vacuumed up" Sheriden said trying to calm him down.

"no Sheri its not fine. She should think before she starts fucking about!" He replied.

"dude its a glass!" Kendall said. "I will get the fucking vacuum!" He said and walked off to find it.

"what's your problem tonight James?" Fran said to him, her hand on her hip. Looking every inch the catwalk bitch she was trained to be.

"your my fucking problem" he said to her.

"James!" Sheriden said in shock.

"no Sheriden, you have no clue how much this bitch has pissed me off" he carried on.

"no, James... I can feel the baby!" She said smiling, not giving a toss about the arguement James was trying to start.

James then sat back down and put his hand on her bump, Kendall returned and sucked the glass up with the vacuum.

I looked at Logan who just shrugged then noticed that my sister had her tongue down Carlos' throat.

Fran just got shit faced after that, I had no clue what had happened between her and James, but he wasn't happy at all. He was putting on a brave face for Sheriden.

Logan and I snuck off to bed quite early, leaving the rest of them to it.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35, Frans story

I woke up in a strange bed with a hang over.

The celebrations at bel air got a little out of hand last night after Sheriden revealed she had bought big time rush and James now owned it on his own record label.

James wasn't in the mood to celebrate though and flew off the handle at me. He was angry still because he seemed to be getting the shit end of the Tammi problem... He was but what else could we do... At least the plan was working, Tammi was putty in his hands.

I looked over to Kendall who was snoring, he had Ophelia fast asleep snuggled in to his side. My mouth felt disgusting, I heaved my body up and out of the bed to get a drink, as I walked down the stairs, I saw the big clock in the entrance hall said it had just gone 5am.

Great! I was wide awake now at stupid o'clock in the morning.

I stumbled my way in to the kitchen to see James sat at the table. He looked as if he hadn't slept a wink.

I stayed silent to see if he would talk to me, I had tried last night before he shouted but he didn't want to know. I got a glass of water and joined him at the table.

"James I'm sorry... Okay! Maybe it is time we told Sheriden about what is going on... Nip it in the bud before it gets too out of hand" I said.

James just laughed bitterly at me and shook his head.

"James honestly I'm sorry" I said again.

"its already out of hand fran! its been out of hand for weeks! I told you that she was getting too involved in it! I told you that lives were getting fucked up but you didn't care. As long as your okay that's all that fucking matters to you huh!" He said.

"that's not true!... What's happened James? What has she done that's made you this fucking miserable" I asked.

"Tammi hasn't done anything to make me miserable... That's the fucking problem fran! She is great! She makes me laugh, she cheers me up... She doesn't realise how amazing she is" he said.

I looked at James, my hung over head not really ready for this chat.

"she came to Florida to see me fran" he said, again I still looked at him, realising now why he lost his temper with me last night, Tammi was his personal stalker.

"did you tell her to get lost?" I asked hopeful.

James shook his head. "I told her that I love her" he said.

"what? why did you say that to her James!" I snapped.

"because its the fucking truth! You forced me to spend time with her, to make her happy, you made me spend day after day getting to know her... I tried telling you weeks ago that things were getting out of hand, but you only cared about yourself! I've been slowly falling in love with her for weeks fran. I've tried ignoring it, I've tried thinking of Sheriden, and my kids but she is in my brain all the fucking time... Then she turns up at my hotel in Florida dressed all fucking sexy and smelling so good... I couldn't stop myself." he finished.

"this is fucking ridiculous... I take it this is some sick fucking joke James! That girl is a nobody, she is some blonde little scrag from the shit side of Los Angeles! Sort your fucking head out... have you fucked her?"

James stayed silent.

"oh... Fucking great! This ends now James, your wife is going through fucking hell and back with your fucking baby, and your screwing that piece of shit behind her back! What is wrong with you. You will call her today and tell her its over! Do you understand me! I was doing this to help savannah not help you get someone to munch on the end of your fucking cock!" I snapped.

"how the fuck am I meant to tell her its just over, fran, she tried to top herself over Carlos... This is fucked up!" James said

"too right its fucked up, but if you don't tell that little bitch you have come to your senses then I will tell her that the whole fucking thing was a set up" I threatened.

"you will end up getting yourself in to shit when she tells the police that you drugged her" James argued.

"that was weeks and weeks ago... She has no proof of anything, nothing will be in her system to say she was drugged. They will think She is crackers after trying to slit her wrists and she will end up in a mental home!" I shouted.

"keep your fucking voice down" he demanded.

"honestly James, what the hell do you think is going to happen with this? You married Sheriden fucking Lloyd! and now your messing about with a skank that Carlos doesn't even want... Its not heading anywhere so go and see her now and tell her its over!" I snapped.

"I can't do that to her Fran... She doesn't deserve to of been treated like this, she is a great girl!" James said defending Tammi.

"she is a great girl? Jesus Christ James! Listen to yourself. Sheriden is a great girl! she just spent 75 mil on you James... If that's not love then fuck knows what is. How can you do that to her... Get dressed and go and finish it now or I swear to God I will tell Sheriden!"

"you wouldn't tell Sheriden" James replied.

"fucking try me!" I replied.

"all of this is your fault fran... Kendall will leave you" James said.

"no he won't... Not over this. I know my Kendy" I said matter of factly. "go and tell her its over... Now" I demanded.

James stared at me for a while before going up stairs, he came down a few moments later in his jogging gear then left the house.

I rested my head on the table and let out a pissed off sigh, then went back to bed. I just watched Kendall sleeping for a while.

His expression was soft, his lips, ever so slightly parted as he breathed through his mouth. His hair flat on his head from his nights rest. His cheeks still flamed a pretty red colour from the alcohol he had drunk last night.

My heart ached for him to wake up just so I could see his eyes, the gateway in to the most beautiful soul I had ever known.

He was going to be so angry that I had helped ruin sheridens marriage. If James doesn't finish it with Tammi and Sheriden ends up on her own I didn't even know what that would mean for me. I was scared. I couldn't lose Kendall and Ophelia. They were everything to me. We are a family. I desperately needed to fix this. Surely James couldn't honestly love Tammi... She was boring and plain... Ordinary.

Kendall finally woke up just before 9, I had heard the movement of the other bel air house guests, including Carlos sneak back down to the living room after spending the night in savannahs bed... It really was the worst kept secret.

Kendall had to wake Ophelia up so we could all go down and eat breakfast. Sheriden was in a bit of a state, but James was no where to be seen.

"where's James?" was kendalls first question to Sheriden which filled me with dread.

"I have no clue... I'm pissed off with him! I had to phone Carlos in the living room to get me out of bed this morning!" She snapped.

"I would of helped Sheri, I'm always here for you" Kendall said, which filled me with more fear, I knew he loved her still, last thing I wanted was her single and Kendall thinking he could make a go of it again.

"James went out jogging this morning. He had a hang over and wanted to clear the cobwebs he said" I lied.

"really? I didn't think James even drunk that much last night?" Sheriden replied.

"well I don't know!" I said, Sheriden looked at me as if she knew I knew something. I could feel my face redden as the fear set in. My stomach churned.

I noticed glances between Kendall and Sheriden. He knew I was acting strange too... I was so anxious.

Savannah, Sean and Carlos had left before Kendall and I had got down stairs. Mackenzie and Logan were just leaving now, I over heard chit chat that Mackenzie might be coming to help out with Sheriden and the kids. All she could really do was sit down now. Her walking alone was pretty much out of the question.

James had been gone for almost 5 hours, Sheriden didn't know he had left just after 5, but I had no clue of what time she woke up and realised he had gone, I offered to stay. She could probably manage Georgi, but if one or both of the twins kicked off she would be screwed.

I was also shit scared that James was going to say he was running off with Tammi.

Just after ten James returned, he looked like he had jogged half way round the world, although I had no clue where Tammi lived, I knew her mother had married in to money and I doubted she lived far from bel air.

"I need to talk to you" James blurted out at Sheriden as he bounded in to the playroom where we sat.

"can you take the kids out" James asked Kendall.

"James I think maybe you should-" but he cut me short.

"no I think you should get the hell out of my house!" He replied to me.

"James!?" Sheriden snapped.

"Kendall! ... Jesus Christ! Can you get the kids and just take them out for a while... Please" James asked looking extremely flustered.

Kendall looked at Sheriden, he looked very uneasy.

"Sheriden?" Kendall asked her.

Sheriden nodded her head.

"I will be in the garden" Kendall said then picked Mitchell up, he took Max who was toddling on his feet by the hand out of the room, I gave promises to the girls that I would play in the sand pit with them and shooed them out of the play room leaving James and Sheriden alone.

"what do you think is going on?" Kendall said as we sat in the garden.

i shrugged. "no idea baby" I lied.

"hmmm... Bit weird though huh".Kendall said. He seemed anxious. I wondered if he hoped that James was cheating.

"I love you boo"

"I love you fran"

We both said at the same time as the children played.

I laughed and Kendall smiled at me.

the tension seemed thick between Kendall and I, I don't think either of us really understood why.

Sheriden and James kept us waiting for some time. But he eventually came out and declared he was taking the kids out for a drive.

Kendall stayed silent, when we re joined Sheriden she looked like she had been crying but not like it was the end of the world.

Again Kendall didn't say a word, he looked Sheriden over to make sure she was okay.

"so... What did James say?" I asked warily.

Sheriden wiped her eyes dry, and sniffed in a deep breath.

"James has found him self in a bit of a pickle that's all" she replied.

Kendall then found his voice. "what? ... So what was all that about, what has he done?" He demanded.

Sheriden looked at him, she looked upset on the outside, but her eyes still beamed. What was going on?

"James had found himself in to some financial difficulty... Gambling" Sheriden replied.

"gambling?" I repeated.

What the fuck was James doing? why had he told her that? This is ridiculous... how the fuck am I going to sort this out?


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36. Tammi's story.

my phone woke me up very early in the morning. I looked at the caller id, it said it was James. I answered.

"morning J" my voice sounding husky from my nights sleep.

"tam I'm outside, is your mom in?" He said sounding flustered.

"erm... Yeah, but she is asleep... Hang on I will be down to let you in" I said then hung up, I grabbed my dressing gown and tried to tame my hair as I glanced at myself in the mirror. God I looked like shit.

I crept downstairs and opened the front door to see my gorgeous James looking all sweaty dressed in sweat pants and a vest.

I took him by the hand and brought him inside. I crept back upstairs and hid him in my room just incase my mom did wake up early. She wouldn't be impressed to find out I had another married man on the go after what happened with Carlos.

James shut the door.

"are you okay?" I asked. He didn't have his fun face on him now, he looked probably the most serious I had ever seen him.

"no... No I'm not okay... Sit down" he whispered, pulling me over to my bed.

"James... Your scaring me... Does Sheriden know about us?" I asked. I realised my voice was shaking and my stomach felt sick.

He shook his head "tam... I need to be honest with you... I need you to hear me out okay. Tammi I do love you" he said, his brown eyes looking deep in to mine. "I do" he repeated.

I just nodded. I had no clue what he was about to say but I guessed this was it between us.

"at Frans party we didn't sleep together... I lied, you didn't sleep with anyone, not me, not Seth, not anyone. It was all a set up for savannah to get back with Carlos" he said.

I just sat there for a moment in shock, trying to work it out in my head. "so you and Sheriden set this whole fucking thing up... You drugged me?" I said tears now spilling over.

James took my hand but I waved him away.

"no... No, Sheriden had nothing to do with it... I had nothing to do with it until I got caught up at the last minute. Tammi... I need you to listen to me and promise me you are not going to do anything stupid... Please" he begged.

I nodded, my tears in full swing, I wiped them from my face as more fell down to replace them.

"it was fran... Fran drugged you, she booked the hotel room, and she used your phone to do all that fucking twitter shit" he explained.

"why?" I sobbed.

"I don't really know... Her and sav are close I guess... Tammi I'm sorry, I helped her to get you up to that hotel room, it was fran undressing you, that's why I had my back turned... Seth was told to keep an eye on you over night just incase you had a bad reaction to the drugs." He explained.

I grabbed a tissue from a box on my bedside table to help sort my face out.

"so all this..." I said gesturing between myself and him. "was just because you felt guilty because I did this!" I snapped showing him the scar on my wrist.

James took my hand as I held it out to show him the cut mark.

"no. Its because you threatened to go to the police, fran said if I could make you forget about Carlos then you wouldn't tell about the croft case" he said still not letting go of my hand.

"this is all a lie then... The times we have been spending together, three days in Florida... The texts, the phone calls! ... Us sleeping together! None of it is real?" I whispered.

"not at first no... But Tammi its very real now, its been real for weeks... Believe me... Please..." He begged.

I looked at him, the emotion he felt clearly showed on his face.

"tam I love you... You know I do! Don't you!" He whispered.

I nodded. I did know. I felt it, he was right the last few weeks had been totally different to how he acted when it first begun.

Tears streamed down my face with all the information that my head now had in it.

James took me in his arms. "I'm so sorry" he whispered as he kissed the side of my face.

I pulled my head from his chest as he held me. "why did you tell me now?"

"I told fran how I felt about you, she said if I didn't stop it now she would tell Sheriden" he said.

"so you are here to end it" I stated.

"I don't want to..." He said.

"you want to hear the sick twist in your story James? Carlos didn't tell me anything about Marcus croft... I was bluffing" I said.

He stared at me for a while. "I'm glad you did..." He said then kissed me. I tried to pull away but I had no resistance to the man I craved now.

His kiss was full of seduction, my heart melted. Never wanting this to end as I knew it would be the last.

I slowly pulled away.

"what happens now?" I whispered as my face was inches from his.

"I'm not sure... But fran is a wild card, if she did tell Sheriden about us then... We are both fucked Tammi." He said.

"what are you going to do?" He added

"what do you mean? there is nothing I can do, I'm not going to tell anyone am I... James this is really messed up." I sniffed.

"don't you want to ruin me, ruin fran... Hurt us?" He said.

"I would love to smack that bitch across the face but reality is, where was this going? I knew you were never going to leave Sheriden for me, I knew she was pregnant with your baby, I knew it wasn't going to last" I said.

"there's no evil plan? or hiring of hit men or plots of revenge? You must want some payback?" He said looking almost confused.

"James I'm just a normal girl... Look at me! Do I honestly look like I have the means or the knowledge to plot revenge... Its just the way my life goes... I knew this would happen. Lets face facts... Sheriden or me. Not much of a choice huh" I said.

"if I had a choice then you would be it tam" James replied.

"its just as well you don't then huh... I'm not going to do anything stupid either, I can see that's your next question" I said softly.

"why did you tell fran James?" I added.

"because... Things got too out of hand. Not just us!... Sheriden sold her modelling agency and bought big time rush for me... Just because I wasn't ready to let go of it yet." He explained.

"why did she have to sell it, I thought she would of had enough money to buy btr outright anyway." I asked.

"we worked it out before but the risk was too high, if the band flopped then she would of been worth nothing. But she sold her agency for 55 million to a European company. The other twenty million she fronted from her own account. I knew what that agency meant to her tam... She is my wife, and she is pregnant... I owe it to her to work it out... But you... I want you." He replied.

"I want you too" I whispered. "the last few days in Florida with you have been amazing... How do I always get mixed up in the wrong thing J?" I said with more tears now leaving me.

James took my face in his hands. "I don't want to be the wrong thing... I want to be the right thing" he whispered.

"but you won't leave Sheriden for me will you James? I'm not even sure if I would want you to" I replied.

James then raised his hands to his own head. He was torn. I was flattered in a way that he felt as strongly as he did seeing as Sheriden was... Well Sheriden! and I was just Tamara Taylor.

"how do you feel about everything tam?... Me, my kids, my job, Sheriden... Us?" He asked.

"you... I think your incredible, I feel I fit with you, like your meant to be mine... I thought I was in love with Carlos James, but it honestly didn't feel anything like I feel when I'm with you." I replied. I took his hand from his face. "you have 3 small children and one on the way J. I know what they mean to you and I know the lengths you went to, to get them with Sheriden. Being honest your, job... With Carlos... Its something i have to take a step away from. And Sheriden honestly scares the shit out of me..." I replied.

"that's how you feel now... What if I said I didn't want to be with her and we were together... At some point... How would you feel about her then?" He asked.

I looked at James, how on earth could he be considering this... Even as just an idea, it was ridiculous. "she is the mother of your children and will always be in your life... So would always be in mine... She would torment me I think, turn your children against me... I would honestly fear for my life James" I whispered.

James actually laughed "she isn't that bad" he replied.

"maybe not from your inside point of view but as an outsider she could probably make a terrorist shake in their boots!" I said.

"so you would choose to not be with me to avoid Sheriden and her... Temper?" He asked.

"no... I wouldn't choose to not be with you but I would be choosing to make my life hard by knowing what was to come... I feel your tied down to her James, I don't think even if you got divorced that I would be on even ground to her. Not even if we had five kids together to even the score out... I can never compare to her... Fuck I thought that being up against savannah was the end of the world... But Sheriden... Its ridiculous" I finished.

"do you love me enough to go through it?" He asked.

"yes" I whispered, he squeezed my hand.

"I need to tell her tam" he said looking me in the eye.

I swallowed hard. "how do I know this isn't part of the original plan... To get rid of me?" I asked, feeling that him telling Sheriden is like signing both of our own death certificates.

"because falling in love with you was not part of the original plan Tammi" he said then kissed me, his tongue sweeping seductively in my mouth. His emotion oozed from his kiss.

James gently leaned against my body laying me down on the bed. I felt his love, his tenderness and I felt him take his vest off, knowing that this was going to possibly be the last time we made love I gave James my heart... I gave him my entirety for him to take with him when he left my arms.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37 sheridens story.

I sat in the play room with the kids, fran had told me that James had gone out jogging, it was almost ten o'clock now. He had been gone hours.

It was only her, and Kendall that were still here from last nights celebrations. fran insisted she would stay until James got back. She was very on edge.

My heart was thumping hard worrying that maybe she knew Kendall and I had been together again.

We sat in silence watching Ophelia and Georgi play with the toys as the twins mooched about. Max was walking now but Mitchell had yet to master the art of balance.

Finally I heard the front door open and close. James walked in, he was absolutely dripping in sweat, the heat outside must be high by now, why had he been so long?

"I need to talk to you" James just said looking at me. I looked at Kendall feeling scared.

"can you take the kids out" James then said to Kendall.

"James I think maybe you should-" fran tried saying but James cut her off.

"no I think you should get the hell out of my house!" He replied to her.

"James!?" I said angry that he was being so rude.

"Kendall! ... Jesus Christ! Can you get the kids and just take them out for a while... Please" James said.

Kendall looked at me, he was scared. We had no clue what was about to happen.

"Sheriden?" Kendall said to me.

I just nodded that it was okay to leave. I was pretty confident that however pissed off James was then he wasn't about to go attacking his pregnant wife.

"I will be in the garden" Kendall said then picked Mitchell up, and took Max by the hand out of the room, fran ushered the girls out leaving James and I alone.

"what's going on James?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"I've messed up... Sheriden. I've messed up big time!" He said.

"how?" I replied.

"I don't even know where to begin" he said, tears now falling from him.

"from the start James... Are you okay? Are you in trouble?" I asked now with every notion running through my brain, I was half expecting him to say he had a gambling problem.

"the night of Frans party..." He began and filled me in on everything that actually took place. Drugging, setting Tammi up, fran using Tammi's phone for twitter... The lot.

"...I felt so guilty when I heard that she tried to kill herself, then Tammi remembered that I was there! She threatened to go to the police about Antonio" he said.

"what? Tammi doesn't know anything about Antonio, Carlos said. He even came to me and explained that he never would." I replied, feeling that if only James had come to me then what trouble him and fran had caused never would of happened.

"I know that now but its too late... The damage is done" he said.

"am I going to prison James?" I asked now feeling my breathing get very uneasy.

"no nothing like that... Sheri... I've done something really stupid, and I need to tell you before someone else does... I need to stop this stupid fucking thing that fran started... I need to stop it now" he said.

"just tell me... Just say it" I said holding my arms across my chest as some kind of shield to stop the pain that was about to be inflicted.

"I think I'm in love with her" he said.

"with fran?" I replied my voice shaking, thinking of how James shouted at her just a minute ago and last night.

"no Sheri... With Tammi... I've been with her this morning, I told her everything about how she really lost Carlos and how things are over with me and her... I'm so sorry... I tried ending it... I did end it... But I just can't ... I love her, I need to tell you this because I cant live knowing these secrets are hanging over my head, waiting for someone to use them against me. The only person that should... Is you!"

"have you slept with her?" I asked.

James sat down on the sofa next to me. He nodded.

"and your in love with her?" I stammered out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... It just happened, I was doing it to save you but she... She won me over Sheri" he said softly.

I sat there in silence. How the heck was he in love with Tammi, it felt like my world was collapsing.

"how long have you felt like you loved her?" I whispered.

"I'm not sure, a month... A few weeks. She turned up at my hotel in Florida... That was when we first... Slept together" he finished.

My mind strayed to Carlos, I wonder how this would effect him knowing Tammi didn't actually do anything to hurt him.

my tears fell silently on to my knee. "if you are in love with her why did you try to end it?" I asked.

"because I still love you, because of the baby... Because of Georgi and the boys... Because everything points to you Sheri." He said.

"James be honest... Lets wipe the slate clean okay... Has it crossed your mind to leave me for her" I asked.

James looked at me, the awful day he had already gone through showed on his face. "tell me baby... Its more important than you know" I pleaded with him.

"yes... I've thought about it, but it doesn't mean I would do it. I don't know what I'm doing Sheriden... I don't know what I'm meant to do." He said and collapsed in tears. I took him gently in my arms.

"I need to tell you some things too baby... Then maybe we can both figure out what we are meant to do"

James pulled his body from me.

"are you sick?" He said with his beautiful brown eyes that were now framed with red.

"no... no James I'm not sick... What if there was no baby?" I asked.

He placed his hand on my stomach. "but there is... Fuck is everything okay with the baby?" He said.

"baby is fine... Just answer the question"

"yes I've thought about it a lot... I'm caught in the middle, I'm being honest Sheriden please don't judge me"

"you feel like no matter what you do, someone you truly care for is going to end up getting hurt?" I said.

"exactly that" James replied, his tears falling fast

"James..." I said softly. "Your not the father of this child, Kendall is"

James stared at me "that's not true, your just trying to hurt me because of Tammi." He replied with wide eyes.

"baby... I'm in love with Kendall and I've been seeing him for a while now. I wasn't sure if you or him were the father but we got tested and I got the results... I can get them for you?" I said calmly.

"were you ever going to tell me?" He asked.

"I felt backed in a corner just like you do now over the life of a baby... We shouldn't feel like that James" I said.

"so what are you saying? You want me to be with Tammi so you can run off in to the sunset with Kendall again?" He snapped.

"no! keep your voice down! Kendall doesn't know its his, I told him it was yours" i explained.

"why get the test done if your going to lie to him anyway?" He asked.

"because of fran, because of Ophelia, because of you and because of me" I said.

"what am I meant to do with this now I know" he said crying.

"I can't answer that for you... James I still love you... I do, your my husband, and we have 3 beautiful children together but now we ... are in the same boat I guess. What do you want to do, do you want Tammi?"

"yes... But... What if it's wrong Sheriden. What if I'm throwing all this away on a mistake"

"I think fate is trying to tell you something James... I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm so sad it feels like I'm dying inside but I also understand exactly how you feel.

"I thought we were doing good... When I first realised that I was feeling things for Tammi I just put it down to lack of sex... Like how it was with savannah... But it's just got worse Sheriden, and fran threatened me this morning... I didn't know what else to do so I did what I thought the right thing was" he said.

"we were doing good James... Look at our life, look at our history, the fact we are still hanging on in there is good"

"why did you want me to be the father of this baby if you are in love with Kendall?" He said wiping his face with his hand.

"because I thought it was the right thing to do, but fran needs Kendall, he loves her just like you love me, and I love you... It's fucked up James." I said.

"so if Kendall knew it was his then he would leave fran... So your putting her happiness first?" He said.

"I was trying to put everyones happiness first... I'm on my own now James" I said.

James looked at me, trying to think of questions.

"if fran wasn't in the picture would you leave me?" He asked.

"I think I would... I'm sorry James, but that's me being honest. It doesn't mean I love you any less than I ever have... It just means that my feelings for Kendall have risen" I said.

"so we are breaking up?" He asked.

I looked at him "I don't know... I'm scared James. What do I do on my own?" I asked.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but just screw fran and be with Kendall... Fuck if you had of told me a month ago that I would be saying that..." He said with a sarcastic laugh.

"no... fran is ophelias mom now. I can't be the cause for her losing another mommy" I said flatly.

James just looked at me "Sheriden I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere... Things are really out of control but I do still love you"

"what did you say to Tammi?" I asked.

"I told her I loved her but we need to call it a day... I find it a miracle that she doesn't hate me for what I did" he explained.

"What did she say when you said that it was time to end it?"

"she said she knew it was coming, knew I would choose you over her" he replied.

"but you intend on going back to her? So what exactly have you come to tell me today" I said taking his hand.

"I came to say that... Once the baby arrives then I think it's time we went our separate ways... Don't blame Tammi... I did tell her it's over! she is at home right now crying her eyes out... But I'm trying to do this right... So yeah I've thought about leaving you for her... But truth is Sheriden I think we just need to leave each other before we start on anything new with anyone" He said still with tears falling from his face.

"come here" I said holding my arms open for him. He held no reluctance in joining me.

"I'm so sorry Sheriden" he whispered.

"I'm sorry too baby... I really am" I sobbed. We stayed like that for a while until James broke free.

"what do we do now?" I asked looking in to his eyes.

"I still think you should tell fran you have been screwing Kendall... If it wasn't for her we wouldn't be having this conversation at all" he said.

"if it wasn't for her you wouldn't of found out how you feel about Tammi" I corrected him. "I'm asking you now James... Please don't tell her... Ever. She needs Kendall, she honestly does"

"I won't tell her Sheri... So how do we do this? Do you want me to stay until the baby is born" he asked.

"that's up to you... Obviously your plan has changed slightly now you know the truth" I replied.

"and your never going to tell him?" James asked.

I shook my head.

"then I will stay" he replied.

"thankyou! James I need to tell you something else... Something big, but I need you to listen to everything I say okay." I said.

He nodded.

"if something happens to me James and this baby is left without me I need you to promise me that you will look after it as your own... With my other babies... Not tell Kendall its his and let him Swan off and ruin everything I've tried to save... Because that's what I'm doing here. I'm trying to save everything I love... Everything!" I said.

"don't talk like that Sheriden. You will be fine." James said rolling his eyes at my dramatics.

"25% fine... Don't let my babies get split up... Please" I begged.

"what do you mean 25% fine. Where did you get that percentage from?" James asked, his eyes wide.

"from the doctor who told me that I need to abort my baby or it's 75% that I won't make it" I whispered.

"75%? ... does Kendall know?" James said still his eyes wide.

I shook my head. "Course he doesn't. It's so nice to be able to get all these secrets off my chest finally" I said with a small smile.

James just continued to look at me, he eyed over my little frame with my bump, he was weighing up the chances if my body could drag me back from the brink of death.

"promise me you will take care of my baby if anything happens to me. We are still married, you can put your name on the birth certificate. please..." I begged.

"I promise... I promise Sheri... How on earth am I going to look after 4 children" he said.

"the same as 'how on earth' do you find Tammi Taylor attractive enough to want her over me" I said sarcastically.

"I could say the same about Kendall... How long have you been with him this time?" He asked.

"since the robbery at the salon... I'm sorry James. He has changed, he isn't the same idiot he used to be" I said.

"so what do we do now, we hold back until this baby is born?" He whispered. "secretly separated?"

"I guess?" I shrugged "I don't know what reaction Carlos or savannah will have about you and Tammi but... You have my blessing James. Your the best friend that I've ever had, my husband, my lover...my everything. All I want now is for everyone to be happy!" I said softly, New waves of emotion trying to escape.

"that's kind Sheriden... But what about your happiness?" He asked taking my hand.

I rubbed my hand over my bump "everything I've ever wanted is right here" I replied. "it will never replace what I lost with Kendall before but... I just need to do this... For my own happiness"

James didn't reply, he just looked at me and held on to my hand.

"I love you maslow" I said with a smile.

"love you too Sheri" James replied.

"go and phone her, or see her or something before that crazy bitch tries to kill herself again" I smiled.

"what do I tell her?" He asked.

"James if you trust this girl tell her the truth. Kendall and I have done nothing to her, so it's up to you how much of the truth you tell her" I replied.

"okay... I will be back in one hour... I promise... This is so fucked up Sheriden!" He said.

"I know... Can you tell Kendall and fran that they can come back in... Maybe I could get fran to take the kids out somewhere and be alone with Kendall for an hour" I said raising my eyebrow to James.

"yeah this is really... Really fucked up" he smiled. I will take the kids, is that okay?" He asked.

The thought of him being with her was rough, and the thought of my children being with her was an even harder pill to swallow but I nodded in response.

"what will you tell fran that I told you, if Kendall knows about Tammi and realises we aren't... You know... He might leave her anyway" he said.

"erm... I will tell her that you told me you have a gambling problem" I said with a smile.

"gambling... Nice! What if she tells Kendall or you the truth?"

"Then I won't believe her James... I find it hard enough to believe coming from your mouth... Tammi Taylor?... Jesus Christ!" I said laughing.

James gave me his American smile and chuckled. "I will be one hour..."

After that one hour, nothing was the same. He had ended it with Tammi, but only until my baby was born then he would be picking it up where he left off. He would still see her, but he promised me that he was doing things properly, so I guessed they had stopped sleeping together.

He had told Tammi what I had told him, so all three of us knew the score, Tammi had told James that she wouldn't breathe a word to anyone. I think she was more relieved knowing I wasn't out for revenge that she wouldn't dare do anything to piss me off anyway.

As weeks went by my pregnancy got harder, James still shared my bed but it was only to help me out. Mackenzie would often stay over in her and Logans old room too, she was a God send... The kindest person I had ever met in my entire life.

Big time rush were going well too, I was now 24 weeks in to my pregnancy, my blood pressure causing a few overnight stays in hospital but my-not-so-little raspberry bump was growing well.

I cherished every kick and every movement.

When I was alone with Kendall so did he, which filled my heart as he still believed the baby to be james'.

Kendall and I were still in love, still couldn't keep away from each other. James made it slightly easier and would take the kids out... It really was the oddest situation I had ever been in. Of course Kendall had no clue James knew about him, it was the most backwards affair that must of taken place ever.

today was week 24 and 3days in to my pregnancy I was finding it hard. James and the band were in Michigan doing a small set on an open air stage to promote their first single under james' record label.

my children and I were left in the capable hands of Mackenzie. I'd had a terrible nights sleep though. zero sleep in fact, my back aching, my bad leg throbbing from lack of any movement to it. I was in a wheelchair pretty much all the time, I could only manage a few steps with the help of my crutches. The worst part so far of week 24 and 3days was that Mitchell was very ill.

Mitch had Mackenzie up all night too, she mostly sat in my room with him so I could at least be with him, but it was time he went to the doctors as his sickness had gotten worse. He wasn't holding water down now.

"have you got everything you need... Do you need the toilet before I go?" Mackenzie said filling up the glass of water on my bedside table.

"I'm fine Macks... Are you sure your going to be okay with three kids at the doctors?" I asked.

"yes I'm fine... Get some sleep Sheriden okay! last night was awful, you need the rest" she said.

She pulled the curtains to, so I could try and rest while the house was quiet, I gave my three babies a kiss and Mackenzie left my room with a reassuring smile.

I got as comfy as I could in bed, and did eventually fall to sleep. My comfort didn't last long though, I stole a pillow from james' side of the bed to rest my leg on as I tried to move, that's when I noticed something was very wrong.

A cold fear swept over me. "what do I do... What do I do" I said to my self out loud tears making an appearance.

Mackenzie wasn't here, sav was in Portland visiting seans grandparents and fran was with the boys in Michigan.

I reached gently for my phone and dialled the only person that was in the zipcode that I could think of.

"hello?" came the answer.

"..." Nothing came out at first, just a whimper from my shock. "I think I need an ambulance... Can you help me" I cried.

"Sheriden? Is the baby okay?"

"I don't know" I sobbed.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38 Tammi's story.

I was out shopping with my friend Megan, she was wondering why I was smiling so much lately, she knew it was because of a boy, but I would never tell her who... Not yet any way.

James had returned to me the day that he told me it was over, he told me that he did want to be with me, and he was leaving Sheriden but he was going to wait until after she had given birth to her baby, which turned out to not even be james'... It was kendalls! Something else that I never wish to tell another living soul about... Ever.

The only problem with james' declaration of love for me and waiting for Sheriden to have her baby is that he was still living with her, and he had said to me that even though he was mine, he wanted to take a breather... Which basically meant no sex.

We would still spend loads of time together, hold hands and kiss. One time James even got carried away and jacked himself off all over me, he really was pretty dirty, some of the things he came out with made me feel like I had been living in a convent. But I think he looked forward to easing me in to his adventurous sex life.

Megan and I currently sat in the food hall at the mail eating lunch.

"just tell me his name!" She said defiantly, waving her fork at me.

"honestly megs there is nothing to tell" I replied, frowning at her choice of bargaining weapon.

"but there is a boy right?" She asked. I said no, but the silly smile that cracked on my face gave me away.

"tam' cmon... I'm not gonna tell anyone! Just give me a name" she said with a huff.

I thought about it, I had known Megan for years, she was a good friend and I doubted she would tell anyone, I also wanted to scream to the world that I was with James maslow... Who wouldn't.

I looked at her. "there's nothing to tell megs... He is just a friend!" I replied, trying to control my smile this time.

"gahh! Tamara your so annoying... who is he?" She snapped.

I smiled at her just as my phone began ringing, I was glad of the distraction until I saw who was on the caller ID... Sheriden!

What the fuck did she want? James was in Michigan. A cold sweat broke out over my body. I got up from the table I shared with Megan and moved to a corner for some privacy.

I answered.

"hello?" but I could hear no voice on the other end, just a whimper. I waited...

"I think I need an ambulance... Can you help me" came the pleading response.

"Sheriden? Is the baby okay?" I asked.

"I don't know" she cried, sounding hysterical.

"okay what's happened, have you fallen? Where's Mackenzie? Is she okay?" I asked bombarding her with questions that I knew to ask as James had filled me in on what was happening while he was away.

"no... Macks is at the clinic with the kids, Mitchell is unwell" she sobbed.

"erm... Okay Sheriden, I'm gonna phone an ambulance and I will be with you in ten minutes okay" I said in a panic.

"okay" she wailed, I hung up and hurried my way back to where Megan still sat,

I grabbed my purse. "I'm sorry megs I have to go" I babbled out and dashed to my car, phoning an ambulance as I went.

Once I reached the parking lot and started my engine I ragged my car out of there.

Once I hit the free way I called James on his cell with the loud speaker on.

"yo!" He answered, which was our code for he isn't alone.

"J' sheridens just called me, something is wrong, I'm on my way to bel air now" I stammered out.

"what? What's happened?" He asked.

"I don't know... She didn't really say, I've phoned an ambulance, I'm about five minutes away" I said.

"well is Macks not with her?... Fuck!" He said as his mind began panicking.

"no she took the kids to the doctors, Mitchell is sick... James please come home" I begged.

"yeah... Tam I'm literally running back to the hotel room now to get my passport... I will be on the next flight I can grab okay"

"okay... Baby I love you... She will be fine yeah?" I said, more asking than telling him.

"yeah... Yeah she has to be... Look after her tam'" he replied. we said our goodbyes and I put my foot down on the pedal, speeding me to Bel air.

When I did arrive and I got in to the gated community, I parked my car in a crazy diagonal fashion in my haste and made my way to the door, luckily Mackenzie had not locked it. There was no sign of an ambulance just yet.

I went up the stairs to sheridens room, I only knew which door it was behind because I used the bathroom up here at Mackenzies wedding, the door to her bedroom had been left open and I glanced in to the grandness that was the Maslow boudoir as I walked passed it to go to the toilet.

Sheridens door was closed now, I gave it a gentle tap, then walked in.

I was taken aback slightly as I looked at her, apart from her tear stained face she looked fine.

"hey!" I greeted her with, this was an odd situation for both of us.

"Thankyou for coming" was all she replied.

she was in floods of tears, I walked up to her bed where she lay and crouched down beside her.

"what's happened Sheriden, are you bleeding? In pain?" I asked as I looked her over, she was in pyjamas, the bed covers had been thrown over to one side, she looked fine, she had no blood that I could see.

"no... S.. Something is really ... Really... Wr... wrong!" She sobbed out.

"the ambulance is on its way... What happened Sheriden? What's wrong?" I said taking her hand, she gripped mine back tightly.

"I... I..." She wailed out, she was crying so much.

"take a breath okay... I've phoned James, he is on his way" I reassured her. "now breathe with me" I said taking a deep breath.

She did.

"what happened" I asked again.

"I can't..." She sobbed "I can't feel... My legs" she finally got out the words she couldn't bring her self to say.

Fuck! I wasnt expecting that.

"okay... Its okay... Erm... I expect its just the baby been laying on a part of you for too long... Making you feel a bit numb." I said trying to calm her down.

It wasn't working.

"they warned me... They fucking warned me that this could happen! I can't... Feel my legs...or... Move my feet, I... Can't feel shit!" She cried, her eyes wide with such fear. How the fuck had the notorious Sheriden Lloyd ended up like this.

I had no clue what to do or say.

"erm... Okay..." I said and gave her hand a stroke. "shall I phone James... Or Kendall? and you can speak to them" I said knowing full well, that if it were me in her situation and only being stuck with her for company was just making this entire situation worse.

I didn't wait for a reply and just dialled James' number, I didn't have kendalls in my phone.

"what's happening?" James answered with.

"I'm with her now... We are just waiting for the ambulance, I thought you could speak to her for a bit" I said. James must of been able to hear her crying in the background.

I walked towards the window in the large bedroom and turned my back to Sheriden. "James... She is saying she can't feel her legs" I said as less alarmingly as I could with a sentence like that.

The phone stayed silent for several moments.

"James?" I said in to the phone.

"put her on" was all he replied, the emotion in his voice clear as day.

I walked back over to Sheriden and handed her the phone, her hand shook as she took it, she was in complete shock.

"James?" She cried down the phone.

"its... Not okay though... I'm so scared" she blubbed to answer him.

I noticed through the window the ambulance coming down the private stretch of road up to the house, I left Sheriden talking to James and went down to let them in.

My own terrible memories came back and I gave my wrist a rub... Biggest regret of my life.

I let the paramedics in and gave them a brief explanation of what Sheriden had said as we walked up to the bedroom.

On seeing the medics, Sheriden said her goodbyes to James, she was still crying her eyes out.

"hi Sheriden.. Remember me, I came to sort you out when you bumped your head in the shower" the female paramedic said with a smile.

Sheriden just looked at her, obviously not in the mood to have a catch up.

"can you tell me what's happened?" the paramedic then asked.

"I was asleep... I woke up, reached over ...to ...get a pillow to ...rest my leg on so I... I.. could turn, then realised my legs ... wouldn't move... They just won't work" she sobbed.

"okay..." The paramedic said now realising that this was pretty serious.

She turned to me. "has she been moved since she woke up, sat up or anything?" She asked.

"no, I haven't moved her at all... She had just been laying there" I said.

The paramedic then turned back to Sheriden.

"heres what is going to happen then Sheriden... My colleague Steven is going to pop a neck brace on you, then we will get you on a spinal board and take you down stairs to the ambulance." She said optimistically like it was a fun day trip out. "I need you to stay as still as you possibly can okay" she said.

"Kay" Sheriden replied with another batch of tears as the male paramedic then gently placed a neck brace on her.

While they were putting her on the board I tried calling Mackenzie but it just went to voice mail, I left a message saying Sheriden was on her way to the hospital, try not to worry. Mackenzie was a worrier so I knew saying that was pointless.

When I slipped my phone back in my pocket the male paramedic asked me the question I wasn't expecting.

"are you coming in the ambulance or making your own way with her" he said softly, like Sheriden was a dear friend who I must be very concerned about.

"erm..." Was all I replied and looked at Sheriden.

"please don't leave me... I'm so scared... Please" she begged.

"I'm not going to leave you until you tell me to get lost" I replied with a smile.

she smiled back through her tears.

The ambulance ride was fast, I gathered that a suspected spinal injury was classed as a major emergency but once we got to the hospital no one really knew what to do with Sheriden, we were placed in a room on our own for a few minutes until two doctors and a nurse walked in with a large machine.

"Sheriden we are going to do an ultrasound first to check that baby is doing okay, then we will try and do the same on your back... Realistically you need a CT scan, but because of your pregnancy we will try it this way first to figure out what's going on okay" one of the doctors said to her.

Sheriden just nodded, I don't think I had ever seen any one as scared as she looked right now. She looked dreadful, laying flat down, her neck still in the brace. Her pretty face ruined with tears, snot and make up... It was tragic.

The ultra sound gave her some relief as it revealed that her baby was absolutely fine.

once they had done that, the doctors and the nurse gently turned Sheriden on to her side to try and get an ultra sound image of her back.

My phone rang, the caller ID told me it was Mackenzie.

"I'm just gonna step out Sheriden... Macks is calling, okay?" I said gently, as she lay being held on her side by the medical staff having the ultrasound done.

I walked out the door and clicked it shut behind me.

"hello?" I answered with.

"Tammi... Hi... What is going on?" she said sounding emotional already.

I hadn't spoken to Mackenzie for weeks, we used to be good friends but she dropped me like a brick after the fiasco at Frans birthday party.

"hi Macks... Its not good I'm afraid, the baby is fine but Sheriden can't move her legs... They are trying to figure it out now" I said softly, I knew how close Mackenzie was to Sheriden. it was a bond like no other that they shared because of the twins. Mackenzie had given Sheriden the ultimate gift.

"oh my God!" Mackenzie said in a whisper down the phone.

"are you on your way? She could really use a friendly face I think" I said to her.

"that's awful... Oh my God... Poor Sheriden" she said. "Tammi I can't get to you... Mitchell is really poorly, they have admitted him... I'm stuck on a childrens ward with 3 kids" she said.

"oh right... Is he okay?" I asked.

"they won't tell me anything! Have you spoken to James at all? I can't get hold of him" she said.

"yeah he is on his way back, he should be in the air by now, he should get back by about 5" I said working out the flight times in my head from Michigan.

"okay... Send Sheri my love, don't tell her about Mitch just yet, she needs to keep calm." She replied.

"are you in GSH?" I asked

"yeah... I'm gonna phone Logan" she replied.

"okay, we are in the same hospital Kenzie, when James gets here I will call you okay"

We said our good byes, I took a breath as I reached for the handle to sheridens room, but it opened before I could get to it, the doctors were wheeling Sheriden out in her bed.

"where are you taking her?" I asked as I hurried along the corridor to keep up with them.

"for a CT scan, we couldn't get a clear picture of the spine on the ultrasound" the second doctor said.

"but she is pregnant!" I said knowing full well that an xray or a CT scan is dangerous for the baby.

"Mrs maslow has given her consent for the scan, this is a serious situation" he said sternly, as if I didn't fucking know that.

I looked at Sheriden, she was pouring with tears, Jesus could this day get any worse.

"can I come with her?" I asked just as the lift doors opened.

"yes that's fine" the doctor replied.

I squeezed in to the elevator and took sheridens hand as she lay in the bed.

"is Mitchell okay?" She asked.

"he is fine, Mackenzie is calling Logan, so I expect you will have a room full of visitors this evening once word gets around" I smiled trying to change the subject.

"I love my BTR boys" she said with a smile through her tears.

"they love you too" I said honestly, they really did. I think each of those boys had a positive impact put on them because of something Sheriden had brought in to their lives.

They were her friends, her family, her babies, her prodigys... They were her everything.

She was the hub of the family, she ran it ridiculously with the things that had gone on but her BTR family was a well oiled machine that she took great care over.

Once she had the scan she was taken back to her room, we were left alone for a while.

"Thankyou for being here" she whispered to break the silence.

"its fine" I said with a smile "... Sheriden... I'm sorry, about James I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen like it has... He told you about Frans dumb ass plan didn't he?" I asked.

she smiled. "yeah he did. Don't be sorry, I'm glad he has you... You're good for him... Tammi promise me you will look after him okay" she said with tears streaming down her face.

"I promise" I whispered, just as the doctor walked in. He gently removed the neck brace that Sheriden still wore.

"how are you feeling Sheriden?" He asked.

"legless!" She replied sarcastically.

The doctor gave her a small smile. "are you in any pain?" He asked.

"no" she replied.

"okay well its not good news that I have, the CT scan showed that your spine has worn away considerably, its gradually gotten weaker and has exposed the nerves in the spinal cord... The nerves have been damaged to beyond repair I'm afraid Sheriden... There is nothing we can do, no surgery can fix this" he Said.

"I'm going to be like this forever?" She asked in a whisper, her voice not wanting to work.

"I'm afraid so, its just a natural progression of your condition, the paralysis you feel is from the point of the damaged nerves, so anything beyond that point no longer works... There is nothing further we can do" he said softly.

"when can I go home" Sheriden said, her voice sounding far away, like she wasn't taking all this news in properly.

"I'm not sure, we need to do a few more tests, find the exact point of paralysis and check your bladder control and bodily functions... A nurse will be in to fit a catheter in for you in a moment... But I expect you will be in her for a week or so, but you won't need any surgery" he replied.

"a catheter!" Sheriden repeated as she realised the extent of what below the waist paralysis actually meant.

The doctor went in to more details of what was to come for Sheriden, but once again my phone rang, it was Mackenzie again.

I left Sheriden with the doctor and stepped outside.

"hello?" I answered

But all I got in response was a crying wreck on the other end of the phone.

"Mackenzie? What's happened?" I asked, but she couldn't string a sentence together, she was absolutely howling.

a nurse walked passed me holding sheridens catheter that was about to be fitted, I wouldn't be allowed in the room while that was being done so I darted for the lift to make my way to the childrens ward.

I still had Mackenzie in tears on the phone, I told her I was on my way.

Once I reached the ward and was allowed in, I was taken to Mackenzie, she was in bits.

"where are Max and Georgi?" I asked her.

The nurse that had taken me to Mackenzie answered for her, "they are both in the play room over there, we have some volunteers from the local church that come in and help in times like these" she explained.

"times like these? What's happening? Is Mitchell okay? I asked looking at Mackenzie.

She was in such a state, again the nurse explained things to me. "Mitchell is very poorly at the moment, he has viral meningitis... his immune system is causing him some major issues in fighting it but he is a brave little fella, he is on some strong antibiotics that are helping him fight" she said.

"meningitis!? What! ... He is going to be okay though... Right?" I asked.

"we are doing everything we can" she replied giving my arm a gentle squeeze.

Mackenzie then couldn't even stand, she crouched on the floor crying, not being able to handle the situation at all.

I helped her up and walked her over to a nearby seat, the nurse smiled at me as she walked back over to her desk.

"oh Mackenzie... Jesus..." I said, not knowing what to say to her.

"he is only a year old" she sobbed.

I gave her a hug "I know... I know... Sheriden had just been told she is paralysed from the waist down forever... How the fuck am I meant to tell her this" I said now realising how awful everything was becoming, poor James! How was he going to cope with all this.

"don't... Tell her..." Mackenzie cried. "not yet... Her blood pressure needs to stay calm... Wait for James" she added.

I nodded. How the fuck was I going to tell James this, not only was his wife now paralysed but his son was also on deaths door.

My tears began falling.

"I've got to get back... Sheriden doesn't know I've come here... I promised I wouldn't leave her" I sniffed.

"call me okay" I said giving her a hug, she nodded.

I had a good cry in the lift on the way back to sheridens ward. But I sorted my self out for when I got back to her room.

"is everything okay?" She asked.

"everything is fine... I was just giving you some space while they popped that in you" I said, pointing to the bag that hung at the side of her bed.

"glamorous isn't it... pissing in a bag!" She said with a wry smile.

"Sheriden I'm so sorry... " I said about to give her the speech that it was sad but it wasn't the end of the world to be confined to a wheel chair but she cut me off.

"don't be sorry... I'm actually happy" she said.

I looked at her in astonishment. "why? Because its happened you don't have it hanging over your head now?" I asked.

She shrugged. Her bed had been sat up for her now. "that too I guess but its been six years since I had that skiing accident... Six years have gone by and each day the pain has just got worse and worse, then of course my leg... But now... Now I feel nothing, no pain, no ache... I feel like a normal person again Tammi" she said with a smile.

I smiled back not knowing what to say back to her. I could see it on her face though, she was relaxed, she no longer wore the brave mask that I and everyone else had got used to seeing as she played down the pain.

I talked her in to getting some sleep, she did, it must of been the first pain free sleep she had in ages.

I just sat there in her room, until finally James walked in. I started crying as I saw his face and buried myself in his arms.

"how is she?" He whispered.

"she won't walk again James... I'm sorry" I wept, the entire day now getting the better of me now someone else was here to share the burden.

James didn't say a word. His eyes filled up but he just held on to me like his life depended on it.

"she said to wake her once you arrived" I said softly.

He nodded and gave me a kiss on the head, resting himself there as he gathered his thoughts.

He let go of me and walked over to Sheriden.

"Sheri... I'm here baby" he said softly, taking her hand in his.

She opened her eyes and gave James a smile.

"how you doing in there?" He said stroking her face with his hand.

"never better jimbo" she whispered.

James smiled "I hate that fucking name" he chuckled through his tears.

"I'm glad your here, its so nice to see your face" she replied. "Tammi has been great" Sheriden said smiling at me.

James just smiled at Sheriden, she sounded so tired.

"get some sleep Sheriden, I'm gonna be right here okay... I love you" he said.

I looked at my feet, obviously an awkward moment for me to be in the room.

"love you too" she replied, James then kissed her on the forehead and Sheriden closed her heavy eyes.

I let him watch her for a bit, let one tragic event sink in before I told him of a worse one.

As minutes ticked by and Sheriden seemed to be asleep again, I snuck my hand in his.

"J, I need to talk to you... Outside" I said pointing to the door.

James stood up and followed me out.

"James... I have no clue how to tell you this..." I began, my tears streaming down my face.

"what is it tam... Your scaring me!" He said softly.

I took his hands "baby... Its Mitchell, he's not very well at all honey" I said and explained everything that I knew that had happened.

The tears that left James will haunt me forever, no parent should have to be told news like that.

"will you come with me... To see him?" James sobbed.

"of course I will J... Course I will" I said taking his hand. It was shaking.

I had no clue how we were going to tell Sheriden how sick mitchell was without sending her blood pressure sky high.

I held James in my arms as we got in the elevator to go and see his son


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39, Tammi's story continued.

As the lift worked its way to the ward that was helping james' son cling on to his little life he had, James held me in his arms.

"he will be fine J" I promised, hoping to God that it's a promise that wouldn't get broken.

"have you seen him? What does he look like... Scary?" James said pulling away from me.

I shook my head. "no I've not seen him, I came up but only saw Mackenzie... She isn't taking it well" I warned.

"I'm scared... I don't know if I can see him like that... He is always so fucking ill, he never gets a break!..." He said and fresh tears left his face.

I didn't know what to say, I hardly knew james' children. I did know that Mitchell did almost always have something wrong with him. Sheriden had once told me that because he had been born so early and with an already low immune system, plus the amount of antibiotics he was always on fighting off the latest illness that it only made him worse as his little body didn't really react to many antibiotics now... Now it mattered.

The lift came to a halt and the doors opened up, the fresh smell of an antibacterial cleaner filled my nose, as I saw a cleaner mopping the floor in the corridor.

James was instantly recognised and rushed through to the ward.

Mackenzie was sat in the same seat I had left her in, she had someone sat with her, an elderly lady who was trying to get her to calm down. Mackenzies face was so red and puffy from crying, she hardly looked like the same girl. Her eyes blood shot. And her hands trembled.

The second she saw James she stood up and collapsed in his arms sobbing.

"what are we going to do... What are we going to do" she wailed.

James just looked at me as Mackenzie cried her heart out on him, how she had any tears left to cry was beyond me.

"I don't know Macks" James said softly to her, his tears still fell but he had control over his voice.

"Mr Maslow your son and daughter are just through there" the elderly lady said, pointing in to the hospital play room.

James peeled Mackenzie off of him and sat her back in the seat. He took me by the hand and walked towards the room that Max and Georgi were in, I could see them through the large glass panelled walls that had various pictures of Disney characters dotted around.

At this point in time I don't think that James cared who he was holding hands with, he just didn't want to be alone.

He scooped Max up in his arms and cried his heart out, he sat down with him and Georgi sat on james' other knee. She seemed happy enough, she wiped some of james' tears from his face as I stood and watched and James gave her a heartfelt smile back with a kiss on her forehead.

It was then that I felt a stabbing pain in my heart.

Here sat before me was James, who held one of his gorgeous twins, and his deaf daughter on his lap, while his other son was fighting for his life, and Sheriden was in another part of the hospital, hopefully still sleeping but alone never the less... I was a terrible person to be splitting this family up. Even with the fact that sheridens baby wasn't james', he was still claiming it to be his to help her... He loved her... Who am I to ruin that?

Georgi looked at me, she had a shy look about her as she tucked her head under james' chin. That look just made me feel worse.

"James I'm going to get going... This is a personal time for you" I said softly.

"what? You said you would come with me to see Mitch... Please tam' I need you" he begged as he gave his babies a kiss and put them both back down on the floor to scamper off and play.

"I just feel a bit out of my depth J.. I don't belong here" I said.

"your not going anywhere... I need you" he said simply and took my hand so tightly it almost hurt.

The elderly lady who sat with Mackenzie, I presumed to be the volunteer from the church who was keeping an eye on the children for her. She now had her arm around kenz, giving her shoulder a gentle pat as a way to talk some soothing words in to her.

I had gathered that Mackenzie had explained that she had in fact given birth to Mitchell but was not his mother, as the elderly lady was saying things to that effect as a way to console her. Mackenzie clung on to every inspirational word that woman had to offer, her green eyes wide with hope that what the lady was saying was true. And that Mitchell would in deed be fine.

A nurse led James and I to the room that Mitchell was in.

"does he look scary?" James asked the nurse.

"he looks... small... He is attached to some lines, and has fluids going in him intravenously. on top of the meningitis he has a severe chest infection which is causing him difficulty in breathing, he is on antibiotics for that, and various medication for the aches and pains, he is asleep so it's helping his body to recover... Mr Maslow the next 24 hours are critical, on a professional point of view from myself I would prepare yourself for the worst, we are doing everything we can" she said softly and gave james' arm a squeeze. She then opened the door to his room.

James just stood frozen to the spot for a while, I gave his hand a squeeze that I still held which brought him back to reality, he then took his first step towards the room.

"oh my baby boy" James sobbed as he layed eyes on his son. He then went and sat next to Mitchell's bed side and took his tiny hand.

A lump came to my throat, they looked so alike, even at only a year old you could see the similarities in James and his twin boys. Mitchell did look so small, the nurse was right!

I watched on as James leant his head on the bed and silently cried.

"I can't tell Sheriden this" James said looking up to me.

"but you can't not tell her James... Seriously if Mitchell..." I took a breath. "if you were Sheriden wouldn't you want to know that your son was going through this" I said instead.

James nodded.

"my wife was admitted to orthopaedics earlier today, is there anyway... She can come up here to see him?" James asked the nurse who stood quietly in the room.

"your friend outside did explain about your wife... I have contacted orthopaedics, they said that she is capable of being placed in a wheel chair to come up... She doesn't know about Mitchell yet, your friend made it clear to not tell her until you had arrived" she explained.

James nodded. He then looked at me "is Kendall on his way?" He asked.

"I think Logan is... I will ask Mackenzie" I said giving him a smile, then leaving the room, I looked in through the little window of the door back at James, he was talking to Mitchell now, tears streaming down his face at whatever words he was telling him.

"what the fuck! Why is she here?" I heard from behind me, I turned around and saw savannah sat with her sister. Obviously she had just flown back in from Portland.

today was too much already without this shit.

My stomach filled with hate as I looked at her, she looked perfection as always, a hard bitch face pout on her lips as she stared daggers at me.

I just ignored her and Mackenzie was in no state to even care what savannah thought about me now.

I held my head high and walked over to Mackenzie. "James was wondering if Kendall was coming back... He thinks having him nearby for Sheriden will help with the blow" I explained.

"fucking slut!" Savannah said next to me, again I ignored her.

Mackenzie glared at her sister that this really was not the time to start doing this.

"they are... all coming... back" she sobbed.

"do you know when they took off from Michigan?" I asked.

Mackenzie shrugged, "a few hours... ago?" she wailed.

I turned my back to return to James. "whore!" I heard from savannah as I walked away.

I just let her words roll off me, I had done nothing wrong, did I care that she thought I had? No.

As I clicked the door shut behind me in Mitchell's room, I saw the nurse had gone so I gave James a gentle hug as he sat with his son.

"Kendall will be back about 8 baby... You okay?" I asked.

James nodded then shook his head. "I don't think I will ever be okay again." He replied.

"savannah is out there" I said... Not that I think James would honestly give a shit if the president of the united states was out there. But he tilted his head up on hearing savannahs name, this hurt at first, I knew savannah had fucked James too. That fucking bitch torments all of my life.

"is she?" He asked.

I nodded, James then walked up to the door and opened it up, he beckoned savannah in, what the fuck was he doing?

Savannah gave him a hug and she got emotional as she saw Mitchell in the hospital bed.

"sav I need a favour, Macks can't do it! Can you take Georgi and Max back to your house, they shouldn't be here, they need to go" he said.

savannah nodded as she reached for a tissue in her purse. "that's fine... James is it true about Sheriden? She won't walk again?" She sniffed.

James nodded.

"fuck!" Was all savannah could think of to reply.

"when you put them to bed put Max in with Georgi... He... He's never been... Without his brother at bedtime" James said now in complete bits.

Savannah gave him the hug that I should be consoling him with, but instead I just stood there feeling like a complete outsider.

"I will text you when they are tucked up in bed okay... Mitch will be fine, he takes after Sheriden!" She said wiping her eye and giving James a pat on his arm.

James nodded in response.

Savannah flashed her evil eyes at me, looking me up and down like i was trash.

She then turned on her high heels and tapped away out of the room.

I got the nurse to phone sheridens ward to see how she was doing, Sheriden still slept so at least I didn't feel guilty for having left her.

I sat with James in Mitchells little room for what felt like forever. It wasn't long before Carlos knocked on the door.

He looked at me but didn't say a word. He didn't hold the same attraction for me as he used to, I felt ridiculous that I almost lost my life over him. The way I felt for James was just a million times stronger.

Carlos gave James a brotherly pat.

"I've just seen Sheri, Kendall is with her now, Logan is here too but... Well kenz had just had more bad news" he explained to James.

"you didn't tell Sheriden about Mitchell yet did you?" James asked, to which Carlos shook his head.

"what bad news has kenz had?" James then asked realising what else Carlos had said.

Carlos raised his eyebrows. "the porno they did...it's everywhere... The news, the internet, the TV... Plus all the wedding pictures, also Sheriden is headlining, papers are saying she may be miscarrying, they know she is in here but don't have a clue why" he said.

James let out a sigh.

"Jesus Christ" he said softly.

"how is he?" Carlos asked looking at Mitchell.

"hanging in there" James said smiling.

"he will be fine James!" Carlos reassured him.

After a few moments Carlos left, he flashed me a friendly smile, but he didn't talk.

"you okay?" I asked James, as a nurse came in to do her observations on Mitchell.

"yeah... Just all a bit much, I guess I best go and see Sheriden" he said.

"Mr Maslow, Mitchell is stable now, he hasn't worsened, that is a good sign... A very good sign. After you've spoken to your wife you should get yourself home and get some sleep." the nurse said.

I smiled at James, he smiled back as some relief showed on his face.

"maybe later" James replied to her. She smiled and left the room.

James took my hand "Tammi... Take these and make yourself at home, I don't want to be on my own when I do get there tonight" James said handing me his house keys.

"really?" I said looking up at him.

"yeah really... Plus I need a dog sitter" he smiled.

I gave him a small chuckle, "savannah gets the children and I'm trusted with the dog!" I smiled.

"I love you tam... I need you tonight... You've had a shit day, go back to mine and get some sleep.. Please" James said.

I took the keys and nodded. I shared a gentle kiss with James before I left. I saw Logan and Mackenzie in the corridor, it looked like he was trying to get her to go home too.

I walked over and gave her a hug.

"cmon Macks, lets get you to bed okay... the nurse just said Mitch is stable... She said thats really good!" I explained.

"really?" She asked with her red raw eyes.

"Honest, go and say goodnight to him and James" I said squeezing her hand.

I was left standing with Logan as Mackenzie went in to the room, she shook as she walked.

"thanks" Logan said to me.

"it's fine, I'm sorry I couldn't of helped her more today... She loves those boys so much" I stated.

Logan nodded with a smile. "I've got my car out front, did you want me to drop you off at home" he asked.

I couldn't tell Logan that I was in fact staying at bel air on james' request tonight... Not even to dog sit, but luckily I had a reason to go there.

"my car is still at bel air, I came in the ambulance with Sheriden... If you could drop me off there that would be brilliant" I said.

Logan smiled, he was pretty handsome, I made a mental note to maybe check out this home made porno that Carlos mentioned... Just for educational purpose of course.

"it's fine" he replied.

Mackenzie came out of mitchells room, she looked slightly better, her face and eyes still red, but she could talk now.

"lets get home logues" she croaked.

Logan slung his arm over her shoulder. "I'm going to drop Tammi off to her car first" he soothed in her ear and we walked towards the lift and out of the building.

The night sky and the cool breeze felt amazing after being cooped up in the disinfectant paradise of the hospital all day.

We walked across the car park, I could see Logans car, he clicked the button and unlocked his door, "fucking central locking" he cursed. he sat him self in his drivers side and reached over to unlock Mackenzies door as she stood by it on the passenger side, but as she was about to open it, a swarm of paparazzi engulfed her.

They were thrusting cameras and microphones in her face.

"Mackenzie why did you marry in secret?"

"Mackenzie how did your personal videos end up online?"

"Mackenzie!"

"Mackenzie"

"Mackenzie" was all I could hear.

Logan got back out of the car but couldn't get passed the sea of journalists, he was getting flanked himself, I started shoving them away, Macks was in no fit state to even deal with this.

She was shoving them back as she tried to reach for the door of the car.

A middle aged photographer who rammed her camera in Mackenzies face got a shock as Macks pushed her hand in to it to block the shot and sent the camera in to the Womans face.

She dropped her expensive camera to the floor and started hurling abuse at Mackenzie, it was a full blown riot then.

Macks just lost the plot. the stress of her terrible day was now being taken out on the photographer.

"get out of my fucking face" Mackenzie screamed, as she hit the woman around the head.

The photographer who was of a stocky nature then launched in to Macks, both girls lay on the floor scrapping at each other, Mackenzie grabbed the woman by the face and she dug her long nails in to her flesh.

I tried my hardest to get to her, to help stop it but I just couldn't, I looked at Logan who was behind me now, he had the look that said "shit!" On his face as he watched his wife beat ten barrels of crap out of a journalist whilst having the whole thing documented by the sea of paparazzi that surrounded us.

It was the arrival of the police that eventually stopped the fight, but Mackenzie was dragged kicking and screaming in to the back of a police van, all I could hear were her cries.

Logan could only look on in horror, he was told to step away from the scene as he too was getting aggressive but towards the police who were manhandling Mackenzie.

I doubted she had ever been involved in any fight or illegal doings ever... She was as honest as the day is long.

The woman Mackenzie had attacked looked awful, she was covered in blood... How the fuck had this got so out of hand.

Logan practically dragged me in to his car as he sped away to drop me off at bel air.

"what's going to happen to her?" He asked as streetlights zoomed past me.

"I don't know... I tried to help her... Honestly I just couldn't get to her to stop it" I said in a panic.

"I know... FUCK!" Logan shouted as he banged his hand on his steering wheel.

I was too scared to say anything else to him, Logan dropped me off at my car in bel air then sped off again, to the police station I presume.

I think today officially goes down as the worst day in big time rush history. What more could possibly go wrong?

I was about to find out when I put the key in the door of James' mansion. As on the other side there stood savannah with fox in her arms.

"what the actual FUCK are you doing here!?" She said.

"James asked me to dog sit" I said... It was a half truth "why aren't you looking after his children?" I replied crossing my arms over my chest.

"oh honey..." She said patronisingly "you dog sit everyday... Just look in the fucking mirror!" She said as she smiled at me. "oh and Carlos is looking after the kids... At my house" she added, placing her hand on her hip.

"just hand me fox and fuck off savannah, I'm done with you!" I said.

She shook her head but put fox down.

"no! We are done with you! You're are not welcome in this family, so don't try and worm your trashy ass back in it... What will it take to get you out of my life forever!?" She said oozing venom.

I rolled my eyes at her patheticness.

"lets see... Failed actress... Failed girlfriend... Fuck girl, you can't even kill yourself properly!" She hissed.

Her words stung me but I tried not to show it.

Savannah rifled through her purse, she walked over to the side table that stood in the entrance hall of james' house and wrote something down.

She strutted back to me "take this, fuck off, I never want to see your face again... We are better off with out you... Even the dog!" She spat, and thrust the paper in to my hand, she then barged passed me and left.

I rested my back against the cool front door and took a deep breath, I unscrewed the paper she had crumpled in my hand... It was a cheque for 1 million dollars, 1 million dollars to leave... Leave James, leave Sheriden.

I looked around the house I stood in. taking the money seemed like an easier choice than being the cause for breaking up this family.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40 sheridens story.

"Sheri?"

"Sheri?" I heard a soft voice that was trying to wake me from my sleep. I opened my eyes and saw my beautiful green eyed boy. His beautiful green eyes smiled at me, they weren't sad, or cried out like the other eyes I had seen today... Kendalls eyes made me feel normal.

"hello you!... you flew back just to see me?" I said sarcastically as i lay in my hospital bed.

He rolled his eyes. "you couldn't keep me away if you tried baby" he said.

I looked at him and took his hand "so the catwalk days are definitely over for me" I said dryly.

Kendall nodded "so I hear" was all he replied. "I never really liked the catwalk types anyway" he said with a big grin, his eyes glistening as they hid his sadness well.

"don't tell fran that" I smiled.

"its our secret" he said giving my hand a squeeze.

A silence fell on us. The sensation of having no feeling whatsoever in my legs was strange, I ran my hand over my bump.

"Sheriden... I love you... Nothing will ever, ever change that... Do you hear me" he said.

I looked at him for some time before I answered. "I love you too Kendall... I'm so sorry" I said, I had no more tears to cry.

"why on earth are you sorry?" He asked.

"because after all this time... All this chasing tails and wanting each other, you finally get me and I'm completely broken to pieces... I wanted to be your catwalk model... That day after your 21st... Do you remember? Walking through the hotel holding hands after our first night together... I felt so proud to hold your hand... I felt so alive" I said smiling as I remembered the day as clear as anything.

Kendall held his hand up which still had mine firmly attached to it. "I've never felt more proud to hold this hand Sheriden... I honestly mean it!"

"really?" I asked.

"really!" He repeated. "I want us together Sheriden, I don't care if the father of that baby is James, or even fucking Adolf Hitler" he said smiling.

I laughed "Jesus Christ, Dont tell James I've been sleeping with Hitler" I said with a smile.

"don't change the subject Sheriden" Kendall said with a grin.

"baby I love you, I really really do but I can't just run of with you... I can't even run of with anyone now" I said cussing myself for my shit choice of words.

"one day you will be mine... Properly!.. Can't beat amazing 'affair sex' though huh!" He said with a glint in his eye.

He was right, you couldn't beat the sex that an affair offered, it was sex by choice, by lust, by greed... It was amazing. It was still amazing even though James knew about the affair, but that kind of appealed to me.

"do you still want to have sex with me?" I asked. "Lets face facts I now piss in to a bag without even knowing it, its not exactly what you would call desirable Kendall"

"I dunno, golden shower has always appealed to me, but yes I still want to fuck your tight little polo mint hole sheri!" Kendall said chuckling away

I laughed out loud "oh my God, please never say that ever again" I chuckled.

"polo mint hole" Kendall repeated now giggling. I gave him a pretend slap on the arm.

"thank you" I said

"what for?" He asked.

"for being you Kendall, you never take life too seriously, and you always know how to make me smile with the stupid crap you come out with." I smiled.

"you're welcome... Do you think that sex will be... Fun for you still?" He asked.

"I have no idea," I said sadly at the thought. "what if I can't... You know... Finish" I asked.

Kendall shook his head and smiled.

"only you Sheriden Maslow, can get the news that you are paralysed and your only concern be can you still have orgasms" Kendall said chuckling.

"I like sex... I have a lot of sex, its an important part of my life" I said matter of factly.

"no, you enjoy sharing your body! and I will still gladly share your body, and hold you close, and kiss you all over and make love to you... Its not sex Sheriden, its... Becoming one!.. Its beautiful and it will stay beautiful" he said.

"your beautiful... Where is James?" I asked realising that it was really late.

"he will be back in a while" was all Kendall said.

"oh I've got another little thing that will make you smile" he said treating me to his beautiful dimples.

"Kendall how are you not fazed by all this?" I asked ignoring his attempts to make me smile.

"I am fazed by it, its a huge huge thing that is happening to us, but we will be okay, and get through it... Like we always do" he said.

I don't know what I adored the most, the fact he still treated me normally or the fact he kept saying 'we'. It was nice to feel not alone in this very scary situation.

I smiled, "what little thing have you got that will make me smile." I said picking up his conversation where he left it.

"well I know how you love to take the piss out of your beloved rushers... James got sent this yesterday, Logan was practically rolling on the floor at it" Kendall said getting his phone from his pocket.

I grinned, I did love to pick holes in the rushers. Most were idiot girls who wasted there lives writing dirty fan fictions about there favourite member of the band... So sad!

I did laugh out loud again as Kendall showed me the picture on his phone, it was a sketch drawing of James.

"oh dear lord" I laughed.

"what does he look like though?" Kendall said now giggling away.

"he looks... Severely disabled... Even more so than I am" i laughed.

"you don't even want to know what Logan said, he is going straight to hell" Kendall chuckled.

I caught Kendall in my eye line, he came in for a kiss. His tongue eased itself in my mouth. His lips were so soft, it was an amazing feeling to of had the day that I had, but still feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Kendall ran his thumb along the side of my face as he kissed me.

A soft knock came to the door, Kendall practically snatched his face away from mine, I almost found it amusing as I now had no fear if James caught us kissing.

I smiled at James as he did walk in the room. My smile faded though when I saw the state he was in, his face was completely worn out from crying.

my heart thumped away in my chest.

I looked at Kendall, his face had changed from his happy exterior, to a very serious one.

"Sheriden... " James said as he perched himself on the edge of my bed, his tears began falling again. I looked from James to Kendall.

"what the fuck is going on?" I asked, the atmosphere could now be cut with a knife.

Kendall gave James a nod to say that he would do the honours of talking.

He took my hand.

"you know how important it is for you to stay calm and relaxed for your baby" Kendall said.

I nodded. Removing my hands in fear, I had absolutely no clue what was just about to come out in to the open. All traces of kendalls smile had gone now though. I felt as if he was the warm up act to something very sinister that was to follow.

Kendall took my hands again.

"Sheri, Mitchell has been admitted in to hospital, he is here.. In the Childrens ward... " Kendall said.

my heart sank. "what's happened?" I said now looking at James, his face worried the life from me.

"he is stable Sheriden, so don't panic, you can go and see him in a while... He has meningitis Sheri... I'm sorry baby" James said,

I shook my head "no... No he can't!" I argued. "not my baby... Not Mitch" I said now taking my hand away from Kendall and holding on to my own head.

"he is fighting it Sheriden" James said.

"I need to see him" I said trying to sit up, by using my arms.

"Sheri I will take you down in a minute" James said looking panicked as I tried scrambling my body up on the bed. "calm down Sheriden... Please" James said almost angrily.

My tears were falling steady now. "take me to my fucking son! Before I drag myself to him!" I screamed, there was no staying calm. Calm can fuck off. Calm could take a bleak vacation up my ass hole. I just needed to see my baby.

"James... James!" Kendall said looking panicked. "get a fucking wheel chair sorted for her!"

James stood up filled with emotion, and left the room, "he is stable Sheriden... Look at me, look at me!" Kendall insisted.

I did look, his eyes now showed fear, but they showed love.

"he will be fine Sheriden!" He said.

I nodded. "Please help me sit up..." I said now sobbing, I couldn't feel my backside, this was gonna take some getting used to.

A nurse walked in with James and a wheelchair for me.

James just looked on as I was helped up to the edge of the bed, my feet were swung round for me. the only thing really holding me upright was my hands clinging on to things.

"no stop!" James said and walked towards me. I was just about to try and lift myself from the bed to the chair with the help of the nurse.

"sorry but you don't look that strong" James said giving a small smile to the nurse, he then just gently picked me up in my sitting position and then placed me in my new form of transport.

"thank you" I whispered through my tears.

James just smiled at me, but his face was still sad. "is she okay to go?" he then asked.

"yes... Twenty minutes then she needs to be back for her obs" the nurse replied, to which James nodded, he then wheeled me out with Kendall by his side.

I cried all the way in the corridor and cried all the way in the lift, I thought I might be sick as we entered the ward that Mitchell was on.

I slipped my hand in kendalls, I didn't care what he thought, he was my safety net. I needed him right now.

It was late, and the ward was only lit by the nurses lights on their work stations. James wheeled me up to a door. Kendall opened it up for me and there he was... My Mitchell, my little heart breaker.

"he has been awake for about ten minutes" the nurse that stood next to his bedside said.

Mitchell saw me and James, I was placed by his bedside, giving him a very teary smile.

"mommys here" I said letting go of Kendall and taking mitchells hand.

"his stats are perking up, he isn't out of the woods yet, but... Your getting there, aren't you Mitchell!" The nurse said sweeping back the brown hair of my son.

I looked up at James and smiled, he was crying. I rested my head on his arm as I took his hand in mine.

"he is still going to be feeling very miserable, I expect any movement is going to cause him discomfort so don't get alarmed if he cries a lot" the nurse said, she then left the room

"oh baby... look at you" I sniffed at Mitchell. He looked at me with his hazel eyes, not understanding anything that was happening to him.

"mommy and Daddy are here Mitch, I expect your brother is missing you!" I said with tears streaming down my face.

"sav has Max and Georgi, she text me earlier and said they were both asleep in her bed" James said softly.

I nodded. not taking my eyes from my son.

"he looks so much better now he is awake... I didn't know how to tell you, I was so worried about your blood pressure, and the baby... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" James said as he tucked the blanket around Mitchell a bit further.

"as long as I'm here now, and he knows we are here for him... That's all that matters James... I'm sorry I caused this damage to myself that made you go through this alone... I really am sorry" I whispered.

"Tammi stayed, she went home a few hours ago" he said.

"I don't know why I called her... I could of phoned anyone... Amberleigh would of made more sense" I said now thinking about it.

"I think it was good you called her" James said then turned around remembering Kendall was in the room but as I also turned my head I realised Kendall had gone. He must of given us some space. I felt bad as this must of been hard for him to watch but Mitchell needed James and I right now. He was all that mattered at this precise moment in time for me.

James' phone beeped in his pocket.

"is that sav? Ask her to bring the kids in tomorrow with her, I miss them so much" I said turning back to poor little Mitchell who was gently falling back to sleep as I stroked his hand.

"no... Its Tammi. She had said that savannah had given her a 1million dollar cheque to get out of our lives" he said with a completely baffled face on him.

"what? What is savannah playing at? that girl will end up losing all her money by doing stupid shit like that all the time... I take it Tammi ripped it up!" I asked.

James just looked at me.

"James? She did rip it up didn't she!?... James!" I said, but he just stood there staring at his phone in shock.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41 Frans story.

I Had been ticking over with the Tammi and James situation for some time now, it had become my obsession.

I even began following her, she would still meet up with James. they would spend hours together, so although I knew he was now avoiding me, I knew he was still fucking about behind sheridens back.

We had received the news that Sheriden was in hospital 3 days ago, James naturally, was first to leave Michigan, it was Logan that let the rest of us know.

Kendall was beside himself. I looked after Ophelia while he stayed at sheridens bedside on the first day of our return.

The news only got worse as Kendall told me how ill Mitchell was, and that him and James had to try and tell her the news in as gentle a way as humanly possible to try and prevent her blood pressure elevating.

The thing that bothered me... That really niggled at the back of my mind was the fear that Kendall would go back to Sheriden if James did leave her.

It was a fear that filled my waking mind. The history Kendall and Sheriden shared was too great for me to ever compete with.

My fear only worsened when I visited Sheriden in hospital yesterday, two days after we had returned from Michigan, she was now relieved that Mitchell was on the safe road to recovery but she told me what savannah had done...

Savannah had offered Tammi one million dollars to get lost, to fuck out off our lives forever, to disappear from Los Angeles and never come back. Of course savannah had her own desperate reasons to get rid of Tammi, even though I knew she was perfectly safe with Carlos back in her arms. It was James that Tammi wanted... It was James that Tammi had, and it was James she had shockingly turned down the life changing amount of money to remain in his life.

As I lay in bed desperately thinking of ways to eliminate her from all our lives, I kept coming up with the same conclusion... There simply wasn't a way.

If she had turned down that amount of money to remain here, there was no other way that she could be persuaded that it was in James and sheridens best interests that she go.

It was in my best interest that she go.

"earth to Francesca... Hello!" Kendall said waving his hand in front of my face as I sat up in the bed staring at nothing.

"what?... oh sorry boo... I was miles away" I confessed looking up to his bemused grin that treated me to his beautiful dimples.

he sat on the edge of the bed as he pulled a shirt over his head. "you okay?" He asked.

"yeah... Yeh just tired, I've not been sleeping great" I said with a fake yawn for special effects.

Kendall looked at me, I wasn't sure he was convinced.

"okay well I'm just off out to bel air. James wants all this work finished by the time Sheriden gets out next week... I wanna be part of it... You don't mind do you?" He asked, rubbing his hand on my knee as it lay underneath the covers of our bed.

James had occupied his time that wasn't spent at the hospital in organising contractors, workmen, family and friends to help him convert the mansion that he lived in, in to a wheel chair friendly environment. He was adamant that Sheriden would still have access to her entire house, bathrooms, wardrobes, upstairs, garden and everyday things such as light switches and kitchen cupboards.

He was spending over the odds to get professionals in at just a moments notice to get it as pretty much fitted and finished as soon as humanly possible.

"course... Boo its fine, I think its important that we all help out as much as possible. It will help us all adjust to how its going to be now" I replied honestly.

Personally I found it heart breaking! I had known Sheriden more or less since I began modelling, she was an inspiration to me to watch as no matter how bad my life became I knew it was only a matter of time that I would see sense just as she had... Now was that time!

But to see a girl so broken that used to look as if she ruled the world on that catwalk was devastating.

To think she was on the brink of losing James too was just something I couldn't sit by and watch.

"...its true though ..." I heard Kendall say as I once again came back to reality.

"sorry what did you say?" I asked.

Kendall chuckled at me. "I agreed with you fran! Its all part of all of our healing processes to deal with it... What you just said is true. Jesus you need to go back to sleep baby" he smiled.

I honestly felt I did now... I was cracking up, my train of thought just kept shifting to fucking Tammi Taylor... Why did I interfere! This was all my fault.

"maybe I will" I agreed shaking my head realising that I had done it again and was thinking about Tammi.

"well no can do I'm afraid!" Kendall smiled. "phee is still asleep but the guy will be here to check the gas soon, I've had to turn it off at the mains, I could smell it really bad this morning, so the cooker won't work ... I Don't want you being gassed to death do I!" he said kissing me on the cheek and standing up.

"well I'm sure there are worse ways to go" I smiled.

"I will be back after lunch... Probably two? I said to Sheriden we would go in to visit her and Mitchell" he said and blew me a kiss.

I smiled and blew him one back as he pretended to catch it and strolled out the door, moments later I heard his car start and the gravel outside move as he left the drive way.

I lay back in bed, my mind a whirr... It was then that my desperation turned to actual desperate measures and the words that had left kendalls lips just minutes ago began to hatch a plan... A plan that would probably be the only possible way to get rid of Tammi Taylor... In the nicest possible way.

"it really isn't the worst way to go..." I whispered to myself as I stared at the ceiling.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42 Mackenzies story.

I sat in my cell with more tears rolling down my cheeks.

I had spent the night behind bars because I attacked one of the evil race that was 'the paparazzi'

Logan had a lawyer sent in late last night to talk to me, the photographer that I still had the skin of underneath my finger nails was called Caryl Howarth, and she was pressing as many charges as she could think of at me, I knew for certain that I was going to get in to trouble for GBH, the lawyer that Logan had sent for me, Gregory Sands, said that prison would never be an option, as I had no history of violence and underneath the circumstances of the day and the way I was surrounded no judge would really go further than a few hours of community service or a hefty compensation payout.

These were all things I honestly didn't really care about, all I did care about was Mitchell! Was he awake? was he getting better?... Was he alive?

I also couldn't stop thinking about Max. The poor little guy only had Georgi as his familiar face while James and Sheriden were in the hospital.

I had used my one phone call last night to call Logan, despite the fact he was already in the police station arguing at reception staff. He had come down to the station and kicked off demanding that I should be released, he was advised strongly to leave the scene for the second time that night, before he was arrested and thrown behind bars too.

I begged and begged the officers until my voice was hoarse for someone to get me an update on Mitchell but they just kept saying they would get round to it.

so here I sat, in yesterdays clothes, sat on an uncomfortable bed in a cold prison cell waiting for someone to let me out.

I was told it was only an over night stay and that I would be released in the morning, the last time I had asked the time it was 10:30 in the morning it must be gone eleven by now though.

Finally the key turned in the lock and I was asked to walk out. I had a few things to sign but burst in to more tears as I fell in to Logans arms as he stood at the front desk in the reception area of the police station.

"shhhh... Baby cmon" he soothed in my ear"

"Mitch?" Was the only coherent word I could manage through my tears.

"he is doing good Macks, he has been awake... James even sent me a picture for you" he replied hugging the life from me. "c'mon lets get you out of here... Hold on tight" he said as he took my hand.

He then led me through another sea of paparazzi that were waiting for me outside the police station.

They all hurled questions at Logan and I about numerous subjects, the sex tape, the assault or Sheriden. It seemed news on Mitchel had not become public knowledge yet.

When we got in to Logans car and we arrived home I spent a few moments looking at the picture of Mitchell that James had sent. He was awake, hugged a teddy and had a smile on his beautiful face. He was the absolute double of James.

I had a shower and got changed then set off to savannahs to see Max and Georgi.

Logan came with me I didn't want to be alone, but he played with the kids as I chatted with savannah.

Savannahs rented property was beautiful, I had to hand it to her with how she was coping with looking after Sean. She was doing really well!

I often smiled on the odd occasion that she did have to tell him off, or he had earnt a spell on the naughty step. She took it seriously, she wouldn't let him get away with much... He was growing in to a very polite young man, dad and heather would be proud of savannah.

I however felt my pride slip away with the news she told me as we talked about Tammi.

"I couldn't give a flying fuck if she helped Sheriden... She had no fucking business being there... She is a whore who I will be glad to finally see the back of." She hissed.

"what do you mean finally see the back of? Is she moving away?" I asked.

Savannah chuckled as we stood in her open plan kitchen. White kitchen cupboards shone in the sunshine of the naturally light house. The occasional darkness caused by the shadow of the trees in the window as they softly swayed in front of the sun every now and again.

"I payed her off last night, I went to bel air to get fox, and just as I was leaving, she waltzed in the fucking door! Said that James had asked her to sort fox out... So I tormented her a little then gave her a cheque to fuck off" she replied.

"savannah you stupid bitch! She paid for her mistakes, it was Sheriden that called her yesterday... Why do you have to go and mess things up all the time!" I shouted

"alright kenz calm down! I know you used to be best fucking friends with her but you must know what she did was wrong!" Savannah snapped.

"yes I know what happened was wrong but we all make mistakes savannah... For fucks sake!" I said feeling wheezy. "you of.. All people should understand... that" I argued as I tried to calm myself.

"Mackenzie calm down, where's your inhaler?" She asked.

"oh don't act... Like... You give.. a shit... Sav" I huffed out.

"oh for fucks sake, your ridiculous!" She said as she walked off to get Logan and tell on me that I was verging on an asthma attack.

Logan came in with Max in his arms.

"Kenzie please tell me you brought it?" Logan asked about my inhaler.

I chucked my purse at him, and with one hand he threw the contents out on to savannahs gleaming white kitchen surfaces.

"ah! Kenzie! For gods sake its not in hear" Logan snapped.

"hang on a sec before you blow up at her Logan..." Savannah said as she rifled through one of her cupboards. "here you go... Who says I don't care huh?!" Savannah said chucking an inhaler my way.

"thanks!" I said then took a puff.

"so kenz wants to take Max and Georgi with us, is that okay? We are going to see Sheriden later anyway" Logan said keeping his eye on me as once again he assessed my condition.

"yeah that's fine, James called earlier to say Sheri wanted to see them any way... I will text him and say what's going on" she said as she grabbed her phone from her pocket and started tapping away.

I looked in to savannahs lounge at Georgi who had just tumbled over.

"she is a right fucking klutz that one!" Savannah said also looking at her.

I opened my mouth to have a go at her but Logan beat me to it.

"savannah she is deaf! her balance is affected you dumb ass.. Don't ever Let Sheriden or James hear you say shit like that" he said staring daggers at her.

"fucking hell Logan, calm down, I was only saying... Jesus what's the matter with you two today?" She said amused by us.

"well I might as well tell you if you haven't seen it already... I was arrested last night" I confessed.

"holy fuck!" savannah replied laughing. "what kinky ass shit did you do on that sex tape?" She said with her eyes gleaming with joy at my unfortunate life.

"oh for fucks sake sav... Don't be ridiculous! Macks was trying to get away from the paps but one was persistent... A small fight broke out" Logan explained.

"well that's not like you... No wonder your wheezing all over the fucking place... You need to get away for a bit" my sister replied.

"you can't get away from the internet though, so what's the point!" I argued. "right I've had enough of your face today... I'm going, come on logues" I said taking Max from him.

"well that's fucking charming isn't it!" Savannah replied.

I said goodbye to Sean and left with Max and Georgi in tow.

Once we had visited Sheriden and Mitchell and I cried a lot more. This time more for Sheriden than Mitchell, James had insisted that he would be fine looking after his kids.

Savannah had no right to do what she had done with Tammi, it was playing on my mind if i should call her. although I used to be good friends with Tammi and she had helped out tremendously yesterday, I still was in debate if I should call or not.

It had gone dinner time when I decided I would call her, I wondered where she might of gone... Where would I go if I was just given a million dollars.

Logan busied himself in the kitchen washing up a few dishes that remained from our meal, I sat at the table and dialled the number.

I felt nervous, I even jotted a few things down just incase there was an awkward silence.

"hello?" She answered.

"hi... Tammi, its Mackenzie... I er... Well I just wanted to say thanks for everything yesterday." I said doodling on the piece of paper that was in front of me.

"hey! Its fine... Absolutely not a problem!" She replied cheerily.

"okay... Well, it was nice to see you again. Its been a long time huh" I said reading some of the pointers I had jotted down.

"yeah it was great to see you too... Shame it was under those circumstances" she said. "maybe we could hit the shops again soon... If you would like that?" She then asked taking me by surprise.

"oh... Erm..." Was all I could manage as a response.

"or not..." She chuckled at my awkwardness.

"no... No its not that! I would love to its just ... Well savannah told me what she did... I'm confused" I said with a nervous giggle.

"she told you about the money? I'm actually surprised! Mackenzie I ripped the cheque up... I don't want her money" she replied.

"really? Jesus you tore up one million dollars!... That's insane" I said as her end of the line sounded noisy. I squinted my eyes trying to hear better.

"it honestly didn't need thinking about... Listen I've got to go, I will text you later Mackenzie... I'm glad we are talking again!... Byeee" she replied in a hurry, trying to talk over the noise in the back ground.

she hung up before I could say goodbye.

"well that went well... She didn't take the money then?" Logan said, as he flung a tea towel over his shoulder, passed me a hot chocolate then sat down opposite me.

"no... She ripped it up" I replied in a daze.

"good... Savannah was an idiot doing that! ... What's up kenz? You want your inhaler?" Logan asked looking at me.

I shook my head trying to figure it out.

"Logan... I heard Max in the back ground" I said still sounding confused.

"she was probably visiting at the hospital" Logan replied.

"its not visiting time... She must be with James." I said.

"maybe James asked her to look after the kids?" He replied taking a sip from his own hot chocolate.

"why turn us down then get a stranger to look after them... She must of been with James... It sounded like she was trying to cover it up logues... What's going on?" I asked, absolutely totally confused.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43 savannahs story.

"you sure you wanna do this?" Carlos asked as we sat patiently in the car park at Los Angeles zoo.

"I don't know... What do you think" I said holding on to his hand.

"I think... I want the world to know we are together again." He said pulling my hand up towards his lips and kissing it.

I smiled at him, I think pretty much everyone we were close to knew we were back on. It had been weeks now since we started 'seeing eachother' again.

Carlos wasn't happy at all with what I did to Tammi by offering her money to fuck off but he said at least she kind of knew we were together seeing as I told her he was at mine... And she hasn't topped herself since, Which was a shame really, I didn't trust her one bit. But with her now knowing, and Carlos and I pretty confident we could make a decent go of it now we had a fresh start. we felt it was time that we could start doing outdoor activities together instead of hiding away.

I still liked the thought of our secret romance. But I did want to be loud and proud that he was my boyfriend... I was so proud. He was doing great in his directing, the movie he was working on now was almost finished and set for release just after Christmas.

I took a deep breath and looked at Sean who was waiting patiently in the back of Carlos' car playing on his psp.

"lets do this then" I said returning my gaze to Carlos.

I think he knew that what he was doing was a lot bigger than just telling the world we were dating. it wasn't just me now, obviously with Sean as well we both knew that I didn't want to have a long line of different men in my life if we did mess this up a second time .

Seans stability meant everything to me, I concentrated a lot on making things as normal as possible for him. Carlos knew that by going public he would be seen in the public eye as a parental figure in seans life. Even though he wasn't.

Yeah he stayed over mine a lot but he didn't do any "Daddy" activities with Sean. Sean saw him as more of a grown up friend. And I was happy with that. But its not our opinion that people will see...

"Seano! You coming to see these animals or what dude" Carlos said as Sean still sat happily playing on his computer game.

"I'm nervous Los" I said in all honesty as he reached for his door handle.

"don't be nervous... Put your shades on, ignore the stares, and lets go and have fun with your brother!" Carlos replied with his beautiful smile.

I took another deep breath. fuck it, I thought to myself "i love you" I smiled then got out of the car.

Sean had fun running over to the different animals in the zoo, he loved the reptiles.

Carlos and I strolled around hand in hand. It felt amazing... Like I was home.

"the date is nearing for your clothing launch" Carlos said grinning at me from behind his glasses, I looked at my reflection in the dark tints.

"yep 3 more weeks... I hope it goes as well as I need it to." I replied turning my head to see Sean with his face and palms pressed up against the glass looking at a snake eat something disgusting... A mouse maybe?... Sean was fascinated by it.

"it will, fran will guide you in the right direction sav." Carlos said also transfixed as to how the snake swallowed down its lunch.

"I'm not even sure if fran is all that in to it, since she got back from Michigan she has given me every excuse going to not meet up... I don't know what's going on with her" I replied with a sigh.

"well maybe all this Sheriden stuff has hit her harder than we thought... I'm finding it hard" Carlos revealed.

Sheriden had been home from hospital for 3 days, after spending 9 days in there. Mitchell was home also but he still was recovering from his meningitis and the chest infection he had just wasn't budging.

"maybe... Sheri will be fine" I said lifting his glasses up on to his head and giving him a gentle kiss.

He joined in, not wanting to part from my lips.

"have you spoken to fran? told her that your worried?" Carlos said pretty much still stuck to my face.

"I did try... I mean its a lot of money she has put in to it to just end up not being bothered, but she seems in cloud cuckoo land... Maybe it is because of Sheriden?" I said placing his glasses back down on the bridge of his nose.

"call her when you get in later... Seano! Fancy some lunch?" Carlos called.

We ended up sat in a little cafe that had a soft play area next to it, after Sean had eaten more than he possibly should of, he went and played leaving Carlos and I alone.

"so how is this going for you then miss Davies?" Carlos asked as he took my hand across the small bistro table as we sat under a canopy in the zoo cafe.

I smiled. "just about perfect!" I replied.

"I'm glad... Because if its anything you deserve, its perfection" he said in just more more than a whisper.

He made my heart rate quicken.

"Los quit doing that to me" I giggled.

"quit doing what?" he said smiling away.

"being so fucking adorable... My heart can't handle you... Your too lovely" I beamed.

"if only you could feel for just one second what my heart does when I look at your beautiful face" he said.

I couldn't even reply, I smiled too much for words to be heard.

Memories Swam back as we sat at the little table of the first time I went out with Carlos and threw water over his head... It made me smile even more.

"one day I will marry you Carlos... Any girl that ever lets you go is seriously fucking stupid" I said about myself.

Carlos laughed. "well my ex wife was almost as beautiful as you... But she had some stupid moments, So I might be tempted to go down the isle again... One day" he beamed at me.

My heart swelled at the knowledge that after everything we had been through he still made me feel so excited inside.

"I love you so much baby" I said, once again pulling his sun glasses up and giving him a kiss.

"excuse me... " I heard a woman say from the side of me.

I glared at her from behind my own sun glasses as I parted from Carlos' lips.

"yes!?" I replied in my best bitch voice.

"sorry I couldn't help but notice you... Are you savannah.. Savannah Pena?" The woman asked, she was around 30 and was plump looking, she had a small boy attached to her hand.

my first thought was 'what has Sean done now?' As I looked at the teary boy.

"no! Davies... Savannah Davies!" I corrected her with a pissed off sigh.

Carlos put his shades back on properly, he could see I was pissed off by the rude interruption we had in a truly lovely moment we shared.

"I'm sorry I just thought you should know that-" I cut her off and stood up, seeing Sean go down a slide.

"look Lady! He is just a boy okay, you must realise that I can't keep an eye on him all the time!" I hissed.

"oh ... Erm no... You have misunderstood... I'm sorry... I was just in the cafe, the television is on in there and I saw your sister was on it... I felt I should let you know... That's all" she replied politely.

I took my sun glasses off now so she could see me roll my eyes at her.

Mackenzie had been headline news for the best part of the week, with her sex tape, secret wedding pictures that were now all over the front page of every celebrity magazine and not to mention her run in with the law over her cat fight with the pap.

"well thank you... but I'm fully aware of what my sister has been up to lately, I don't need the waifs and strays on the street coming up and telling me!" I snapped.

"savannah" I heard Carlos say to try and calm me down.

I glanced at him to say I wasn't in the mood to stay polite.

"I really think you should come and look!" The woman said getting irate with me, she grabbed my wrist and walked me in to the cafe.

"get off off me you stupid fucker" I yelled. "get the fuck off or I will-" I stopped as I saw the TV.

I couldn't hold my legs up, and my body just slumped to the floor.

"SAV?" Carlos said as he ran in to see what had happened.

He read the headline outloud in shock as it ran across the bottom of CNN. "Mackenzie Davies Dead, In Freak Gas Explosion At Friends House"...


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44 LOGANS story...

"uh!... Fuck!... Fuck me kenz!" I yelled out as she rode me like a horny pony.

"Logan!.. Lo- ... OH MY FUCKING CHRIST!... I'm coming baby... Fuck I'm coming! ... Uh... God... Uh" she screamed as she came, I came... We came.

Mackenzie then rested her head on my chest, I saw her sexy back rise and fall as she caught her breath from our mornings sexual activity.

I stroked my hand along her spine as I heard my heart beat going crazy from the amazing sex she had just given me.

Her skin felt like velvet, it was so soft, her entire body was perfection, I loved every inch of this beautiful girl.

I listened to her breathing as it softly came and went, slowing down as she relaxed herself.

I saw her body shiver as I once again ran my finger lovingly down her spine, I could clearly read her tattoo "its not who you are to the world, its who you are to me." It gently danced over her back as she breathed.

I kissed her head and she looked up.

"I love you kenz" I said now giving her another kiss but on the lips this time. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

"love you too logues" she smiled, her green eyes twinkling with lust at me.

That was the first time we had properly had sex in almost two weeks, with everything that had been going on with Sheriden, Mitchell and all the sex tape shit... Not to mention Mackenzies scrap with that retard fucking photographer, there just hadn't been a right time.

Until an hour ago that was. When I woke up to my brown haired beauty stroking my chest with the look in her eye to say enough is enough... Lets fuck!

She got that look a lot.

"oh my God... You have no idea how much I needed that Logan Henderson!" She giggled as she rolled off my body and cuddled in to the side of me, I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her in close and pulled the bed sheets over us to keep warm.

"I think I have a rough idea" I smirked.

Mackenzies mobile then rang, she rolled her eyes at me for the bad timing as we had just got cosy in each others arms, then got out of bed and strutted her naked self to her chest of drawers over the other side of the room where her cell phone sat.

I watched her as she chatted away, in all her nakedness, all her beauty... She was the girl of my dreams.

I had been with a LOT of girls in my time, but not one of them will ever compare to the most beautiful thing to grace my life that stood in front of me right now.

She made me smile as she chatted away to the person on the phone totally oblivious that I was in awe of how she moved, how she stood, how she twirled her hair around her finger.

I had never been in love before I met kenz. but now she had me hook, line and sinker. I would never be without her now she is my world.

the first time that she flew over to Cali for james' thanks giving party I wasn't able to get her out of my head... I didn't want her out of my head.

Ending up in hospital for her after Carlos beat two tons of shit from me was worth every second.

For this girl... The gorgeous angel that stood in front of me right now, she was the sole owner of my heart. And that would never change.

She hung up the phone and snuggled back in to my shoulder in the bed.

"oooh its freezing out there" she said tucking her self back in tightly with the bed sheets.

"who was that? Savannah?" I asked, as I entwined my fingers with hers, her wedding band gleaming.

"yeah... She asked if we wanted to go to the zoo with her, Sean and Carlos. I think she is nervous about it being public again." She said.

"well I've got to go to help James sort his kitchen out for my two wheeled princess, but if you want to go then that's cool.. You deserve a little break from reality kenz" I said once again kissing her on her head. Her hair smelt like cherries.

she smiled up at me, "it does sound nice, but sav needs to do this on her own... Besides I'm going to see Tammi today now we are talking again, I'm gonna ask her what's going on with James!" She replied.

"I don't honestly think that anything is going on with her and James, she was probably just there that night for a shoulder to cry on" I said softly.

"Hmmm... I expect so, but I'm just gonna ask her. I mean who knows what goes on behind closed doors, right!?" She said winking at me.

"which is all the more reason to stay out of it Macks... Come to bel air with me, you can see the twins then" I said running my thumb just passed her eye to free some hair from her face. "I know Sheriden will be pleased to see you... Do you think she has come to terms with being in a wheel chair a bit to easy? I'm not sure if I should be worried? I love Sheriden to bits but she is good at covering her real feelings up huh" I said .

"I need to know though Logan, James screwed savannah behind all our backs, so if I can stop this then I'm going to try, and no! I honestly believe that Sheriden is happy with how she is, she is amazed at how enjoyable a pain free life is, she said that just because she is sat down for it now doesn't matter. She was even saying that she is thinking about having a natural birth seeing as the risk on her spine has gone, but I said she shouldn't because of her blood pressure... Sooner that baby is out the better!" She replied with a gasp of breath and a giggle at her long speech.

"you love Sheri don't you Macks" I smiled.

"I do yeah, underneath it all she is the most amazing person that I've ever met... She said that if she does have a natural birth she wants me to be there with her" she grinned smugly at the fact that her best friend loved her back as much as she loved her.

"well that's weird... Nice but... Weird. I will drop you off at Tammi's then go to bel air... Did you want to read the comments of our internet sex scandal yet?" I joked, knowing full well she would never want to read them.

She rolled her eyes at me and then kissed my lips. "I never want to lay eyes on that tape ever again for as long as I live... Honestly Logan I think I'm your bad luck charm! Ever since we got together its been one thing after the other" she said now burying her head in my arm and stroking my chest.

I chuckled "I've always thought it was me being 'bad luck Logan' for you... Its been rough baby hasn't it" I said moving her on to the pillow next to me and moving my body down so I could look at her beautiful face.

"logues they... Them... Whoever! can throw as much bad luck as they want our way. As long as we have each other that's all that matters. I love you so much Henderson!" She smiled as she looked in to my eyes.

"I love you too... So much! I just feel like I'm waiting for the sky to fall on us all the time." I said as I ran my thumb across her lips, she kissed it as I went, making me smile.

"I'm never gonna be without you Logan... So let that sky fall!" She replied. "logues... Do you think we will get another dog one day? I know nothing will ever replace Dude but... I miss him" she said quietly.

I gave her a sympathetic smile, while my own tragic thoughts reminded me of what I saw had happened to Dude the most amazing Great Dane any one could wish for. I let out a sigh. "one day... Maybe get two dogs this time... I'm not ready yet though. I called the lady we got Dude from to tell her what happened to him, she cried... It was awful. But she said she is still gonna be breeding Danes so if we do ever feel we are ready then give her a call" I said with a sad smile.

"that was kind of her" Mackenzie said now with her eyes filling up.

"oh fuck, come here, you soppy thing before you get me going" I said now wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her in close.

"I'm sorry" she sniffed.

I swept her long hair out of the way, the smell of cherries hit me again, it was the most beautiful smell I had known. "don't be sorry kenz, he was our baby boy huh" I soothed trying to suck in my own tears.

We both showered and got dressed. Mackenzie treated me to the delights of a burnt breakfast. It amused me, I happily ate every bite though. Her cooking was terrible but I loved it, I loved everything about her.

Her cute laugh, the way the sun shone off her hair, the fact she was so delicate with her asthma. The sexy mole she had on her foot, the tattoo that ran down her spine. And the way that she loved me back. She was my everything.

My Mackenzie.

"did you want me to pick you up later?" I asked as we were driving to Tammi's house.

"erm... I'm not sure, depends on how this goes... I might go out shopping, get some naughty panties to show you tonight" she smiled with a blush.

"that sounds like an amazing idea kenz" I grinned and gave her leg a gentle stroke as I drove.

"so don't go doing your back in moving this kitchen about today... I need you in full working order now things are looking up for us" she beamed, knowing how much she was turning me on.

I pulled up just out side Tammi's house. "I think we should just go straight back home and make mad passionate love to each other all day" I said raising my eyebrow to her.

She looked at me for sometime, she was seriously thinking it over in her head. "would you prefer red or black lace panties to remove tonight?" Was her sexy reply.

I laughed, she was good at not turning me down but making the wait worthwhile as she tried help her friends. "red! Its always gonna be red Macks" I replied.

"red it is then!" She smirked. "I will get a cab home, have a fun day getting all sweaty moving stuff around" she said running her hand across my face.

"I will get all sweaty for you later Mrs Henderson" I winked.

she then kissed me, her beautiful soft lips pressing up against mine, her hand on my face as she slipped her tongue in. I could feel her heart beat as she leaned in close.

I pulled away "inhaler?" I asked knowing how she loved to leave it at home. I always worried about her.

"its here... See!" She smiled as she opened her purse up "oh shit I forgot my phone, its still in our room" she added. "ah never mind... Well I will see you later baby. Love you logie bear" she said.

I snatched one more kiss from her. "love you beautiful. Take care" I said.

She got out the car and walked up to Tammi's door, it soon opened, she hugged her friend and gave me a little wave as she went inside.

I started my engine up and made my way to bel air.

When I did arrive the kitchen was chaos, James had taken the cupboards all down.

"I thought you had work men in to do this last week?" I asked as he wiped his head, he was drenched in sweat. I think I would be needing a shower before my sexy date with kenz tonight.

"they were shit, total waste of money, Sheriden still can't get to a lot of stuff she needs." he said.

"James!offer Logan a drink first, I don't think he realised quiet how much work you had planned for him today. how are you logues?" Sheriden asked as she sat at the table, my eyes scanned the wheel chair first, it was still a shock to see, but she had a huge grin on her face.

"I'm fine, more importantly how are you princess?" I asked, she had Max sat on her lap.

"never better... Honestly!" She replied. Giving me a reassuring look.

"I'm glad" I smiled, nodding my head. I then clapped my hands together and declared it was work time.

James needed to rearrange the kitchen to make it easier for Sheriden to access the things she needed, it was easy enough done but it was thirsty work.

I think an hour must of gone by when the door bell rang. Even over the bang of James and his hammer you couldn't not hear the loud chime of the bell. James put his tools down and walked out to answer it.

After a few minutes he walked back in, Kendall and a police officer were now with him. James was crying.

"James? What's happened?" Sheriden asked.

I looked at Kendall, he just stared at me.

"is phee okay man?" I asked.

"Mr Henderson, could we talk?" The police officer asked.

as I walked out of the kitchen I saw James collapse to his knees and bury himself in to Sheriden.

I walked the cop in to a reception room and sat down, he sat down next to me and took his hat off.

"what's this all about... The court hearing?" I asked, thinking it had something to do with the paparazzi attack.

"Mr Henderson, I'm afraid I have some bad news regarding your wife." He said.

At that moment my stomach filled with bile.

My breath became staggered.

"is she... okay?" I asked... Scared to ask, not really wanting an answer at all. I tried hard to swallow down the sick that now wanted to leave my body as I waited for his reply.

"there was a gas explosion at a... " he looked at his note book. "miss Tamara Taylors property, a witness who was gardening said she saw your wife enter the property. Do you know if that's correct?" He asked.

I just nodded, hot tears now left my face.

"miss Taylor has been located in the remains of the house, she was unconscious but stable... Mr Henderson I'm very sorry but your wives body was found dead at the scene" he said.

It was then I felt my sky fall.

I searched the policemans eyes for some kind of a joke, a prank but only the seriousness of the situation shone through.

My Mackenzie was gone... Gone, just like that.

"can I see her" I asked as I sucked in tears.

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be advisable Mr Henderson, the close proximity that your wife was to the source of the blast means that a a dental identification will need to take place... I'm ever so sorry. Is there anyone I can call for you." He said.

"but... " my hands shook as I put them to my mouth to steady my voice. "but she can't be... Not my kenz... Not my beautiful Kenzie" I cried.

"I'm sorry Mr Henderson." The police officer said again. "are there any relatives that need to be notified?" He asked.

I nodded. "her mom... And her sister" I said Kendall walked in, I then completely broke down on him.

My world had ended.


	45. Chapter 45

chapter 45, sheridens story.

Logan had just walked out with the police officer, I now had James in bits on my lap, aswell as Max fidgeting about.

"what the hell is going on?" I asked Kendall as I rested my hand on James head as he cried.

Kendall just stared at me for a while.

his own eyes filled up. "um... Jesus Sheriden..." He said, then came and sat next to me at the table. He took my hand that wasn't stroking back james' hair as he sobbed his heart out.

"Mackenzie is... gone Sheri... I'm so sorry" Kendall said.

"gone where?..." I asked, confused.

"Sheri she was killed on an explosion... Fuck... Mackenzie is dead Sheriden"

"dead? wh- but... How, what explosion?... This can't be happening?" I replied in shock.

James put his head up, his eyes red with tears. "fuck... it could... of easily of been ...b.. both of them. thank God Logan was... here!" He cried.

"it wasn't at their house. It was at Tammi's, I saw a policeman knocking on Logans door... I thought maybe he had news on the burglary or... Something. I went over, I knew Logan was here. I didn't expect that news.. Not that she was dead... My God!" Kendall replied.

"Tammi?" Was all James said then became uncontrollable with crying.

James was besotted with Tammi, he was very honest about that. He cried emotional tears the night he found out that Tammi had turned down the cheque for that life changing money. He was in disbelief that someone could love him that much to just rip a cheque up.

Tammi had been staying here while I was in hospital. James never told me as such but I found things around the house that I knew weren't mine... blonde hair for example... It was too long for savannahs.

I looked at him, Jesus Christ what was going on. "is Tammi... Gone too?" I asked Kendall.

"no she is in hospital... She was knocked out but as far as the police man said okay" Kendall revealed. "I'm gonna... Go be with Logan" he then said and walked out the room.

"James... " I said, now letting myself cry.

James held as much of me as he could with Max still sat on my lap.

I couldn't believe it, my best friend was gone. The incredible person that gave me my boys, and who helped to look after me when I needed her most, who took care of my children and loved them as her own.

It only seemed like yesterday I first layed eyes on her in Carlos' house. The trouble she caused between the boys. How had this happened? This was tragic... Poor Logan... And savannah. Jesus Christ. I thought to myself.

As I came back to the here and now I think shock took over my instincts. "James you need to go... " I said.

"go where?" He asked.

"to the hospital James! Go and see Tammi" I almost snapped at him.

"I can't... How the fuck am I meant to explain to people why I'm there?" He asked tears rolling down his face.

"James listen to me... Who cares! Just go, she needs you now more than I do... Be with her" I said, watching him cry made me ten times more emotional.

He staggered in a breath. "I love her Sheriden... " was all he replied.

James took Max off of me and put him in the play room with Mitchell and Georgi. He rushed back in to give me a kiss on the head then left.

I sobbed my heart out for some time until Kendall came back in.

He shook his head to say all was very much fucked up!

"do you want me to wheel you out to the play room" he asked softly.

I nodded.

Kendall had already ushered Logan in here as he was pretty much curled up on the sofa crying big loud sobs in to the arm rest.

It was a hard sight to see. He was broken beyond belief. Mackenzie was his world. What the fuck was he going to do with out her?

As if he read my mind Logan looked up. "I want to die... I can't do this princess" he cried in a high pitched tone.

Once again I was glad of Georgis deafness as she happily sat playing, unaware of the drama that was unfolding. The boys were too young to notice.

"don't ever say shit like that... Come here... Please" I begged. Logan moved and gladly found his way in to some comforting arms.

I looked at Kendall as Logan let it all out.

"what did the cop say?" I asked him.

"that ... It was a gas leak... The house is destroyed. " he said which made Logan cry even harder as we all imagined what Mackenzie may have gone through in her last moments.

Logan stayed clinging on to me for what seemed hours. He eventually carried himself over to where Max sat and Mitchell layed belly down on the floor with his favourite teddy.

It scared me slightly, not that he would hurt them but I didn't want them scarred for life remembering how Logan was suffering.

Kendall and I just sat in silence as we watched Logan first scoop Max up and sat him on his lap as he sat cross legged in the large play pen.

"they are the only thing I have left that is part of her" Logan said, his tears rolling silently.

I gulped down the emptiness that I felt. Logan knew the twins weren't related to Mackenzie even though they grew in her... But she adored those boys.

I just nodded and let him have his time with them.

Logan seemed to of lost his sanity after an hour, he was reading the boys stories, and even singing them songs, he hadn't mentioned Mackenzie since he first sat down in the play pen.

Kendall walked in with a hot drink for each of us. "sorry it took so long... The kitchen is crazy" he said. "are you okay?... I'm worried about your blood pressure... Where did James go?" He asked finally realising James was no where to be seen.

"thanks" I said as I took the hot tea, I rested it on my leg but Kendall handed me a cushion.

"its hot! You will burn your leg with out even knowing" he said with a sad smile.

I smiled back, it felt wrong to smile.

"James wanted some fresh air, it was all too much, I asked him to see how Tammi was, so he might of gone to the hospital, and I'm fine... I feel too... Numb to be causing my blood pressure to rise... Kendall this is awful." I said, turning my voice in to a whisper so Logan couldn't hear me. "he hasn't got over paisleys death yet, how the fuck is he going to manage this?" I asked dabbing my eyes with a tissue.

Kendall shrugged, "I don't want to bring paisley up right now... You lost jay ... How did you cope with that?" Kendall said out of the blue.

Kendall had never really spoken of the boyfriend I had back in Florida that died in a car crash. If jay hadn't of died then I never would of had a relationship with kendall or James... And if paisley hadn't of died then Kendall would never of been with fran.

"everything happens for a reason" I muttered.

"did you want me to take them out of there before he kidnaps them?" Kendall said.

I shook my head "just leave him, maybe they will help... I can't believe it Kendall... I can't believe it at all. Its such a shock. I only spoke to her yesterday... I will phone Carlos."

I did phone Carlos but he was just about to board a flight to Portland with savannah, to be with her mom. He said she was just staring in to space all the time.

Now I felt scared that I had two people on suicide risk.

"princess ... I'm going to go home" Logan eventually declared.

"Logan please... Stay here the night. You don't want to be on your own" I pleaded.

But all he replied was an incoherent babble about going to bed and smelling cherries.

I made sure I hugged the life out of my handsome cheeky Logan before he left. I had the sinking feeling that I wouldn't see him again.

If he was going to do it, he was going to do it, I couldn't tie him up and hold him captive to save him from himself, but his eyes were dead.

His heart had died along with Mackenzie.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46 Logans story.

I put the key in the car and turned it, the engine purred in to life.

I looked to the seat next to me... Mackenzies seat. I loved treating her like the lady she was. It didn't feel right to ever let her drive anywhere.

I enjoyed picking her up from work. Her telling me about her day. I enjoyed opening doors for her, pulling out chairs...

I had always been like that with girls, they loved it, it helped me lure a lot of them in to bed. But with kenz... With my Kenzie I meant it.

Every door I opened she deserved!

I eased the car off of sheridens large drive, and slowly made my way up to the gate. I got out, the big wide world now faced me alone.

As I reached the junction that would take me away from bel air I looked left.

Left would lead me home, where I would be surrounded by the things that made my life amazing... But none of that mattered now kenz had gone... Nothing mattered. She was my everything.

Her smile was engraved on my mind. The thought of seeing savannah filled me with fear, seeing the same green eyes, the same perfect face... They looked so alike until savannah would open up her disgraceful mouth.

I still sat at the junction, I saw in the mirror a car pull up behind me, they waited patiently as I chose my road.

I flicked the indicator on to turn right, then pulled away.

I wound the window down, letting the cool air try and help clear my mind.

I wished I hadn't left sheridens... I was scared of what I might be capable of on my own. All I did know was that my life was empty without Mackenzie.

I drove and drove, thinking things over in my mind. There was no way round this. I didn't want to exist without her.

I wanted to be with her. Death was my only way to do that. I couldn't go through life with this pain.

I just couldn't.

As the tears took control and I met the freeway, I put my foot down. I was hitting 120mph when the thought struck me that I should just keep going, plough in to a tree maybe.

I wonder how much pain Mackenzie felt when that house blew.

The policeman had told me it would of been instant... I wonder if I was her last thought, I wonder if she had a last thought.

A boy racer joined the freeway in his shitty excuse for a decent car, he had obviously watched Fast and Furious one too many times. He did a good job of trying to keep up with me though. He must of thought I was having a 'who's car is fastest' competition with him. It was then that I slowed down. I didn't want to be responsible for his death, or his girlfriend that looked terrified sat next to him in the front seat.

He passed me soon enough and I took the next exit to get off the freeway.

I pulled over by the beach. The tears still rolling, I got out and sat on my bonnet, it was dark now. I hitched my legs up and cried.

The place was deserted. I stared in to the ocean, wondering if I had the balls to just walk out in it and let my self drown. I wondered if I would fight it, or just accept it.

I wanted to accept it, I wanted to feel the burn in my chest as my lungs craved for air. I wanted pain. Any pain was surely better than the pain I felt in my heart right now.

A train zooming past made me jump as the horn went off behind me as it went by. It was then that drowning seemed too easy... Being smashed in to pieces by a train or a juggernaut seemed like a reasonable way to go.

I thought of my family. I wondered what my mom would think, but at least they all had someone to rely on. I was now an internet porn sensation widower. I had nothing. My life was a failure.

I was the guy that people in years to come would say, "ooh yeah I remember the guy from big time rush... Shame" then get on with their lives.

I got off the bonnet and walked away from my car, going across the road and finding a way up to the train track.

I sat by the edge of it for some time, pulling at the long grass that grew next to me.

Why Mackenzie? Why her?

She was honestly the kindest person I had ever met, she worried about everything! she tried her best to help everyone, she saw the good in people.

She saw the good in me.

I felt the vibration of the train before I saw it. I placed my hand on the track as it shook.

I briefly wondered what would happen if it didn't kill me, what if I ended up like Sheriden? or just a vegetable trapped in my own mind forever.

What would the train driver feel? Would he cry? Would he feel guilt? maybe no one would ever even know? Maybe I would just go down as a missing person.

My mind trailed back to the free way, I think I would of liked to smash my car in to a wall, have my brain paint the windscreen, never to feel memories that i used to love so much but now felt like glass stabbing at my heart.

I could now hear it coming closer, the rumble on the track made my heart beat faster, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. And sweat was pouring from my face. My head was all over the place as I tried hard to concentrate on Mackenzies smile. I desperately wanted her to be my last thought.

I could now see the train coming. I sat up, looked at the track ... What was I meant to do? lay on it, jump in front of it? rest my head on it?

I decided to sit on the track, a full impact to my body would no way leave any life left in me, with any luck I would get dragged under. Maybe have a limb torn from me... I wondered if Mackenzie was still in one piece.

I wondered what her beautiful face looked like now.

Fresh tears swam down my cheeks.

As I sat on the track my fingers grabbed at the gravel by my side. My last sensation of touch, my last sensation of what this world offered me. I remembered as Mackenzie stroked her thumb on my face as she kissed me goodbye today.

I closed my eyes as I placed every part of me in to that memory. Every detail of her face, her touch, her smell.

I knew it was almost time when the train got so loud, no way could it even stop in time now.

And I wasn't moving... This was it.

I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter as I pictured that last kiss.

As the roar of the train reached almost on top of me... SMACK!

my body flew... It was launched, it wasn't taken under the train it was pushed from it.

"ARE YOU FUCKING MENTAL?!" said the young looking guy that had pushed me from the track as I opened my eyes. my head hit the verge.

I watched in horror as my escape route from this earth sped past me.

"are you alright dude? ... I'll phone someone!" The guy said getting his mobile out, I scrambled to my feet and ran. My heart nearing on cardiac arrest. But I ran as fast as I could to my car and drove off even quicker.

Tears from shock streamed down me now. I just drove home. I wasn't sure if I had the guts to try that again.

I pulled in to the drive and looked up at the dark house.

I checked across the road, Kendall was still out, his car wasn't there. Least I knew that if I tried to end my misery inside these four walls then nothing could stop me.

I stood in my house for a bit. It smelt like kenz. Her favourite perfume, her rain coat hung on a hook in the porch... It was green with polka dots covering it.

Her shoes sat by the door.

I looked at everything as I walked through, a thousand memories that all seemed wasted. What was the point in any of that ... In any of us, if she was just going to get taken from me.

I layed my eyes on a picture and smiled.

More tears left me as I stroked my finger over her face in the photograph. She loved this picture.

It was taken at Sheridens party when her and James first moved in to bel air. Carlos had thrown kenz in the pool. Mackenzie, him and me were dripping wet.

I then saw paisley in the photo, her and Kendall... Jesus Christ! What a waste of two beautiful young lives.

Sheriden looked a mess, but she was on two legs at least.

How the hell had things got so messed up over the years?

"bad luck Logan" I whispered out to myself as I answered my own question.

The sick that was in my stomach from the adrenalin and the shock then felt the need to escape.

I went in to the kitchen and hurled my guts up in the sink.

I let the tap wash everything away then splashed ice cold water over my face.

I didn't want to do this anymore. I did want to die. That much was certain.

I raided the medicine cabinet, grabbed everything in it that would cause me harm, grabbed a bottle of vodka that was in the wine rack and finally grabbed the picture of me kissing a soaking wet Mackenzie Davies.

I made my way upstairs, giving my downstairs the very last look, I had no intention of seeing it again. I wanted to die in my bed and look at my beautiful kenz, smelling the cherry scent that remained on her pillow.

I opened the vodka and took a swig from the bottle.

As I stood out side my bedroom door I looked at all my friends in that picture that had become my family.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to them tears falling on to the photo in its pretty frame that Mackenzie had chosen.

I opened the door for the last time.

"oh thank God! Where the fuck have you been? I've been cuffed to the fucking bed for hours" Mackenzie said dressed in only red lace panties.

I just stared at her with my eyes as wide as saucers.

"Logan?... Logues what's up... Un cuff me... Baby" she said as she looked at me.

I dropped the picture, the pills... Even the vodka spilt to the floor, flooding out on the carpet.

"Logan? Un fucking cuff me now, I've been stuck here for hours waiting for you!" She said.

I pretty much crawled over over to her, absolutely sobbing as I undid her from her handcuffs.

"every one.. Thinks...y..your dead!" I stammered out.

"what? Why? I went shopping... I've just been shopping that's all! Fuck Logan... Look at you" she said as she eyed up the pills and the vodka and the absolute mess my face was from crying.

"Tammi... Her house... Gas... it blew up... With you inside!" I managed out.

"what!? No ... No baby, I left Tammi's after about 15 minutes. Her friend Megan came round... Jesus Christ Logan... You all thought it was me? I went shopping... I just got the sexy panties" she said now crying her own gorgeous green eyes out. "I got home and thought I would surprise you, but I couldn't un do the clips on the cuffs... I've just been waiting for you all this time!" She cried.

I pulled her in to my arms, her beautiful scent taking me to the heaven I craved. "you need to phone your mom!" I sobbed. "now!" I added.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47 Tammi's story.

I felt someone holding my hand before my eyes could open. when I did, only one would, the other was stuck.

"James?" I tried to say as I saw him but only a croak came out.

He smiled as tears left him. "tams... Hey baby girl" he said.

"hey" I croaked trying to smile, but my face pulled, causing me pain.

"your mom is on a flight back from Toronto... Do you remember what happened?" He asked.

"a fire" I replied, looking for a drink, my throat was so dry.

"There was a gas explosion... Hardly anything is left of your house, we all thought Mackenzie was dead... Was your friend Megan with you?" He asked.

I nodded "is Megan dead?" I replied, James poured me out a glass of water and helped me guide it to my mouth. It stung as I drank it.

"I'm sorry baby" he said, I could see his eyes dart from my closed one to my open one as he spoke.

I sat there in shock for a while. "I told her... about us. I guess it doesn't matter now. She arrived just after Mackenzie. Mackenzie was asking questions... I didn't tell her anything but I think she is suspicious. Megs asked what was that all about... So I told her." I said as I noticed the burns on my left hand.

James saw me looking at it... He then looked at my face and scanned the left side, I put my hand up to my face and felt bandages stuck on.

"is my face burnt off?" I croaked starting to cry.

"no... No its not baby... Your still my beautiful Tammi" he replied.

"Why have I got all this?" I asked looking at my left arm which was also bandaged up, only my hand showed. it was blistered.

"you have 2 degree burns on your left side, they have been changing the dressings every twenty minutes, your face is 1st degree but its a large area... Tammi you will be fine... I love you, I'm just glad that your alive" he said.

I just cried.

"how did it happen?" I sniffed.

James shrugged, "I've no clue yet baby" James.

He stayed with me for quite some time, holding my hand that was burn free. I couldn't help feel that my face was worse than he said.

I cried for Megan, I cried for the shock, I even cried for my cat. Once I was pumped full of more painkillers I felt sleepy and James said he would have to get back to help Sheriden.

The following morning my mom came in, she had been in Toronto with my step dad. He had a partnership based in Canada so she spent a lot of time there with him. My mom wasn't the maternal type.

It seemed too much for her to express emotion. I never understood it. Even when I was little I never got a kiss goodnight, or if I fell over and grazed my knee, it was always a pat on the shoulder I received... Never a big squeeze.

My mom knew nothing about James.

"how long will you be in here for?" She asked in her curt tone.

"I'm not sure, they are going to check me over later to see how bad my side is." I replied checking the clock on the wall. James said he would be back at ten, it was now quarter to.

"how bad is your face? Hopefully it won't scar... Last thing we need is you only getting cast in horror movies because of a hideous burn" she said with absolutely no feeling.

Her words stung me, she had always put me down, my looks, my hair, my weight, my flat chest, my success... She used to be an actress. She retired when she married my step dad. he was a business tycoon with a ridiculous amount of money. That was when we moved to Los Angeles and my mom tried to live her dreams through me.

I however had come to terms with the fact I was never going to be nothing more than an extra.

"mom please... I don't need this right now" I said feeling emotional.

"did you leave the gas on? ... I just don't understand it Tamara" she went on.

"I hadn't touched the gas at all! Do you even think that I care about that right now! Mom Megan is dead! I'm lucky to be alive" I replied, my voice shaking.

"I know... I know, its tragic" my mom said, now looking at me getting emotional "don't cry Tammi, try and keep your face still to help the healing" she then added.

"just go!" I said glaring at her.

"I'm trying to help you! You think you have made this easy for me? Your destroying your own career... You need to help yourself a little!" She raged.

"destroying my own career!? How dare you... Its you that is destroying my entire life!" I snapped.

"uh! Well that's just perfect coming from the girl who not so long ago, publicly shamed herself on the internet and lost all hope of her relationship with another director!" She stormed.

"oh not this crap again mom" I protested now knowing it wasn't me that did any of the things the night of Frans party.

She was pissed at me because I lost Carlos who was a budding director that would obviously help me to secure decent roles, it was also my mother that had made me leave Carlos the first time round to date a director... That ended up terrible as he was a lot older, he hit me about and never gave me any roles that were good.

I even told my mom what he did to me but she said we have to make sacrifices for the things we want.

I was only 18, I didn't know any better then. I blamed myself for everything, my confidence shattered, it wasn't until recently that I realised none of my life was down to me, it was either my mother or someone else trying to control me.

If she knew about James she would see one thing only... Money.

She had the logic that a successful life was marrying in to good stock. Just like her... I didn't want that though, I wanted love, not money.

James then walked in, he wasn't alone though. He wheeled Sheriden in with him.

I was grateful for this, as James alone would make my mothers head reel, she would probably try and fuck him herself.

"look at you" Sheriden said full of concern.

I wasn't sure if I found it heartbreaking or just nice that the woman I had been fucking the husband of that she clearly knew about was kinder to me than my own mother.

"I'm going to have to get going any way Tamara" my mother said eyeing up Sheriden. I guess she didn't like her as she was richer than her with an incredibly good looking toy boy in tow.

"well what's happening with the house? Are you coming back later" I asked her.

"I'm going back to Toronto this afternoon, the house is being looked in to" she said reaching for the door handle, no kind gesture to even give my hand a squeeze or a kiss on the fore head. I saw her look James up and down.

My mother would fuck anything, I'm surprised she hadn't handed him a number.

"well where do I stay when I get out of here?" I asked

"well stay with your brother" she replied.

"in Chicago?" I said astounded.

"look I have to go. Call me Tammi... Oh actually... Er... James right? I may know someone that could help you land some big movies... Call me!" She said handing him a card from her purse and giving him a wink.

She then left. I was disgusted and embarrassed at that moment in time.

"well your mother is a heinous bitch Tammi, I'm afraid to say" Sheriden said with a cheery smile.

"yup, that is an understatement" I agreed. "how come I get both of you visiting me?" I added looking at James.

"Sheriden is a decoy, but I asked her to come to show you something... I don't want you freaking out tams okay" he said.

"freaking out about what?" I asked.

"when they take all that off" James said pointing to my bandages.

"its bad isn't it... I still can't open my eye under here... Do I still have an eye?" I said now sobbing.

"you have two beautiful eyes still" James said, I noticed Sheriden look at her lap as he spoke, this was messed up.

"James your scaring her! Go and get the nurse to hurry this up" Sheriden said.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to her as James left the room.

"don't be... He is right, you have beautiful eyes... Not as pretty as kendalls but I think that makes us even" she smiled.

"what's wrong with my face Sheriden?" I asked.

"just hold off the panicking until you see these burns okay" she replied as the nurse walked in.

"Tamara!... I've been told you're wanting to have a look at the damage?" the nurse said

"she is, worried about her face more than anything" James replied to her.

" okay well lets have a look then shall we! Do you mind stepping out while I pull the curtain" she said to James and Sheriden.

"actually, I think Tammi would like one of us with her" Sheriden replied. "I'm not in much of a position to help... James, you don't mind do you?" She said.

James then wheeled Sheriden just outside of the privacy curtain and walked back in. He held my hand as the nurse pulled the curtain then she began removing my dressings.

The pain was nothing like I had felt before, my skin felt tight and hot, my arm was blistered completely.

"I will get you a mirror in a minute so you can see properly, but you will have some scarring" the nurse said as she undid the dressings on my face.

My skin blazed now it was in the open air and not protected in its bandages that were soaked in some creamy looking goo to help the burns.

I looked at James but all he did was smile, he would not break his eye contact with me.

The nurse then handed me a mirror.

I shook as I let go of James hand and took it from her.

I held it in front of me, tears fell as I scanned the blood red rawness that my face was. The eye that couldn't open was actually taped closed.

The nurse explained things to me as I cried, she said my eye was taped to avoid scarring as the skin was thinner, and although is looked bad now it shouldn't leave any lasting damage, my side and my collar bone however were a different story.

The nurse told me that it was likely I would need a skin graft... it was like a scene from a horror movie as I looked in the mirror at my collar bone, skin flapped and bubbled.

My stomach turned.

"your arm should only have minimum scarring if any, but its important to let those blisters go down naturally, we don't want them bursting and causing infection" she said now prepping her fresh dressings and soaking them in the gooey cream.

Once I was covered up again and the curtain pulled back I saw Sheriden looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

The nurse left us to it after she had sorted my pain meds out.

"you okay?" James asked.

I just shook my head to say no and cried.

"shhhhh, Tams cmon, its gonna be fine... I promise" he said as he ever so gently took me in his arms, being careful not to touch my burns.

"I look like Freddy Krueger" I wailed.

"no you don't, the skin graft will fix all that okay" he soothed.

"you don't know that though... Oh my God why is this happening to me?" I sobbed.

"I do know that, that's why Sheriden is here... Look calm down!" He said wiping a tear from my cheek.

"shall I show her now?" Sheriden said to James.

He nodded, Sheriden then started pulling up at her long dress that she wore as she sat in her wheel chair.

I closed my eyes in shock as I first saw her leg, again it made my stomach turn. How the hell was this helping.

"Tammi... Ignore all this" she said pointing her finger at the deep dents and surgical scars that ran in her leg. "but look at this bit... She said showing me the only normal looking part of her damaged leg.

"I was told that I would lose this leg, there was nothing left of any skin there, only a damaged muscle, you could see right through to the bone" she carried on. Making me want to vomit at her grotesque description.

"I had to have a skin graft and it ended up like this... Its amazing, so don't go worrying yourself, be grateful that its not your face! Be grateful that your alive, and be grateful that you have someone in your life that will love you no matter what tattered state your body gets in" she said now pulling her dress back down to cover the shin up.

I nodded.

"I lost a dear friend too and everytime I see that scar I'm reminded how lucky I was." She said with a small smile.

"thank you... Both of you" I sniffed.

James then gave me a kiss on the head.

"I would like it if you came to stay with us when you are out of hospital Tammi... I know James wouldn't want you to go to Chicago" she spoke as she meant it, but her eyes filled, and her face flushed with emotion at the thought of James and I together.

I shook my head "I couldn't... Honestly its a kind gesture but.."

"no buts, If you two are serious then I want to make sure my children get to know you properly" she said now pulling herself together and being the Sheriden that I once remembered.

"Thankyou" I said to her.

"I will leave you two to it, I will call Kendall to see if he can pick me up, I don't want to leave that nanny on her own for too long" she said, and got her phone out.

Once James had got Sheriden out of the building and in to kendalls car he sat back down next to my bed and rested his head on my lap.

"I wish she wasn't so nice" he mumbled in to my leg.

"thank you for what you did... About the skin graft... Its nice that you care so much" I said.

James lifted his head up. "I care so much because I love you! Feel this..." He said pulling my hand up to his chest.

his heart was beating so fast.

"I never want to be without you J' " I replied.

"your never going to be. I'm never gonna leave you, never gonna desert you, never gonna screw you over, never gonna cheat and never gonna leave you in trouble... Ever... I promise Tammi" he said taking my hand in his.

"your perfection James" I said now with more tears leaving me at his kind words.

"its been known" he smiled his beautiful smile at me.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48 sheridens story.

There was a knock at the door, it was late. james' got up to answer it.

I heard mumbled voices from the entrance hall.

I was sat in the living room watching TV with James. We had only just got Georgi to sleep. She was excited as it was ophelias birthday party tomorrow.

She was going to be 3. I was amazed at how quickly the time flies when you have children in your life, watching them grow up. Watching them lose there baby faces and have personalities of their own.

today had been a hard day, well to tell the truth yesterday was harder, we all thought Mackenzie had been blown to pieces in Tammi's house when really she was handcuffed to her bed waiting for Logan to ravish her.

I laughed and I cried, but today was hard as it was the first time I had seen James show affection to Tammi.

We had visited her in hospital and I explained that she could stay here while she got back on her feet and sorted out somewhere else to live that wasn't Chicago.

I hoped that her and James wouldn't see that as a green light to start sharing a room, I hadn't discussed it with him yet, but I think he knew better than to even try it.

He still slept in my room at the moment, we didn't have sex... I'm not even sure I could have sex still, that would be something I wanted to try with Kendall though, not James.

I didn't see him as mine anymore, all I saw was a best friend filled with amazing memories we shared together. I enjoyed cuddling up still with him... But I enjoyed cuddling up with anyone, be it James, Carlos Antonio, Logan or my Kendall.

Fran then burst in the room, she was drenched from the rain outside, James had the fire on in here, although to a normal person it was still warm but James being used to the hot California weather, he felt the cold easily.

"we need to talk" she said looking like a rabid animal, her eyes were wide, and she rambled out her words.

I looked at James, his look, and the angry mumbles I had heard from the entrance hall made me aware that fran was here to tell me about Tammi and James. Of course I already knew about Tammi and James but she didn't know that.

"I was just off to bed fran, its been a hard couple of days... We can catch up tomorrow at ophelias party." I said with a smile.

"no... No that's no good... Sheriden I'm going out of my fucking mind! I need to talk to someone before I crack. Your the only one... Please" she begged.

I looked at James, he raised his eyebrow.

"would you give us a minute James?" I then said to him.

"yeah sure... I'll be in the kitchen" he said, kissed my forehead then left the room.

"what's going on fran?" I asked.

She sat down next to me on the sofa twisting her hands, then stood back up... She paced the floor for a while trying to think of the right words. She then sat back next to me.

"I've messed up... Really fucking bad" she said with tears streaming down her face.

"if you tell me that you have been fucking someone behind kendalls back then I suggest you run now!" I hissed at her. "I will hunt you down if you break him Francesca!" She looked at me shocked as the tears rolled.

"of... Course I... Haven't!" She blubbed. "I love Kendall!" She added.

My posture in my back relaxed. "what is it then?" I asked.

"well... Fuck...I don't even know where to begin. There are things you don't know Sheriden, things that I have been trying to stop!" She blubbed.

"just cut to the chase fran!" I snapped now tired with her riddles.

"I killed someone... I didn't mean to... Well... Not like that... I can't handle this guilt Sheriden. I've been parked outside the the police station waiting to just walk in and say, but I just don't have the balls" she rambled out.

I stared at her in disbelief. I was not expecting this to of come out of her mouth. "who did you kill?" I asked warily.

"tammi's friend... I thought it was Mackenzie at first, Jesus I puked so much yesterday" she said.

Again I just stared at her, why on earth... "you blew up Tammi's house, knowing she was inside it?" I whispered, not wanting James to ever know this, he would kill her!

"no... No I didn't want that! That's not how I wanted this to go. I was desperate there are things you don't know Sheriden" she said again.

"how exactly was is meant to go if you blow up a fucking house fran?" I spat at her.

I didn't mean for it to blow up, I wanted Tammi dead, she was meant to just die in her sleep or something... Not this, not an innocent girl ...dead!" Fran cried.

"Are you going to get caught?.. Your not the brightest fucking tool in the box are you!" I snapped.

"no... No I won't get caught unless I hand myself in... Sheriden I need to tell you some things" she started.

"NO! I need to tell you somethings! What ever you think you are doing, you will stop now" I said inches from her face. "

"but you need to know about Tammi" she blubbed.

"FUCK TAMMI!" I shouted. "you honestly think I don't have a clue what's going on... Fran I know more than you know... Now I'm begging.. BEGGING! you to sort yourself out, because I really don't want to have to tell you what I know" I hissed.

"I've been trying to help you Sheriden, we need to get rid of her, if she won't take money then this is the only way" she said in a deranged frenzy.

I slapped her hard around the face.

She put her own hand up to her cheek and her mouth gaped open in shock.

"I am dealing with Tammi and James in my own way! I know everything that is happening. I'm in control of everything... Don't you ever forget who you are talking to fran! If you try this shit again then I will make sure you never see Kendall and Ophelia ever again... Do. You. Understand?" I said slowly.

She nodded, I gripped her hand tight, my nails dug in to her, I hadn't been this Sheriden for a long time. I especially didn't like treating my friend like it, but needs must.

"now you listen to me! I'm going to forget that you came here tonight, I'm going to forget that you said anything! I want you to do the same! forget about that girl! Forget about Tammi and concentrate on your boyfriend and that beautiful little girl that calls you mommy! If you don't fran... If you don't and you fuck this up for Kendall, for me or for James then I would recommend sleeping with one eye open! Just because I'm in a wheel chair now does NOT mean that you are queen fucking bee around here... That job is mine! Are we clear?" I said thick with intimidation.

She just nodded.

My face softened to talk to her again, "what happened to the girl was an accident, it wasn't your fault" I said releasing my grip on her hand.

"how do I live with it" she sobbed.

"God will judge you fran, a man with a shiny badge is just being told what to do! You stay away from the fucking police." I said sternly.

she sat there for some time gathering her thoughts.

"fran can I get you a drink ... Or a towel?" I asked looking at her hair that was still dripping on my sofa.

"erm... I... Yeah okay, water would be great" she relented.

I wheeled my way out to the kitchen, she followed.

"all okay?" James asked as he stood up and took over from wheeling me.

"yeah all is fine, fran is a good friend" I said smiling at James.

James put me next to the table, I wheeled the rest of my way to the fridge and got out a bottle of water, I placed it in my lap then wheeled my self to fran and handed it to her.

"thanks" she sniffed. "your doing okay in that chair huh?" She said now looking more relaxed.

"its a learning curve, that's for sure. I get a lot of help now, we have a nanny, and Mackenzie helps out when she isn't tied to Logans bed... Also we will have a house guest soon" I said raising my eye brows.

Fran shook her head. "please don't tell me that its her" she said gulping down air.

"I'm going to check on the twins" James said.

"no James wait! Fran is worried about us that's all, there is no need to run from someone that cares" I said.

"I've got nothing that needs to be explained to this woman" James said then left.

"I'm sorry about him. He doesn't like to talk about his private life at the best of times" I explained.

"what do you mean?" She asked.

"he has needs fran... That's all I'm saying" I said.

"and your moving her in? This is fucked up, what will savannah and Carlos say?" She argued.

"I don't give a shit what they say fran, this is my fucking house! I live by my rules, I suggest you start living by some rules too instead of going from one fuck up to the next! Go home, fuck Kendall, forget about the last 48 hours, and when I see you tomorrow, I want you cheerier than fucking coco the fucking clown at ophelias party. Okay!" I snapped.

"your still a bitch aren't you" she said now crying again.

"yes!" I replied.

"what are you going to do to Tammi?" She blubbed.

"nothing... Nothing at all. God judges us remember" I said.

she looked at me oddly.

Once fran had gone, I cried. I cried for the girl that had lost her life, for the thought of James and Tammi, for the thought of fran going to all this trouble. It was a sour turn of events that all boiled down to one thing.

Me.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49. Sheridens story.

I lay in the bath. My beautiful big round belly, now at 30 weeks pregnant. over 8 months in and I felt I was home free, I was relaxed, pain free... I was happy despite the fact I had lost the mobility in my legs. It was going to happen one day, so it was a small price to pay in return for bringing my own baby in to the world... Kendalls baby.

I wish I could tell him, I wish I could share the special moments with him knowing it was his... One day he would know. When the time was right I would make sure he knew.

I felt pretty normal in the bath, the bubbles hid the "cool gadgets" as James would call them that locked my legs so they couldn't bend and my head end up slipping under the water.

I just sat here, splashing the water with my hand, enjoying the peace and quiet.

My hair was tied up in a scruff on my head, some wet strands struck to my face. I wiped them away and memories of just a few weeks ago came flooding back to me... Memories of Kendall making love to me for the first time since I lost the use of my legs.

Somehow, bizarrely enough I think James had planned my alone time with Kendall. He went out with the kids and Tammi who was still staying with us, must of been meeting him somewhere along the way... Kendall had been assigned to look after me.

the weather that day was beautiful and hot. Kendall was teasing me by sunbathing in a lounger in the garden. His gorgeous chest glowing in the sun.

"do you want to get in the pool?" Kendall asked. "you must be roasting sat there Sheri" he said smiling, his dimples almost too gorgeous for my brain to function properly.

"I can't unless you put arm bands on me" I replied sarcastically. "its too much effort with the baby just using my arms" I explained.

"well I don't mind if you hold on to me!" Kendall grinned now sitting up, his eyes wondering over every inch of my body.

"it sounds tempting..." I teased "... But I'm not going to put you through the task of having to change me in to my bikini" I replied giving him the eye.

"who said anything about a bikini? The task of undressing you sounds enjoyable... I don't intend on putting any clothes back on you" he grinned.

I laughed at him. But he looked at me with all seriousness but with a sexy smile on his face.

"are you sure?" I asked.

Kendall got up and walked over to where I sat under a canopy to shade me from the LA sun.

"I love you" was his only response to this as he kissed my nose.

Kendall then gently pulled my dress up from under me and pulled it over my head.

I felt vulnerable, I had never felt like that before. He gave my pregnant bump a kiss, that made my heart swell. Then he removed my bra, unclipping it from the back.

I hated the chair then, I hated that I was stuck here looking... Fucking disabled! I wanted to be me again.

"Sheriden... Your beautiful" was all Kendall said as he saw my eyes fill.

I just nodded, too scared to talk, I didn't want tears to ruin this moment that to be honest I think Kendall had been thinking about more than I had

"so these?.." He said placing his finger on the inside of my underwear. "...are these expensive?" He asked.

"they are all expensive Kendall" I giggled.

He then smiled at me as his other hand joined my underwear and he just ripped the fabric like a cave man.

"Kendall!" I giggled.

"what?" He grinned. "you don't need those ones" he laughed.

I looked at him nervously then. it had always been James up until now that had moved me, James was big, strong and I felt safe in his arms...

"lets do this then" he said and wheeled my chair over by the pool, the sun felt delicious on my naked skin. Kendall then looped an arm around my back, and scooped another under my useless legs and pulled me out of my chair effortlessly.

He gently sat me down by the edge of the pool, I clung on to his shoulder so I stayed upright, he then... Not in a delicate or desirable fashion, crouched down and got in the pool with me still clinging on to his shoulder.

I laughed which made him laugh. "sorry I didn't think that out properly" he grinned.

"your doing great baby" I smiled. "I think you need to get rid of those shorts first though" I said eyeing up his still covered butt.

"okay..." He said moving my hands and placing them around his neck.

He then pulled his shorts off and flung them over the other side of the pool.

"you ready?... I won't let go okay" he promised as he scooped me up and off of the side of the pool.

My grip tightened as my arms wrapped around his neck, Kendall moved my legs so they were kind of either side of him, I got a shock as the water hit my waist line.

"oh... Holy fuck! .. Its cold!" I chattered out.

Kendall laughed at me. "I will warm you up Sheriden... Don't you worry about that" he smiled, once again his adorable dimples melting my heart.

"Kendall I'm nervous" I admitted, he could have his dick in me already and I wouldn't of known.

"don't be... I spent weeks being nervous... Its only you, and is only me. Its just us" he smiled.

"I like just us" I grinned, remembering that I had said this to him before what felt like a thousand years ago.

Kendall then kissed me, his tongue soft, it danced with mine in my mouth, I felt the coolness of the side of the pool against my back as Kendall gently leant me against it.

his kisses trailed down to my neck, making goosebumps shoot up all over my body.

Kendall pulled away, he looked in to my eyes.

"I'm ready" I whispered.

Kendall nodded, he kissed me once more then placed himself in me, the anticipation I felt in my stomach was intense. I was scared, excited and nervous.

As Kendall gently rocked his body against me I was heart broken to realise that I couldn't feel anything, Kendall wasn't fazed though, he kissed my neck again, he held me so close.

He concentrated on touching me in places that he knew I loved, my neck, my sides, my breasts, he kissed his way around my body, caressing me with his hands as he still gently moved his against mine.

It was nice, it was beautiful... It was becoming one, in that instant I felt something else other than the usual orgasm Kendall should of inflicted on me.

I felt a surge of passion run through my veins, complete adoration. An overpowering love that wasn't ruled by sex.

I felt completion. I felt Kendall and I as a whole.

a knock to the door brought me back to the hear and now, as I lay in the bath tub.

James then poked his head in. "time to get out I'm afraid." He said with his gorgeous smile.

"where abouts is it your going to look at this house then?" I asked as I watched James place a towel in my wheel chair ready for me to be sat in.

Tammi had been house hunting, she got a call this morning saying that a nice property had popped up, and would she like to look at it before someone else snapped it up.

"palm springs... The photo looked nice though" he said.

I nodded, palm springs was a good two hour drive from here.

"it will be fine, a couple of hours drive is nothing" he said.

I wasn't sure if he meant it or what, but it worried me that Tammi would be far from James, or if James eventually moved in with her, then he would be two hours away from the kids.

"lets get you ready then" James said, being my absolute rock and getting me out of the bath, he helped me dry off, he helped me dress, he helped me do everything. I wouldn't be so helpless if I wasn't pregnant with a huge tummy, but I think James liked looking after me.

"what have you got planned for your day then?" He asked as I plaited my long brown hair.

"Macks is coming over later. I'm not sure what we are doing, she said her and Logan have a gift for the kids" I smiled.

Is Kendall making an appearance?" He laughed.

"he might conveniently pop round as he might of forgotten his cell phone... yes" I beamed.

"forgotten cell phone... Good one! James teased.

"you gonna be okay on your own with the kids,till they show up?" James asked checking his watch.

"yeah I will be fine. We have amazingly good children" I smiled.

"that we do... Do you think they will be okay when we split Sheri?" He asked.

I let out a deep breath, it still saddened me to think about it. "they will be fine!" I promised, taking his hand. "I still love you James, nothing will change that, so as long as we are happy role models to our beautiful children then that is all they will need... It won't matter if your in the room next door or in palm springs" I smiled.

James smiled, he crouched down next to me.

"your soul is beautiful Sheriden Maslow" he said and gave me a rather naughty kiss on the lips.

"cheeky!" I giggled.

"I'm always going to be in love with you Sheri... Our children aren't the only lucky ones to have you, I'm lucky too" he smiled.

"your blushing James" I laughed.

"you've given me a hard on" he laughed.

"oh... Well in that case we should get me down stairs to a safe zone before we do something silly" I smiled.

James kissed me again, his amazing scent sending me to memories that I will never forget.

"I think we should go downstairs now" he said chuckling his gorgeous laugh.

James left me in the kitchen, he was picking Tammi up in the city centre.

I smiled to myself at how lovely he was.

Tammi tried to stay out as much as possible, I don't think she felt very comfortable at all here.

Savannah would love to make dramatic entries with no notice, Carlos wasn't too bothered about her being here... Fuck! I was meant to phone Carlos to see how his film went, filming was completed yesterday.

I picked my phone up, just as Georgi walked in, "did you shut the gate" I said to her, and did the sign for 'gate'. She knew what I meant by that. The twins liked to escape if they noticed it open.

Her little cheeky eyes widened then followed Max and Mitchell in to the kitchen where I sat.

I laughed at them. Georgi perched herself on what was left visible of my knees from my large bump, I wheeled over to the door and shut it so the twins couldn't escape and try and go upstairs.

I picked my phone up again as I watched Max pick one of foxs' dog toys up, he was fascinated by it. I laughed as he made it squeak which made Mitchell burst out in fits of gorgeous giggles.

I heard the ring tone for Carlos sound in my ear.

"shoo shoo! How are you chubs?" He answered with.

"hello you, just a quick one, I wondered how the end of filming went for you?" I asked ignoring his playful insult.

"oh it was amazing, Antonio was down, did he pop in to say hi?" He asked.

"yeah I saw him yesterday morning, did he tell you about his engagement?" I asked full of excitement. Carlos' brother Antonio had always been my favourite, he announced his engagement to me yesterday, his fiancee Ana was one very lucky girl!

"yes! How amazing... Oh I'm gonna have to go Sheriden... Savannah is... Doing something she shouldn't" he chuckled, his laugh then went up an octave, and I heard savannah laughing in the back ground, so Christ knows what they were doing.

"okay Los, I love you honey, you have fun" I giggled as I heard savannah snort with laughter.

"love you too shoo, speak soon" he said then was gone.

I smiled to myself, those two were amazing. But I never wanted to be stuck under a bed with them in the room ever again.

The door bell rang twice, then Kendall came in, I think everyone had a key to my house now. I enjoyed it being the meeting place for everyone though.

"Hello sexy" he grinned at me with his killer dimples.

"hellooo" I smiled.

"we have escapees!" he laughed picking up Mitchell who was just about to hit Max on the head with the dog toy.

"we do" I chuckled.

"how are you today?" He asked.

"I'm fine baby, its been a really nice day actually, I'm in a good mood... Your here" I smiled.

Kendall gave me a cheeky kiss, he didn't usually in front of the kids but as long as he didn't tongue me I'm sure they wouldn't blink an eye at it.

The doorbell rang again. And next to walk in were Logan and Mackenzie and a huge box.

"what in gods name is that" I asked.

"a play house" Logan said "what are you doing here?" he asked Kendall.

"I left my cell here yesterday, I'm lost without it... Did you want a hand with that? Fran is out with phee so I'm at a lose end" Kendall said as he gestured to the huge box.

"yeah okay! Thanks!" Logan replied.

The boys then set about building the most complicated play house that I had ever seen, Georgi was Foreman by the looks of things, telling Logan where to hammer.

Mackenzie and I sat at the patio while the twins played with fox and their toys.

We had lunch and laughed the hours away, mostly at Logan and Kendall who couldn't put the house together to save their lives, even Georgi was laughing at the silliness.

"boys why don't you take a break!" Mackenzie called as she poured them out a drink each.

Logan came over red faced with Georgi clinging on to his back, and Kendall came over smiling until he glazed his eyes over me.

"Sheri... " he said looking at my lap

I looked down and saw I was completely soaking wet.

I went bright red at first thinking that I had wet myself. I felt like crying.

"oh my God Sheriden, your waters have broken!" Mackenzie then said in shock.

I looked at Logan, my eyes wide. Then at Kendall.

"fuck! I said now taking another look at my lap. I still had weeks left yet, I didn't want to be early.

"Sheriden can you feel any pain?" Mackenzie asked me.

I shook my head.

"okay I'm going to phone an ambulance, you might be in labour and not even know it." She said more excitedly than anything else.

Mackenzie went off in to the house to use the phone.

"you alright princess?" Logan asked.

"I have butterflies in my tummy" I smiled.

"lets get you inside huh" he said, "Kendall get Georgi and the boys" he added.

Kendall seemed in a daze. "Kendall are you okay?" I asked.

"yeah... Yeah just a shock... Just reminds me of when phee came... I will phone James huh" he said herding the children inside.

Once we did get inside it turned to chaos, Mackenzie told me an ambulance was on its way but it may be some time as there was a car pile up on the direct route to us.

"they said to relax... Are you relaxed?" She asked.

"yeah... I can't feel anything... Usually I can feel it kick up here" I said rubbing the top of my bump "but nothing... Will you help me get changed please" I asked feeling my sopping wet skirt to my dress.

"I will help you" Kendall insisted, "James is going to voice mail, I left a message"

I nodded, Logan and Mackenzie left the reception room I was in. She had gone upstairs to get me a new dress to wear.

Kendall helped me get out of the wet dress, again pulling it over my head gently.

"are these expensive" he said with a laugh.

I giggled, "do what you have to do" I asked. I felt butterflies surge to life in my stomach.

"I think we will wait for kenz" he grinned just as Mackenzie walked in holding a clean dress and towels.

"your going to have to lift her up, she can't sit in that Kendall!" She tutted at him.

Kendall helped me up while Mackenzie threw the dress over my head, she quickly dried my chair off then as politely as possible dried my useless legs, when she took my underwear off to change for clean ones, she then screamed.

"Jesus Mackenzie, get a grip! What's the matter?" Kendall asked.

"fuck... Lay her down on the couch" Mackenzie said.

"Macks I don't mean to be rude but I am here you know, Kendall isn't my keeper" I said annoyed that she seemed to not be talking to me at all.

"I'm so sorry, I'm just nervous... You need to lay down Sheriden... I can see the head!" She then revealed.

"what? But... But the ambulance isn't here yet!" I stammered out.

Mackenzie then looked at Kendall, he put me down on the sofa and helped me get my arms through the dress that still slung around my neck.

"Mackenzie what do we do?" I asked.

"get ready to deliver your baby!" She replied. "this isn't going to wait for an ambulance" she added.

"oh shit..." I replied.

I took kendalls hand, I felt scared now, Mackenzie wasn't fazed at all at the fact she had to get up close and personal with my lady bits. If any thing I think she was being a great substitute for a midwife, she was making up a load of shit to keep me calm but I appreciated it.

"Sheriden... I'm sorry if this sounds tactless but I need to know if you can do anything from your end... Can you push from here" she said placing her hand on the top of my stomach that I could feel.

I shrugged but I tried.

"okay keep doing what you're doing she said as she moved one of my legs to get a better view.

It was so strange to not feel anything, no contraction no pain, no burn, no nothing.

"we are almost their Sheriden" Mackenzie beamed, she was now crying. "just a shoulder to go now" she blubbed.

I held kendalls hand tighter. "I love you... You can do this Sheriden" he said not giving a flying fuck that Mackenzie was here and listening.

"I love you too" I replied.

"Sheri... oh my God... Here we go" Mackenzie said half laughing and half crying.

we then all heard a cry and I burst in to tears, my baby was safe. It was out and it was safe.

"its a girl Sheriden" Mackenzie said wrapping her up in a towel and handing her to me.

I looked at her and cried, she was beautiful, "she is perfect Kendall" I sniffed.

He had tears rolling down his face. "I love you" he whispered.

I smiled at him. Then gazed at my gorgeous daughter. I had done it, I had got her in to the world safely.

"will you bring the kids in for me" I asked Mackenzie who was grinning from ear to ear

"course" she smiled and stood up and left, she soon returned with my three other babies and my adorable Logan.

Georgi was intrigued by the baby but the twins didn't really understand,

Logan did get a lovely picture of me and my beautiful 4 children though.

"I'm going to phone 911 again, they are taking forever" Mackenzie said.

Logan gave me a kiss on the head "I think she may be even more beautiful that you princess" he said.

"I think you might be right" I grinned.

"its on its w-..." Mackenzie said as she hung the phone up, but stopped in her tracks.

"Logan can you take the children out please" she then said.

Logan must of then figured out the problem as he got very serious, I kissed my babies goodbye as he hurried them out.

Kendall kissed my forehead as he crouched next to me at the edge of the couch. I looked at my newborn daughter and gave her a kiss.

"what's happening?" I whispered to him.

He rubbed his gentle hands on my face. "I love you so much Sheriden" was all he replied.


	50. Chapter 50

James and I had just arrived at palm springs and parked up in the nice drive of the house I was viewing.

"well it looks nice huh!" James said.

"yeah it does... Its a bit small.. Maybe its bigger inside?" I said as I waved to the estate agent who was waiting by the door.

He greeted us, I don't think he had a clue who James or I were, so we found it amusing to pose as a couple buying our first home.

"are you married?" The agent asked with a smile.

James looked at me and winked "no not yet" he replied.

I blushed, the words 'not yet' filled my stomach and heart with butterflies. I was the luckiest girl in the world if he even gave the thought of agreeing to marry me with how I looked now.

My scars from the explosion were okay to someone who didn't know there was an explosion and if I was wearing a top that covered up my arms.

But to people who knew me and on the rare day I did wear a bikini or a sleeveless top, my scars ran deep.

My face was okay, but behind my ear, down the left side of my neck, and my arm you would easily think I had spent some time in a war zone in Afghanistan.

My collar bone that had been operated on and had a skin graft placed on it looked great. You couldn't fault it, but my confidence had gone. I had given up on the notion of making it big acting. It was never going to happen now. The amount of camouflage makeup I would need would probably cost more than the budget films I ever got asked to appear in, so acting to me was sadly dead.

The house I viewed was too small, I didn't want to jump the gun with bringing up a future with James but I'm pretty sure we had a good one.

"I thought it was a 3 bed house?" I asked the agent as I scanned the details of the property I held in my hand.

"there is a large summer house in the garden, the third bedroom is in there, it has its own shower room, and living area" the agent boasted.

"oh! Well that's not going to be suitable at all" I said.

"its great for guests staying!" He then said.

"yes, but not for children" I said looking at James.

I couldn't see him agreeing to Georgi having a bedroom in the garden... It was ridiculous to advertise it as a 3 bed house.

"I didn't realise you have children to consider, it wasn't in the notes I was given" the agent then said looking at his paper work.

"no she doesn't... I do, I have 3. So tam will need 2 spare rooms inside the house for when they stay" James chuckled.

"oh... Well did you want to see the rest of the property... The garden is to die for and the local schools are amazing" he almost begged.

"I don't really feel there is any point" I replied apologetically.

James and I got rudely escorted from the property in a hurry after that, I was made to feel like we had wasted their time. Even though it was us that had been misled and wasted an hour and half drive up here.

"well that was a waste of time... Sorry I made you drive up here James." I said as we reached the car.

"its fine... You can drive home" he chuckled as he sat in the passenger seat.

"fancy some lunch first?" I asked

"sounds like a plan.. I saw this bakery on the way up here past the river, we could get ourselves a picnic" he said smiling.

I kissed him, "sounds amazing J'" I said as I started the engine.

James was very naughty today, he was all over me like a sexy rash. He was rubbing my leg. We hadn't had proper sex since the day he told me about the stupid plan fran had made. He wanted to do things properly by Sheriden... I thought it strange as I knew Sheriden had been fucking Kendall still so I felt the rules were slightly unfair for me. But I hoped today might be the day that James would treat me to his amazing bedroom skills... They really were amazing.

I pulled up just down from the bakery, I was parked in a restricted zone so James just hoped out to quickly get the makings of a picnic for us.

He came back after a few minutes smiling his gorgeous smile at me through the car window. It blew me away every time.

He got back in and he placed his bag of goodies in the footwall next to his legs.

"I think we are about to put on twenty pounds tam'" he chuckled.

I looked at the bulging bag and smiled "I think I can think of a way to work some of that off"

James kissed me, the tinted windows of the car was a safe haven for us "I can think of a way to burn all of it off" he chuckled.

I rubbed my face on his chin, he had some delicious scruff growing through. I started the engine and tried to find the perfect secluded picnic spot for us.

I finally did find it when I drove back past the river, it was surrounded by trees, I even saw the odd horse roaming around. It was beautiful.

it took me a couple of clicks for the belt buckle to release my seat belt.

"its a bit stiff" James chuckled as he gave it a couple of presses and I was released

I took James' hand while we strolled trying to find the perfect patch of grass to sit on, he carried the huge bag.

"tam..." James asked sounding lost in thought.

"yeah?" I replied, looking up at him now.

"thanks for saying what you did to that estate agent... I do worry what you honestly feel about my kids, so it was nice to know that your taking them in to the equation" he replied, he also stopped walking after he realised that he was stood in the perfect place to sit.

I sat down, pulling him by the hand to sit with me.

"James... It is hard. I'm not going to paint a pretty picture that they don't make any difference because they do. But they are great kids, I'm getting to know them and love them ...but of course they are in the equation baby... They always have been" I replied.

"it means a lot... I love you" he said leaning in and kissing me.

It was a slow seductive kiss, he slipped his hand in my denim jacket and tried to ease it off my shoulder but I pulled it back, I didn't want to put him off by seeing my scars.

James ignored my pulling and took the jacket off anyway, he then sealed this with a kiss along my neck, my scars not putting him off at all, maybe they weren't as bad as I saw them.

He pushed against my body, encouraging me to lay down. His kiss returned to my lips and that's when I lost control of my senses.

It was too much, the lush green grass that I lay on, the feel of James' weight on me, the sound of the birds chirping and the gorgeous smell that was coming off of James.

the skies were blue and the sun shining its warmth down apon us felt nice.

James held me in his arms, he kissed me tenderly. I held him tighter as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

It's been months since we had been together like this... The sexual tension was electric.

We kissed more and more passionately, James kissed my neck again, I didn't fight him this time, he felt too good to deny, I turned my head allowing him more access.

James stopped for a moment to gaze into my eyes. he kissed me again. I allowed my hands to run up and down his back slowly, I followed this up by unbuttoning his shirt then slowly pulled it from him,

i could feel James heart rhythm with mine. my hands trembled in anticipation as he put my breasts in his hands.

I loved that he looked in my eyes. james' touch on me felt so gentle. I gazed at his beauty, his eyes, his hair, his smile!

I unclasped his belt, pulled it out and tossed it on the floor. James helped himself to undo the rest of my clothing, it ended up laying scattered around us. his erection just inches from my hips, i could feel it stab at me every now and again.

I undressed James and pretty much gasped at the magnificence of his body, it was fresh, smooth and soft. I touched him lovingly.

"I can't believe how long I have been without you! How have I survived with out your touch?" James whispered to me.

All i could do was smile, i was in awe of him.

Our bare flesh pressing together and now kissing deeply and passionately, our tongues exploring like our first kiss.

I loved that kiss! he ran his hands over my body, his skin felt hot to the touch. I explored james' back with my finger tips, it inflamed my desire.

the more he softly touched and caressed my body the more I couldn't control my self, I started start to moan with anticipation, James gazed at me, he was longing to start our soft touch turned a bit more aggressive as I encouraged him to take my body as his, I wrapped my legs around his waist forcing his body closer in to me.

James' lips caressed my breasts and his hands held my blonde hair. I gasped again as I feel how hard he is, he kissed me again then placed himself in me and we began.

Our eyes locked on one another! he stroked my skin tenderly as he pressed himself against the searing warmth of my privates, I could easily feel the hardness of his masculinity as he slid between my thighs.

James let out a groan of pleasure as he got in to our love making, his sensual touch on me was driving me wild.

feeling every inch of him inside me was magical almost.

"you were made for me" I whispered to him as we become one.

"your the one that I was always meant to find" he hushed back at me, his sweat building.

I moved my body with his, the pressure building... Pausing to discover my deepest treasures as I feel him tensing. James' begins to move faster, though still gently.

"oh my god... james!" I screamed as my back arched in orgasmic pleasure. as the bursting point is reached my body exploded in ecstasy, drowning us both in delight. As I felt james come. He moaned and groaned as he kept going, making full use of our bodies locked together.

James kissed me tenderly. "Never have I felt like this" he said looking in to my eyes searching them for something... what ever he did find in them he liked, his eyes then smiled at me.

"I touch heaven when I'm with you J'" I replied. I entwined my hands in his "I never want this feeling to go away."

"we are going to be together, forever only growing stronger!" James replied, nuzzling in to my neck as he kissed me along my jaw line.

We layed in each others arms for some time, a horse nearby made us jump, we thought it was a person about to catch us naked in the woods so we got dressed and enjoyed our huge picnic.

I think in all honesty that this was the best day of my life.

we packed our things up in the car and got ready for our journey back to Los Angeles. At least the trip wasn't wasted now.

"I'll drive tam', you look shattered" James said with a wink.

"no its fine, I quite like driving your car... Its a lot better than mine" I laughed.

James smiled then got in the passenger seat, I set off.

We left the reserve we had picnicked in, and set on our way back to bel air. I was kind of tired out, so I put my foot down.

"James... that was the best sex I have ever had!" I revealed laughing.

he kissed my neck as I drove.

"well be sure to tell savannah that, maybe she will like you more" he laughed.

I shook my head and chuckled at him.

"I love you baby" I said in all seriousness.

"I love you too... Next time I'm gonna fuck that pretty little face of yours" he said a bit too honestly, I burst out laughing.

"James! Oh my God! You come out with the bluntest of things"

he got the giggles, I found this amusing. "you know I'm filth" he laughed.

"I do... Its just as well I do huh! " I smiled at him, he kissed my neck again, I only allowed myself to enjoy it for a second before my attention went fully back to the road. As I looked up there was someone?... Something? pretty much just infront of the car, all I saw was a grey blur but I swerved, the car smashed through a barrier and plunged in to the river that had made the gorgeous lake we had just made love by.

Then nothing...

As I awoke my head was fuzzy, I was freezing cold. As I came to, I remembered and realised what had happened.

I looked around, my neck felt stiff, I had blood in my blonde hair, and over my hands.

I felt my feet were wet, water was coming in to the car. I lost consciousness again...

When I came round the second time I tried to look out the window of the car, it was sinking in to the water we had landed in even more.

"baby? Babe...? Are you okay?" James' weak whisper came next to me.

"yeah... you?" I asked, frantically trying to get my seat belt undone before the water came in any further.

"my head hurts... Fuck what happened?" He replied

"we crashed..." I replied "Shit can you get this undone, we need to get out" I said tugging at the seat belt. The rising water inside the car was now as high at my waist.

The car was at an angle from what I could gather, we were bonnet down first, water was pouring in through small gaps everywhere.

"get me out of the fucking seat belt!" I screamed as the car plunged further in to the river.

We both tried to pull at it, I tried to squeeze out from it but it was locked in and had no slack.

The water reached up to my chest now.

I looked at my gorgeous James "get out... Now!" I said tears streaming down my face.

"don't be ridiculous, I'm not leaving you baby" he snapped, then the hazy feeling came again and I lost my battle with consciousness.

What woke me up next was water lapping at my face. I opened my eyes to seeing scared ones looking back at me.

"you need to squeeze out babe... Please, Jesus Christ, why won't it come out?" James cried, pulling frantically at the seat belt that we both knew wasn't going to come loose. "if you just try and-" but I interrupted him,

"listen to me! Their isn't time... There isn't! you need to get out... Please." I begged.

He took my face in his hands, both of us with tears streaming down from our eyes.

"I can't just leave you in here baby! ...I love you..." He said kissing my lips.

The water now came just below my neck, I was stretching up as far as I could.

"I love you too, you've been the best thing to ever happen to me... You need to go" I wept.

We looked in to each others eyes, his beautiful brown eyes that had become my entire world, we had been through so much in such a short time but this was it now.

I held my hand up from out of the water and took his. "I love you James... please... You need to go now!" I whispered just as I got one last kiss in before the water took over...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Author note: the next chapter is going to be the last in this story and the last in the series. All good things come to an end... Even big time rush. Will post it on soon :-) xoxo treehatsrock xoxo


	51. Chapter 51

_**Final chapter. Mackenzies story.**_

**5 years later...**

"logues come on its time to go... " I said as Logan packed the last of the boxes in to his car.

Today was finally moving day amongst other things. The removal lorry had just left with the rest of our belongings, so all that needed to go was us!

Logan took one last look around the house that he thought once apon a time would be the start of amazing opportunities... But it was the start of a series of events that would eventually lead to us leaving... And being able to afford an even bigger house opposite James in bel air.

I glanced at the house 4 doors down that used to be kendalls and smiled. The memories of this street were bittersweet.

The home made porno tapes that we made only turned out to be great free advertising for Logan. the only thing that came rolling in were more and more opportunities for him. He was now on his third blockbuster movie in 4 years... But he was still my normal cocky guy Logan that had seduced me all those years ago.

"ready?" He smiled.

"yup" I laughed

"I might have a surprise for you when we get there" he grinned as he opened the car door for me.

I gave him my evil eyes, I hated surprises.

It was a beautiful cloudless hot day in Los Angeles.

I couldn't stop smiling. I was so excited, I remembered how I used to feel about bel air when Sheriden and James first moved there, I always hated the thought of being so prim, but the house we had found was perfect. It wasn't too much, it wasn't too posh... It was just big! and the garden was perfect for the puppies we had.

After our dog Dude was killed in the robbery we both decided it was going to take a while to get over it and get another pet, it was three months ago that Logan took me on another of his mystery tours in to the middle of no where.

This time though I knew where I was going, it was exactly the same place, and the same lady that greeted us on that farm.

She had 3 Great Dane puppies left, Logan said I could choose, I couldn't! they were all jet black just like Dude was. So naturally we took all three home.

It was chaos but we loved them. In a bid to get rid of any bad luck that may try and haunt Logan and I as it had in the past we had named the dogs, Lucky, Chance and for emergency purposes that the new house we were about to move in to didn't blow away in a hurricane, the puppy that looked most like dude, we had named Shamrock.

Logan gave my leg a squeeze with excitement as we drove through the gates of bel air.

I saw what my surprise was directly we pulled up out side the house... Savannah was back!

As I came in through the door of my new home she almost tackled me to the ground with a hug.

"guys!" She bellowed. "fuck! its good to see you two" she said her gorgeous face beaming at me.

"hey savs!" Logan said giving her a hug "thanks for coming over. How was your flight?" Logan asked her.

"long and boring" she said.

Carlos and savannah had taken the big step of moving to the UK, they had been over there for 3 years now, Carlos had been offered a British film to direct, which after that, he got offered another and another so the logical thing to do was move. Savannah was worried at first to move away but now she dominated the fashion industry with her own designs, and she actually said she preferred London... But not the weather.

"did Los not make it over?" Logan asked her.

"course he did he wasn't going to miss today was he! He is in the garden with Sean" savannah said playfully pinching Logans cheeks.

As Logan and I weaved through the maze of boxes and removal guys that were placing things in all the wrong places we finally made our way to the huge garden.

"Carlos! Hey bro... Its great to see you" Logan said giving him a hug.

"hey man you too!... This is an amazing place" he said looking around the garden.

"hey Los" I said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"your looking well Macks" Carlos said to me.

"you too" I replied with a smile. "where is Sean?" I asked not seeing him anywhere.

"he is there" savannah said pointing to my not so little brother now as he played with the dogs.

I greeted Sean he was almost as tall as me now. He had picked up a bit of an English accent which Logan teased him about.

"shall we go and meet the neighbours then seeing as Carlos is here now" Logan said.

"ahhh I fucking love it when we all get together... Its like the good old days!" Savannah said beaming.

We walked across the road to the maslow residence. "looks like Kendall is here already" Carlos said as he spotted kendalls flash car in the driveway.

I pressed the door chime and a very handsome young man answered it for me.

"Mackenzie!... Uncle Carlos!" Mitchell said as he gave Carlos a hug.

"hey Mitch, how's you?" Carlos greeted him with a high five.

I'm great, me and Max have been building a den in the garden... Come see it.. and you Logan!" Mitchell said very excitedly dragging them in by the hands.

The twins were 6 now, and both identical gorgeous little James lookalikes. They got bigger every time I saw them. I still adored them. Still cherished the time I had given them the gift of life in those short weeks I carried them inside me.

I walked in to the kitchen that was now filled with people hugging, as Kendall hugged Carlos and Logan spun Ophelia around, she looked so much like paisley now it almost hurt.

"hey fran! Where are you hiding lately? I've not seen you for ages." I said as I hugged her.

"fashion weeks huh!" She replied. fran was still in partnership with savannah.

On their own they were amazing but joined as a force together they were unstoppable, with savannah based in London and fran in Los Angeles, they had made an easy success of it.

"hey Kenzie... You good?" Kendall said as he gave me a kiss and a hug.

I enjoyed the hug, Kendall had always been close to my heart, and we didn't see him, fran or Ophelia as much as we would like to.

James walked in from the garden "you have got to see the den the twins have made out there" he said smiling. everyone apart from fran and I went out side.

"how is the move coming along?" James asked me, as he pulled a chair out at the table and sat next to fran.

"oh its chaos over there, those removal guys are rubbish!" I replied "where's Sheriden? Outside?" I asked.

"no she was upstairs with Georgi... I will shout her" he said

James got up and walked out in to his grand hallway.

"SHERI! ... Mackenzie is here!" He bellowed up the stairs" then walked back in the kitchen.

"they will be down in a sec" James replied as he handed me a soft drink from the fridge. He leaned against the kitchen worktop sipping at his own.

"good! are you looking forward to a little btr reunion later?" Fran asked. "Kendall has been looking forward to Carlos coming back for weeks to do this show" she added.

"I can't wait... It should be great!" James replied about the small reunion big time rush had planned for the Sheriden Lloyd foundation this evening.

The amount of tickets they had sold was really something, the expression 'rusher til I die' really did ring true. The boys had captured a lot a hearts in there heyday as big time rush, a lot of those hearts still longed for them, so this reunion which was kendalls idea had sparked old flames alight in many girls hearts.

Georgi came in to the kitchen, she was 8 now, her beautiful sandy hair was down to her butt, falling in gorgeous ringlets.

"hi Mackenzie" she said.

"hi honey, how are you?" I signed to her as I spoke.

she gave me the A-ok sign back then ran outside to play with her brothers, and probably jump on Logan who she adored.

"how is her piano coming along?" I asked James.

"amazing... She blows me away Macks" he said.

Georgi despite being deaf had been taught piano by James since she was 4. She was very talented. Once she hit the age of six her vocabulary got bigger and bigger. Sometimes I forgot she was deaf and would hold conversations then realise she had missed the entire thing.

"she is a smart girl" fran said just as Sheriden walked in the room.

Sheriden looked beautiful. she wore a white summer dress with red flowers scattered over it ready for the charity gala.

"everyone else is outside Sheri" James said to her smiling.

"is Ophelia here?" She asked james as she gave me a hug.

"yeah she is baby" James said.

At five years old Sheriden was very tall, she got her long legs from her mommy. James hoped that one day she would follow in her footsteps and end up on the catwalk when she was older.

It was heartbreaking to know that her mommy would never see her do it though as the price of giving birth had cost her amazing mother her life.

the day that Sheriden went in to labour I was with her. Its something I will never forget.

We were so over joyed when we heard the cry of the baby, even the fact that Sheriden couldn't move her legs didn't faze her, she just wanted her baby out safe.

Even though baby Sheriden had been born and was out of danger that's when things got bad.

Sheriden had her cuddle with her newborn but ended up losing a lot of blood. She didn't make it to the hospital in time and just slipped away.

as she was loaded on to the ambulance she said to Kendall that he should stay behind. She said that no matter what happens he will always have a piece of her to love.

She didn't cry, she gave him a gentle kiss and I watched as she was lifted on to the ambulance and kendalls hand slipped from hers.

I was then with her holding her hand as she went... I sat in the ambulance and held a baby in one arm and Sheridens hand in my other.

She knew she was going. To be honest I think she always knew that she wasn't going to survive it.

"look after her for me Mackenzie" she whispered as her life gently slipped away. "thank you... For letting me have my boys" she added with a pale smile.

my tears wouldn't stop rolling, by now I knew she wasn't going to make it.

"I will look after everyone for you Sheri... I promise..." I replied full of emotion.

"...she's kendalls..." Sheriden said giving her daughters head a stroke as she lay sleeping in my arms.

that was the last thing she said to me before she died. I didn't know what to do with that information for so long until I finally told Kendall.

Kendall knew, he said James knew and had told him, but Sheriden had kept it from Kendall during the pregnancy to protect fran. Knowing that Kendall would leave fran if he knew the truth.

That's how I knew that Sheriden must of just known that she wasn't going to survive one way or another. She had allowed James to be with Tammi and gave Kendall the reason to stay with fran, big time rush was saved by her selling her beloved modelling agency, and she knew all her children were loved and cherished by so many people that she had made her own family over the years... She was the only loose end left.

"princess!" Logan called as he walked in to the kitchen with Georgi on his back.

"hi logie" Sheriden replied in her angelic little voice, giving him a cuddle.

"right are you two ready? We have to leave soon" James said tapping Georgi on the shoulder to get her attention.

"can I wear mommys necklace?" Sheriden asked pulling on james' shirt.

He looked at her and smiled "course you can... Only one though Sheriden!" he said as she ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"she came down the other day looking like a gangster with all this gold round her neck" he explained chuckling.

Kendall walked back in from outside. and slung his arm around fran, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Kendall was now huge in the music industry! when big time rush did call it a day 4 years ago, Kendall and dustin got snapped up by Sony and were producing hit after hit.

after kendalls contract of two years ran out with Sony, heffron drive called it a day, James' own record label was then in a position to sign Kendall as solo... Which Kendall did.

Him and James were as thick as thieves, a friendship that started out strong almost ten years ago was now cemented in stone.

They would do everything together, vacations, thanks giving, Kendall even had all of the Maslow kids round his at Christmas.

They were family... We all were.

James was now a music producing king. he was pretty much the American and much more attractive version of Simon Cowell. Even though it was apparent now that him and Tammi were together long before Sheriden died, he still loved her, and missed her. The children they had together knew so much about her.

I don't know what happened after the birth of baby Sheriden between James and Kendall that determined her fate. she didn't have a name for well over a week. Kendall was in complete pieces over the death of the woman that as far as I can tell he was absolutely in love with, but James must of been following sheridens orders to raise her daughter as a maslow. She called James Daddy and was treated as much as his own, if not more so.

Fran was blissfully unaware that baby Sheriden had anything to do with Kendall, it helped that she was her mothers double with big beautiful blue eyes and silky brown hair.

Fran had changed. I had no clue what had changed her, she was an avid church goer now. It was quite the turn around from her drug and alcohol fueled life, she was as clean as a whistle, ate healthily, drank healthily did charity work. And was the perfect role model for Ophelia. Any models that her and savannah worked with were well looked after in a hope to avoid some of the problems that had faced fran.

"right are we all here then?" James asked, looking at the crowd of friends and family that were all dressed smartly.

A convoy of black limousines arrived to take us to the charity event that was still held in sheridens honour every year on the day that she had her skiing accident. This year though was a big one...

At the time of sheridens death she was still married to James so it was him that was contacted a little under two years ago by director who wanted to make a film of her life.

James was sceptic at first, he knew that not everything would be accurate, such as the murder trial, and baby Sheriden... But he also knew how Sheriden loved a good publicity stunt.

James agreed to tell his story as best he knew from sheridens younger days in London to the sad day that she died. He had a top team of lawyers as contracts got signed that only his version of events that he gave would be used in the script

The film was amazing, it was heart breaking and heart warming, it told the tale of how a tragic girl from hackney battled drugs and fame, how she lost her first love and found new ones, how her family grew, and how she ended up being one of the most amazing females that dominated the united states of America.

It was a mixed reaction of who got to portray Sheriden in the blockbuster... But James felt it was right, and once again even from beyond the grave Sheriden had been the saving grace for someone close to not just her heart, but james'.

Tammi!

After being involved in the freak explosion, and the car crash that took place the day Sheriden died, Tammi went on from being a no one to being the most well known face in Hollywood because of sheridens film.

She played sheridens character well too. I found myself laughing when I saw the movie for the first time, Tammi had nailed sheridens odd English/American accent to a tee, and the amount of times she said 'jesus Christ' through out the film was hilarious. It was sheridens favourite saying that would fit any occasion. It also made me cry so hard watching some of the saddest moments relived on the silver screen that I had witnessed myself in real life.

As sheridens best friend, I felt Tammi had done it justice. She turned the role down at first after believing that acting was a past dream, Tammi feared that her ability and her scars from the explosion would let her down, but that wasn't the case.

Tammi was however, despite her fame now a complete scaredy cat, she wouldn't say boo to a goose, she was very shy. I think she was scared that someone would say about the scars on her neck, I never saw them, her hair and her clothes covered it up.

She was completely the opposite to what Sheriden was, but James I think enjoyed the quiet life now.

Of course Tammi was lucky to escape death herself, james told us how he had kept swimming up for air then going back down to Tammi who was trapped in the car and giving her the oxygen that she desperately needed.

Another car who saw the crashed barrier pulled over to help and Tammi was cut free.

It took a long time for James to forgive himself for letting Tammi drive and not being there for Sheriden in her last moments. He broke up with Tammi for an entire year after sheri's death. The guys did their last tour as big time rush and went out with a bang on the last night... Confetti blasters and all!

James told me he eventually had a dream about Sheriden that changed everything, he never told me what the dream was about, or what was said but I figured he saw it as some kind of sign that Sheriden was happy wherever she was. he clung on to that dream. a month after big time rush split up, him and Tammi got back together they started off very in love and they have been that way ever since.

all the proceeds that sheridens film had raked in at the box office was being donated to her charity, that's why tonight was so big, Tammi was meeting us there with the rest of the cast.

When we arrived at the star studded charity event we greeted members of the public who were waiting outside.

James had Sheriden holding on to one of his hands and Georgi on the other, the twins walked in together.

Ophelia was dressed beautifully and glided in with fran, Kendall had his arm lovingly placed at the base of her back.

He gave waves to everyone, he was still very down to earth despite his huge success and fame.

I looked at savannah, she was looking beautiful, still blonde, she had been for years now. Her natural hair was just below the shoulders. She was giggling away with Carlos whispering things in her ear.

They did get married again, but the second time round they had a very big traditional church wedding in Florida. It was beautiful. Carlos only had eyes for her.

Sean was with Logan and I, Logan was very private still, he didn't like making a fuss even though people liked to make a fuss of him. He didn't care that people thought he had a huge ego, or an attitude problem, he didn't even blink an eye to the people that called him an ass.

The only problem Logan did have was people that went out of their way hurt me or any one in his family.

He was in his own position to go a little Sheriden Lloyd on their ass now, the journalist that wrote a load of bull shit about us while we were on holiday in Dubai mysteriously lost his job after Logan made his first millions when he finished his debut film. the paparazzi woman who I had a scuffle with after our home movies came out got arrested after a ton of weed was found in her car... She swears blind that she had never taken drugs... But she lost her job too.

I realised that Logan may of had something to do with the unfortunate turn of events that people were having when I over heard him talking on the phone about the soul surviving gunman that held us hostage in my salon. 4 days after I had heard his name mentioned by Logan I read in the paper that he had been beaten within an inch of his life inside the prison walls.

Once inside the venue the ceiling was the first thing to grab my attention, it looked like a beautiful night sky. It was black with thousands of tiny lights scattered all over it.

we were spread over two large tables, both with beautiful fresh flowers that made a gorgeous centre piece on the white table cloths.

there were so many famous faces here. It was very over whelming. I myself still liked to shy away from the fame. I still owned red cherries, still loved working there and still tended to the normal people from normal walks of life. My red cherries wasn't the only one now though, currently I had 6 in the united states and had just recently launched my own hair care products... I'm not going to lie, it was a huge help to launch it with my sister being so heavily involved in the modelling industry. Half the female population of the united states now had hair that smelt like cherries.

Before the entertainment Began we all trailed off and chatted to each other. I was stood with Tammi, while fran was looking after the kids at a table. I saw fran look up to Kendall who was chatting with Logan, she winked at him and he flashed her his handsome dimpled smile.

"Fran is amazing with all those kids" I said to Tammi.

"yeah she is. Do you think her and Kendall will ever get married?" She asked.

"I don't know... They seem perfect though... Match made in heaven" I sighed.

Tammi also sighed, followed by an "oh no!"

"what's up" I asked.

"Kacey Delta!" She said nodding in the direction of the girl who was drunk and trying to start an arguement with James and Carlos by the bar.

"is that the one that Logan and James... You know... together?" I asked. I was one hundred percent sure that it was Kacey Delta that Logan and James had a threesome with, Logan did tell me a bit too much about it to be honest... I found it disgusting.

"yep that's her... What the fuck is she doing here? I've not seen her for years... James said she was married and had sorted her self out now... We used to be friends... She went nuts at a party, slapped James, hurling abuse at him, she knocked me over, did sheridens back in... I ended up in a fight with her rolling on the floor... Now look at her... doing the same thing again to my boyfriend." Tammi said.

Savannah then marched over to me. "who the fuck is that with Carlos and James" she said angrily.

"she used to date James at the beginning of big time rush" I explained.

"well aren't you going to say something" savannah then said to Tammi. I was shocked, I think it was the first time I had heard my sister speak to Tammi. She usually just shunned her.

Before Tammi could reply Kacey then marched her way over to us.

"look at you 3... Spawns from the devil. ALL OF YOU! I should have this" she said grabbing hold of Tammi's very expensive pearl necklace.

James was right behind Kacey "I've called her a taxi" he said looking pissed off, Tammi looked terrified.

Savannah slapped Kacey's hand away from the pearls. Tammi appeared scared stiff that Kacey was about to hit her.

"who the fuck do you think you are bitch!" Sav then shouted.

Kacey looked my sister up and down... I moved out of the way just in case a fight was about to break out.

"who am I? Who fucking knows!... Thanks to Sheriden I'm fuck all, I should be her "she rammed her finger at Tammi "... With the money and the fancy fucking pearls... This should be mine! "she then jabbed her drunken finger at James. "HE WAS STOLEN FROM ME BY SHERIDEN THE SLUT! AND TO ADD SALT TO THE FUCKING WOUNDS HE ENDS UP WITH THIS!" She rampaged now pointing the finger at Tammi again.

Savannah just laughed then punched her square in the face, Kacey went flying on her backside in to a table, knocking drinks over everywhere.

I saw fran look worried as she sat with the children at a white clothed table. 5 years ago she would of been the one cheering savannah on. But now looking at her she frowned at the behaviour she saw.

"Thankyou" Tammi whispered to my sister.

"don't think this makes us friends, because it doesn't, we share the same family... That is all" savannah said then went off with Carlos, ready for the boys to sing.

I watched on as Kacey got chucked out the venue. I smiled at Tammi, she was now in james' arms looking teary. Logan waved to me as I saw him go back stage. Butterflies hit my stomach at the thought of my heartthrob, my husband and my soulmate becoming part of a Boyband once again that I adored.

I went and sat with savannah and fran, the look on the kids faces as they watched their dads do their thing on stage was priceless.

_"Do you ever wonder, when you listen to the thunder_

_And your world just feels so small_

_Put yourself on the line and time after time_

_Keep feeling inside that they don't know you're alive_

_Are you out of mind or just invisible..."_

I smiled with such pride at the four men in front of me, I squeezed my sisters hand as she sat next to me.

It didn't seem that long ago we were driving up to meet them, listening to this song in the car.

"brings back memories huh" I said to sav over the music.

"it does... Life changing memories" she beamed gazing up at Carlos as he smiled his gorgeous smile back at her.

Once the boys had finished their set and said hi to some of the girls that had paid over the odds for a ticket to the event, which I expect is how crazy Kacey got in, Logan made his way over to me. he looked pretty emotional. "I should of practised the back flip a bit more" he laughed.

"I thought you looked sexy up there" I smiled pulling him in close by the sides of his suit jacket. I kissed him "I've got a surprise for you... You wanna get some fresh air?" I asked

"Hmmm a surprise... I'm intrigued" he smirked kissing my forehead.

I took him by the hand and led him towards the fire exit.

He opened the door for me, the fresh air hit me, it was a warm night inside the venue.

Logan pulled me in close this time and kissed me. "never a dull moment in the life of big time rush huh" he said sarcastically.

"I'm guessing your talking about that crazy girl savannah punched?" I replied.

he nodded. "honestly its like we attract trouble!" He laughed. "what's this surprise then?" He said wrapping his arms around me.

"Logan... We... Are having a baby!" I said smiling.

his smile threatened to snap his face in two. "serious?! He laughed.

I nodded "serious!" I smiled.

"oh my God... Oh my God" he beamed, and picked me up then spun me round.

"your gonna be a Daddy logues" I smiled. We had been trying for 7 months to conceive a baby. Finally some good luck had come our way.

Logan kissed me. "I love you... Kenz I love you so much!" He said.

"finally we will have a little family of our own" I smiled pressing my nose against his.

"what an amazing night" Logan said.

the fire escape opened and James poked his head through.

"guys we are gonna get going, do you want to come back to mine for a get together?" He said.

"yeah sounds good," Logan replied but still gazing in to my eyes.

"see if we can have a btr party without some kind of fight huh... For Sheriden, seeing as this is her special night" he said with a small smile then disappeared back through the fire escape.

Logan and I stayed in our gaze for a few moments, the silence we shared said more than what a thousand words ever could.

We got ourselves back to bel air, Logan went home to get the puppies, they ran rings around fox as they played in the garden, but he was still a funny little guy.

Georgi fell asleep on the sofa cuddled in to Tammi. Ophelia and Sheriden were having a sleepover in her room and Sean and the twins were fast asleep up stairs. It had been a busy day for all the kids.

"okay... Are we all here?" Carlos said counting heads, he had just set his camera up to take a picture of us.

"yeah I think so..." Savannah replied.

"okay well come on every one, get your asses in gear!" Carlos said clapping his hands together.

We all huddled in together to have our latest group shot done, I had a load of these pictures now, they were all in a huge glass frame, the one with paisley and Sheriden in was my favourite. But they were all lovely to look at. Some had all the kids in, some had only the kids. I smiled away for this new addition to my photos with one arm wrapped around Logan and the other around Kendall.

I always felt emotional at these things, remembering fun times and sad times that we had all shared together, we had all lost friends, gained friends, laughed and cried and all had secrets about each other that could shatter lives about murder, love, adultery, lies and truth.

But it all made us family.

Once the photo was taken we all shared some hugs, I don't think I was the only one that found it emotional.

"guys I've actually got something I need to do" James said.

We all looked at him as he dropped to one knee in front of Tammi.

I glanced at my sister, she rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Tammi... We... You know that I..." James rambled through. I had never seen him quite so un organised. He was so in control of his emotions all the time, but here he knelt close to tears, an emotional loved up wreck.

Tammi wiped one of the stray tears from his face. She let out a little laugh.

"Tammi..." James started again, now holding on to her hand that was on his face. " If I had to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I love you... Tams... Will you marry me?" He said softly.

Tammi nodded "yes" she replied then threw her arms around James.

The door bell chimed. It was fran that offered to get it, we all congratulated James and Tammi.

I looked at Logan as we shared our own secret baby news in one look. Our news could wait until tomorrow, I didn't want to steal the thunder from James and Tammi.

The door to the reception room then opened, fran walked in... Followed by Kacey who held a gun to the back of Frans head!

The room that was just a minute ago filled with laughter and congratulations fell silent.

Fran was crying, I eyed Georgi who was still fast asleep on the sofa.

"this is where it ends!" Kacey hissed. "one by one all of you can go to hell" she said as she moved the gun around pointing it at all our heads.

"Kacey... " Kendall whispered he looked scared to death that he was about to lose his third love in life. "please... Don't do this... Fran has done nothing to you... She doesn't even know you!" He begged.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kacey yelled. "you think its been fun being the one left out of this... The one left to rot! I lost everything because of you four!" She rambled deliriously.

"no you fucked it up yourself Kacey... You've got a fucking screw loose" James said.

"get the fuck on your knees... ALL OF YOU!" she screamed pushing fran to the floor.

Logan took my hand and pulled me down, he ushered me to get behind him.

I looked at savannah. she was gesturing with her hand, I didn't click at first until I realised my sister had noticed that Georgi was awake, she was still layed down. Savannah had signed "stay" to her. She was a bright girl, Georgi wasn't about to go running off screaming.

Kacey then walked up to James and rammed the gun in his head "shall I kill you first or last James?" She laughed. "I think watching your face as I kill your friends in front of you... And then your children..." She said as she turned around and pointed the gun at Georgi who snapped her eyes shut, pretending to sleep.

"if its only me... You have a problem with then its only me you need... to hurt" James replied, his voice shaking.

"but its not just you... Its these ones here and here!" She said pointing the gun at Logan and Tammi. "how the FUCK she is good enough for you and I'm not makes my mind... boggle!" She said eerily.

she was clearly insane, she was walking around the room like captain jack sparrow on acid.

Logan squeezed my hand, he was the calm one, the voice of reason, he had the balls to stand up for himself and the people he loved. I remembered how calm he had been in my salon when we were held at gunpoint.

Logan then released my hand and slowly stood up. I tried to pull him back down.

"kace... You don't want this" Logan said as he slowly walked towards her with his soft tone and kind eyes.

"no... No I don't want this" Kacey said now starting to cry.

"just give me the gun kace... It doesn't have to be like this" Logan explained.

Tears ran down kaceys cheeks. "there isn't any other way..." She said grabbing her hair, "I. can't. Get. James. Out. Of. My. Head!" She replied, twisting her face un naturally as she she spoke.

"how about we talk about it huh... Give me the gun Kacey" Logan said stepping towards her, reaching his hand out cautiously.

"I want this!" She said aiming the gun at Logan "I want you all to die" she said, her hands were shaking as she held the gun. "it will be painless for all of you... Not like what you have put me through" she said crying, then laughed hysterically.

"we can get you help kace"

"I DON'T NEED HELP!" she snapped back at Logan. "you used me for sex" she then said.

"we were young... I'm sorry" Logan said with a smile, trying to reason.

"I'm sorry too! But its bad luck Logan" She then whispered, I watched in horror as I saw her sweaty shaking finger pull back that trigger. Logans brown beautiful eyes widened in shock.

The sound of the bang as the bullet left the gun was deafening, my eyes slammed shut as a natural reaction to the loud noise, my ears rang but they couldn't block out the heart stopping noise that I heard from Logans mouth

"GUH!"

I then heard a cascade of things falling, crashing... Slumping.

I still knelt on the floor with my eyes tightly shut, scared to open them, scared to see the reality that faced me.

The screams that came from savannah were almost louder than the gunshot.

Fear enveloped my lungs as sick filled my stomach. I could sense the copper like smell of blood with out even seeing it.

I let out a loud sob then opened my eyes.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach when I saw him.

My Logan laying on the floor... Laying dead on the floor, the blood was slowly creeping out, surrounding his body as he lay motionless.

"No!... Oh no! No no Logan!" I rambled, frozen in time, things went in slow motion

I just stared... That's all I could do I couldn't move. I was lost. I felt Kendall take my hand.

Tammi was howling "you crazy bitch!" She sobbed at Kacey,

Kacey looked almost shocked as she looked at Logan laying motionless on the floor. She then turned to savannah.

"bet your regretting hitting me now huh!" Kacey smirked. Her mascara now dragged all down her face, her hair looking wild.

She put the gun to my sisters head, scraping it down her face then ramming it in her mouth.

Savannah was gagging on it, and the tears that streamed down her face could fill a river.

"OI! you fucking retarded whore, you wanna know why your not up to scratch?" Fran then said, I hadn't heard fran swear in so long, but I knew she loved savannah, she was no way going to stand by and watch her get shot in the head.

"ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF!" Fran then screamed.

"fran no!" Kendall whispered, but fran was on a roll, she wasn't going to watch as she lost her friends or lost control.

She was kneeling in Logans blood as she hurled more abuse at Kacey, he had fallen next to her crashing in to a table. the blood slowly seeped out on to the wooden floor, this room had seen so much... Now it was witnessing the very end.

As Kacey filled with rage and turned her attention to fran I saw another sign gestured, this time from Frans hands.

I didn't quite catch it but savannah did. I saw her nod but Kendall was in my way to figure out what was being said.

"why aren't I up to scratch?" Kacey asked fran as she rammed the gun at her head, she was standing in Logans blood. My stomach turned as my tears fell.

I don't think fran had got that far to think of a decent enough excuse as to why Kacey wasn't good enough for James.

"why did you kill him?" I sobbed at her, she turned her head and smiled at me.

"he was a poor excuse for a man... He used me" she replied slowly now aiming her gun at me, she had a serious lack of any train of thought. Completely bonkers. "do you want to know a secret?" She whispered and spit sprayed out her mouth.

I shook my head.

She giggled away to herself getting ready to tell me anyway.

"I. cut. your. dogs. head. off." She smirked but tears fell down her face.

I had never known what happened to Dude, I remember the day like it was yesterday, savannah told me not to go in the kitchen, and Logan was sick after he saw it... It was Kacey that robbed my house?!

As I imagined my poor dude being hacked up by this insane bitch I cried so hard.

"what did we ever do to you?" I sobbed.

"my husband left me because he said... Now this is the funny part. He said, I'm beyond help!" She chuckled, still with tears rolling down her face. "James didn't want me, Logan used me, that SLUT..." she said looking at Tammi "... betrayed my friendship. I just want revenge! That's all I've ever wanted." She then said calmly as she still aimed the gun to my head.

"I'm pregnant" I said to her, more tears rolling down my face.

Kacey rolled her eyes in delusional excitement. I saw Georgi get up from the sofa behind her. What the hell was she doing?!

"Awww... isn't that sweet!" Kacey mocked facing me. I could smell the alcohol on her breath as she got closer to me.

Kacey had a sick smile on her face as she lowered the gun from my head and pointed it at my stomach.

"the world will be a better place without another Henderson in it!" She said, her eyes looked so wild, I couldn't stay looking at her, my eyes moved to my sister but savannah was looking at Georgi signing to her to lay back down, but Georgi was scared.

Georgi then disappeared from my view as Kacey was in my way, she stood over me.

The next thing I knew James had tackled Kacey to the ground. The gun slid across the floor. Kacey kicked James in the balls then made a grab for Georgi, she pulled her in to a head lock.

"RIGHT ALL OF YOU IN THE FUCKING CORNER, OR I'M GONNA SNAP THIS GIRLS NECK!" she screamed as she placed her other hand on Georgis forehead ready to twist.

James was broken, he was sobbing, it was Kendall that had to drag him over to the corner of the room.

I crawled over, my entire body trembled with shock. my sister took me in her arms, her own crying now uncontrollable.

"I feel sorry for this one James" Kacey said as she pulled on Georgis head. "she isn't even a proper Maslow... Poor thing was dragged in to it by that whore Sheriden!" She said softly.

Kacey then bent down to whisper in Georgis ear "your mother was a slut who fucked everything! I was so pleased when she died!" She hushed out. Obviously having no idea georgi was deaf.

"she is burning in hell as we speak!" Kacey then said looking at James.

"only God can judge us" fran then said out of the blue. It was a saying Sheriden used to use a lot.

Fran wasn't looking at Kacey though, she was looking at Logan who was lying on the floor, his eyes open with the gun in his hand.

"Kacey!" He called, I saw Georgi squeeze her eyes tightly shut.

Kacey turned around. she stood transfixed, staring at the gun in Logans hand. Logan raised the gun and the trigger was pulled. The sound echoed through the room again.

Kacey screamed as her body was jolted by being hit in the leg. She writhed in pain as she bled. Carlos grabbed Georgi before she could be used against us again. James took her in his arms, she was crying her heart out.

we all spent a while looking at each other, taking in what we had all witnessed as a group... As a family

Logan stood up, his shirt where his collar bone sat was drenched in blood, he got to his feet with his injured shoulder slouched down. His eyes were filled with rage at the girl that was now grovelling almost at his feet as he waved the gun about at her.

Kacey looked terrified as she now realised that without a weapon or a hostage and no way of running away, it was 8 against one.

Logan walked slowly over to Kacey "you are going to wish you had given me the gun" He said slowly "Now someone get me some fucking rope..."

* * *

AUTHOR NOTE: Thanks to everyone who has followed sheriden on her crazy adventures from start to finish, those of you who chat to me will know how much i adore her character so even though she has sadly died in this series, her and the rest of the gang will return very shortly in my new series of "what ifs" basically if you have read these from start to finish and you know that kendall cheated on sheriden in the first story, wouldnt it be interesting to find out what happened if kendall never cheated!?

would james still love sheriden, who would paisley end up with, would mackenzie meet logan? the possibilities are endless but one thing is for sure... drama, sex and lies will be waiting for them!

thanks for reading, check out my other stories! xoxo treehatsrock xoxo


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